This rubbed me the wrong way, what does everyone else think?

venereveritas · 2012-02-19T21:03:37+00:00

I've read a lot of comments about "friend zones" and men and women, but this one is just really stupid.

Wulibo · 2012-02-20T01:44:00+00:00

I think we're getting too easily offended. Sure, I don't like being called a sheep either, but this is not at all what we're fighting. We are trying to make laws fair, we are trying to get alimony and child support evened out, we are trying to de-genderize rape and spousal abuse, and we are trying to make the wage gap disappear. This has nothing to do with oppressing us, all it's saying is that if you don't want your friends chasing you, get a boyfriend, which frankly is fairly sound in principle.

Can we stop being sensitive about this crap for no reason and get on track with the real problems here, please?

luciansolaris · 2012-02-19T23:21:20+00:00

Can't force me to stay friends either.

Sword cuts both ways. Enjoy keeping a herding dog to herd grass!

Cerebusial · 2012-02-19T21:12:29+00:00

I think it does a good job of showing why men shouldn't provide support networks to women they aren't involved with.

kanuk876 · 2012-02-19T20:25:03+00:00

I duno; men in general need a better understanding of women's hypergamous nature.

See OkCupid's blog regarding male-female messaging and ranking patterns.. To whit:

Our chart shows how men have rated women, on a scale from 0 to 5. The curve is symmetric and surprisingly charitable: a woman is as likely to be considered extremely ugly as extremely beautiful, and the majority of women have been rated about “medium.” The chart looks normalized, even though it’s just the unfiltered opinions of our male users.

...

The female equivalent of the above chart shows a different bias ... women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium.

IE: on a scale from 0 to 5, men have rated the average woman a 2.5; women have rated the average man a 1.5.

I'm sorry, but there are some aspects of game which have merit. IE: the qualities in a man which women find attractive.

TL;DR: Men have to stop acting like sheep. But it's hard because every mother, teacher and female friend will condition men to act like sheep.

llogiq · 2012-02-19T21:30:08+00:00

The metaphor is bad, but the base idea is sound: For guys: If you want a "friend", get friend zoned. Otherwise, just go find someone who appreciates you as more than a sheep. For girls: Don't date jerks who mistreat others.

No offence taken here.

solinv · 2012-02-20T00:58:18+00:00

I'm generally not sympathetic towards guys who complain about being 'friend-zoned', but this just seems offensive.

Xanthu · 2012-02-20T01:00:19+00:00

Don't put pussy on a pedestal.

2012-02-20T00:58:38+00:00

It's simple: if you don't want to be friend-zoned don't act like a friend.

2012-02-20T03:17:27+00:00

Most of my friendships with women have been parasitic in nature; I find myself doing lots of favors, but when I need some help, it's usually a male friend who helps me. My relationships with men tend to be more mutualism in nature, and as such, I vastly prefer male friendships to female friendships, even though I'm often pressed to avoid female attention. (Top of the class in a female-dominated curriculum will do that to you.)

2012-02-20T05:57:45+00:00

I collect women like sheep, too! I heard them up and give them little nicknames. They're like my property. Collector's items, if you will.

cough

Rozeline · 2012-02-20T15:24:33+00:00

Meh. Kind of a bitchy tone. I sort of stopped the 'friendzone' resentment when I was put into the position of having someone I only cared about as a friend try to get into my pants. I honestly did care about him as a friend, but we weren't compatible and there was no sexual attraction. Not sleeping with someone who wants you doesn't make you a bitch or an asshole. It's using them like you would a boyfriend/girlfriend, acting like they have a shot, then bringing down the 'just friends' hammer that makes you an asshole. But when you're on the other side and constantly getting rejected, I think it can be hard to tell the difference sometimes.

TheRealPariah · 2012-02-19T21:16:07+00:00

I'm wondering why she assumes the male is the one friend zoned. There are plenty of females that get friend zoned.

MartialWay · 2012-02-20T00:40:04+00:00

Remember the old saying "The friendzone is an abusive relationship". A lot of truth in this statement.

C0CKPUNCHER · 2012-02-19T20:25:01+00:00

It's very nasty.

UnoriginalMike · 2012-02-19T23:10:47+00:00

I like how we should aspire to be dogs. Like that's the best we can do. What's as bad is that our job as dogs is to keep all of the men who aren't deemed good enough to be dogs away from her.

Imagine if the gender roles were reversed. Women are sheep to be herded by the dog I am willing to screw. When I get tired of her I will likely promote a sheep to dog. The end.

2012-02-20T00:41:22+00:00

"The End" ಠ_ಠ

WildfireFox · 2012-02-20T07:47:33+00:00

I think it's odd that is says that women /have/ to have a boyfriend.

2012-02-20T22:36:00+00:00

I think "Friend-zoning" in general represents emotionally abusive relationships. I was "friend-zoned" by a woman whom I'll refer to as Q. Q and I went to high school together. Q and I would talk for hours every day. I wanted to date Q and everyone on earth knew it, but Q always considered me to be "just a friend". Q would date guys who were more athletic, or more physically attractive than me, then complain to me that all the guys she dated were jerks.

I kept my schedule wide open for Q. I tried to get her to go out with me 7-8 times when she was single. Each time Q had an excuse to not go. One night, Q's friend (my future wife, who I will refer to as Z) spent the night with her. Z told Q that she liked me, and that she thought I was nice and that I was attractive. Q told me this, and told me to talk to Z. I ended up talking to Z for like 5 hours. Z an I end up going on a date which is awesome. We hit it off pretty fast and are happy with each other. I keep talking to Q, because as far as I know we are all friends.

Inevitably, I end up talking to Z more than Q. One day, out of the blue, Z and Q ABSOLUTELY HATE each other and Z wants me to stop talking to Q. Z tells me it's because Q said something to her to the effect of "He's not suppose to be yours, he's suppose to be mine!". I talk to Q on the phone. She lays all the cards on the table and tells me that Z was suppose to be temporary. That she set me up with Z because I was depressed and she felt bad, and that Z and I were only suppose to last a couple of months and then break up.

Suddenly, the curtain is lifted and I see Q as the crazy, emotionally abusive/manipulative hose-beast she is. I hang up on her, we never speak again. Z and I continue rolling along and get married after a while. Z and I live happily ever after (so far).

Unenjoyed · 2012-02-20T05:01:17+00:00

It sounded like something a socially retarded, large animal veterinarian would write.

esaul17 · 2012-02-20T08:24:26+00:00

I don't really see the issue here. If it is comparing men to animals, it is just a metaphor to get the idea across. The idea itself isn't necessarily pretty, and you might even argue it's validity. But it is in the very least plausible.

ExpendableOne · 2012-02-20T17:10:11+00:00

Personally, I'm just tired of this notion that it's perfectly okay for women to take advantage of men's attraction, goodwill or feelings to get what they want out of them. If a man is in a vulnerable position, and a woman takes advantage of that situation or abuses the power she has over him, that's not okay. Why is it that, in every argument you see about this, the prevalent attitude is just "men up" rather than "stop abusing"? Whether he has the emotional means or know-how to defend himself or not is irrelevant, she is still in the wrong and this isn't something that should just be accepted or encouraged because she happens to be a woman. Why are women allowed to be vulnerable but not men?

2012-02-20T20:31:36+00:00

I don't even understand what that was about

dangerpantz · 2012-02-20T23:28:04+00:00

Whoever wrote that is spot on. It's never a woman's fault that you're not attractive. It's yours. If you won't want to be in the friendzone, don't be her friend. If you want women to be attracted to you, be attractive. Simple.

abittooshort · 2012-02-24T23:55:18+00:00

The end part is absolutely correct. However, the bit before it where it describes male friends as "sheep" is simply bad taste. It uses a bad choice of words to fail to describe something.

j00nz · 2012-02-20T00:34:40+00:00

Clearly the person who wrote this is mentally challenged. Of course it "rubs me the wrong way". I'm a woman and I'm embarrassed by this. However, it also slightly upsets me that you've posted this to r/MensRights. What point are you trying to make with this other than to stir up some shit? You can't honestly believe that most/any women share this person's delusion of 'friendzoning' and 'sheep dogging'. Anyway, I thought MensRights was about legitimate discussion regarding ways in which men have disadvantages in society or are discriminated against, not a place to gossip and hate on women. (That's what if feels like).

primaloath · 2012-02-19T20:45:05+00:00

This is why a moral society cannot be run by women. They would drive all good people to extinction simply through sexual selection.

therealxris · 2012-02-20T04:31:50+00:00

I think it has nothing to do with Mens' Rights.

dustysmash · 2012-02-20T14:38:04+00:00

MMMkay.

I know this is going to sound a bit ... harsh, but why, for the love of God, do guys hang around a love interest that is obviously only interested in being friends? Does that not make you miserable? I cannot imagine you are looking for other potential mate while you are pining away for this chick who, by her own admission, considers you a sheep.

Here's a solution that sucks way less - let it go. Ignore her. Be civil, but make it clear that you are not really interested in her as a friend, and continue to search for a mate. If she was truly not interested in you, you will likely never hear from her again.

If she was simply placing you in some kind of order, that she may get to eventually (call unfriendzoning on Reddit, I think) (also, does not exist), then you will either move up a couple spaces, or she will call you a dick and never talk to you again.

Either way, you are moving on to better things.

/rant.

matriarchy · 2012-02-19T21:27:35+00:00

Why is everyone itt automatically assuming a woman posted this? And that therefore every woman is bad because ... ?

picopallasi · 2012-02-20T02:32:42+00:00

I have no clue what being in a "friend zone" is like.

bootsmegamix · 2012-02-20T00:00:49+00:00

Not all women are this nasty and not all guys are that pathetic but overall I can't disagree with what she's trying to say, which is that friend-zoned guys should just accept that they will never get the girl and move on.

2012-02-20T03:56:59+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	This rubbed me the wrong way, what does everyone else think?
Author	ToastyMallows
Upvotes	109
Comments	177
Date	February 19, 2012 8:13 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/pwrla/this_rubbed_me_the_wrong_way_what_does_everyone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/this-rubbed-me-the-wrong-way-what-does-everyone.1027385 https://theredarchive.com/post/1027385

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