I made a post similar to this a few days ago, talking about how men should ignore online gender discourse. I want to take it a step further, freedom comes from not caring about society's validation. Define your self worth by what makes you feel complete, and don't chase the approval of the people around you to feel like a human.

Obviously we like approval of the ones we love and cherish, and we can't ignore society and live like hermits. But the constant struggle to fit yourself to the expectations of what "real men" act like, and reaching "milestones" is a core reason for the disgruntlement of a lot of men.

I will say, this is true for women too, they certainly have their own struggles with fitting into society and trying to mould themselves into something they're not or don't want to be. A lot of the issues affecting men also affect women, most of us are in similar boats. I understand those problems, even if I can't internalise them, and I feel sympathy for those negatively affected by these issues. As a man, I cannot speak on the experiences of women, and so this post is not intended to discuss them.

In the Western world, there are certain markers of success, that have come to define our self worth, like a report card of how well we're performing the role of men. The messaging to always be ultra-competitive, to ignore your own feelings and ignore any mental or emotional strain, it often makes us reach a breaking point. I have a mutual friend who was pushed so hard to achieve and compete in his life that he ended it all. And it's not the only suicide story I know. My family has always pushed me to be as competitive as I can, and the race never ends. It's always one milestone after the other, there's no end in sight, it's like you're constantly chasing after something that is promised to you, but you can never reach it.

And it's worse when you've been promised a reward, but you now learn that the reward isn't there. For a lot of men, the idea of ignoring your own romantic and sexual urges, to lock in and build a career has been shoved down our gullets since we were kids, being told that relationships will come, that we'll find love when the time is right. The idea that following these guidelines will lead us to having families and feeling emotional fulfilment, like you've achieved something in life. And for a lot us, the messaging has now changed. If you tell a boy throughout his childhood to ignore their hormones and puberty, to ignore the innate drive to find attraction and love, by promising them a life where it will appear, it will induce a sense of entitlement and anger when that reward is not procured. If you tell a boy his whole life that the only requirement to finding love is to be a "good man", a set of characteristics that are guided by socioeconomic principles more than genuine moral values, you will create resentment and fear when being the "good man" doesn't work.

In general, there is a sense of doom in our generation due to a slow socioeconomic breakdown, due to a lack of career paths, rising costs of living, and diminishing chances of having a family or owning land of your own. But this sub isn't about politics in general.

On the one hand, the resentment is real, and sometimes it feels justified. It's like you've been lied to, been made to chase something, and now you find that the reward isn't there. On the other hand, the idea of a "reward" in the first place is also unjustified, women aren't prizes for men who've lived life according to outdated advice, they're not trophies to be picked up at the end of a race.

The consistent struggle to keep up with beauty standards and following norms is debilitating. This isn’t to say that fitness or attractiveness shouldn’t be pursued, but it shouldn’t be to impress arbitrary standards. Do it for yourself.

One solution to this dilemma is to go back to a society which did allow for this system to thrive, at the expense of the rights and autonomy of women. Another solution is to dismantle these ideas, and to free ourselves. To be free of this competition and to ignore societal expectations of what it means to be a "real man".

Learn to live life according to what makes you feel whole, and to not care about what strangers feel about you. Regardless of the gender, race, or other social characteristics of the critics, ignore them all, learn to not chain yourself to a constant grind with no end.

Find peace in just being with yourself, and fuck what others have to say. Don’t let the ability to sleep with women or make money define your self worth. Those are good things to have, but your merit as a man isn’t dependent on these criteria. Any person who tries to prescribe you a certain set of rules by which to live your life is a cunt who can go die in a ditch. Any man who shames you for not being rich is a douchebag. Any woman who shames your height is an asshat; learn to ignore them and their miserable lives.