Surprising Reaction

TheBoyBand · 2023-07-10T06:15:33+00:00

NOPE did nothing wrong. An attorney guarantees she doesn’t walk all over you and manipulate your emotions so she gets everything she wants, that’s what “amicable” means to them lol. Stick to your guns, LISTEN to your attorney and not ANYBODY ELSE!

Edit: And why are you moving out? Is there kids?

Edit 2: “She’s saying that by talking to a lawyer you don’t trust her” and she is correct DON’T! btw there is somebody in the wings already!

Edit 3 lol: NOT A SURPRISING REACTION.

Edit 4: She left an additional four days to discuss with whoever is in the wings! My God they all do the same!!!

Edit 5: She is no longer your wife, that person is gone, this is strictly business going forward! Let.her.go

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-07-10T06:14:17+00:00

You did nothing wrong. She wants the divorce. Give it to her and stop chasing her.

Why are you leaving the house?

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-07-10T10:55:48+00:00

Do you know who she’s dating?

Kwen_Oellogg · 2023-07-10T10:43:57+00:00

I have 2 weeks to be out of the house.

But why? Why do you have to be out of the house? Who's decision was this?

And brother, I hate to say this, but it sounds like she has another guy already. That's where she has been. But she's not completely sure he will commit to her when she monkey branches from you to him. That's why she got upset that you contacted a lawyer.

You need to stop being her hero. You need to be the first one to file for the divorce. The person who files is the person who controls the pace of the divorce.

Don't be her hero any longer. Take control of your life,

You got this brother. Stay strong.

Complicatedlogic · 2023-07-10T11:19:59+00:00

Do not leave the house

Mitch00004 · 2023-07-10T12:12:08+00:00

She’s angry because your ruining her smooth monkey branch.

georeddit2018 · 2023-07-10T11:21:50+00:00

She want to keep using and having you as backup option incase she got pumped and dumped. Proceed with the divorce.

FUMoney · 2023-07-10T10:08:31+00:00

I have 2 weeks to be out of the house.

Why? Why are you leaving your house? Why?

Basic_Advance7627 · 2023-07-10T12:24:38+00:00

Lol!!! You can’t trust her. You better listen to everyone here and get a lawyer.

cdjohnny · 2023-07-10T14:04:50+00:00

Sounds like my ex...who also had a new guy. So no, you don't trust her and you shouldn't. File quickly and lock down all of the money. Don't leave the house and don't agree to anything. She needs to know you are serious and you need to be ready for the crazy to come out in full force. Don't get in to side deals or conversations, go full business mode. My advice is to get a counselor as well; they can help you through the crazy and the inevitable gaslighting she'll be throwing your way.

playerknowmore · 2023-07-10T15:44:04+00:00

Seems like she was in the middle of setting up a classic coworker monkey branch. She said she wanted a divorce to relieve guilt. Rarely do they monkey branch without securing a back door. Talking to a lawyer slams the back door shut. Now, she is left in a position of hoping that if the coworker leaves his wife. If he doesn't, she has to start over with no backup plan.

Personally, I'd lean into divorce. It will make her irratic and put pressure on the coworker. I could be wrong, but your story reads like a blueprint to this.

DatabaseSpace · 2023-07-10T12:31:40+00:00

Like others have said, yoiu absolutely do not have to leave that house no matter who owns it because it is the marital home. You can't kick each other out. The second thing is that any time a person is leaving this much I think it's worth it to consider if she is seeing someone else. She may be going back and forth because she is seeing how it will work out with some new guy. If she says something like "I need some space" or "I need some time to work on myself" just add "and to have sex with someone else to the end of that line. Did she go on vacation without you? Damn. I think that alone would warrant a trip to the lawer.

Doubledolla · 2023-07-10T14:36:49+00:00

She left you long before she brought it up. It's easy to say amicable on her end....... until you stick up for your then she plays the victim. Stay in the house get everything in writing. Everything! Regardless if you do want it to end some what peacefully especially if there are children involved there is a lot of legal language that needs to be part of the final separation paperwork. Things like first right of refusal for the kids. That's where she can't pawn them off to her family or friends on her time. You are the first choice to ask to be with them if she wants /needs to not be with them on her time. Things like that need to be in writing otherwise they will walk all over you. The woman you knew is long gone. I'm sorry for your loss and this group is one of the best places to gain perspective on what is happening and what to expect. Good luck!

rhett342 · 2023-07-10T17:33:13+00:00

Why should you leave the house? If she wants to b split up then she can leave.

Ren87z · 2023-07-10T15:26:00+00:00

Dont leave the house! And fucking absolutely get a lawyer! I hate to say it but she is out for blood if she flipped out that bad b/c you talked to a lawyer to know what your options are. Working it out without lawyers means give me what i want and there wont be any trouble lol shit turns ugly real fucking quick so lawyer up and and stay put! She wants the divorce so she can leave the house. Good luck my friend and take care of yourself mentally and physically bc this will be a hard journey.

zugabuga · 2023-07-10T16:29:41+00:00

You’re handling this perfectly. The one thing to remember is you are no longer on the same team. Do you not help her in anyway, listen to your lawyer, and do whatever they advise. I caught my ex-wife having multiple affairs just about three years ago. Completely blindsided me after being together 26 years.

A couple weeks after D day, I mentioned wanting to talk to a lawyer about divorce. She flipped out and lost her mind and was mad at me for bringing divorce into the situation. As if I was the cause. I tried to reconcile only for her to cheat again months later. Filed for divorce and I’ve been divorced for just over two years now. It’s a tough road to travel, but keep posting here for advice from those of us who have done this before you.

TheBoyBand · 2023-07-10T18:00:13+00:00

If you leave the house has she agreed that she will take over mortgage/rent/bills or naaawww your the “man” and your responsibility so she stays comf?

Weary_Landscape_7098 · 2023-07-10T15:28:37+00:00

Did I do something wrong by going to talk to a lawyer?

No. Absolutely not. You have to protect yourself.

I have a similar story. My ex-wife and I initially did not want to involve attorneys. And that is funny, because my ex-wife is an attorney.

I decided to have at least a consult with an attorney. When I told my ex-wife about it she flipped out and started crying, and yelled "You BETRAYED ME!! I did everything for you! I was so nice to you!!" (and on and on)

This was being said by the same woman who:

--Talked shit about me behind my back to her family and friends for years before we separated, and told them nonstop lies and exaggerations about our lives.

--Mocked my weight issues, insulted my appearance, intelligence, career, income, and anything else she could think of. Again, both to my face and behind my back.

--Believed everything I ever said was wrong, never took any responsibility for anything, and assumed everything was automatically my fault.

WestCoastThing · 2023-07-10T20:32:57+00:00

She's upset because she lost control of the process when you brought in a lawyer. There's also more to the story. She's got some reason for wanting the divorce.

1Cobbler · 2023-07-11T00:40:05+00:00

She's upset because if you file first she can't put a whole heap of false allegations on you that she can freely make with no consequences.

email68 · 2023-07-11T03:39:02+00:00

Don’t show your hand again

silmarp · 2023-07-10T23:18:28+00:00

Nope. Why do you have to leave the house? If the house is yours then she is the one who should leave.

What happened is the oldest story ever. She found someone who is or at least she think is the one who will accept her so she is monkey branching. She is already with the other dude. Proceed filing divorce papers asap because if the other dude bails she is gonna come back and

You didn't help yourself at all by doing the pick me dance. The pick me dance only makes she lose any and all residual respect she might have still felt for you. The pick me dance works opposite of intentions.

Stop listening to her. She doesn't dictate whatever. You have absolutely no reasons to trust in her. If she is telling you she wants to dictate stuff you can guess she will try and get the lion share because she is a woman and whatever shit and just by her tone you can tell she is not there to make friends with you.

Tip to you: She is not your friend. She is another woman, she is in affair fog and she will probably fight to destroy you because a woman in affair fog will rewrite history, put the blame on you and fight tooth and nails not only to destroy you but also to make her the hero in her own story. She is not your friend, in fact she will probably be the worst enemy you will fight in your entire life.

This is not an uncommon story. You have to be strong and fight for yourself and your goals. She probably was cheating from a long time ago but now she found her Mr wonderful. Thing is, you need to finalize divorce asap because as soon as she notices Mr wonderful is not that wonderful you might be in for some surprises.

File first before she has the chance. There is not a problem. She might change her tune and accuse you of dv and by filing first you can control the narrative because if it gets to court your lawyer will speak first. You are a man, the law is always against men so you need to file first to have a chance.

Title	Surprising Reaction
Author	BigSkyHiker
Upvotes	28
Comments	59
Date	July 10, 2023 5:44 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14vl33b/surprising_reaction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/surprising-reaction.1224859 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224859

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