Comment says cOmMunIcAte. Sure that’ll fix it!

Lavender_flow · 2021-03-09T09:51:53+00:00

THIS is the men they chose to reproduce with?! SERIOUSLY? That asshole. And she is not even considering divorcing his ass. The fucking audacity. Breaking mom always makes me barf when I see a post reposted on here.

Those worthless genes from that garbage piece of shit is who they chose to father their children. I literally CANNOT.

_bethiebabes · 2021-03-09T09:43:41+00:00

this is why I come here to discuss anything meaningful, regardless of how off topic it might be, if I was that op and got those responses in a “women focused” sub my head would explode

It’s bad enough when you have to live with a man like that, but when you complain about his shit and everyone else wants to say talk it out/give him the benefit of the doubt/go to counseling/maybe it’s actually your fault/etc it’s devastating. either you internalize the gaslighting, or you get rightfully pissed, because I know the situation better than you do why tf are you telling me I’m wrong?! then you’re called unstable and suddenly every issue in the relationship is exclusively yours

sealcrab · 2021-03-09T10:12:55+00:00

No man who speaks to you disrespectfully like this will ever change, whether you communicate or not. Good men don't do it to begin with.

And the last comment??? 'How do I bring it up without sounding like a critical bitch'????? Why the fuck do you care more about how a disgusting man perceives you than about asserting your needs?????

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-03-09T12:59:26+00:00

Im so sad for her doing al that and then internalizing how shit his comment made her feel that she is turning to the reddit hive for love support and validation. This marriage is probably a garbage fire and she's one or two more comments like this away from snapping and leaving his lousy ass.

eveloe · 2021-03-09T13:21:53+00:00

No-one can answer the last question because we all know that no matter what men do to women, it’s always women’s fault.

advice1988 · 2021-03-09T10:39:50+00:00

I would of poured the water over the only spot of disappointment : him.

It’s sad she attaches her productivity to what she does for everyone else to her self esteem.

This is what happens when a man who should feel lucky and gratitude to his wife (and do his share of child rearing & chores) and turns it into automatic expectations (that we as women do without realising) and the right to critique. Hope she tells him what’s on her mind and if nothing changes she doesn’t waste anymore time on him.

Papaverinum · 2021-03-09T09:45:48+00:00

This reassures me to stay NVM free and CF

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-03-09T12:30:57+00:00

well... she did miss a spot/ s

the more I keep reading this sort of thing, the less inclined to be near men I become. and why is that? because patriarchy runs deep, my darlings. it has its claws in everything. we live in a world built by the patriarchy for the patriarchy with the aide of slave workers, aka women & ethnic minorities.

and once you bite in the patriarchal institution called marriage and you don't take the necessary steps to protect yourself in case things get awry (and in most cases, they do go awry), you will feel the weight of the ball & chain tugging you down...

remember that joke about the ball & chain, when men run away from marriage but they still get married because it benefits them? well... that was a joke and the joke is on the woman. it's pure projection.

if a husband is being asked to "help" in the household he shares with the mother of his kids., one has bigger problems than a lack of communication. no amount of communication will teach that man to be a father and a partner to his wife. he's broken from day 1.

we need to start acknowledging that broken men are a thing and that no amount of womanly love will ever fix them.

littlepip38042 · 2021-03-09T14:17:43+00:00

Fuck. That.

I would pick up my bags and leave..at least get a hotel room for a couple nights

chickenery · 2021-03-09T17:24:20+00:00

You just can’t communicate your way into respect and basic human decency.

These exhortations to communicate are like... emotional victim-blaming. “Well, he treats you like garbage because YOU didn’t tell him not to!”

Somehow, everything is her fault. God forbid he do some proactive self-reflection so as not to be an asshole in the first place.

Charming-Bee-2337 · 2021-03-09T16:10:02+00:00

I hate that its only women who get called "harpy/ bitchy" even if men do and say the same things no one says anything but when a woman does it shes naggy./harpy/bitchy ect.

DallasOMalley · 2021-03-09T12:34:08+00:00

I'm sad for this woman. Here she is, trying to be a perfect woman/mother/wife and the clod she's with doesn't appreciate any of it. I mean, hasn't that happened to most of us at some point, pre-FDS?

Here's hoping she eventually wakes up and realizes she deserves better.

Also, fuck that cOmMuNiCaTe crap. If her husband can't see how much easier she's making his life, there's no helping him.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-03-09T18:56:26+00:00

That’s when you hand him the mop and tell him to clean it up. Fucker.

the-worst- · 2021-03-09T13:31:56+00:00

Here's how simply talking to him about it won't work:

My husband is a similar way. Doesn't acknowledge anything I do, but will quickly point out everything I didn't, despite me being the sole caretaker of 2 tots and having adhd (which makes everything not related to them 50 times harder for me to do).

I have talked to him about this over and over. Telling him words of affermation are one of my love languages, that it feels like he doesn't feel greatful for everything I do, and that I even feel like he hates me because he will literally get upset if I'm doing a hobny when more chores need done. Even if I'm exhausted and the kids run me ragged. Then, after demanding I clean, he has the audacity to ask for a sexual favor.

His response? "If I don't say anything, then I am glad for all the work! You should teach yourself to recognize that."

"i never got possitive affirmation growing up with my dad, and I turned out fine!"

"You ignore everything I did right if I did something wrong too!" (No, I don't. I'll literally tell him at least one thing he does right before going on to what's bothering me.)

And if he finally does give me the words of affermation? It sounds. So. Fucking. Sarcastic. And condisending. Like he's doing it out of spite.

I'm considering telling him i will withhold sexual favors until he starts genuinely acknowledging and appreciating everything I do. Maybe then he'd at least put some effort into it.

Before y'all tell me I need to leave: I know. But my back is injured and I have 2 tots I'd have to bring with me. I am not currently able to work, and I'd have to pay for childcare if I did work. I can't leave right now.

AlexxyaKat · 2021-03-09T16:27:48+00:00

If you’re an adult and you don’t realize how much work it is to take care of children and still have time to look good, you’re an idiot

GoldandGlowing · 2021-03-09T17:59:33+00:00

Those kids are going to grow up and think wives and mothers should be breaking their backs at the man’s request.

chateauduchat · 2021-03-09T15:16:50+00:00

COmMuniCaTe my ass.

He knows. He already knows.

orangeboobert · 2021-03-09T16:21:44+00:00

If you see the spot you get it you waste of space

SadMadNomad · 2021-03-09T23:58:25+00:00

Forget communicating, she needs to pull an Amy Dunne from Gone Girl instead. /s

And to add a disclaimer just in case: yes, I know Amy is a psychopathic villain you're not meant to emulate. I know. But there's a reason her character is enjoyed mainly by women. She's the dramatic and cathartic embodiment of female rage, frustration, and a desire to retaliate instead of repressing your anger and forcing yourself to be a good little wife. Women need to stop communicating and start embracing their cold, unyielding fury. Look at the bottom-most comment: "how does one bring up such an issue without sounding like an insane harpy / critical bitch?" Women are so afraid of looking bad while men don't give a damn. Did her husband feel bad for treating his wife like a maid? No.

Kimpractical · 2021-03-09T14:06:06+00:00

“I did my makeup”... was it clown makeup?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-03-09T10:25:52+00:00

Welp, I know what sub that was by the resolve to be treated like an appliance and the advice from the other appliances. Zero attempt to have a backbone.

goldiebaby · 2021-03-09T19:17:36+00:00

When I read these kind of posts, I must ask. Did she not vet him during the dating period? Dating is essentially an extended interview. How did he live during that time? How was his home? Did he cook and clean? If you lived together before marriage, how did you split chores? Did he hold up to his end of the bargain? Did he make nasty comments like the one above? Did he judge your cooking and cleaning skills?

I dated a loser like him too, but the minute these kind of comments started, I quickly left. I didn't dig myself in a hole and marry and have multiple kids with him.

PS - this is also why I strongly disapprove of FDS's push to marry within a year of dating and never live together. Any fuckboi can hide his true self in this scenario. You really don't know someone until you live with them. I fully took advantage of my female ancestors' efforts to give me the freedom to live with a man and not be excommunicated from society.

pinkpoopgtelost · 2021-03-09T09:51:04+00:00

At this point i think they enjoy being martyrs for no reason. Saving this post to show anyone who asks me about marrying and having kids.

Title	Comment says cOmMunIcAte. Sure that’ll fix it!
Author	hannahunt07
Upvotes	547
Comments	59
Date	March 9, 2021 9:25 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m12y77/comment_says_communicate_sure_thatll_fix_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comment-says-communicate-sure-thatll-fix-it.752212 https://theredarchive.com/post/752212

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