UPDATE: Just had the talk

Particular-Depth-973 · 2026-07-03T20:55:12+00:00

If she has no income, how did she get the money to retain an attorney? If someone gave it to her, that's the person that you want to negotiate with.

Legitimate-Corgi · 2026-07-03T17:49:21+00:00

First things first. Is the house a mortgage/buying from your parents or is it renting. Yes it’s in their name but what was the actual agreement for the payments etc. you say it’s in their trust but you also keep saying mortgage payment implies you were purchasing it. If you’re gonna fight with lawyer as it’s a rental you gotta stop saying mortgage payment and hope like hell there’s nothing in writing that you’re purchasing it

akihonj · 2026-07-03T17:29:35+00:00

Your ex wife is either high or retarded, you're renting so irrespective of you renting from your parents or any other landlord she has no legal claim to the property or any equity in the property as that belongs to your parents. It's not a community asset.

Yes the mortgage payments have come from marital funds but paid as rent. This is what she doesn't get.

The car if she takes her name off it then it no longer belongs to her and you get to report it stolen.

She's being a fool and throwing mud, just stick to your guns and do as your lawyer tells you

nlm1974 · 2026-07-03T15:23:47+00:00

Your wife sounds like my ex. The house belongs to your parents, therefore will not be a part of the divorce no matter how much she says she will drag it into the picture.

Don't give her a cent. My ex tried similar tactics, but got nothing. I would suggest getting financial statements on every account you have going back at least a year, then opening a new bank account in your name only. Any direct deposits should go to the new account. No direct contact, only through lawyers.

Good luck.

willowtrees_r_us · 2026-07-03T13:21:40+00:00

She's using Fear tactics and it's working. She can get some if your income but that's it. Tell your parents they have nothing to worry about.

No-Succotash6237 · 2026-07-03T11:44:50+00:00

Ask your parents to raise the rent lol. Expect a lump sum Christmas gift. Wink. Wink.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-07-03T11:36:48+00:00

next will come the abuse allegations - beware - make nice and pretend you're going to comply - buy yourself some time to get prepared

MaineMan1234 · 2026-07-03T11:24:33+00:00

If you signed a lease with your parents to
rent the house that they purchased via a trust, then there is NO equity in your or your wife’s name. You weren’t paying a mortgage, you were paying rent.

Why does she think she deserves your parents equity? Does she not understand how things are set up? Is she just deranged?

Gattsama · 2026-07-03T10:48:20+00:00

First as much as possible try to calm down. Yes, the system is fundamentally broken but the system has rules. The rules are pretty clear, all communal assets and debts are to be split 50/50. If you have communal debt, guess what? She's 50% on the hook for that debt. Usually what will happen is the debt will simply be wiped out on paper in lieu of support or some other assets.

If you guys live in your parents house, then at your parents house, it's not something that's part of the communal property.

You're going to both be imputed based off your income, it's not based off. Your potential income is usually based off what you've earned the last few years. If she hasn't worked worst case scenario, she'll be imputed to minimum wage. The real issue in California is making sure that you avoid lifelong spousal support, everything else will take care of itself with time.

Unfortunately, once the lawyers are involved( which by the way is most common) mediation can become tricky if either party is unwilling to actually negotiate in good faith. Mediation is always the first course, but if either party is not willing to negotiate in good faith then you might as well just stop and go to court .

Despite what people tell you the courts are predictable for the most part, yes, people do occasionally get randomly fucked. But for the most part, the Court's going to just order a 50/50 split of all Camino assets and debt, and assign spousal support based off imputed income.

Sorry for the drama brother, good luck going forward...

Significant_Koala_61 · 2026-07-03T07:13:49+00:00

Also bro, I just read about your house being owned by your parents in a trust; high five bro, you beat the system, normally always they can’t touch trusts with multiple beneficiaries, because of the multiple beneficiaries

Significant_Koala_61 · 2026-07-03T07:12:35+00:00

Lawyers will go in extra strong in hopes you’ll accept less, don’t, good luck bro, keep us posted, in the exact same shit as you as we speak

team_starfox3 · 2026-07-03T05:58:20+00:00

Your parents have a house. You have jack shit. The house isn't in play

capnjackstation · 2026-07-03T05:54:05+00:00

If the house is in your parents name / trust she can pound sand. She’s not getting it. Her lawyers are taking her for a ride. She’s delusional.

ConscientiousBee · 2026-07-03T04:50:50+00:00

The first attack is horrible.

The moment she crossed the line into litigation, everything changed and you have to become very formal and tread very carefully. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Don't be surprised if she makes a range of false and serious accusations and tries to bait you into conflict to try to manufacture "evidence" that you're unstable and have you removed from your home. If this happens, stay calm, document everything.

Be prepared to start recording all conversations. As others have said, don't agree to move out of the house. Don't agree to anything less than 50/50 care of the kids. Don't allow her to elbow you out of childcare responsibilities to try to create the impression of her being primary carer. Create a stable care pattern for the kids first. Everything should flow from that. If she resists structure have a court impose it on her. Don't let her drag things out in this regard.

Be very careful what you put in writing and consider enforcing an app like Our Family Wizard for all communications, which enables communications to be used as court admissable evidence. Aim to demonstrate in communications just how reasonable you are. Never utter an angry or emotional word in you communications and keep all communications brief, factual, and business like. Don't get into any unproductive debates. Offer out of court settlement. Demonstrate that your actions are centred on what's best for the kids. Highlight the financial situation and that litigation will only have a negative impact on the kids.

You may need to consider creating a journal if day to day parental activities and capture details of any unusual behaviour from your ex. I keep mine in the family wizard app. Though keep any entries very plain and factual. Remove any emotion and interpretation of motives.

You may need to start economising to cover legal fees. Document in your journal any proactive steps your taking.

Allow yourself headspace when you can to try to keep your centre. There may be some difficult days and restless nights ahead.

Beginning-Town-7609 · 2026-07-03T04:35:16+00:00

Your parents own the house? She gets NOTHING from this.

dogsrule2019 · 2026-07-03T03:59:56+00:00

Y’all haven’t made mortgage payments it sounds like. Maybe you paid rent to the mortgage company but yall don’t own the house. IMO she is headed towards a rude awakening. Good luck, brother.

acg34 · 2026-07-03T03:47:19+00:00

They ask for everything and work backwards from there. You need to fight for what’s yours. They are probably thinking you’ll give up on some stuff because you’ll be “happy” they lowered some of their demands. I can’t believe she has any right to your parents house. She’s the enemy right now. Not your wife, or family, and not your friend.

FluffyApartment596 · 2026-07-03T03:43:10+00:00

Lawyer up. NAL and not closely familiar with CA laws. Absolutely do not believe her lawyers advice that she’s relaying second hand.

Depending on how the trust is set up, it may not be part of any settlement discussion. You may have used marital funds to pay rent, but she also lived there and received that benefit. Too bad you didn’t put it towards a mortgage 😉 She won’t get much by taking 1/2 of what you don’t own. (I’ve seen other parents do this. The spouses got nothing. But again, it wasn’t CA.)

You need to lawyer up, get documents filed, and stop the financial drain.

chevy_zr2_4x4 · 2026-07-03T03:35:02+00:00

This sounds like my ex and I. My mom bought our house. We rented. When we divorced, she got nothing since we rented. It's treated as an apartment. At least in Michigan.

Let her think she'll take you to the cleaners! Sounds like she won't get much.

How long have you been married? California?

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2026-07-03T03:33:38+00:00

Her lawyers will do their best to convince her she is entitled to everything - more than what you have or would ever have. That’s how they make their money.

You need an attorney, and good one. Yesterday. Whatever you do - don’t move out of the house.

Which county in CA?

How old are children?

Title	UPDATE: Just had the talk
Author	iSkeetOnFeet
Upvotes	21
Comments	69
Date	July 3, 2026 3:27 AM UTC (4 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1um34h3/update_just_had_the_talk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/update-just-had-the-talk.1584147 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584147

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