Men respond better to silence vs cOmMuNicAtIon

Davina33 · 2021-01-02T09:29:10+00:00

Any time I've explained myself to a man, I've just ended up feeling much worse for it. They know they've fucked up, they aren't oblivious. They even get pleasure out of it. There isn't a dick shortage, block and delete.

DarwinsLittleBird · 2021-01-02T09:12:36+00:00

“Fine. Leave. I’m tired of you.” Love it. High five, sis!

I also like “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”

souredskittles · 2021-01-02T08:48:42+00:00

Whoa I didn’t know that was backed by science. I’ve only seen inspo quotes saying to not hurt yourself by texting someone you know won’t respond.

But yeah when you go silent they really do start spamming you

2021-01-02T11:09:24+00:00

I wish they'd actually leave every single time they threaten to.

They need us more than we need them.

fancypantsdance92 · 2021-01-02T10:06:22+00:00

I had a positive experience with this with my ex. I told him I wasn't speaking to him until he could understand where I was coming from. It took him a few hours before he responded and elaborated on why he thought I was upset.

Anyway I dumped him because he had a weird love triangle with a married friend and I wasn't going to sit around and deal with that.

circescircus · 2021-01-02T09:10:09+00:00

I once lived in a place where I noticed that a lot of the young kids there were very well behaved and obedient. I asked my friend (who is from there) what's up with that, and she explained to me, that parents in this country frequently ignore their toddlers or young kids when they act up. Like just completely ignore them, no positive response, no negative response. Apparently this makes young children obey you-- they'd rather get negative attention than zero attention. Not getting any attention makes them panic, they become desperate for your approval and love.

I thought it was disturbing, my friend did too, it's not like she was condoning it.

But yeah, it's a human thing, people would rather get negative attention than to be treated like they are invisible or like they don't exist.

"ComMunIcATiOn" is such bullshit. It's easier than ever for humans to communicate than ever before, and are we any better at communication? There are so many languages that are spoken in the world, do we communicate any better for it?

Communication is a very complicated subject-- it encompasses language, sociology, history, human nature, psychology, philosophy, personality, culture, etc. People are obviously shit at communication, if we were any good at it, the world would look very different.

I'm sick of scrotes, pickmes and predatory soulless couples therapists shoving "communication" down women's throats. Like communication is fucking magic, and like women are 100% responsible for 'communication'.

Communication only works if people speak the same language, are on the same wavelength, when they both WANT to communicate, when they BOTH want to listen, speak, to hear and to be heard, when both people are honest, communicating honestly, when neither have an ulterior motive. You don't just say words to someone and call that communication.

Hortensia78 · 2021-01-02T11:19:54+00:00

I've noticed that this also works in a professional context. When a male colleague does something shitty, I ignore them until they come crawling back. In the past I used to explain what they did wrong, but it never worked out the way I expected it to. Now I just freeze them out. They can't deal with it.

Solution_Outrageous · 2021-01-02T15:21:41+00:00

My LVM, after telling me I was "ToO eMoTioNaL" and that he wanted to leave me for someone, "easier" (ding ding ding- telling on himself; he knew I wasn't backing down or taking his shit) I said, "Ok; I'm sure there are like a million easier girls out there." and showed him the door. Ooohh GURL the look on his face. He looked like I'd just clocked him with a frying pan. He sat outside my house in his truck for like two hours and would get out and ring my doorbell and called over and over until I just blocked him.

miiju86 · 2021-01-02T11:45:41+00:00

This works normally with all types of toxic people because - at least IMO - they try to take their power over others out of control. If you flat out refuse and show no / minimum emotional dependance on them, they fear to lose (you). Also it's much healthier for you, if you decide what you'll get to you and which things not. Can't change what happens to you - but you can change how you act and feel towards it. Great post!

Mysterious_Midnight7 · 2021-01-02T15:07:35+00:00

I can absolutely vouch for this. When I cut people off, I cut them off hard, as in look straight through them as if they're invisible if they even cross my path. I mainly do it just because I see it as the least confrontational way to handle someone I want nothing to do with anymore. Anyway, everyone I've done it to (two psychotic siblings and one fuckboy) goes crazy and won't leave me alone. I only found out about the pain thing later and just saw it as a bonus.

DeorisGrey · 2021-01-02T16:09:26+00:00

I remember watching a video of an experiment, a mother interacting with her baby (about 1 year old, I think). It was about how the mother's facial expressions had an impact on the child.

So in the beginning, the mother is smiling and clapping and the child is happy and clapping as well. Then the mother stops smiling and interacting. She's not mad, she's not even frowning, but she's ignoring the child, just staring blankly.

The effect is near immediate. The child starts clapping again and babbling, trying to get the mother to smile again. When the mother doesn't react, the child gets louder, desperate. The mother still doesn't react, and the child starts crying, not understanding what's happening.

It's heartbreaking, but shows clearly how we humans crave attention.

justforfds · 2021-01-02T13:35:27+00:00

A lot of women don't realise they can just leave. I didn't. Due to my conditioning and low self esteem I was unconsciously accepting and unwittingly encouraging abusive behaviour in my past relationships. This is just me - supremely confident women are abused too.

I redrafted that paragraph a few times. I wanted to include "short of direct insults or a physical violation on my person or property" but looking back, I tolerated these too in my earlier relationships and was gaslighted into minimizing them or just tolerated too much because I thought other people were better than me. I was putting myself into situations where walking out seemed extreme unless I was ending things e.g. living together permanently or cohabiting over weekends or holidays.

If my mother and I had a better relationship I could have heard her when she told me not to be too available or stay long with a man unless you're getting married. Well, I have read the advice in the FDS Handbook now. Better late than never.

It shakes me to realise how easily my first ex, who I lived with, could have escalated his abuse to beating or killing me. It only ended because he went one deep and public insult too far, denied it and then reinforced it the few times when I asked about it, killing any love or respect I had for him. I faded out till he dumped me to monkey branch to another woman, which I realised later. I wasn't capable of leaving him because my self esteem was so low and my life a mess. I was a LVW. I learned it's important to build yourself up in order to have healthy relationships with all others, particularly men.

I built some self esteem, order and confidence along the way and I have ended all subsequent relationships quite soon when they did not listen when they'd done wrong and I felt disrespected. However, only now, after 6 months of FDS, do I fully realise the first disrespect is enough.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-01-02T16:53:29+00:00

Agreed. Even other men will confirm this. Any time a man has given advice about what to do about the poor treatment of women from other males, it’s always something to the effect of “Deprive him of your company.” Men know.

Davina33 · 2021-01-02T09:10:39+00:00

[deleted]

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2021-01-02T10:58:11+00:00

[removed]

Gambit12345 · 2021-01-02T16:02:23+00:00

I used to stonewall my ex for up to month at a time. Once it was because he dutch ovened me (because a piece of equipment he bought didn’t work) and he was pissed off about it. When we finally sat to talk he didn’t know why I had been so upset because apparently farting on your girlfriend isn’t disrespect to him. I aired out one of my grievances which was he doesn’t plan shit. Literally the next day he gives me his keyboard to go searching for rentals for the beach. Like bro I just told you I do everything!!even after silent treatment and talking it out he didn’t take in one word I told him. I don’t necessarily like stonewalling, for me my ex set the precedent because in the beginning I told him I had a problem with giving silent treatment when I’m upset. So after our first fight as I tried to talk through my feelings, he dismissed me saying I was emotional and not being logical. ever since then I wasn’t able to get out why I’d be upset, feeling like he wouldn’t understand me or dismiss me and resort to silent treatment. I’d usually try to explain to him the issues in our relationship once I cooled down. It wasn’t til I blocked and went no contact that he would come back two months later spouting that he changed. Of course he didn’t really change and I dumped him for good because now I know better.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-01-02T15:04:45+00:00

This post isn't about your narc mother or child abuse. Derailing comments will be removed.

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2021-01-02T13:23:59+00:00

I don’t have the best experience with any of this. For me, silence doesn’t work, communicating also doesn’t work. Usually when it gets to this point when I’m trying to figure out how to handle something, the relationship is over. I’d like to figure out how to have a relationship where I can address an issue and we can work on it together, but in my experience (and I’m 37), that just has never ever ever happened. The good news is my relationships have become shorter over time - 3 years, 2 years, 1 year, 6 months, 9 months. So, at least I’m learning what are the signs to end something that’s not working out. But still - can’t quite crack the code on how to address issues and work through them.

lilacdaze86 · 2021-01-02T15:04:06+00:00

This is so true but I can never ignore them for very long. I always feel guilty. I hate it. Need to be stronger

dzgata · 2021-01-03T03:31:48+00:00

Can confirm. I have done this to multiple men and the way they react is almost endearing tbh. But honestly I lose interest easily, so I end up fully leaving anyways.

Also queen energy with “I’m tired of you” line 🤣

Dontstopmenow2021 · 2021-01-02T20:58:31+00:00

If you explain they will interpret it as pleading and they may even enjoy misreading your words just to get a rise out of you.

AverageToHot · 2021-01-02T09:30:59+00:00

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gothicctemptress · 2021-01-02T14:07:34+00:00

Hmm. Very good!

Mamainas · 2022-08-16T04:54:58+00:00

I completely agree!Men are wired to block off emotions and communication is equivalent to showing emotions.

This is one of the things I’ve learned from men I hooked up with from clubs and hookup apps (Tinder, Adult Friend Finder, Bumble). They value silence more than communication. It sucks for us women.

Title	Men respond better to silence vs cOmMuNicAtIon
Author	TheTower_14
Upvotes	576
Comments	60
Date	January 2, 2021 8:40 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kou43z/men_respond_better_to_silence_vs_communication/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-respond-better-to-silence-vs-communication.356617 https://theredarchive.com/post/356617

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