You know how you feel about a man within the first 5 seconds of meeting him

exhalefierceness · 2022-03-02T23:32:21+00:00

This is totally true. When I met a classmate through one of my college courses, I was immediately annoyed by him and did not like him whatsoever. I didn’t know why but something didn’t feel right about him. 2 years later, I was right.

This can also apply to friendships, coworkers and even meeting family members. At my job, one of the previous coworkers came back to work for my boss and the moment I met her, suddenly the whole room felt different and my energy felt drained the whole day. Couple weeks later, other coworkers start telling me how toxic she is and how she loved creating drama in the past. My boss ended up downgrading me in my position at work and somehow I felt that she had something to do with it. Ever since she came back, everyone is acting differently.

With my long term ex, before going to his house I would get insanely nervous and I couldn’t stay there for more than 4 hours. I couldn’t even stay for dinner because how nervous I was. 7 years later, I end up with emotional abuse and being cheated on.

Your body will warn you before things even happen.

lanainla · 2022-03-02T17:53:28+00:00

Absolutely! Women are programmed to “give nice guys a chance” but you can’t guilt yourself into being attracted to someone that you aren’t attracted to.

And you shouldn’t- you deserve a partner you’re genuinely attracted to and any HVM would want his partner to be attracted to him as well.

vaguelinen · 2022-03-02T19:09:06+00:00

Men complain about dead bedrooms but I don’t want one either. I had an amazing date with a really great guy but as soon as I laid eyes on him I knew I never wanted to see him naked. It was pre-FDS and I did worry a bit I was being daft but I thanked him and moved on. As soon as I laid eyes on my boyfriend I literally caught my breath. I can’t even say what it was because while he is largely conventionally attractive, I just wanted to take him to bed (obviously I composed myself and started vetting).

It’s not even there being an absence of our spidey senses going off. We should choose a man who makes us check him out when he’s just wearing a towel and is fresh from the shower.

ETA: I am happily having sex with said boyfriend on a regular basis so scrotes should probably try “flirting” elsewhere 😬

all_or_nothing_bet · 2022-03-02T19:12:23+00:00

Yes. There was one guy, tall, handsome, very good manners, good career, and overall "there's nothing not to like" guy. But when I met him for the first time, I was immediately tirned off. I couldn't put my finger on why exactly, but later it became clear that he was a coward. That's his cowardice that I immediately picked up and was turned off by.

I gave him a chance. Bad mistake. He threw me under the bus not once, but twice because of his cowardice.

edwardianemerald · 2022-03-02T19:26:14+00:00

This can be true even before meeting, during messaging. If something seems off it probably is and it's best to cut him loose early.

Amber2408 · 2022-03-03T01:05:58+00:00

I knew how I felt in the first five seconds of all three of my past failed relationships. There was gut feelings and obvious signs that these men were not good news… more than a decade later, looking back, I just wish I was better able to discern who’s a good partner and person. Still learning.

Constant-Wanderer · 2022-03-02T21:24:59+00:00

I’ve never once regretted not giving a guy more than one chance.

LittleWinn · 2022-03-02T19:05:37+00:00

Ok but I’m struggling with this, the first man I’ve been head over heels attracted to since doing EMDR and I have no idea if that’s good or bad

Doggonelovah · 2022-03-02T21:44:16+00:00

He gets one chance, and that’s being generous

SayNad · 2022-03-02T23:36:05+00:00

Sorry for being morbid, but I do wonder sometimes what victim of serial killers like Ted Bundy felt when first meeting him? Because it is hard to imagine they felt nothing or safe around him - there must be something. I want to believe their instinct did go crazy upon meeting him - they just either ignored it and thought they were being silly, or confused it with the butterfly feeling. Because the report said he was charming, but no matter how charming he is - that evil aura of his reeks.

StrawberryMoon3 · 2022-03-03T02:19:13+00:00

Non verbal communication says so much!

2022-03-03T01:42:03+00:00

I yep. I always knew instantly and I was judged for high standards and should give other guys a chance in high school. BS

scooter_se · 2022-03-02T22:28:19+00:00

is it normal to feel disgust at every man? Including those in my own family?

b8as · 2022-03-03T02:58:58+00:00

Omg this!! I remembered the last 3 guys I felt in love in a couple of years and the few guys I dated in between (that gave TOO MANY CHANCES because they where “nice guys” “really interested” etc) and you completely nailed it. It was in the first minute I knew I was in trouble and had very deep and lasting connections in which I wanted to give my best / do my best for it to work. Other wise I acted bitchy or made stupid excuses for it to end. Let’s not waste our time!!

anabelchoc1 · 2022-03-02T18:12:03+00:00

This!!!!!

I will say that as women, there's a lot of social conditioning we have to undo. The whole "butterflies and spark" thing is bs. And many psychologists have said that it's usually either fueled by lust, the thrill of something new, or just plain anxiety. Over time, the experience, not the feeling is what matters.

With that being said, your first instict is usually spot on. As we spend more time with people, we tend to explain away the red flags. So definitely pay attention to how he treats you and his non-verbal forms of communication. Feelings are important in the sense that if you feel unsettled or if he's off-putting, believe it. But don't think that you need "the spark" in order for things to work.

Regarding attraction, it can definitely grow over time, so don't be too quick to judge. If you are absolutely repulsed by his appearance, definitely cut your losses. But if it's more neutral, then it's possible for it to grow.

Bacheegs · 2022-03-03T03:29:14+00:00

Every HVM that I deeply loved did not give me an attraction on the first date, it took time. Every LVM i've dated gave me an instant attraction that made me blind to seeing the negatives, don't be like I was, definitely see the flags and let them go. Don't waste your time but also, let me tell you the attraction you get that builds... holy crap that's powerful and you can trust it when they show you they are a hvm versus just getting it from one meeting

Fiebre · 2022-03-03T13:15:43+00:00

I think it's the same as with green/red flags: if you see a red one, run. If you see a green one, keep vetting. Trust your intuition about having bad vibes about a guy but instant good vibes don't say much about his real character. For all you know, he may be love bombing you in a very subtle way.

Denimiaa · 2022-03-02T22:11:03+00:00

Very good advise!!

I'll add: "Don't judge a book by it's cover."

goldspotzingthing · 2022-03-04T08:25:12+00:00

Sorry, this is just not correct. Men who can come across as gentle and suave and decent, can be wife beaters at their home. This is based on actual observation.

dinarvand88 · 2022-03-03T06:15:11+00:00

No, actually, I don't know if I'm attracted to a man within 5 seconds of meeting him. We'll all get old. I need to actually know him to see if we click. The only thing I can tell in 5 seconds is what he looks like.

Interesting-Bat3992 · 2022-03-26T11:54:01+00:00

Absolutely true.

I felt something was off the moment we texted. He even got spooked when I instinctively guessed and immediately told him what he was doing (taking a screenshot- on whatsapp). Turned out to be a 100 percent scrote.

Don't underestimate your gut, it truly is a wonderful safeguard against danger.

Title	You know how you feel about a man within the first 5 seconds of meeting him
Author	scooter_se
Upvotes	1722
Comments	65
Date	March 2, 2022 5:49 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/t55roj/you_know_how_you_feel_about_a_man_within_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/you-know-how-you-feel-about-a-man-within-the-first.1104465 https://theredarchive.com/post/1104465

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