Do you guys also hate this saying?

Armadillo-Complex · 2022-08-28T22:48:45+00:00

Yeah in my opinion that's wrong, don't get involved with someone who has children if you don't want to be part of their life. Kids need role models and a stable home.

Extra-Strike2276 · 2022-08-28T22:01:39+00:00

I really hate that saying. It comes from me hearing it about my stepdad. He really stepped up when he beat the shit out of me, threw things at me,and constantly put me down my entire childhood. It was all ok because he stepped up when my dad left after years of abuse. He dealt with my mom's abuse by stepping up and abusing her more, so I guess it fits

Foxsayy · 2022-08-28T22:18:08+00:00

I know this is aside from the point but do you want to marry a woman with kids?

fwoomer · 2022-08-28T21:28:09+00:00

It’s a horrible phrase on multiple levels.

ANUS_CONE · 2022-08-29T01:50:28+00:00

I dislike it for a different reason. I know a lot of good ass dudes with bm’s who have done everything in their power to prevent them from being dad to their kids. Those bm’s are the ones I see most slinging this stuff around on social media the most every time they get a new man.

Spiritual-Poetry-269 · 2022-08-28T22:59:40+00:00

As a woman who was once a "step-mum" (I never used that term to actually describe myself/my position), my then-bfs ex was like this. She started sleeping with her current bf, spread lies about her child's father (my then-bf), did everything to stop him seeing his child, would restrict access for no reason at last minute; subjected his child to verbal bashing & brainwashing, etc. She has done so much damage to both him & their child, but her & her current bf are just hell bent on trying to ruin his life & relationship w/ his daughter. It's gross. Some people suck. Some are great.

updownandblastoff · 2022-08-28T21:37:13+00:00

Don't want to be a stepdad, don't get married. Problem solved. That's an easy one.

hoods_breath · 2022-08-29T00:09:05+00:00

Not nearly as much as 'oh dad's baby-sitting today!'

OkraGarden · 2022-08-28T20:59:30+00:00

It reveals how trashy the woman who says it is. She's admitting that she picked a loser who didn't stick around as a dad for her first kids and is now married to a loser who couldn't attract anyone better than a single mom. It's even worse when the bio dad was actually a good man and she pushed him away on purpose, because that means she's blaming him for not being around when she's the real problem.

I never blame anyone for not wanting to be a step parent, because no one should feel pressured into trying to glue someone else's broken family back into something sort of functional again. It rarely works well. It is perfectly fine to want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't come with tons of exhausting baggage, whether it's another man's kids or any other issue.

PersonMerson · 2022-08-28T23:34:52+00:00

I think it’s trying to say you can just call a stepdad “Dad.” As if to say being a dad is about raising a child more than being the biological father.

Ok_Secretary_8243 · 2022-08-29T00:32:09+00:00

Well, this reminds me of a saying I heard in college: Just because one thing is true doesn’t mean the converse of it is also true. So if a stepdad is the dad that stepped up doesn’t mean everybody else is slop.

Njaulv · 2022-08-28T23:15:30+00:00

It does make it sound like guys have an obligation to "step in" but it just sounds like stuff cucks say to themselves and people say to cucks so they feel less stupid for raising other people's offspring.

Marshalchuck · 2022-08-28T23:14:13+00:00

It's corny, but what's wrong with a man who takes raising children seriously?

rabel111 · 2022-08-28T22:53:47+00:00

This saying supports the feminist idea that fatherhood is trivial and unimportant, and any random male can step into the shoes of a father. Is the "animal husbandry" of fatherhood. Rub a child against a random male and step back.

The arrogance of feminist pigs who dismiss the uniqueness fathering so casually is obvious and callous. Every child has a right to know and be parented by their real biological fathers. That a step father is so ready to act as the patsy for his feminist masters, is disappointing. That the community is so accepting of the pushing aside of actual fathers (biological) in favour of any male chosen by a woman, is simply what the world looks like in a feminist utopia.

ZekalMacabre · 2022-08-29T00:04:19+00:00

I have no intention of caring for someone else's child.

Not my responsibility.

If someone else decides to, that's their choice. That's fine.

I'm not going to be suckered into working my ass off for a child that isn't mine.

Ferbuggity · 2022-08-28T22:51:49+00:00

„He is not a stepdad.. he is the dad that stepped up!!“

I've never heard this,. Yes, it's pretty sickening in a Hallmark way, but I can;t see why anybody'd be upset about it.

Unless you're dating a woman with children? And want to marry her but not take care of her kids? Otherwise I'm stumped about why you're so offended.

EvilSporkOfDeath · 2022-08-29T00:27:15+00:00

I've never heard this saying, but if you get with a single parent thats the life you sign up for, unless it's like a fwb situation or something. Being a part of a parents life means you're a part of their kids life, theres no way around that.

oprahjimfrey · 2022-08-29T02:45:58+00:00

I’m more worried about the men who raise children they don’t know aren’t biologically theirs.

FiveMagicBeans · 2022-08-29T04:03:05+00:00

"Stepped Up" bothers me, because it makes it sound like you're righting a wrong that you have a responsibility to correct.

I wouldn't necessarily rule out raising another man's kids provided that I was in a loving relationship and a functional family. The biology isn't the part that makes me avoid single mothers... its the fact that they've usually made terrible choices and often come with a significant amount of baggage. I have yet to find a single mother that's responsible, emotionally stable, and financially secure... It can happen if something terrible happened to the father, but it's like finding a unicorn.

shdai · 2022-08-29T04:32:26+00:00

anyone who says this just outs themselves as a burden

Mountainking7 · 2022-08-29T07:31:36+00:00

No offense, but any guy 'stepping up' is probably due to a lack of options. Nobody in their right minds (men with no kids) would want to get with a woman who had kid(s).

I mean what is the logic? 'Loving' the woman??

There is no way I'm going to marry a single mum. Financial toll is the least of your/my concern. The amount of energy, time and sacrifices that is needed to bring up a child is enormous. You don't want that kind of investment for a child that is not yours.

If you think other wise, either you don't have options in the marketplace or you've never had a child.

MazeMouse · 2022-08-29T10:34:37+00:00

I stopped online dating. Because apparently "Childfree" means "available stepdad" these days...

p_bb13 · 2022-08-29T18:50:14+00:00

It also kind of ignores the fact that a lot of absent fathers are pushed into that situation by the mother.

Vulture1738X · 2022-08-29T19:29:40+00:00

Cuck moment

cedal_lito · 2022-08-28T23:23:02+00:00

I don't like it. It tries to put a positive spin on a bad thing. Men should not at all be requiered to be responsible for other people's child.

wineblood · 2022-08-28T23:16:28+00:00

The one that stuck with me (paraphrasing) is "being a step dad is just playing someone else's save file".

You can phrase it however you want, either positive or negative, it doesn't change the fact that these aren't my children and that this situation has arisen because a couple thought they were compatible enough to have children, clearly weren't and that responsibility spills out to future romantic partners of those separated parents.

Experiment_1005 · 2022-08-28T23:22:20+00:00

I’ll add my two cents here as a man who grew up without a dad and who’s dad abandoned his family. If my mom had remarried to a good man(she didn’t ever remarry after my dad left) I wouldn’t have minded a good step dad. Two incomes would have been great as my family grew up the poorest of the poor. I knew what it was like to miss multiple meals. I had some male identity issues growing up without a direct male influence, that thankfully I’ve worked out at this point. When I was a kid I used to wish constantly that my coward father would come back or my mom would marry someone else who’d love me like I so desperately wanted to be loved. I felt unwanted.

I’m in my 30’s, and I’m married now to an absolutely wonderful woman, we’ve been together 15 years. I chose extremely carefully the woman I married because I wanted a lifelong partner who’d allow me the chance to be the good dad I didn’t have growing up and who I thought would made a great mom and of course a plethora of other reasons. But I was extremely careful in my choice, and she was too. We have our first kid on the way. All of my decisions in regard to the man I’ve become, and the family I chose to start have been directly affected by my dad running from his family and responsibilities. What I’m saying is sometimes, only sometimes I wish there had been another dad who stepped up for me. If men don’t want to be a step dad that’s fine, but it’s an odd choice to tear down step dads bc they’re ok with raising another persons kid. After my child is here my wife and I are going to adopt as well. Too many kids need a loving home with stable parents regardless of the situation.

I’ve had a tough life, it’s why I believe in mens rights and I’m an egalitarian. Step dads are fine, so are men who don’t want to be step dads. Families aren’t a one size fits all, nor is dating or marriages or anything else.

One more thing, I think the other side of you’re thinking that ‘every guy that doesn’t wanna be a step dad isn’t stepping up’ is that the saying “he is not a step dad, he’s the dad who stepped up!” is to make step dads feel good about their choices, not tear down men who aren’t step dads.

Bacotell6969 · 2022-08-29T00:11:34+00:00

It's kinda lame, but whatever, as long as it's positive.

zjyzze · 2022-08-29T00:16:25+00:00

Well in this case (there being multiple dads) it does not include all men, it only includes the men who are the dads of this specific kid(s), so no, I wouldn't say it insinuates that every man who doesn't become a step-dad hasn't stepped-up, because they're not included as dads, rather every step-dad is a dad that has stepped up

Handle-me-timber · 2022-08-29T01:43:53+00:00

He is the dude that will accept me because the real dad doesn’t like me and I used the custody battle as a weapon. That saying really means: I’m a shitty mother that would rather ruin the fathers relationship with his child, than do what’s best for the child.

vwatchrepair · 2022-08-29T02:31:28+00:00

To me it seems more like a praise for mediocrity more than anything. You're basically cheering him on for simply showing up. Sort of like the single mom praise.

Not saying step dad's are bad or single moms are bad.

Morden013 · 2022-08-29T04:35:38+00:00

It is just a cheap manipulation trick, like most of the stuff that feminist community spreads.

Blaming and shaming, while at the same time pretending to be several levels above men.

2022-08-29T07:51:43+00:00

So the saying above really annoys me, it makes it seem like every guy that doesn’t wanna be a stepdad (people like me for example) isn’t „stepping up“

Exsactly. I don't want to step up and take care of other peoples mess. I am the guy who doesn't stepp up to clean up after irresponsible people. Maybe these idiots see me as an asshole but at least I'm not stupid.

2022-08-29T08:01:44+00:00

It also seems to imply that the real dad stepped down willingly, something that could be true but not necessarily the case. Especially if he died.

ReasonVision · 2022-08-29T08:33:02+00:00

I think I gagged a little.

"Not a step dad, a dad who stepped up" has disingenuous buttering written all over it. It's the kind of situation which is vulnerable to "you're not their dad anyway" situations.

Only widows may be somewhat different, but you're playing with astronomical odds being a step dad if you're childless. If both of you had kids previously, that might work, but my advice otherwise is don't do it, doubly so if she's not having new kids with you, though, be on point with how involved you are with them if she does.

needalife94 · 2022-08-29T08:37:13+00:00

I agree.

DoomNukemBlood3D · 2022-08-29T09:29:46+00:00

I "stepped up" once. Biggest mistake of my life. It sucked the soul out of me. I will never date a single mother again. The only time I will date a single mother is if we are both in our late 40s or 50s with grown children. Other than that, never again. I would much rather get a paper cut on my taint than to ever raise another man's child.

Now that I have a son on my own, I feel even stronger about my opinions. I will only raise my own. Call me a hypocrite but men don't look for women to become the new mom for your kid because they already have one. Women for the most part are looking for that new daddy replacement.

Oh and I have not met a single mother that actually gets a long with the baby daddy. It's always the baby daddy's fault. No accountability.

BridgeBurner22 · 2022-08-29T10:04:17+00:00

It's just a shaming tactic. Whenever you experience a shaming tactic in the wild, just realize a woman is trying to get you to do something that's against your best interest and in her best interest. Man up, are you a real man? A real man wouldn't, etc... see these things for what they are. They are signals that someone wants to take advantage of you.

WeldFrenzy · 2022-08-29T10:16:42+00:00

When a man have kids, he never asks for a women to be there stepmom, but if a dad dates a women that has kids, if you don't accept them as your own kids, you don't deserve to date that women. That why this is so upseting.

ChadWolf98 · 2022-08-29T10:46:27+00:00

I have a problem eith generally good dad's not hitting news except men who fulfill the father role for kids of single women. If someone is happy with that good luck but it is in a way glorifying not having your own kids and raising someone else's.

makosh22 · 2022-08-29T11:24:51+00:00

It's a pure manipulation. Like "if you don't\do it you\re mot a man"

I will tell you a great secret: we, women, don't like other women's kids. These kids are rivals to our own kids as they use recourse we want for our kids only. Time, money, whatever.

So, when woman accuses men for not treating her kids as his own - it's manipulation. When woman wants you to spare your live on HER kids (and you are deprived of treating them like your own and can't even put your rules and discipline them) - it's manipulation.

Such saying shows that she thinks that it's honor for you to give and give to kids you don't have rights for. And these kids can be taken away from you any moment she wants.

captainpoppy · 2022-08-29T13:15:28+00:00

Then this saying does not apply to you.

It's exactly what it means. He married a woman, and chose a kid as well when he didn't have to.

There's nothing wrong with it and there is no reason for you to feel pressured to do it, nor feel like it applies to you.

StupidDebate · 2022-08-29T13:46:51+00:00

He's not a stepdad he's an ultimate cuck

FIVE_6_MAFIA · 2022-08-29T19:28:45+00:00

I hate the phrase because most of the time, the biological father is actually a good man who wants to be there for his child but the mother won't let him

fresh_lemon_scent · 2022-08-28T23:19:52+00:00

Women can't be held responsible for the men who impregnated them, it's not up to women to pick the right man. Men must learn to accept all women of any status especially single mothers who deserve the most of male resources due to the fact that they're participating in their civic duty by being mothers.

RedPill_Hispanic · 2022-08-29T02:55:47+00:00

It's a way to make cucks feel like superheros.

Naru4odo · 2022-08-28T21:28:59+00:00

Saying should change to "he's not a step dad, he's a moron"

motorbird88 · 2022-08-28T22:51:00+00:00

Because it’s considered a noble thing to do.

kvakerok · 2022-08-28T23:23:26+00:00

If a step dad is fully committed, he quickly becomes just dad. Whether or not he should marry this particular single mother is entirely up to him.

I've seen some hot MILF single moms and sometimes things just don't work out, no need to trash talk them. We don't judge divorced men here, do we? And it's not like we've never said anything incredibly dumb.

Bound-Submissive · 2022-08-28T23:04:22+00:00

I hear this phrase for the first time. But if it's offensive to the men, I will be against it.

I wish my stepfather was of those guys who don't compromise with single mothers. But no. He sexually abused me and my mother let him.

As her daughter I got only mistakes I will never repeat and will teach my future children to never repeat them too. No generational curses go loose on my watch. And no innocent men get treated like trash on my watch.

The reason why my mother was a single mother was because she was cheating multiply on my father. And wasn't the best wife either at attitude too.

Anih1list · 2022-08-29T00:06:24+00:00

It’s fine if you don’t step up. If you do nothing, you’ll stay where you are. I see no problem with this saying, it’s not disrespectful to Non-dads

FakeLordFarquaad · 2022-08-28T23:48:13+00:00

Not a fan. It assumes that the biological father chose to leave, which may be true, but it also may be true that the mom screwed him over in family court

Cotticker · 2022-08-29T05:28:48+00:00

If you don't want to care for a child that isn't yours don't get into a relationship with someone with a child. You cannot expect a single mother or father to bend to your will. Their child is their number 1 priority and if you're not a part of that then your in a dysfunctional relationship.

michaelpaoli · 2022-08-28T23:14:28+00:00

He is not a stepdad.. he is the dad that stepped up

Sounds like a pretty stupid saying ... and don't think I've heard it before.

I don’t wanna have to care for a child that isn’t mine and that someone else decided to bring into this world

Yep, don't have to volunteer for everything. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

ConestogaCreek · 2022-08-28T22:30:15+00:00

It’s sounds like something you say to little developmental delay kids at day camp.

Aggressive_Bottle412 · 2022-08-29T01:39:42+00:00

Why so bitter? Just talking about a man who loved and married a woman who had a kid… No harm no foul.. If you don’t wanna do it don’t do it.

Deckardisdead · 2022-08-29T01:21:52+00:00

Step dads are just the second loser in a relationship.

politits · 2022-08-29T01:58:55+00:00

It’s not about you. Why are you making it about yourself?

I think the phrase is cheesy as hell, but as the child of a deadbeat, abusive dad who abandoned his family, I’m grateful for my stepdad for taking on a family when he didn’t have to. So cheesy or not, the phrase is about stepdads who happily took on the role of primary father figure for kids whose bio-dads couldn’t give a fuck about them.

2022-08-29T00:22:14+00:00

I think it is a great saying. You have guys out there who don't want to be a dad to their kids so when she meets someone new and he steps up to he that dad those kids need, it's a great thing. If you choose to be with a woman who has kids and refuse to deal with the kids also, she's stupid to be with you.

SunosUnix · 2022-08-29T03:47:49+00:00

Its a shit term that can be used to downplay the importance of a father in a childs life vy implying anyone can fill that role.

But on the same coin, I for one, would never blame anyone for not wanting to be a step parent. No one should feel pressured into trying to glue someone else's broken family back together again. It rarely works well. It is perfectly fine to want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't come with tons of exhausting baggage, whether it's another man's kids or any other issue. Bar none.

Lice138 · 2022-08-29T19:25:32+00:00

Eh, the step-dad role is a lose lose thing on the culture front. If you are a stepdad you are called a “cuck” by young men who just discovered vagina but if nobody becomes a stepdad then the same crowd cries about how fatherless homes are the source of most our problems

JazzFan1998 · 2022-08-29T00:06:05+00:00

For personal reasons I refuse to date women with kids, mainly for your stated reason.

(Don't worry, most woman with kids would be relieved to know I'm not interested in them.)

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2022-08-29T03:13:59+00:00

I don't care for it. Men shouldn't have to raise someone else's genetic legacy to be seen as good people or partners.

Interestingly, it seems that my maternal grandpa was just that. My maternal grandma seems to have been a bit naive and had a child with a boyfriend who skipped town back in the early 1940s. A few years later, she met my grandpa while they were building planes for the war effort. It seems to have worked out well for him from an evolutionary point of view, since they had six children together in addition to the child that my grandma had as a single mother. What's more, my grandma adored him and really lost it when he died prematurely at the age of 47.

However, I don't think that's a very likely scenario in today's society.

I personally could never be partnered long-term with a woman who already had a child with another man. Fortunately, that's not something I have to worry about, since my wife and I are due to be first-time parents within the coming month.

2022-08-29T05:13:48+00:00

It's my first time hearing this saying and I already think it sounds stupid af

2022-08-29T05:43:54+00:00

If you are not ready to change things, then don't complain what they are.

People refusing to be a step father, well that's your right.

As for me, I am a father and a step father. And definitely, I stepped up for my step children. They now have a good masculine role model with me. And it's good, because they won't become insecure adults like the majority of people on Reddit.......

Joker741776 · 2022-08-29T06:25:28+00:00

I admire my step father, he taught me all sorts of things that my father couldn't have. Those teachings lead me to my career as a mechanic.

But he never once acted like he was "stepping up" to be a father figure to me. He takes pride in what I learned from him, but has never acted like he is my father.

Ffs, when I was having problems with my dad, he typically reinforced my dad's side and reminded me that he wasn't my dad, and that my dad had my best interests in mind.

That's what a stepfather should be, not "the guy who stepped up" but another positive masculine influence that backs your actual father when it's in your best interest.

He wanted, and still wants the best for me, but he refuses to step on my dad's toes, and more than once has taken his side when I was fucking up.

That's a good stepfather, one that doesn't act like your new dad, respects your father, and will never take your side if you're being a shitass, even if it means you might not like him, and he has to talk to and agree with your father.

I'll be 30 in around 7 months, my stepdad has been in my life for more than half of it. I don't think he disagreed with my father more than twice, and even then, he didn't tell me.

He didn't step up to shit. He just integrated me into his life because he loved my mother, we shared interests and bonded. No stepping up required, once he understood my sense of humor it was organic.

I'm fully aware that my case is not exactly common, but you asked for thoughts, and I believe my situation could be more common if "dating culture" wasn't so completely fucked.

My nephew will likely never have my experience, and I can elaborate if there's interest, but fair warning, there's a big element of "where are all the good men" to it, big enough that my step sister admitted outright that "her picker I'd broke" and it hurts me knowing that he will never have a father figure that isn't his step grandpa (my dad)

TheUltraNoob · 2022-08-29T06:43:59+00:00

Ah this, damn so many people here have no idea what you’re talking about.

FirefighterOk6944 · 2022-08-29T06:50:42+00:00

Consider who is saying this and what they are actually saying... "Any man who doesn't volunteer to clean up the mess I made isn't a 'man'." Right. Anybody who doesn't do what you want, who doesn't pay you for your screwups isn't a man. Well that's awfully convenient isn't it? How about any woman who ditches her husband while she has a child is abusive, narcissistic, selfish, irresponsible, and a genuine force for evil on this planet. There I just defined single mother while being a man cupcake... do you like that? You don't get to define what being a man is because it is so obvious that your definition starts and stops with the simple phrase... "gimmie gimmie gimmie".

yashspartan · 2022-08-29T07:18:18+00:00

That's that womanese. Remember, the guy has control over deciding on relationship/marriage. And women know that. So those women who already come with kids have to guilt trip you and trick you into thinking that you, as the guy, are the problem for not wanting a single mother. They know that they are at a disadvantage when it comes to preferences of guys, who on average prefer women without kids. But that's a reality they don't like, so they shame guys for it, althought they're the ones who are single mothers and not with the biological father.

And if the excuse is, "oh the father is a deadbeat/bad husband/bad father/abusive/etc", these women seem to gloss over the fact that they decided to have kids with the father. They too share the blame. Never be with a women who takes zero accountability.

If a guy wants to or doesn't want to be a stepdad, that's fully his choice. If she shames you for it, then that's a redflag and shows a lot about her character.

AtmosphereSad857 · 2022-08-29T00:28:33+00:00

I hate that saying also. I am going overseas to get a better woman.

DeepMidWicket · 2022-08-29T01:38:16+00:00

It's corny as fuck but taking a complement aimed at someone else as an insult to yourself is immature.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-08-28T21:10:51+00:00

Meanwhile adoption rates are falling and women want IVF.

Ok-Treacle-9375 · 2022-08-28T23:18:25+00:00

Are we really going to start getting emotional over traditional names for parenting roles?

imnotgoodwithnames · 2022-08-29T04:02:46+00:00

Are you trying to date a woman and not embrace her whole family?

If not. This saying doesn't concern you. If you are, you need to step up.

MemoryHauntsYou · 2022-08-29T00:53:32+00:00

Hi! I am not a guy but I'm doing well, thanks. About that phrase... I had not heard it before but I think it sounds cheesy. A bit of a "cutesy" play on words.

Though I really do respect people who decide to become stepdads or stepmoms by marrying someone who already has kids, it would not be for me either. (For context: I'm a married, childfree, almost-50-year-old lady.)

But you shouldn't take that quote personally. That would be like saying: I am not a nurse, but everyone was applauding nurses during the corona crisis, does that imply I am inferior to nurses? Or: there is a "national teachers' day", does that imply I am inferior to teachers?

Of course not! Best of luck to all stepparents out there, and again, respect to them, but having respect for one way of life doesn't make our own lives inferior.

SweetAccomplished542 · 2022-08-29T01:30:47+00:00

I wonder what Andrew Tate has to say about this?

WhereProgressIsMade · 2022-08-29T01:53:43+00:00

I’m perfectly fine with men not wanting to date single mothers, but yeah y’all didn’t “step up “ the men who loved the woman dearly loved her children as well. Not “stepping up” isn’t a bad thing, but stepping up is an amazing thing that should be celebrated.

Fausty79 · 2022-08-29T15:31:38+00:00

You are literally saying you are not interested in stepping up to take on the role of a dad.

Do you get mad when you don't get trophies for competitions you didn't enter?

Uncle_Touchy1987 · 2022-08-29T00:47:19+00:00

Aww heck at this point it’s just more noises the normie mouth breathing knuckle draggers throw my way. Go ahead champ. Knock yourself out.

Dr-Crobar · 2022-08-29T01:20:04+00:00

I have never heard that saying before in my entire life up until now.

xcheshirecatxx · 2022-08-29T01:22:21+00:00

And us step moms are thieves of the mother's job

martialardis · 2022-08-29T03:36:17+00:00

It’s SOME women way of guilt tripping you. You don’t want to take care of someone else Kid and be in their mess and they use this phrase. I know women who have dudes who stepped up and still were cheating on them.

Lonedingo711 · 2022-08-29T03:36:45+00:00

As one who is loosely called a stepdad, as I have not married his mother, I know that I have been more of a supportive "dad" than the guy that made him, who kind began to step"out" when he was about 5. I'm told he has learned much from my example and tenor than he has learned from his own father who left of his own accord when he was 16.

Now, as a divorced father, I am also hoping that my kids step"dad" has been an example of how to be a good man and husband to their mom. Since our divorce I get snippets of information where they hated him, I think cause they thought I wanted them to hate him - which I have never conveyed, I wanted them to make up their own mind if he was a good father figure to them. I hope that he is/was someone who improved their situation and not made it worse.

As for being a step"dad" or father, myself, means you want the best for the child, however old, that you have been introduced and starting to be part of their life, a belief I grew up with as to help others improve and not tear down, I think some guys miss that. While I have gotten on my so called "step-son" about things when he was younger, I think is also finding his own way and doing well to stand on his own and being a man who stands on his own principals and defends his belief, but is willing to hear others in their sides then matches that against his own to self check. I hope he keeps that as he grows older.

So am I the "step-dad" that stepped up? I will let others that I have been a part of their lives decide that as I will never say I stepped up. I would say I was brought in and showed example, and hope that I made a positive influence on their life. I will leave it open for my kiddos to judge their step father accordingly.

Just my thoughts

RavenWiggles · 2022-08-29T03:45:35+00:00

Don't get into a relationship with someone who has kids if you are going to resent the kid.

Strange-Tip-1897 · 2022-08-29T04:05:22+00:00

I used to like it. Then my ex cheated on me and completely alienated me from my stepson, who I had been the primary parent and confidante to for 10 years, from the time he was 4 to 14.

Nixthebitx · 2022-08-29T04:07:44+00:00

Can honestly say I've never heard this phrase in my entire life.

My step-dad and I fought nearly every day of my youth...horrible fights..fists, throwing objects, you name it. My little brother, his biological son with my mom, had to witness a lot of it which we talk about at times now.

My father and stepfather grew up together. After my parents split when I was 1yr old, I guess mom and step-dad started dating at some point. I'll give him credit..he was the only one who was ever a Man to her. He and I were just SO much alike that a Tornado and Volcano collided when we were near each other and mom wasn't around. We got better when I was an adult and not living near them...

He died 3 years ago very suddenly but not unexpectedly and it broke something in me. I miss him everyday. Despite our rough history, he was more of a father to me than my own was, and I regret all the time we spent fighting. I know he did too. He didn't have to take on me, my older sister and brother..it wasn't his job. But he loved my mother, so he did all he had to do to have his life with her, like she did with him..

May097 · 2022-08-29T04:50:47+00:00

I think anyone who says stuff like this also needs to be against abortions, since you believe that everyone should put the care of a child to the highest priority, that you should raise children even if they are not yours (as stated by them using the word stepping up).

Then, promoting of killing fetuses seems kinda hypocritical.

SnooDogs6068 · 2022-08-29T05:27:25+00:00

Getting upset by words I disagree with?

Nope. It doesn't upset me and I wouldn't want to be a step dad either.

hiding-from-the-web · 2022-08-29T05:31:20+00:00

Easy to say, difficult to practice.

singularitybot · 2022-08-29T07:01:04+00:00

Cringe.

SecondEldenLord · 2022-08-29T09:10:26+00:00

Women also keep using their saying "my body my choice". Well we men should also keep using the saying "my wallet, my choice". We shouldn't be forced to take care of a child that isn't ours.

klouted_pollo · 2022-08-29T12:40:44+00:00

My 2nd love had two kids. At first I wasn’t bothered with them at all bc I didn’t want children, but then I saw how good their little hearts were, they grew on me, and they needed guidance. So I opened up and entered their lives and loved them as my own. Till this day I still call them my children and they know me as dad.

It’s a choice I never had to get involved with them bc I didn’t want children but I eventually did on my own. No one can force you to or ever tell you it’s a obligation. Yeah morally you’d want to make sure the kids of your woman are doing good but I also understand people don’t wana care for someone else’s seed. It’s up to you

SimilarWash1419 · 2022-08-29T12:47:35+00:00

I cant stand dat quote frm my experince dat how my mom talk about my stepdad an they call my dad piece of shit and ect and i cant see him cause of her but frm another standpoint i agree with that quote if the dad dosent wanna be in a kid life and the mom marry someone that dont see them no diffrent then the quote is true

singularitous · 2022-08-29T12:55:23+00:00

Support single moms, patronize your local strip club.

Seriously though, single moms are a terrible option for the vast majority of men.

The exceptions are:

. Men who for whatever reason can't (or for a variety of reasons choose not to) father their own children

. Men who already have those kids but the mother is gone (mom died or similar) and are looking to merge with a woman in the same situation

. Men with specific fetishes.

What's the meaning of life? The simplest of organisms aren't asking this question, they already know: to reproduce and carry your genes forward. Everything else is secondary to this.

The idea that volunteering to raise someone random person's kids is something a "real man" would do is blatantly absurd, but also quite popular in culture.

Maybe you're one of those exceptions and it really is your best option, in that case you deserve all the support in the world. But you already know the reality... You can raise that kid its entire life, change all the diapers, pay all the medical bills, drive them to soccer and cheer for them, feed them and clothe them and put them through college and suffer through their rebellious years where they want nothing to do with you and even pay for and participate in their wedding.. But no matter how close you got, they were never actually your kids.

ls12b175 · 2022-08-29T13:11:50+00:00

Not looking forward to the day when I'll have to deal with this exact issue when the ex wife eventually tries to date again. But by then I'll more than likely have most of the custody so maybe it wont be that big an issue

redpandasmile · 2022-08-29T13:13:08+00:00

I do not hate that saying because I would not be caught dead around the drama queens that say those kinds of things.

2022-08-29T17:27:16+00:00

Is saying someone “stepped up to adopt an animal” an attack on people who don’t have pets?

Title	Do you guys also hate this saying?
Author	Mrniceguy4445
Upvotes	511
Comments	241
Date	August 28, 2022 8:52 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/x05rjp/do_you_guys_also_hate_this_saying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/do-you-guys-also-hate-this-saying.1130959 https://theredarchive.com/post/1130959

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