It’s official, there’s someone else

AirSailer · 2023-03-26T16:12:37+00:00

Let it go man, she's not yours, she never was, it was just your turn. She's no longer the person you fell in love it, she probably never was that person.

From your post history it looks like she's made you life hell, don't let her occupy space in your head. As long as you kid is OK why should you give a fuck what she does?

playerknowmore · 2023-03-26T17:27:47+00:00

You know divorce is happening, and now you know why. Lean into it. Tell your wife the faster you get divorced, the faster she can be with her boyfriend. Custody should be your main concern. Let her know that nothing moves forward until custody is agreed.

Instead of being upset, she was cheating. Hope that she wants to get married to AP. Use that as leverage to keep her hands off your money. Marriages that start off as affairs fail at a rate of seventy-five percent. Run with the narrative that you shouldn't have to supplement her affair, and it's an affair until she is divorced.

Int-Merc805 · 2023-03-26T17:22:12+00:00

Think of it this way. Someone that would do this to you doesn’t have your best interests at heart. It’s hard to see it right now, but she was awful to you in many other ways. I don’t know her or you, but I’ll guess that she always got what she wanted, even when it meant sacrifices on your end. She never acknowledged that, and never said thank you. When you argue, she never really tried to understand your side, and you get frustrated because you don’t feel listened to, you also feel like it’s not a huge deal to just compromise a little bit. The only compromise ever made though is you backing down from what’s right.

My brother. It gets better. This person was standing on your back while you tried to swim. You’re better off alone, you just can’t see it now. That’s just a testament to your commitment and loyalty. It’s not weakness, it’s a litmus test for being a good person.

Now, listen to me really close. Seriously, screenshot this next part and look at it often. You need to go absolutely scorched earth on her. She didn’t mind risking your health with her actions, she could have given you an incurable disease. She essentially walked past you while you were upside down in a car that had crashed and was on fire. Do the same to her. Do not ever show her how much this hurt you. Think about when this is over. You will regret being too nice. You will regret crying to her and begging. You will regret showing any weakness at all. Hold all of the cards and try your god damn hardest to make it seem like it’s all good. It will absolutely destroy her.

Also, when that relationship crashes and burns. Let her go. She’s coming back. Don’t give in. Be strong and set a fucking example for your son so that he never has to go through this. When he’s old enough teach him the red flags you ignored.

If you need anything just ask man. I’m happy to chat or listen if you need to vent.

You got this dude. The only thing that matters now is what you’re going to do. Accept her actions and move on. Best way to repair grief is to make new plans.

Go do all the cool shit she stopped you from doing. And I know for a fact she stopped you from doing anything you loved at all. Go be free!

CrazySanta7 · 2023-03-26T21:45:08+00:00

Yes, that is how most women work. They find a new man before they announce separation / divorce. They don't leave their current man until the new one shows promise. They lie about it as long as they can. Once divorced, dude's are like,'she got into a relationship quickly'. No, she has been in that relationship for some time. It sucks, but it is extremely common.

Ncfc48 · 2023-03-26T19:24:21+00:00

Sorry for you mate, my ex wife tried monkey branch to her friends husband our neighbours, she is now a struggling single mum of 47 she spent a couple of years flirting hinting putting out the feelers for new improved husband back, I let her divorce me even though her heart wasn't in it, obviously he was just a friend! So what I am saying mate is become the best version you have ever been life can begin again for you good luck

OwnerAndMaster · 2023-03-26T20:22:14+00:00

Dude

Get out your feelings

There's no such thing as a woman that's yours

It's just your turn

And the Y is silent

Stay frosty, my friends

And remember to protect your financial wellbeing at all times

SpiritualEnema · 2023-03-26T16:26:53+00:00

I know how badly that hurts brother. You’re questioning your manhood, your past actions , etc. If I were you, just for your ego’s sake if nothing else, I would spin plates for a bit. I know it sounds messed up, but it actually helped me heal and discover what I wanted (if anything) from women.

flinderdude · 2023-03-26T20:19:06+00:00

Take some time to figure out what women really want, and what you could have done better. Don’t listen to what she told you during the marriage, do some reading on what women actually want. They are an enigma to most of us. Take this time to be a better man, and you will find a better woman. You have to do the work to be better, but man, finding a better woman is awesome and will be so thankful all of this happened.

MedCityCPA · 2023-03-27T10:39:46+00:00

This is good news. Hear me out. That is now some other guy's problem.

Would you buy a boat that is known to sink? Would you buy a car that is known to strand you on the side of the road? Would you buy a lock that opens with any key? Would you hire a financial advisor that openly steals your money? Would you hire a contractor that cuts corners?

I never understood why some guys sleep with married women and then are shocked when they are cheated on. Like what do you expect?

You dodge a bullet, my man. It sucks now but put a reminder on your calendar in 6 months, 1 year, and 2 years. You will look back and shake your head at your former self. Trust me.

wakablahh · 2023-03-26T20:41:54+00:00

A lot of people in this sub have similar stories.

Browse many comments under the posts, and you’ll get some great advice from commenters.

It’s okay to be in your feelings. All of this will get easier to handle both emotionally and mentally, and one day soon, you’ll be thankful for your new beginning.

ranger69danger · 2023-03-26T17:25:07+00:00

She is old garbage now and he is just the garbage man. You never owned her, it was just your turn.

She’s shown her hand and you get to be the honorable parent, the one whose heart was cleft in two and who gives all of what is left to your little one(s).

Try a new hobby or recreational pursuit. Spend extra money to eat well. Avoid the booze. Just focus on you and your little one and a truly worthwhile female will come around eventually.

I wish you luck brother.

I beam you strength to snuff out that vile self-tormenting voice boiling your psyche in the acid of betrayal.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-03-27T03:39:09+00:00

They’re both cheaters. So basically there is already a trust problem between the two. It will inevitably blow up in their face at some point. An normally one affair partner doesn’t actually want a new relationship they just enjoy the free attention.

designerutah · 2023-03-26T19:30:01+00:00

The harsh reality is you need a divorce attorney now. Focus yourself. You're now in enemy territory, she's already cheating on you which means she's already decided what you think doesn't matter enough, and she's willing to risk your health, sanity and safety for whatever he's giving her (think diseases, fights, etc. she's willing to risk them all harming you for her pleasure).

So talk to a divorce attorney now and start protecting your assets in any way legal. It's going to suck. I've helped several close friends through this, to the point where I've known their second wife for more than 25 years. It gets better over time, but right now, time and safety are your two biggest concerns. Get yourself protected, get stuff set up so it's ready when you decide to kick her to the curb.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-03-26T16:56:55+00:00

Focus on your kids and getting yourself better

geraltofoblivia · 2023-03-27T00:28:40+00:00

Being cheated on sucks no way around it. My divorce was recently finalized and I just found out recently she was very likely cheating on me at least a few months before our separation (found files including pictures of other men on my computer via a one drive account she was using and didn't know it was going to the cloud and to my account.. She was using a laptop I gave her when hers died).

Knowing that then would have killed me but now it's a feeling of vindication because I knew she was shady as fuck. If I could find harder proof I would love to use it against her since this is an alienation of affection state with the divorce is already finalized and I'm just happy to get on with my life.

I was nearly suicidal when she left, it was a bad time but I'm doing amazing now. It will get better brother!!

Happy-N-Healthy777 · 2023-03-27T02:44:03+00:00

It’s never yours, it’s only your turn. Everyone should know this by now..

upvotersfortruth · 2023-03-27T03:29:30+00:00

Better to know than not know. They deserve each other, just make sure you get everything finalized before that goes south. If that ends, you're gonna end up in a bigger world of hurt.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-27T11:42:41+00:00

> What do I do guys?

You don't need internet strangers to answer that. You know what to do. Trust your gut.

ThunderFan462 · 2023-03-27T03:44:34+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/1231k3g/pretty_sure_its_been_going_on_awhile/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

For what it’s worth I posted in r/Infidelity about it too. Gives a little more detail if anyone is interested. Tries to spare you guys some of the boring details.

Alright_So · 2023-03-27T02:50:41+00:00

Are you divorced? Are you separated? What's the restraining order or conditions of separation arrangement? Do you have concerns for your son's safety? Hard to advise with this little info.

2019Newbie · 2023-03-27T21:07:16+00:00

You’re not meant for each other, move on. Move to a bigger town.

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2023-03-28T18:06:18+00:00

You are lucky that you’ve spotted her cheating

A lot of us, find out that after some really weird shit going on. Driving us crazy, not understanding the real situation and trying to make up for them

Meanwhile they banged someone

Pick up yourself, you deserve better. And live just shown you , that that is a wrong person for you

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2023-03-28T20:40:24+00:00

Yeah but you can't sleep saying it's for the kids I divorced my ex wife she moved 300 miles away I still drove that every time to pick my daughter up and she knows I'm her dad and loves me more than I can imagine she finished high school a year early and we t to med school and now us a doctor so whe. Your children see you in pain or torment is worse they want to see there parents happy

Title	It’s official, there’s someone else
Author	ThunderFan462
Upvotes	53
Comments	81
Date	March 26, 2023 3:55 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/122qlut/its_official_theres_someone_else/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/its-official-theres-someone-else.1207896 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207896

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