Did your dad/brother/male figures understand when you were being harassed as a teen?

trettles · 2021-11-15T08:57:02+00:00

I think my dad liked it & it boosted his ego. But he was a disgusting creep.

kansascitydream · 2021-11-15T11:03:27+00:00

My dad always told me “men are dogs”. However when ever I would come home upset about cat calling, he would say stuff like “ Maybe he was just trying to be your friend.” He talks the talk but doesn’t walk the walk.

europoor24 · 2021-11-15T09:40:47+00:00

No, when a creepy man took a sneaky picture of his underage daughter on vacation my dad nor did the stepmonster care since at the time I wanted to be an actress and "I should be flattered and it's just something I'd have to put up with if I suceeded in that field". That's only the tip of the iceberg really.

Platipus6 · 2021-11-15T10:28:28+00:00

Dad took me out for lunch when I was 14 and was gloating that 'people thought we were together'. His narcissism wouldn't let him see that people looked disturbed, not envious...

On a summer camp, 3 teenaged boys asked my brother if they could 'borrow' me. He shrugged. I was 8.

LonchuraStriata · 2021-11-15T08:55:22+00:00

My dad was amazing about it and took it very seriously.

I don't have any brothers but other male figures who should have cared (like other relatives, bosses, teachers etc.) often seemed understanding at first but then got annoyed really quickly if it actually inconvenienced them or I expected/asked them to do something. Like they agreed that harrassment was real and terrible blabla, but if I told them I didn't feel comfortable to walk home alone after dark or run an errand alone in a sketchy area or situation and asked them to drive me or accompany me it was all "Don't be a baby." "Don't be paranoid" "You are just saying this because you are lazy and don't want to walk/ want to get out of doing X" etc.

It even extends to business trips to countries (like in the Middle East) where it is objectively dangerous for a woman to walk somewhere or take public transport alone and my former employer (who happily throws phrases like diversity and supporting women around when it comes to publicity) refused to cover the costs for taking a taxi because male employees took public transport, too, and I should just "get over it".

Solid-Liquid · 2021-11-15T11:25:52+00:00

When I was 13, my dad and I had a huge fight because I said “what’s up” instead of “good afternoon” when I got off the bus. He made me walk home at 4:30 in the dark (my mom was PISSED). He refused to pick me up after that (my parents are separated). One day when I was waiting for my mom (she had fridays off), an old guy walked past and said to his friend how sexy I looked in my school clothes. My mom told me to call my dad and tell him what happened, and ever since then, he was at that bus stop and never let me walk home in the dark again (even when I was in my community college)…

I don’t think he realized until I told him, I’m sure he thought because I looked 13, men wouldn’t do that.

curlyhaiir · 2021-11-15T13:17:59+00:00

Yes he did. One time I was walking home and there was this group of guys coming towards me and were kind of surrounding me, making disgusting sounds and my dad saw it from the window, he was yelling and came out with a baseball bat, wanting to fight everyone 🤣 he was always very protective of me (not in a creepy way) and was the best dad ever 🤍 he adored my mom, me and my siblings. Thankfully my brothers are like him.

GalacticDeviant · 2021-11-15T11:01:58+00:00

Nope, even now. I left a mentally abusive marriage but because I wasn’t hit and other women had it worse, my brother downplayed it when I said I was abused. “If I want to call it that”

hikurangi2019 · 2021-11-15T13:54:17+00:00

When I was in my early teens I was hanging out with a family friend in his early 20’s(? Possibly older). He kept on cussing and referencing female body parts. The teenage feminist in me immediately wanted to teach him a lesson, when I heard him say “your mum” I clapped back and said something along the lines of “your dad”. This grown ass man turned rabid and attacked me with a chokehold. I don’t remember what happened after but I remember crystal clear my dad not only didn’t get upset he defending him because “he’s just a kid”. Aka boys will be boys. No wonder I don’t talk to my dad anymore.

ErikaNaumann · 2021-11-15T11:44:40+00:00

I am extremely lucky that my father is a hvm. He was always aware of harassment, and having two daughters meant he taught us how to protect ourselves. From learning how to shoot, to decades or martial arts, he taught us well. When I was younger he also often volunteered to drive us where we needed to go, so we could avoid walking alone in the streets, especially at night.

I also never saw him harassing any women in any way shape or form, so he was a great role model.

I was sad when I realised he was the exception to the rule.

January_Rain_93 · 2021-11-15T08:57:04+00:00

I wasn't harassed much as a teen, but certainly when I got to university. I don't remember the specifics but there was something on the news about harassment in bars and my Dad asked if it had ever happened to me. I said it had and he shook his head saying he used to see it all the time when he was younger so started telling his friends to leave people alone and got into a few fights when he intervened. He said he thought men would have gotten better in 40 years.

repurposedschleem · 2021-11-15T11:24:09+00:00

My dad gave me a talk when I was about 13/14 about how most men are depraved and “only after one thing” and that I’d be better off focusing on school and establishing a career instead of wasting time with boys who weren’t capable of loving. He taught me some basic self-defense stuff too when I told him about the big football players following me around one day when I was late to class talking about my a** and how cute I’d look…I don’t even want to finish it.

However, didn’t believe me when his buddy’s 19 yo son sent me disgusting MySpace messages that made me feel violated and told me it was my fault for having a pfp in pigtails (I was 13).

As I got older, I realized my father gave me such dire warnings because he had been one of them and he figured every man was the same, but suddenly because he had daughters, it wasn’t okay with him.

Maingurl · 2021-11-15T14:32:34+00:00

It didn't happen to me as much because my dad would not let me go outside. I spend many of my teen years locked inside my house. He claims he was protecting me but he was just controlling.

denimbastard · 2021-11-15T14:51:36+00:00

"He wouldn't be much of a man if he hadn't have groped you" - my dad.

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-11-15T14:44:27+00:00

I got verbally harassed by a bunch of ugly boys at my school and called a b**ch constantly. My Dad had no idea and seemed shocked when I told him about how I hated high school. Then he has the gall to be like “I had it bad in HS TOO!”

PrettyPancakePolice · 2021-11-15T16:18:38+00:00

Nah my dad is an asshole who doesn't care about anyone but himself. I don't think my parents ever talked about it except for "don't talk to strangers" kind of thing. And my mom has of course talked about being careful when out late at night, but we haven't talked about harassment which I've experienced since I was a kid.

Once, a man was masturbating near me and my friend when we were at the beach (I was like 14). So we didn't know what we should do. So I called my dad to ask what we should do, and he said "just sit somewhere else". So yeah. That's the moment I knew that I couldn't trust my dad.

I have a brother too, but he's eight years older and moved from home when I was 10-11. So I think he's probably just clueless because we have never talked about anything like that.

Colour_riot · 2021-11-15T16:15:11+00:00

both my parents had issues but my dad was keenly aware of this stuff. He used to walk behind my sister and I so that he could glare at any pervert staring our way.

He would also point out the men who were openly perving & gawking which normalised not feeling obliged to randos on the street at the very least. I've never felt bad for not giving a rando my number or walking away with a "no, not interested" while they're in mid sentence.

No woman shouldn't, frankly. We all know they'll rather have bleeding blistering feet than ask a woman for directions.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-11-15T08:56:30+00:00

My dad knew what the world was like. He taught me how to throw a punch and said he hoped I never needed to do so, but if I did? Take ‘em down with one shot.

Vaahla · 2021-11-15T14:49:05+00:00

I only remember one instance where my dad became involved in my life, it was against a male administrator causing problems in high school (non-sexual but not nice). He solved whatever that guys problem was in a shut office 🤷‍♀️

I wish my dad stood up for me, mostly against my mom. He avoided spending any time with me at all in all my memories.

edoth · 2021-11-15T16:08:30+00:00

My dad and stepdad and uncles always defended me when they were there and were always there and my brother and bio dad always pick up the phone when I call at night because they know it’s because I’m scared

Once I was out drinking with my uncle who was 22 at the time I was 16 and he literally almost fought som dudes who hit on me because I was too young for them he screamed at them so I’ve always been respected by my male family same with grandfathers.

ArugulaIsAwesome · 2021-11-15T17:38:11+00:00

When I was in grade seven my brother asked my if I spit or swallow… I didn’t understand the question so asked my dad about it later.

My brother got in shit. 😆😎

msinclaire · 2021-11-15T16:15:51+00:00

My brother encouraged his friends to harass me.

slayeroftruth · 2021-11-15T17:41:47+00:00

Yes.. On rare occasion they tried something (dad is tall man) with my dad their he would not let it slide. One time some asshole purposely tried to knocked me down when I was teen as he was walking by. Dad caught up to him and made him apologize. This adult male was short and I'm tall. Simply being tall minding your own business can trigger short adult men. What's weird is the ones who seemed to be bothered by my height is always older. I could tell dad or brother when I was getting creepy vibes and they would help me. They especially dad/mom told me to trust my instincts on creepy men. I'm very lucky to have mom, dad and older brother who supported me if I said was being harassed or even just creeped out. I was protected from child molester in my family while some of the children were not sadly.

barbedwiredaisycrown · 2021-11-15T17:24:01+00:00

Lol, neither my brother nor father respected me because I wasn't desperate for male attention nor willing to put up with their bullshit. I never bothered to tell them any instances of harassment I went through because they'd never be on my side. They said similar shit to me at home to ensure I never grew any self esteem. I wouldn't respond much because rising to it was what they wanted and I knew their statements were objectively false so who cares.

Joke was on them though; even at my lowest I realized adding a man to the mix wouldn't fix anything and in fact would be another step down. So even when my self esteem was at its lowest I had higher self esteem than the average pickme.

Feminineprincess · 2021-11-15T22:47:28+00:00

The only thing I can think of is a situation where a young girl that we knew personally who was 17, was groomed by a 30+ year old man, her 30+ year old “boyfriend” coerced her into “sex”(r4pe).

Eventually the 17 year old girl’s middle eastern father found out and nearly killed her, the violence he inflicted on his daughter for “bringing shame onto the family” got him in jail, and her father did nothing to her 30+ year old abuser

When my dad heard this story, his response was “I would’ve done the same if that was my daughter.”

MofoMadame · 2021-11-15T17:19:33+00:00

My dad was awesome. He always had my back and never tolerated any disrespect towards my mother. He was also a Marine and from a time/place where a man was expected to be tough and unafraid of a physical altercation. He never minced words or made a threat he wasnt all too happy to fufill. He was my main man and confidante, and my hero.

An example, my dad liked to hunt, or honestly he liked to trade the dogs they used for hunting. He had tons of friends and his hunting buddies often stopped by to visit. Most of these men wouldnt even look in my mother's or my direction other than being the very polite. Except one loud ass hole, he was always cracking jokes, being kinda obnoxious and very loud. He would also always try to flirt with me if I happened to pass in coming or going while he was there. I always just ignored dude with much contempt. My dad tells him not to talk to me. He thinks he's being cute n says something else bout how Im so pretty or something. My dad's face has gone dark, he says, "Man, you're gonna make me choke your ugly, stupid ass out here at my kitchen table arent you? I told you not to talk to her." He was not joking, he was about one smart ass sound from hurting that guy, n loud dude got the point too. The other dude there that day would always bring it up when remembering my dad, he was like our own personal Clint Eastwood or something.

gingerandlime · 2021-11-15T18:23:43+00:00

Thankfully, yes. The first time I realized a man was inappropriately looking at my body, it was because of my dad’s reaction of disgust. (I was 14.)

He’s not a perfect man but has given me a great role model of how men can/should behave towards women’s bodies. No commentary on how people look, size, or attractiveness, no commentary on how I dress or how my body is.

Namtara · 2021-11-15T21:57:32+00:00

A friend of my brother's started texting sexual content to me when I was 15 (my brother was 17). I knew it had to be one of them because only my mother and my brother knew my cell number.

Our school had a central outdoor area that was adjacent to the cafeteria, admin offices, library, and a hobby room. Aside from a few small clubs, every student was in the cafeteria or in that area during lunch.

I barged into the hobby room during lunch to confront them. I called them all out: my brother for giving my cell number out and his friends for texting me. I was pissed, and definitely not calm. I told them if I received any text messages from any of them for any reason, I'd drag them out and beat the shit out of them in front of the entire school. Thankfully, I was the only one of my siblings that kept up with martial arts classes, and by then, I was among the highest ranking students in my school. Each of them had visited our house and seen my tournament trophies and belts hung up in the living room. I could actually do it, and they knew it. They tried to laugh it off, but it was very clear that they didn't find my outburst funny.

They never texted me again. The guy that I suspected managed to turn himself around after joining the Navy and going to college. He apologized for it years later when he happened to be visiting my mom (she was like another parent to him when he was a kid). He's made no other effort to bother me, since he knew that's exactly how I would perceive it. I think that's the best resolution that could have come out of that.

My brother's still a piece of shit, of course. It wouldn't surprise me if it had been his idea.

AlegalHuman · 2021-11-15T16:10:50+00:00

My dad, grandparents, and male family members were generally all great. We had a grand uncle (one of my mom’s dad’s 11 siblings) who treated his wife/ex wife like shit (divorced her as soon as she was diagnosed with a rare immune disorder, after she stood by his side through two heart surgeries), and the whole family rallied around supporting his wife/ex to help her get back on her feet and sort of ostracized him after he showed no remorse about his actions. Turkish families can be ruthless about this sort of thing.

My younger brother, who unfortunately was 3 when my father was killed by a burglar (I was 12), grew up without my dad and in the US and has a lot more misogynistic views. It makes me sad and has put distance between myself and my brother as he’s gotten older, even though we were very close when he was young as I helped raise him after dad died. I feel like something happened while I was away at college and I’m trying to be a small part of his life even when we don’t get along and sort of show him his views aren’t necessary correct/productive. But I wouldn’t do that for any man other than my baby brother.

c_a_t_lady · 2021-11-15T16:12:17+00:00

Lately, I've talked to my dad a lot about the sexual harassment and attitudes women face, even though personally I haven't faced "severe" sexual harassment (mainly messages, some 🍆 pictures and a few comments on the street). I've talked about the harassment and attitudes women face more in general terms.

While he doesn't fully understand, it seems like he's at least trying to listen and learn to understand. He has even admitted that he doesn't have that much awareness of these topics, but that he's trying to listen and understand my view (or women's reality) on the topic. Which is great especially since while I wouldn't call him an LVM, I wouldn't call him an HVM either.

I think he has the hardest time acknowledging that sexual assault isn't often taken as seriously as it should.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-11-16T02:34:51+00:00

No. However, my dad had a barber his own age who ASKED MY DAD about dating me. That appalled my dad and he made it clear to the guy. So occasionally LVM demonstrate some HV characteristic (further demonstrates the need for continuous vetting)

FURYOFCAPSLOCK · 2021-11-16T02:49:01+00:00

jayda92 · 2021-11-16T06:10:00+00:00

They did protect me. But they also blamed me. For wearing clothes, having boobs or they thought there was something in my behavior that must have sparked something... Of course, because a 10 yo is really busy with old dudes 🤪🧐

My uncle send me harassing sexual whatsapps last week. I'm 27. This shit NEVER seems to stop.

abstractsadgurl · 2021-11-17T22:12:28+00:00

My dad defended me and did express worry because he told me the world was a cruel place

Title	Did your dad/brother/male figures understand when you were being harassed as a teen?
Author	cicerii
Upvotes	331
Comments	49
Date	November 15, 2021 8:31 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qubtt5/did_your_dadbrothermale_figures_understand_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/did-your-dadbrothermale-figures-understand-when.1083995 https://theredarchive.com/post/1083995

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