I have NEVER regretted dropping a man the moment he waves his first red flag. I have ALWAYS regretted giving them a second chance because it’s never just one red flag.

p0ludnitsa · 2021-08-18T17:12:48+00:00

Red flags are like cockroaches. Seeing 1 means there are 10 more hidden.

thepsychopathhunter · 2021-08-18T16:47:29+00:00

Yes!!!!!! 👏 I also like to remember that LVM drop women with a quickness when they don’t get what they want (usually sex). Why aren’t high value women allowed to drop LVM with a quickness when they realize the red flags or won’t get what they want (e.g. the scrote is being cheap, no sign of relationship ahead, pressuring you to have sex, he’s creeping on girls on Instagram etc)?

It can be hard as a people pleaser to internalize the message that we don’t owe them anything at first but it’s ultimately what sets you free. These LVM do whatever they want whenever they want and they are ruthless and don’t give AF about anyone’s feelings but their own when they use people. That is actually one thing from them we ought to emulate (albeit in a much more high value, boundaried way where we aren’t “using” but rather choosing the best HVM).

squashmybutternuts · 2021-08-18T16:44:40+00:00

Like you said, the red flags are never present as a singular occurrence. They're always present as a cluster if you're willing to actually look and not feign ignorance. Therefore, you and every lady here stand corrected in dropping them at the first sign. And yes, yellow flags hold equal significance. No, it's not you overreacting or a case of you being too harsh. (Since you are going to be made to feel guilty by the surrounding pick-mes "just give him a chance", "you're too picky")

FirePreferred_theOG · 2021-08-18T16:49:16+00:00

I was just thinking this morning how I felt guilty for ghosting a situationship in the past. I sent one of those long 'how you've wronged me' emails (I know, cringe at my former self to think he'd care) and then blocked & deleted.

Part of me feel like I should have explained it in person for the year+ I'd known him but it finally clicked one day that he was using me. Literally felt like a rug was pulled from under my feet and I blocked and deleted every trace. Like he never existed. He never came back.

Not sure why I feel guilty when I know he was using me and would have gaslit me if I spoke to him in person..

mashibeans · 2021-08-18T16:49:50+00:00

One red flag is just the tip of the iceberg, or like those magicians that pull a string of tied handkerchiefs out of their mouths/sleeves... but they're all red flags, the first one is just the beginning.

cutsforluck · 2021-08-18T16:29:36+00:00

You are 100% correct here.

I have also been reflecting on how I used to brush off or excuse red or yellow flags. This led to me wasting a lot of time in relationships that were not for me.

Other people will certainly be quick to judge this as 'too picky', and the particularly nasty ones will say something like 'that's why you'll be forever alone!'

I'd rather be alone than with a LVM/NVM sucking the life out of me.

Pahapan · 2021-08-18T18:13:54+00:00

Dating is a numbers game. There’s a lot of men out there, but only a few are high value AND compatible with you.

And this is why it's so important to decentralize men and relationships from your life in terms of fulfillment and happiness. Most of us here would love to find a HVM and have a great partnership with them but the reality is that our culture ruins the vast majority of men. Every woman on FDS should make peace with the possibility that she may never find one who's compatible with her.

In doing so, you remove the longing and the desperation that make so many women overlook red flags to their own detriment. When you've made peace with the possibility of always being uncoupled and find your happiness alone, it makes it so much easier to walk away from men who would only detract from your life. They're not only competing with other men, they're competing with the serenity and security you've found within yourself. When you're truly happy being alone you're far less likely to make excuses for that first red flag.

This is easier said than done, of course, which is why we urge women to put their energy into themselves and improving their own lives. How many of us wasted months and years playing Barb the Builder to fixer upper men, pouring time, energy, and money into them, when if we'd been investing those same resources into ourselves we'd have been so much better off for it? Get yourself right. Go to therapy, go to school, get those qualifications that'll open more career doors, eat right, sleep well, stay active, find hobbies that bring you joy, get a pet, etc.

The first step in finding a HVM is getting yourself to a place where you're perfectly happy without one.

Coconutnpear · 2021-08-18T17:30:50+00:00

This is the biggest lesson I've learned from FDS and have unfortunately had reinforced in real life. Even after knowing about FDS over the last year or two there have been times I've overlooked red flags and given a man the benefit of the doubt.

Never again. It does not work and will only come back to bite you. Wasted my time and had to learn through experience that FDS is absolutely right in this regard. Dropping at the first hint of a red flag and not looking back is the way. It never gets better, the flags will just keep piling up.

starfighter07 · 2021-08-18T17:17:47+00:00

Yes, and it's the same with friendship !!!

Orangeminers915 · 2021-08-18T17:47:11+00:00

Someone above me said friendships have red flags and it’s so true. I’d rather be alone that in a friendship that secretly has bad intentions.

I sadly spent 3, almost 4 years, in a relationship with a LVM. I was a pick me and settled for a relationship where the guy only saw me every other week and on the weekend. It sucked and I wasn’t treated good... FDS has shown me that it’s okay to have boundaries and I can live my best life loving me!!

I wish I would’ve left at the first red flag, he took my car to mexico without my permission and talked me out of anger. He made me feel bad for being upset with him because Mexico isn’t far (I’m on the border!!) and I thought I was being unrealistic. I look back and cringe. 🙄 I didn’t leave, I should have lol. It got worse.

PLEASE ANY LOVELY WOMAN READING THIS AND IGNORING RED FLAGS, it gets worse! Leave as soon as a red flag is there and your boundaries are crossed. Like everyone else says, there’s always more to come.

msromperstomper · 2021-08-18T17:02:05+00:00

Totally. We need to normalize this. Just imagine how much free time, energy, and peace of mind women would have if they would just adopt this one rule. I'm only half-joking when I say that world domination would not be far behind.

thowawaywookie · 2021-08-18T17:36:30+00:00

💯 Red flags aren't meant to be collected.

chocolatelustpile · 2021-08-18T17:39:30+00:00

I'm literally on my way to a first date while reading this. Thank you for the encouragement! Going in with eyes wide open, that's for sure!

Austenma · 2021-08-18T17:44:13+00:00

Yeah it's over one red flag. The first red flag is a warning for the upcoming tornadoes of trouble and disrespect you'll be gaslighted into believing is your fault.

And worst of all, by ignoring the first red flag, we lose self esteem and it's harder to trust our instincts when the deluge of red flags show up

Mighty_Wombat42 · 2021-08-18T16:44:18+00:00

You are absolutely right, we should move on at the first red flag. I’d add to break off a committed relationship with a HVM if you feel you aren’t compatible as well. It’s ok if he’s not the one for you, but once you know that it doesn’t serve either of you to stay together.

karabnp · 2021-08-18T17:37:12+00:00

Couldn’t have been said better!!💯🥂

Life is FAR too short to give any male (or any person really), multiple chances to disappoint and fail you!! NEXTTTTTTTT.

secularwitch · 2021-08-18T23:34:23+00:00

This approach alone can literally save millions of women's lives if not 1-2 billions. And probably save the next generation too. Less number of abusive/neglectful fathers, less family issues, much less childhood trauma in the next generation, solely the fact that scrote's genetic material didn't get to pass to next gen, women being more and more picky so men as a group striving to be better and better at treating us respectfully... This looks like a heaven!

Block and next him at the first sign of disrespect or misogny, you can literally save your future child's life and impact human evolution positively

rysedg · 2021-08-18T21:18:45+00:00

"You can't create an HVM" - how I wish I knew this years ago!! How true it is - and how much time I wasted trying to talk and talk my ex into being a better man. He would nod, agree - and go right back on doing exactly as he pleased, with zero concern for my feelings

eatjables · 2021-08-18T16:49:32+00:00

Thanks girl, I needed to read this after 2 years of terrible behavior that I would never accept if he was a friend. Still haven’t figured out why I waited a whole 10 years of being single just to carry on with an asshole but I’ll figure that out sometime soon, with my future therapist. Keep on keeping on.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-08-18T18:51:33+00:00

I vividly recall many years ago one guy who waived his red flags. I ignored too easily the initial ones and it took him less than two weeks to go stark raving crazy. I’m sure he was a narcissist and there was nothing covert about it. Lovebombing initially seemed creepy, next thing you know he ghosted for a bit then came back screaming blaming me for everything he was insane about. Fortunately even though I’d made a mistake giving him too much time I did not get attached in any way shape or form so it was easy to ghost him after that.

soundslikeautumn · 2021-08-18T21:49:14+00:00

Exactly this. Posts like this! This is exactly what I mean when I tell people that the female dating strategy is a very helpful and caring and safe subreddit for women and not the hateful, toxic, man-hating space that men and some women tend to think that it is.

There is extremely important information on this subreddit that women and girls need to know about in order to avoid disappointment and often times downright dangerous men not only in the dating world, but in other relationships in our lives as well such as family, work, school, etc.

A red flag is a red flag and it's very important to pay attention to the people in our lives and the flags that they're waving in your face and not ignore them. Sometimes giving a second chance to someone can end up annoying you, wasting your time or even end up being extremely detrimental and dangerous to your mental and physical well-being. Actions speak louder than words and we need to learn to pay attention to people's actions more than their words.

ChocolateBiscuit96 · 2021-08-18T18:33:47+00:00

You got that right. I’m just SO glad that I never had sex with him. Low-value losers will just go on and disappoint the next woman. They’re not worth keeping, EVER.

strawberrrycupcakess · 2021-08-18T17:08:16+00:00

Every minute you waste with a NVM/LVM is a minute you’re not spending looking for your HVM

Forgive my chemo brain, but is it really FDS' goal to catch a man? I thought we were open to HVM who added to our lives, but I am whole all by myself.

I am never "looking for a man" again.

I agree 100% that one red flag is enough.

dee_isabird · 2021-08-19T02:11:13+00:00

I used to give LVM a million second chances because I just wanted to have someone. Those same men never once gave me that same consideration.

rightsidekitten · 2021-08-18T20:44:42+00:00

This is truth. I have finally accepted it, not just in word but in action.

exhalefierceness · 2021-08-19T00:46:55+00:00

And remember, LVM a majority of the time will remain LV. No matter who they're with.

gerded · 2021-08-18T17:11:14+00:00

Totally agree with this. If you skip any red flags at the beginning, it is only going to get worse and worse in the future. Simply a waste of time that.

funnygirl87 · 2021-08-18T17:42:56+00:00

Great advice. Wish I knew this in my 20s when I wasted 6 years on man that didn't give a shit about me. Oh well, live and learn I guess.

MiaWallace995 · 2021-08-19T03:54:09+00:00

Thank you for this post!

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