Sick of being profiled.

YHWH_The_Lord · 2012-11-20T21:36:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

goodknee · 2012-11-20T22:57:03+00:00

It does not reflect on you, you have to remember that. That woman's reaction was the result of decades of pernicious and warped anti-male enculturation. She has probably suffered the low-level mental abuse of a feminist upbringing, conditioning her to view herself as a helpless victim and all men as predators. You should feel sorry for her, the same way we should pity children of racist parents who, through no fault of their own, grow up to be racists themselves.

It's not about reversing the indoctrination of the current generation, this fight is about preventing the future generations from being exposed to the culture of victimhood and anti-social distrust that is modern gender-feminism.

oneiorosgrip · 2012-11-21T00:33:50+00:00

This should never happen. That it did means there is something wrong with her, not something wrong with you. Unfortunately, there a lot of women with the same stupid mindset. I wish there was something reassuring I could write, but even the fact that some of us know better than that doesn't outweigh the fact that so many do not.

The only thing I have to offer in its place is the stupid/somewhat amusing story of why I started using the name Gloria Sass (my google name.) It's not really related (except that it also happened at a gas station and involved a woman making unfounded assumptions) but hopefully it'll give you a laugh.

On my way home from work one day last summer, I stopped at a local grocery store's adjacent gas station. I pulled in behind another vehicle - that one was using the "front" pump, so I got out and prepared to use the back. As I did, the front driver finished and drove away. As I was pumping, another vehicle containing an old lady and her husband pulled around me and stopped. The woman got out and approached me, obviously irate.

She: You should move your van so people don't have to drive around you.

Me: Do I know you?

She: You shouldn't be pumping your gas while you're on the clock.

Me: ... ಠ_ಠ ... Okay. continued pumping gas

She: For shame, everyone can see that you're in your work shirt. Don't you have any pride?

This is when I realized that my shirt was the same color and style worn by employees at that store. Not only was she being an entitled bitch, she thought she could intimidate me by threatening my job.

Right.

Me: takes off shirt to reveal sport bra underneath and continues pumping

Her husband: ... ʘ.ʘ ...

She: ... >8[_] ... makes noise like aliens from Invasion of the Body Snatchers

She: Listen, young lady! I'm gonna go right inside and report you to your manager! What's your name?

Me: Gloria.

She: What's your last name?

Me: Sass.

Yep, she went inside to report a Gloria Sass to the manager for... well, I don't know what exactly. I don't know what happened after she walked away. I pumped my gas and left while her husband (and everyone else out there) went from shock to laughing as he realized the scene his wife was going to cause. Kinda wish I had stayed to see how many times she shouted about "Gloria Sass" (say it fast) in front of people before she realized she'd made one of herself.

There's no moral to this - except maybe more female MRAs need to start ridiculing other women for these kinds of unfounded-assumption-based behaviors.

TheKingHasFall3n · 2012-11-20T21:32:02+00:00

huge hugs I am so sorry. You didn't deserve to be put in a situation like that, or be judged like that.

This is really unacceptable and I can't understand why a lot of women choose to openly portray themselves as "pre approved victims".

It's been proven that it's more common to be raped by someone you know, rather than someone they don't. A lot of us need to educate ourselves and it's unfortunate that some women turn to radical feminism as a means of protection.

Honestly. She was afraid she'd be raped with her husband right beside her? When does that happen? It's just absurd.

CandidIgloo · 2012-11-20T23:27:43+00:00

It's not easy to this at all, but I think the best attitude you can have for yourself is one of "fuck them".

I am a large guy and not too attractive. Not as horrendously ugly as these events may make me seem, but still not too attractive. A month ago I brushed the arm of a girl on the bus with my hand. I said sorry, and she didn't say anything, just walked away to the other side of the bus. I was a little saddened, but it didn't get to me right away, later though it reminded me of all the other situations I had been in like that.

It reminded me of the time I told my 7th grade crush (who I thought was my friend because we talked a lot, and she would ask me every morning to clean the back of her shirt of any stray hair that got stuck there) that I liked her, and she said "ew" and stopped talking to me from then on.

Reminded me of the time in my sophomore year of college, parking at night in my parking spot at my apartment, right next to the exit to the parking lot, I hear a group of people walking where I had to go so I wait for them to pass, about 5 feet away from open door space next to my car, girl turns the corner, sees me and screams, then starts laughing, and goes through the door on the other side, as the rest of her group (all guys, guess that made it easier?) walk by and look in laughing to see what she was screaming about.

And another time on the bus a group of girls came to the back of the bus, where I was sitting, took up all the seats, except one girl had to sit far away from her friends cuz I was sitting in the last seat in the back. So while she is turning around having a difficult time communicating with her friends because of the noise, I ask if she wanted to switch seats, and she looks at me like I was the most disgusting thing she ever saw and said "uhh, no, sorry for bothering you..." sarcastically and turned around.

I also broke down crying when I thought about that stuff. And that certainly helped as only a good cry can, but what really helped me get over those things is just saying, fuck them. I know I"m a good person, and I did not do anything bad in any of those situations. You know you're good person too. Fuck em' if they want to feel that way, it's their problem if they want to go around being scared all the time. Anybody that rejects you because of that is missing out, and tbh you don't seem to be missing out on much. Really hope you don't dwell on it too much if and if anything like that happens again, try and react that way.

whiteout69 · 2012-11-20T23:38:27+00:00

I know exactly what it feels like, man, I'm sorry that society got you too. I'm 16 and I work with young kids as a part time job. I ref flag football and I love to see them learn how to exercise and have fun, because that's what the program did for me when I was their age (it pays great for my age too). Whenever I'd arrive and set up the fields, I'd walk by the kids and their mothers as they walked in. I thought nothing of it the first few weeks. After a while, I began to realize, they were glaring at me and leading their kids away from me like I was some kind of criminal. It kept going on until I once arrived a few minutes late and had my striped uniform already on. They smiled at me and the whole bit, just because I was wearing the uniform. I never had the problem again. One day just to see if it really was the way it seemed, I didn't wear my uniform. Same routine, they glared and kept their kids away. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with society, I mean I'm 16 years old and 5 foot 7 for fuck's sake, I'm pretty damn unthreatening

BigDeliciousSeaCow · 2012-11-20T22:54:12+00:00

I feel you OP. I was jogging around a (well-populated and pretty well-lit) park the other evening, on a track that is about 6 feet wide. It goes all the way around a nice park, that had some people playing games in it. There was one other person on the track, a woman who looked to be in very good shape and was keeping up a good pace. We were running in opposite directions.

I'm also a very friendly dude and considerate, so I'd make sure I was allllll the way over every time I ran past this woman, but EVERY SINGLE TIME she would run OFF THE TRAIL to avoid being anywhere near me. At first I was like "whoa she must have lost her balance" and looked back to make sure she was okay, but then noticed she regained the track just fine. The second time I realized what was happening. Times 3-5 I just looked away, time 6 I ran off the path and she stayed on the path. Times 7+ I kept to the path and just smiled and laughed as she ran off the path. It sure does make you feel shitty, though, so here's a pat on the back, pal.

radamanthine · 2012-11-20T21:07:15+00:00

What were you wearing? You probably asked for it. /s

NeuroticIntrovert · 2012-11-20T21:13:39+00:00

I feel this way a lot too, and I don't have any words right now that I think would be of much help, except for these:

This is the right place to post about this. Or at least, one of the right places.

ignatiusloyola · 2012-11-20T23:17:32+00:00

That sucks dude.

I sometimes have troubles, also, because I can come off as a little intense. Likely because small talk is very forced for me because I view it as trivial and uninteresting. I would rather have real conversations, about important topics, but other people aren't generally intellectual enough to do so. So some people find me creepy or difficult to talk to.

It isn't the same thing as being profiled, because it is based on my actual actions/demeanor, but it is still rough.

crazyex · 2012-11-20T23:43:13+00:00

I feel the same way sometimes. I'm a single dad with 3 kids. I love kids, and you'd be hard pressed to find someone safer than me to be alone with other peoples' kids. I am a big softy and will do just about anything to help and/or protect a child.

Now, when my kids are with me, I can make faces at babies and help lost kids and am afforded a certain amount of legitimacy around kids. When they're with their mom, however, I am quite aware of my transformation from loving, caring, safe father to brooding dangerous potential molester/kidnapper.

C0CKPUNCHER · 2012-11-20T22:29:07+00:00

There are people who shame and guilt trip, and people who are vulnerable to it (usually due to childhood).

My mother was constantly threatening to kill herself and terrified asking for rescue, as a young child I only took this as a genuine thing and felt very guilty at my inability to rescue her, now as an adult I still jump to guilt and self debasement at nearly every opportunity making me easy prey to even the laziest of guilt trippers and shamers.

qwertytard · 2012-11-21T00:25:42+00:00

wait, you actually cried? i have nothing against crying, im just surprised by how much it bothered you

i am also bothered by it, ie. i HAVE to walk briskly and widely around a woman or else she will think im about to attack her

i just haven't gotten so sad/depressed about it that i've cried have there been other times that you felt shitty about being profiled?

2012-11-20T22:49:05+00:00

It happens a lot to me to, but I figure, if these sort of people are going to make themselves so fearful of the world that every unknown is a worst-case scenario, then they deserve to live in that world that they've created in their minds. That's not to say you shouldn't be mindful of your personal safety. But to see two men in the parking lot and expecting to be raped or assaulted by them is no way to live. Don't be sad or angry at them. Just pity them, because you are living in a better world than they ever will be.

cronus85 · 2012-11-21T03:47:17+00:00

My mate has a 7-8ish year old daughter, when ever she has a friend from school over he refuses to be in the house alone with them, making his wife stay. He had an experience where the mother of the other child (at the drop off or pick up, I can't remember) started asking about where his wife was, when she was coming back in a nervous tone.

After such noticeable tension, he became a bit more conscious of what people are liable to think and just withdrew himself from the situation.

Kronik_NinjaLo · 2012-11-21T03:57:10+00:00

I get a lot of dirty looks from women at my new job. Walk by, smile, and say "hi". Still glares every day for the past 2 1/2 months. So I quit looking at anyone and just stare ahead, called into the office for people feeling threatened by me. I can't win.

laughatwork · 2012-11-20T21:32:07+00:00

The pathetic part is that her husband knew about her thought process and did nothing to attempt to change it. I understand women being afraid because of the line of crap they have been fed for generations by the media, friends, relatives, whatever. For a man to accept this mentality and say nothing is terrible. The only way we have a shot at breaking the unfair stereotype that has been forced upon us is to speak out and prove that we are not slobbering monsters.

If my wife and I were out and she said something like this I would tell her that personally offends me. She is making a blanket statement that ALL men are rapists and that group includes me. I would find that logic to be unacceptable.

Stay strong, if we as men can present a united front that shows the truth then maybe one day we can break this cycle.

reasondefies · 2012-11-20T22:53:04+00:00

I feel vaguely uncomfortable any time I come into a place of business and there are people just sort of hanging around outside. I mean, think about it - the whole point of something like a gas station is for people to walk in carrying money and walk out carrying purchased goods. The parking lot is not a particularly comfortable place to hang out, so when you see a group loitering there, it is easy to wonder if they have some other purpose in mind.

So...just in case that makes you feel any better, since in my case it doesn't have anything to do with their gender/age/etc.

rightsbot · 2012-11-20T20:50:19+00:00

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Abe_Vigoda · 2012-11-20T23:20:06+00:00

It's their problem. You know who you are and that's really all that matters. If she wants to think you're going to attack her, then she's a dumbass.

Usually in those situations I go out of my way to just look non threatening. It helps just being friendly and saying 'good evening' and smiling.

People watch tv, they see a lot of shows with stereotypes, so when they meet strangers, they automatically classify people by whatever limited information they know.

You're lucky you're not black or latino. They probably would have brought in SWAT.

Bermuda_Jim · 2012-11-21T07:29:07+00:00

I'm the other guy mentioned in the post. I just wanted to say that to feel special.

nlakes · 2012-11-21T00:54:49+00:00

I get this so much. It really pisses me off.

I've decided to enjoy it though. When women start acting funny around me, I make it my mission to scare them more. I've walked faster behind women, deliberately made a phone-call and spoke in Greek loudly near them and lumbered up to them and then asked an innocent question like "do you know where the Whitshiff is? [a pub]"

If you're going to assume bad things about me because of the way I look, I'm going to use your backward prejudice against you.

tyciol · 2012-11-21T01:55:32+00:00

I think you're taking it too personally bro. Some people are more paranoid than others, and even dudes will tend to be a little more nervous if it's a pair of guys in a lot at night compared to a pair of girls.

Maybe something to do with dudes tending to be bigger/stronger or committing more crimes, and especially if it's a woman, they tend to be smaller/weaker/common bictims just based on statistical averages.

It is a little strange though since she was with her husband, you think that might reduce the fear somewhat...

But anyway it doesn't make it your fault. No matter how personable we are, it's sort of a matter of context. Personableness can't really be conveyed well if you're just standing in a common lot at night.

I think a lot of people also are suspicious of personable people as that might be a facade to make people let their guard down.

cody_au · 2012-11-21T06:23:16+00:00

TIL other men cry too.

YadaYadaYada2 · 2012-11-21T11:36:14+00:00

My brother is 6'5'' 250 lbs. His ex wife falsely accuses him of violence and kidnapping. The judge takes a look at him and...boom...2 year order of protection against him on a mere accusation.

2012-11-21T18:48:50+00:00

Hey all, I'm a little late to the party, but I just got linked to this subreddit, and I'm digging it.

People can be scared of me because, well, I look kind of scary sometimes. My "latent" face looks kind of intimidating. Being 6'7", wearing flannels, or even skate clothes, people assume I'm either a rapey lumberjack, or a delinquent stoner. I don't understand why we are portrayed as such. I love kids. My job is working with kids (Cub Scout Camp Counselor).

But when I'm not at camp, with parents who don't recognize me from camp, I want to help their kids with their problems, but I'll look really creepy if I do. It hurts, man.

actanonverba8 · 2012-11-21T00:46:06+00:00

Fark that sheitstain broad. As the saying goes, "If you didn't start no sheite, wouldn't be no sheite." The world would be a lot better place if her and her millions of sisters either: 1) Voluntarily stopped creating drama unnecessary drama or 2) Got put in check.

SgtVeritas · 2012-11-21T01:04:35+00:00

I don’t know your race, but I've had more than one of my black friends tell me very similar stories about themselves. I am lucky that I’m a skinny little white dude and don’t appear threatening to anyone. I was quick to dismiss alleged profiling claims as paranoia... until I saw it firsthand.

I'm sorry you had to experience that, no one deserves to be judged because what race/gender/age/etc they are, but just be thankful you don’t live everyday with this same thing happening over and over again. This seems like a very tolerant group (despite what others think of this subreddit elsewhere on here) and most of you are probably Caucasian males with very little awareness of your white privilege... let this story trigger that spot in your mind that offends you and remember that most of our black brothers experience this on multiple levels several times a week.

Yitzach · 2012-11-21T08:47:55+00:00

It's fairly simple. People are fucking stupid.

Don't beat yourself up because people are morons. Especially old people.

2012-11-21T11:36:46+00:00

I've never had people do this to me, I don't think I can completely relate. I'm a 6 foot 3 inch male with a scary haircut, and no one is ever afraid of me that I know of.

Perhaps it's the way you dress? Don't shout "victim blaming" at me, I'm genuinely curious as to why it's happening, and want to help find a solution if I can...

No_clue_whatsoever · 2012-11-21T13:19:07+00:00

I know exactly what you mean. I've actually become social phobic because of things like this. Looking back, one of the most influencing moments was when I was biking with a few friends and we decided to buy a drink at a gas station. The woman behind the counter was acting a bit strange, but I didn't think much of it at first. I bought the drinks and got back out again, where we talked for a bit. Just before we moved on again, I collected the empty cans and wanted to go inside to throw them away and buy a snack for the road. While walking towards the shop, the automatic door suddenly closed and locked and I saw the woman hide behind her counter.

At first I thought there was some technical problem and she was looking at it, but after some knocking at the door with no response and seeing her look scared over the counter it suddenly hit me. I didn't even know how to react to it. I was baffled. Besides the short ponytail I had back then, I was dressed as casual anyone could. Just some jeans and a plain t-shirt, that's it. Still, somehow I scared this woman immensely for some reason.

I didn't even dare to tell my friends what happened when they saw me return with the empty cans. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. From that moment on I was extra alert on reactions of strangers, being afraid them being afraid of me. I was always trying to be as friendly as possible to avoid misjudgement, which actually made me come across as insincere and fake and made it worse, until the anxiety made almost completely homebound.

So, here I am now taking anti-depressants and beta-blockers against the anxiety, while going to therapy, all to hopefully become normal again. What actually helped the most however, is finding this sub. Now I realize that it's not just me. The problem is so much bigger. It's not all on me to make others feel less paranoid, it's not my fault when they are. I'm a good guy doing nothing wrong. They're the ones with the real problem.

DavidByron · 2012-11-21T15:16:16+00:00

This isn't exactly an issue for all of us

It is pretty much. People take it differently at different times but its always an issue.

But when I got home I broke down sobbing

Been there, done that.

It's good that you can name it for what it is though. I never had a name for it. Having a name for it helps a lot.

Apellosine · 2012-11-21T00:25:47+00:00

I have never let the fear of being scorned change my attitudes in public. I don't know if I'm just lucky or what but I have never been harassed for smiling, laughing or poking my tongue out with any kid.

Jonas223XC · 2012-11-21T05:09:27+00:00

You do not need to be held responsible or feel bad for other people's irrational fears. If they want to live their lives in fear of men they are perfectly without their capacity to do so, but they will live a miserable and terrified existence. There is nothing that you can do to change their views, so if you meet people like this just smile and be thankful that you are fortunate enough to have the rationality to realize just how crazy that line of thinking is.

2012-11-21T06:00:01+00:00

I was walking at a leisurely pace on fairly non-secluded park trail at about 8 in the morning, dressed in track pants and a sweatshirt. I rounded a bend in the trail, and I saw a kind looking elderly woman up ahead. She must have heard my foot falls because she looked back and her face filled with panic. She begin to, basically, run towards the entrance of the park area. The running seemed a terrible strain for her. Her poor hips must have been on fire later.

For clarification, I was 19, kempt, clean shaven, and it was a nice area. We were also both of the same race, so that wasn't a factor.

yeats666 · 2012-11-21T02:02:37+00:00

it's time for white males everywhere to stand up and scream "I'M SICK OF BEING PROFILED!!!!!!!!!"

TrueEvenIfUdenyIt · 2012-11-21T03:49:45+00:00

This could easily get you fired from your job, or expelled from school or university. You have created a hostile and intimidating environment. All a woman has to do is say the two males were staring at her, following her, making gestures, affirmatively doing any act. If the human resources staff, or the student committee believes the teary-eyed woman making the complain, you lose.

ThePigman · 2012-11-21T01:50:35+00:00

If you cry this easily, you probably need to see a good psychologist. I don't think this is a normal reaction.

drinkthebleach · 2012-11-21T14:27:30+00:00

really? you broke down sobbing? really?

Akula_matatta · 2012-11-20T23:55:54+00:00

Non alcoholic drinks sobs like a little bitch

You guys sound like a fun gang.

Title	Sick of being profiled.
Author	drinkthebleach
Upvotes	236
Comments	159
Date	November 20, 2012 8:48 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/13j09d/sick_of_being_profiled/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/sick-of-being-profiled.1008734 https://theredarchive.com/post/1008734

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