Opinions on dating a man whose dad is a serial cheater?

myeggsarebig · 2021-12-14T09:51:59+00:00

It really does depend. I say this as a person who’s worked in the MH field. I’ve seen men repeat their parents behavior (either like dad, and they cheat or like mom and they have no backbone), and I’ve seen them completely abandon any behavior their parent had. Here’s what is true: They are deeply wounded by betrayal. If they are putting in the hard work to process that betrayal they can be wonderful partners. This is a huge IF. That was what your gut was telling you. If he’s telling you about it, when you’re not serious yet, there’s a high likelihood that he hasn’t processed it, and he’s putting on you to emphasize for him. Personally, it’s a no from me.

UnapologeticWife · 2021-12-14T02:04:30+00:00

How did the mom or wife handle the infidelity? And, what is the man’s relationship with his dad, now?

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-12-14T00:50:28+00:00

Do not date him. My ex husband hated his dad for leaving his mum and 5 kids to run off with a woman younger than my ex. He swore he would never do the same.

Reader, he did.

Cheating has become normalised to him when his brain was still forming. RUN.

xfelugirlx · 2021-12-14T01:04:12+00:00

Don’t date him. Even if they say they hate their fathers they keep repeating a lot of things.

souredskittles · 2021-12-14T00:51:17+00:00

🚩Men tend to adopt behaviors from dad

kansascitydream · 2021-12-14T00:46:25+00:00

Listen to your gut, do not date this man.

Austenma · 2021-12-14T02:29:26+00:00

So, men learn about masculinity and how to treat women from other men. He may not agree with his dad but i would keep an eye for out for any red flags.

Platipus6 · 2021-12-14T02:21:03+00:00

They have no empathy for the women being cheated on. They start getting ideas like "that could be me, having lots of women fight over me. Sneaking around and getting one over on women sounds fun" and "wonder what mom did wrong so that dad cheated...."

Boys raised in that chaos get complex-ptsd and it changes their brain and amygdala. They get used to the tension and feel bored when nothing is happening. They create drama to 'feel normal'.

MsWriteNow07 · 2021-12-14T01:09:18+00:00

Nope. Unless he has disavowed his father and they no longer speak, leave him alone. People repeat the patterns that they have lived

lvioletsnow · 2021-12-14T08:34:38+00:00

My cheating LV father has a recovered-LV cheating father whose [cheating] father had two families.

Grandpa told me stories about how his mother (my great-grandmother) used to call the mistress' house to tell her to send "my husband home, I need him to fix the sink".

Don't do it. 🚩🚩🚩

scorchedsouI · 2021-12-14T09:30:34+00:00

If it leaves a bad taste in your mouth then the image of the man himself is already "stained" in your eyes. Look elsewhere, it's not like we've run out of men.

The vast majority of them grow to become their fathers anyway.

subgirlygirl · 2021-12-14T02:00:53+00:00

Edit: I read and watch a lot of true crime, and I totally read this as serial killer, not serial cheater...lmao 😂 My advice still stands, though!

I haven't read the other comments, so this may have been addressed. If he was raised at all with his father, I would avoid him. Serial killers are notorious for involving their children, particularly their sons, in their abductions and kills, often when the children are too young to know what's happening. Years later they come to understand what some of the recalled imagery is and what it means. This guy could be wonderful, and his father's doings should leave no stain on him. But that's not reality. If he was raised solely by his mother or other mentally healthy adults, then sure - vet as you normally would. But if good 'ol pops was around at all, walk away. You don't know what he saw, experienced, what kind of abuses there were, what was normalized in the home, hidden and excused by family members...

It's too risky.

StrawberryMoon3 · 2021-12-14T04:11:13+00:00

Too risky

iacint · 2021-12-14T05:47:11+00:00

It’s about how much impact his dad has on him. If mom was only care giver, he hasn’t a relationship with dad of any kind it’s ok. Divorce was early.

dogeatpawworld · 2021-12-14T05:55:00+00:00

My fathers parents were serial gamblers and my father never touched a playing card. I think we can separate the individual from the family but I would have a good talk with the man in question first about his attitudes to it.

It’s more likely that he is very triggered by cheaters as it hurt him as a child.

PenneyPence · 2021-12-14T12:14:35+00:00

The problem isn’t that his dad cheated. The problem is that it sounds like he is using it to trauma bond with you. Most negative stories told in the early stages of dating are often foreshadowing what’s going to happen to you.

And if you have to come to Reddit to ask, the answer is leave 99% of the time.

NotMyRealName814 · 2021-12-14T05:08:58+00:00

I think it's pretty risky. Every man I've known whose father was a chronic cheater ended up cheating as well including an ex of mine. The ones who don't cheat will be in the vast minority.

hashtaggoodvibesonly · 2021-12-14T08:44:00+00:00

Do not pass go do not collect 200$

misandryisnotreal · 2021-12-14T04:42:44+00:00

Nope. Not even once.

Olympia43 · 2021-12-14T10:05:55+00:00

I would say no, do not date him. Not only he may adopt his father behavior, but he may also be traumatized by the serial cheating and you do not need to be his free therapist. During my college years, I have know a man like this : seeing his mother in pain and his father wrecking marriage seriously f*cked him up. He had serious unresolved childhood traumas from this. So, too risky.

Poorfck · 2021-12-14T11:11:27+00:00

I wouldn’t date a man who doesn’t come from an intact family. Most men are going to treat you however their father was treating their mom.

fak_beauty_standards · 2021-12-14T12:28:01+00:00

It's not always about the negative pattern. It is also about lack of positive pattern. Know what I mean. That's why these men still cheat / are deadbeat fathers / leave their families despite hating their father for the same. They just don't know how to make it right. How, why, what for. No positive things to repeat. Be VERY careful.

BananaSlugGhost · 2021-12-14T13:52:46+00:00

I hear everyone saying he was raised around that so it was normalized to him. I can’t believe I’m about to stand up for a man. I was raised around alcoholism, drug use, infidelity, mental illness, etc. I’m a healthy, strong person now. I know those things are not normal better than anyone. We can’t throw people away because of their parents, many of we women would get thrown away. What is he like otherwise, OP? Has he worked through that trauma?

NotSoBunny · 2021-12-14T12:15:06+00:00

NOPE. Run tf outta there. He was raised by people who taught them horrid behaviour is normal. He will never even recognize the crap he's gunna dish out to you cause his parents did it

Title	Opinions on dating a man whose dad is a serial cheater?
Author	MyLifeIsWandsXIII
Upvotes	138
Comments	50
Date	December 14, 2021 12:43 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rfusli/opinions_on_dating_a_man_whose_dad_is_a_serial/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/opinions-on-dating-a-man-whose-dad-is-a-serial.1092580 https://theredarchive.com/post/1092580

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