My answer on why men actually hate feminism.

Comicauthority · 2025-03-09T07:30:38+00:00

The issue is that the fabled "real feminists" are extremely hard to find in leadership.

When looking at those who lead the movement; Those that write the theory or possess political power to make policies and change, what we find is a gathering of authoritarians using their power to dehumanize men.

Neo-Shiki · 2025-03-09T19:47:05+00:00

Every time I see the arguments "there are not real feminist" I remember Karen Straughan:

"So what you're saying is that you, a commenter using a username on an internet forum are the true feminist, and the feminists actually responsible for changing the laws, writing the academic theory, teaching the courses, influencing the public policies, and the massive, well-funded feminist organizations with thousands and thousands of members all of whom call themselves feminists... they are not "real feminists".

That's not just "no true Scotsman". That's delusional self deception.

Listen, if you want to call yourself a feminist, I don't care. I've been investigating feminism for more than 9 years now, and people like you used to piss me off, because to my mind all you were doing was providing cover and ballast for the powerful political and academic feminists you claim are just jerks. And believe me, they ARE jerks. If you knew half of what I know about the things they've done under the banner of feminism, maybe you'd stop calling yourself one.

But I want you to know. You don't matter. You're not the director of the Feminist Majority Foundation and editor of Ms. Magazine, Katherine Spillar, who said of domestic violence: "Well, that's just a clean-up word for wife-beating," and went on to add that regarding male victims of dating violence, "we know it's not girls beating up boys, it's boys beating up girls."

You're not Jan Reimer, former mayor of Edmonton and long-time head of Alberta's Network of Women's Shelters, who just a few years ago refused to appear on a TV program discussing male victims of domestic violence, because for her to even show up and discuss it would lend legitimacy to the idea that they exist.

You're not Mary P Koss, who describes male victims of female rapists in her academic papers as being not rape victims because they were "ambivalent about their sexual desires" (if you don't know what that means, it's that they actually wanted it), and then went on to define them out of the definition of rape in the CDC's research because it's inappropriate to consider what happened to them rape.

You're not the National Organization for Women, and its associated legal foundations, who lobbied to replace the gender neutral federal Family Violence Prevention and Services Act of 1984 with the obscenely gendered Violence Against Women Act of 1994. The passing of that law cut male victims out of support services and legal assistance in more than 60 passages, just because they were male.

You're not the Florida chapter of the NOW, who successfully lobbied to have Governor Rick Scott veto not one, but two alimony reform bills in the last ten years, bills that had passed both houses with overwhelming bipartisan support, and were supported by more than 70% of the electorate.

You're not the feminist group in Maryland who convinced every female member of the House on both sides of the aisle to walk off the floor when a shared parenting bill came up for a vote, meaning the quorum could not be met and the bill died then and there.

You're not the feminists in Canada agitating to remove sexual assault from the normal criminal courts, into quasi-criminal courts of equity where the burden of proof would be lowered, the defendant could be compelled to testify, discovery would go both ways, and defendants would not be entitled to a public defender.

You're not Professor Elizabeth Sheehy, who wrote a book advocating that women not only have the right to murder their husbands without fear of prosecution if they make a claim of abuse, but that they have the moral responsibility to murder their husbands.

You're not the feminist legal scholars and advocates who successfully changed rape laws such that a woman's history of making multiple false allegations of rape can be excluded from evidence at trial because it's "part of her sexual history."

You're not the feminists who splattered the media with the false claim that putting your penis in a passed-out woman's mouth is "not a crime" in Oklahoma, because the prosecutor was incompetent and charged the defendant under an inappropriate statute (forcible sodomy) and the higher court refused to expand the definition of that statute beyond its intended scope when there was already a perfectly good one (sexual battery) already there. You're not the idiot feminists lying to the public and potentially putting women in Oklahoma at risk by telling potential offenders there's a "legal" way to rape them.

And you're none of the hundreds or thousands of feminist scholars, writers, thinkers, researchers, teachers and philosophers who constructed and propagate the body of bunkum theories upon which all of these atrocities are based.

You're the true feminist. Some random person on the internet."

-Karen Straughan

KD_Ram · 2025-03-09T05:45:06+00:00

I hate feminism because feminists think it's ok to not allow 10yr olds into a DV shelter because apparently boys as old as six months are rapists. but what's the bet that feminists will blame those feminist policies on men/patriarchy and play the "they are not real feminists/that's not real feminism" card (like you pointed out)

Would any feminist lurkers like to blame this on the patriarchy (and prove one of OP's points [ETA] and one of mine) or would ya be willing to admit that feminists/feminism might of fucked up a tad?

jessi387 · 2025-03-09T07:43:50+00:00

Because they hate us ….. ? I don’t think it’s that hard

Findol272 · 2025-03-09T10:14:15+00:00

That's an interesting topic, here are my two cents.

The name I think first of all, the name of the movement feminism is an issue. It is fem-inism. It is in the name. It's a female supremacy movement. "But it's for everyone! It benefits men, too!" Okay, then why not call it egalitarianism or something like this? Feminism like to claim it benefits men to give itself more credence but it absolutely does not have space for men's issues. Even if someone tries to bring up a men's issues, a million caveats have to be made. "I am a feminist, I still think issues faced by women are more important, etc. etc." Otherwise, it's swiftly brought back to women's issues.

The narrative The main narrative of feminism is that women are an oppressed class, in opposition to men who are the oppressor class. I think the majority of men will never agree or accept this proposition on its face. They might agree with some of the details and agree thay we need to work on women's issues. Afterall, men have people, and they want to see others do well. They have mothers, sisters, wifes, girlfriends, daughters that they love and they want to see thrive. But the core principle that men, are an oppressive class, that they are inherently taking part in this gender oppression, I think, will never and cannot be accepted by the majority of men.

Responsibility and infantilization I think another thing that a lot of men perceive, perhaps unconsciously, is the stark difference in assigned responsibility. Feminism claims that women should be perceived as responsible adults who should be treated "the same" as men, but in reality we see this weird paradox where women are infantilized to the point where their responsibilities are absolved, because they are, again, the oppressed class. You can see this clearly in how differently society at large and feminist specifically treat the issues of misogyny and misandry. Misandry is perfectly acceptable, it's not a personal moral failing for a woman to be a misandrist. In a sense she has no choice but being a misandrist under the patriarchy. Basically, it's not her fault, it's the patriarchy and male oppression that are forcing her to be sexist. Absolution of responsibility. On the other side, a man who's misogynistic, in the case of incels for example, is not suffering from his material or social conditions, no. He is personally responsible for his beliefs. It's widely said that misogyny is a choice. Men choose to be misogynistic. "If only men decided not to hate women.". Etc. The same happens somewhat in sexual settings. Men bare the responsibility of the encounters, and need to act as perfect moral agents at all times, whereas women, cannot be expected to have any agency, they just need to hope it goes well, while carrying none of the responsibility for how it goes. Men have ultimate responsibility. Women have ultimate absolution of responsibility. It baffles me, because I don't see how feminists don't see it as the perfect sexist paradox, they intend to call out injustices and advance womankind, but on the other side of the coin they make women these moral children who donnot take responsibility. I think men can feel this instinctively and see through the bullshit.

Numerous_Solution756 · 2025-03-09T07:50:49+00:00

I dislike feminism in 2025 because in practice it's a female supremacy movement during a time when women are already on the whole more privileged than men are.

Initial_Zebra100 · 2025-03-09T09:39:13+00:00

I dont know. I don't think feminism affects me positively at all. Maybe some advocate for men, maybe some are sympathetic.

But I don't really notice any relevance to mens problems. Perhaps I'm being cynical, but usually, it is dismissed as less of an issue or that men must create their own action.

I honestly think most people only really care about their significant environment.

I find it personally frustrating when feminist identify as empathetic and then list reasons not to be.

I'm not responsible for the actions of men I don't know or haven't interacted with.

Numerous_Solution756 · 2025-03-09T10:08:55+00:00

"Men not being able to express their emotions due to Patriarchal conditioning"

Twice I cried in front of my then-girlfriend. Twice she dumped me soon after.

Tell me again how it's men's fault that men don't show emotions.

AskingToFeminists · 2025-03-09T15:58:52+00:00

You talk about "real feminists" rejecting misandry. That is not my experience. Awhile back, someone on changemyview posted about how feminists had done a lot of bad stuff, and someone asked "who are they?". Here's my answer

As far as I know. The only feminists I see opposing misandry are the ones who just embrace the ideology from time to time, because they have been told it is the name hood people call themselves. Those are your sister. Your co-worker. When it comes to those who have power over some aspect if feminism, be it influence in academia, over a feminist organism or in governments, those are the ones actively pushing misandry in their area of expertise and influence.

And then, the everyday feminists, who denounce misandry, rely on the work by those people to inform their opinion and end up pushing misandry unwittingly.

The way feminists do when they speak of rape being overwhelmingly committed by men. They know it is true because they have seen stats that say so. They just never bothered to look into enough detail into those stats to realise they were collected using a method designed by Mary Koss. A feminist who considers men do not deserve to be counted as rape victims by women because they must have liked it, and designed the model for how to study rape for the CDC in a manner that explicitly discount most male victims of women from the numbers.

The everyday feminists who denounce misandry would be horrified by the notion that a man forced intonsex by a woman isn't counted as a victim. But they "know" this never happens because of the stats they have seen that were built to turn out that way, and thus act exactly the same as someone who thinks rape can not happen to men.

Maybe even worse, because they are convinced that it can happen to men, but just doesn't in the same amount because men are just more monstrous. What else should they conclude ? They are convinced the stats are fair (because feminism is for good people and no good person would lie about such an important topic or manipulate data), and the stats tell them that 99% of rapes are committed by men on women.

Convince people of enough bullshit, and you can get them to feel self righteous about dehumanising half the population while being convinced they really are pushing for equality.

And that is why I despise feminism to the highest degree.

IconXR · 2025-03-09T10:14:15+00:00

My main issue is actually none of what you described because I think most feminists are genuinely well-intentioned and, from my experience, most feminists do not personally hate men. I have friends who are feminists. Sometimes they disagree with my views. That's fine. I wouldn't consider any of my views to be adamantly anti-feminist, but whatever.

Anyways, my main issue with feminism is the blurred lines of the movement. "Feminism" can mean 10 different things depending on where you look. Intersectional feminists seem to be mostly tame. I'm fine with Marxist feminists as a socialist myself. But, if I had to answer "are you a feminist?" then I would say no. I believe in women's rights, but what does it mean when I willingly associate myself with feminism? I think the "real feminists," even if they don't actively hate men as I said, will still show forgiveness to those who do. They will say "she's just traumatized!" as an excuse for hateful views. I consider this support of hateful views and I will never support a view I think is hateful. The lines are increasingly blurred because feminists understand better than anyone that there's power in numbers. A blind eye is turned to blatant misandry if it's believed to strengthen the higher feminist movement. What does that say about feminists? Like, sure, if you put it right in front of them, they may say "that's bad, we don't support that" but their actions never show it. There's a million misandrists who will call themselves feminists and the "real feminists" don't care. They only pretend to when confronted.

I'm an MRA. As I mentioned, my views are sometimes unpopular among my friends. Being an MRA, I have to acknowledge the stigma and where it comes from. It really isn't from nothing. There's a million misogynists who will label themselves as MRAs if it means they get to talk about how much they hate women. What starts as "we need to talk about the anti-men behavior that is becoming increasingly prevalent in society" is twisted into a conspiracy theory about how women hold all the power in society and they want to kill all men (guess some people took that Twitter trend a bit too seriously). I've been increasingly skeptical of the MensRights subreddit for this reason. Seems like, since the election, the sub has grown more anti-women and less pro-men. As an MRA, I have to be aware of all of this. I have to say "Yes, I know this is a problem with the men's movement" because it is. If I just start going "But that's not real Men's Activism!!" am I any better than a feminist? I've called out misogyny or anti-women sentiments on MensRights and received 100+ downvotes. That's not to say most people there are misogynists, but the ones who aren't sure didn't come out to defend me. I can only hope the men's movement doesn't turn a blind eye to misogyny as feminism has done with misandry.

Fortunately, when it comes to communities like this one, I feel like we can be pro-men and pro-women. Yesterday, I saw an MRA account make a post to celebrate international women's day, and one comment thanked them and said "Unfortunately, a feminism account would never do the same for international men's day." That basically sums up how I feel about feminism. I cannot support a movement that wouldn't support me.

RecreationalPorpoise · 2025-03-09T15:05:24+00:00

I hate feminism because it pretends to fight for equality but creates a bunch of fake, bullshit problems for women and fake, bullshit privileges for men.

Pillsburyfuckboy1 · 2025-03-09T07:38:29+00:00

Aside from the blatantly harmful and hateful rhetoric anyone who's honest with themselves hate modern feminism the same reason people are sick of identity politics and DEI stuff. It seems like men care more about actions rather then words, just for the sake of my sanity im not gonna make this about the legitimately evil or hateful feminists that are clearly bad actors, but a lot of otherwise good women I've known fall into it cause they hear the buzzwords and instantly believe it's about equality and lifting everyone up but then when I've gone into great detail with them about how let's ignore what they say and actually watch what they do and connect the dots and you'll see its got nothing to do with equality, and everything to do with punishing men for our original sin, it's not about fixing the system or their perceived wrongs it's about swapping the roles and keeping the same fucked up system. And then when I point out how incredibly dishonest many of their beliefs about the patriarchy are so we'd actually end up with something much much worse then the way things are now, it's like they're shocked or at least the ones willing to listen. Most who were actually able to hear me out without having a fit did end up coming around and seeing my point but it terrifies me they couldn't see it for themselves

Disastrous-Pace-1929 · 2025-03-09T15:57:32+00:00

If you want to know why men hate feminism ask men, don't ask women. It's really not that difficult.

1bnna2bnna3bnna · 2025-03-09T09:35:55+00:00

I am a man and I don't hate feminism (it's just freedom of expression, isn't a single thing and is eating itself alive before our eyes).

I do however hate sexist attitudes that deny groups of people (in this case men) their legitimate concerns in relation to their education, health and wellbeing needs - and does by denying their inherent value, humanity and through damaging children (in this case boys).

orion-7 · 2025-03-10T08:31:02+00:00

The woman who raped me is an aggressive feminist, who will shriek about a guy hitting on her in a pub, but also complains that I "made her feel like a criminal".

Yeah

Tireless_AlphaFox · 2025-03-09T07:29:08+00:00

As a man, I do not hate feminism.

Women do say feminism is for both men and women. I can kinda see how it is sometimes the case. Feminists in Sweden pushed for equal-gender conscription, etc. However, there are also situations where a group of feminists are literally formed by purely misandrists. So, it can be hard to distinguish feminists and misandrists in disguise.

the problem really arises when these same people deny Misandry, and say that misandy just hurts feelings, it's nowhere as bad as misogyny

This from OP just shows how much most female feminists don't really know much about men. They are ignorant and arrogant, even I think they are. I won't hate them for it. I would much rather convince them instead.

solving women's issues will magically make men's problems disappear

I don't think this is a serious claim from feminism. If you think about it, women(in the last century) making rape a huge deal that is worthy of societal attention did lead to more male victims being willing to talk about it and more attention to male victims. However, it doesn't really solve the problem. It does help a bit.

Ok, so we create the Men's rights movement
And Guess what they say...
"MRAs DO NOT CARE FOR MEN, THEY ARE MISOGYNISTS! FEMINISM CARES FOR MEN"

Yeah, most feminists are very biased and ignorant toward MRAs. Although I do disagree with most MRAs on a lot of topics, I think movements like these should be judged by its sentiment and actual goals instead of people who form it. If it's possible, I would prefer all MRAs to be less conservative and less hateful, but we got what we got. After all, misandrists don't get kick out of the party when feminists were fighting for their rights.

overall, I would say feminism really doesn't care about men enough to convince men that they are included.

Oh, and I am really curious about the "actual stats rather than conviction rates"

I hope OP can elaborate a bit more on that topic. Is OP talking about accusation rate? Is that a thing? I am quite curious about it

intothewild72 · 2025-03-09T10:21:15+00:00

I dont like feminism because every feminist I have met have hated me. Im not christian, I dont believe in God, I dont have to turn other cheek. Feminism seems to be overtaken by angry men-hating lesbians. Its not needed in west. Maybe in Afganistan.

I dont believe in women rights, I also don't belive in mens rights. I think we all have same rights. Human rights.

I dont like that what feminists say does not align with their actions. It rarely passes eye-test. I really hope one day I will meet normal feminist, but even then my goal will be to proclaim her humanist. As you cant be good feminist, its same as proclaiming yourself to be good nazi because you don't support views that most of them have.

Main problem of feminist discourse is that they take lot of irrelevant issues and paint those as sex issues even when there is no connection with sex or gender.

They take issues that affect all, but men suffer more and somehow bend those to be women issues.

Thats why patriarchy does not exist. Patriarchy would indicate that its power of men, when in reality its power of rich. Oligarchy would be better word.

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-03-09T18:29:12+00:00

Men don't tend to hate feminism. They tend to hate feminists because almost no feminists has views that line up with feminism. And a lot of people have a hard time even understanding this.

griii2 · 2025-03-10T06:04:17+00:00

No feminist leader or otherwise notable feminist ever condemned feminist man-hating. Not even feminist subs could find a single example.

Meanwhile r/ToxicFeminismIsToxic

captainhornheart · 2025-03-10T11:01:20+00:00

1) It's a nonsense ideology based on misrepresentation, conspiracy theories and generalisations.

2) It's often hateful and bigoted.

3) Feminists lie about what feminism is and what it does.

4) It's entirely unnecessary and is never the best approach to solving women's problems.

Alternative_Poem445 · 2025-03-09T09:54:59+00:00

the only people who gatekeep and banish dissenting opinions like feminists do, are conservatives

they are both very similar in terms of echo chamber

alphonsus90 · 2025-03-10T00:47:39+00:00

I hate it because it’ll always demand that I beat myself up for my “sins” and fight for it. And what do I get? Nothing.

lemons7472 · 2025-03-12T00:17:42+00:00

Even the “real feminist” will outright defend misandry by saying it’s just a result of patrarchy and how badly women are treated, whether it’s verbal sexism or gaslighting/misandry such as, again, telling men that it’s ok for people to be sexist against them. I hate feminism because of the sexist ideals, hatred, victim blaming men, and double standards.

As a man, I consider female rapist and abusers to be misandrist, however those same feminist would probably make excuses for why she’s a victim, rather than simply calling out said misandrist like how they would misogynist or they just say that it’s “rare” therefore imply it’s not as bad.

They ignore those female abusers because it doesn’t fit narrative. That’s why you don’t often see the “real” feminist calling out these women themselves, but rather you see them accusing MEN of not calling out these female perps and place the responsibity on men to call it out, even though these feminist themselves choose to silently ignore rapist and abusers by placing responsibility on someone else to do it.

The “real” feminist never directly show out against Misandrist because ultimately they are contempt with it or they agree with it already. Their entire belief system revolves around seeing men as a whole as the creators of an evil or flawed system, with little to no nuance at all.

They only accuse the other feminist of not being “real feminist” once it’s convient to push their fellow feminist under the bus, but otherwise they’ll also tell you that those “fake feminist/misanderist”’s actions are justified.

SlimShady1415512 · 2025-03-12T16:42:23+00:00

Any decent human should hate feminism. Feminism in theory and ideology isn't that far from any other form of fascism and has obviously been used to justify horrifying crimes and draconian laws.

NinjyCoon · 2025-03-12T20:52:00+00:00

Also, it's not a competition. If we say we are struggling too It doesn't matter by how much. We should help anyone who is being discriminated against.

OkMobile1929 · 2025-09-01T02:32:58+00:00

Because feminists will blow a rich man and then hate regular guys for the rich man’s oppressive policies.

Langland88 · 2025-03-09T12:58:45+00:00

To me, I feel like what is called "Real Feminism" doesn't really exist. It's another one of those situations where there is Feminism in practice versus what it's said to be on paper. When you call out the Feminism in practice, it always defaults to the No True Scotsman fallacy.

I feel like the argument over Feminism in practice is quite similar to those who criticize the political system of Communism. It's the same argument when you talk about it in practice versus what it's supposed to be in theory. I feel like the real Feminism is never going to be practiced because those "Real Feminists" are never going to hold any power. There are far too many of the Feminists, that are very Misandrist, in power at places like the Legislatures, Academia, and even in Legacy Media.

gljames24 · 2025-03-09T13:00:56+00:00

This post no longer holds its original text. It was deleted using Redact, possibly for reasons of privacy, personal security, or limiting online exposure.

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tonyferguson2021 · 2025-03-09T12:38:31+00:00

Men don’t hate ‘real feminism’ because generally it just calls for equality.

What we hate is the shouty, judgmental social justice type which has to classify everybody based on race/ gender/ age/ neurodiversity and their perceived potential priveledges which of course they ought to be ashamed of 🤷‍♂️

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