This post is prompted by this particular /r/relationship_advice thread, though I don't think the thread itself is anything special, and the blue pilled responses are very, very typical.

TLDR: Short guy expresses that he has trouble dating, but he went on a date with a girl he was hopeful about. It seems like she's having a good time, but the next day she ghosts him and adds a height requirement to her profile.

The rest of the post is kinda irrelevant to the discussion, but he hires an escort, has a good time, chooses not to sleep with her, and then feels depressed that he is unable to get this "girlfriend experience" from an actual girlfriend.

I can't really say I was surprised, but I thought the comments were pretty unfair to this poster. Pretty much every comment is either "I know a 5' guy who slays" and "It's because of your insecurity".

"You don’t get second dates because your low self esteem and desperation are obvious a mile away."

"it’s a big insecurity for him, the kind which repels women who otherwise might be perfect for him."

"Women are really attracted to confidence and can probably sense you are insecure about this."

Etc, etc. Nothing in his description of the date indicated he was broadcasting his insecurities, but this is everyone's go-to assumption to explain for his lack of success. They just assume that because he's complaining about being short online that he must similarly be broadcasting those feelings to his dates. But why? Men know it is important for us to hide our feelings to be accepted, especially ones of vulnerability. We're socialized to repress our insecurities and project confidence early (an aspect of what some label toxic masculinity). The OP is clearly aware of this, as he mentions that maintaining this "just be confident" attitude is difficult when it is never reinforced.

Do people think he's incapable of hiding these feelings for a single date? I find this idea that women must be capable of detecting his insecurity "a mile away" is laughable. How often have you heard close friends and family of someone who committed suicide say how shocked they are and that they didn't know the person was suffering because the person acted so cheerfully? If people are able to hide their darkest feelings from close friends and family, how is everyone so sure that an acquaintance must be picking up on something much less extreme? Or take the most common TBP explanation for women dating abusive men, that they start off nice and don't reveal their nature until women are already in a relationship with them. So it just so happens that (usually attractive) abusive men are capable of deceiving women, but short men's failures must be because they're open books? Give me a break.

I'm not saying that insecurity can't be a dealbreaker that emerges in long term relationships once people really open up and get to know each other, but jumping to the assumption that men's problems getting 1st (or 2nd if they met online and didn't broadcast their height/other physical qualities beforehand) dates is just a cheap way of turning the blame on men to avoid confronting women's choices.