Life while in a relationship?

Butt-Factory · 2017-06-22T18:13:16+00:00

The men who make this claim are not experienced with relationships.

Hairbrainer · 2017-06-22T19:04:32+00:00

My life in a relationship is not like this, so I'm equally confused. In past relationships, I treat my girlfriend to things, and she treats me to things. We would keep things relatively equal based on status.

prodigy2throw · 2017-06-22T18:23:38+00:00

Some guys are terrified of getting dumped so they stay forever in the wine and dine phase.

Other times guys may be dating a girl who isn't as rich as he is so he'll pay whenever they go out.

For me, the girl I'm dating right now doesn't make much money so when we do go out I pay but don't take her anywhere that I would find too expensive because I don't like going out too often anyways. Also, she pays for what she can and most of the time we're either just going for a drive, hiking or fucking in my car which doesn't cost money.

alreadyredschool · 2017-06-22T18:13:15+00:00

What? Before she doesn't put out I surely won't drop any money on her, and after that about as much as she drops on me.

WhiskersNT · 2017-06-22T18:17:21+00:00

Here's my situation, I think this is fairly common: she makes a little less money than me, but I still wanna do all my same level of activities, so in order to bring her along I have to pay her way occasionally.

I'm not spending a ton of money on her but it's definitely something

Love8Death · 2017-06-22T18:19:53+00:00

I like spoiling my woman. I don't do it to impress her, I like her wearing pretty things, making pretty things, with what I get her. Usually it's a reward for something too. Maybe once a month I'll do that? It's irregular.

If we go out to eat and it's somewhere nice, it's for me too, I'm quite a feaster, on occasion.

Having a self centered but selfless woman is quite nice really.

UA_Hammer · 2017-06-22T18:56:33+00:00

Most of it was my ex being constantly super broke so my options were pay for her or do nothing at all. Bar/club time was fun but that shit gets super pricey. Cover, drinks, Uber end up being about 100 a night

Why would any man continue to spend his money to impress a girl he already landed? I'm curious. What is your life like while you're in a relationship?

You can't just decide to get her nothing for her birthday, Christmas, Valentine's day and sit inside and play video games, watch netflix with her 247 because you've landed a girl unless you give 0 fucks about maintaining an ltr

Littleknownfacts · 2017-06-22T19:19:05+00:00

My SO spends quite a bit on me. Definitely more than I'd like to admit. But there's a big income difference between us. In addition to our gift giving days (birthdays, anniversary, v-day), he pays when we go out, and covers most bills like my rent and phone.

I like to think that at the very least I'm not sitting with my thumb up my ass while he busts his. All the money I do make goes right into paying off my school loans, I stay in shape, I cook most of our meals, and do most of the house work. And above all, I appreciate him. I know my half of the rent is less than a rounding error in his accounts, but without out I'd be living in a shit hole. I never take it lightly what he does for me.

uto-uto · 2017-06-22T20:27:55+00:00

i suppose it could be location or class related... but as i understand it, most here are not UC, and i think only some are UMC (so our experiences shouldn't be too different).

husband and i can easily have a decent dinner for, like, $40 max. if it's a night we just go out for drinks at a local pub/bar, it's about $20 (maybe $30ish if we get something to snack on too). on our most expensive days/dates, it can reach around $60-70, but that's maybe once a month, and involves both movie and a dinner (and potentially a drink or two during the movie).

we don't go crazy spending, though we do go out to dinner every friday. i sometimes splurge on holiday gifts, but that's once or twice a year... we occasionally buy each other small gifts, but i'm talking $30 or less.

a lot of men here talk like they're spending crazy amounts of money, but it's not necessary IMO. and if you're with someone who sees it as necessary when you don't, or can't afford it... move on and don't spend your money.

notworthmuch20xx · 2017-06-22T18:17:43+00:00

Why would any man continue to spend his money to impress a girl he already landed?

A fool finds himself soon parted from it

Fdreal · 2017-06-22T18:37:30+00:00

My understanding of dating

Why are you talking like an alien?

Just go on a date with a woman. You'll find out quickly what they're all about.

figthief · 2017-06-22T19:33:48+00:00

The guys I dated initially spent more money on dates. My first real date with my husband he paid for my dinner and didn't even order his own. It was awkward, but he insisted, and the conversation was so fluid it relaxed it went fine. After that, things are more or less equal. At that age, most of my social life consisted of parties and pitchers or beer, so any asymmetry was pretty negligible.

The only time a guy paid for more than that consistently was a 24 year old I dated at 19-20. He had a full time job and I was a student. He replaced my ipod once when I dropped it in his toilet. He also ordered all the pizza and bought the weed, but I suppose how much I cost him would depend on whichever inventory method you're using on the rolling rock, weed, and pizza. Honestly, though, nobody keeps track of that between friends either, at least I don't.

When you are quasi-living together having an extra person around can cost a bit more, but honestly that sounds like petty roommate shit. Like those freaks that write their name in sharpie on their milk rather than ask you to pick up milk when you go to the store.

Any gifts my boyfriends got me other than special occasions were courtesies you would get for a friend. Like bringing over a bottle of wine or a scented candle or some shit.

GinSmokeLies · 2017-06-22T20:06:47+00:00

My fiance and I don't go out on "dates" very often. We eat out maybe once a month, if that, and we never go anywhere expensive (I've never been to a "fancy" restaurant literally ever in my life.) If we feel like having a romantic night we usually cook a nice dinner at home and watch a movie.

When it does come to going out, we have "whoever's idea it was pays" policy. Typically we will go see a movie (usually his idea) or go to a concert (usually my idea.) Considering movie tickets are like $12 and concert tickets are like $50+, and we do the latter more often, I'd say I end up spending more money in the end but we don't keep tabs. We'll also occasionally go to a free museum day or movie in the park, that kind of thing. There's lots of fun free stuff to do in our city.

We like to go dancing but that's usually cheap (like $5-$10 cover) if not free. Neither of us are big drinkers so going to a bar is not usually an expensive thing. We'll usually pay for our own drinks if we drink at all.

Gifts are not something we do. Instead we have a "fun fund" and we put money in that on our birthdays and at Christmas in lieu of buying each other gifts. We use this fund for vacations or other fun purchases.

questioningwoman · 2017-06-22T20:55:35+00:00

My understanding is the opposite. You don't drop cash until you know someone well because then they won't be likely to help you back. But when people know each other well they can act as each other's personal lenders and combine resources. Spending lots of money when you don't know someone seems backwards. It shows you appreciate the stranger more than the person you know. Yeah spend 100 on a date for a stranger but refuse to help out someone you've dated for years or were friends with for years? And not just money but labor, research, setting things up to happen, speaking out for each other.

Most people here don't seem to understand the concept of mutual help, knowledge sharing, and resource sharing. I don't believe in getting close whether friendships or relationships to anyone who wouldn't give me immense help in return for my immense help. If most people truly have this strategy these days it doesn't make sense for a woman to get commitment anymore in most cases. Because they will get more from someone trying to chase them than when she reciprocates.

super-commenting · 2017-06-23T00:03:24+00:00

If you date a girl who makes significantly less money than you then will inevitably end up spending a lot of money on her.

Let's say you want to go to a concert. If you were single you would just buy one ticket but now that you're in a relationship you're probably going to want to go together and so you need two tickets. At this point you have two options you can either pay for her ticket too or you can only go to shows where she can afford to pay her own way. If you make a lot more than her the second option is going to leave you missing out on a lot of things you could easily afford so you're probably not going to want to do that.

Ercole-- · 2017-06-23T01:22:04+00:00

Why are yall dropping cash on a girlfriend at all?

I see posts all the time across Reddit

We aren't. I'd like to think that even the blue flairs among us ain't that kinda chump. Big Reddit, on the other hand, is full of the poor bastards.

I'm curious. What is your life like while you're in a relationship?

Me and my wife pool our assets more equally than communists. Then we save the fuck out of it.

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says_harsh_things · 2017-06-22T18:52:42+00:00

I never paid for much. Some guys need to spend a lot more on women to keep her eyes facing his direction and not wandering off

IamTheWalkingMenu · 2017-06-22T22:54:22+00:00

Let's see, my bf recently treated me to a trip to cali on a work trip he was on and he often takes me out for dinner and drinks on the weekends. I cook dinner for him most week nights and often breakfast too. I would pay or split if he'd let me, when we go out. I keep on hand in my apartment the drinks and snacks he likes. We really aren't into gift giving territory yet but he did give me an orchid recently although I'll prob kill it soon enough 😂

madscientistlove · 2017-06-22T20:15:55+00:00

What is your life like while you're in a relationship?

Minimal money spent on "dates." I'm pretty busy, so we don't do "dates" very often anyway, maybe once a month. Last "date" thing we did was go get Mexican food and look at art galleries after wedding venue scouting. The art galleries were free, and we chatted up one of the artists who gave us a private showing and let us paw through his portfolio.

He paid for lunch, but I bought us breakfast that morning. If it was up to him, he'd pay for all the things, but I don't like when he does that. Makes me feel guilty, so I make sure to grab the bill whenever I can.

More often, we'll go do social things with our friends like split a 12-pack on the beach. There's a co-ed sports team through my church that we might join for funsies (10 weeks of getting our asses handed to us by another local church, ayyy). We do a lot of free/cheap things for "dates."

MissMaude · 2017-06-22T20:35:19+00:00

I make a lot more money than my husband. I pay the vast majority of the bills, the vacations, nights out etc. He does get me gifts when he sees something I'd like (but he gets himself plenty too- walked in from a business trip to see a new set of golf clubs in the living room last week...). His expendable income is much higher thanks to me.

We dated as college kids so "dates" were Dutch and mostly pitchers of beer and burritos.

RockinSocksII · 2017-06-22T20:57:22+00:00

I buy my own shit, period. I don't need a cash cow.

caesarfecit · 2017-06-22T21:04:43+00:00

Ever see the episode of the Simpsons where Moe the bartender gets a girlfriend? That's what you're seeing.

Its a lot easier to impress and hold on a girl when you have spare cash to play with. You can take her on better dates, afford a bigger pad, have a more active social life, and take her on cool vacations and afford nice things.

Countless mobster movies use this trope as well, where the girlfriends of the characters sooner or later get some inkling of how the guy earns his money, but look the other way to keep the good times rolling.

The problem is, a lot of guys have low self esteem and learn to use money as a crutch with women, not realizing that she either a) doesn't really care about the money and the stuff, or b) she's a gold digger and just in it for the free ride.

Now that being said, a lot relationships do break down when the guy has money troubles or loses his job. Sometimes it is because the couple being short on cash places huge strain on the relationship (especially if there are kids involved) and other times it kills the guy's self esteem and makes the girl feel like she's carrying dead weight that sits on the couch all day long and nobody likes that.

cxj · 2017-06-22T23:08:48+00:00

I'm broke af so my gf Pays for almost everything, which typically is just eating out (not expensive or anything) occasional movies, and music events I can't get us into for free (about 50% of them).

We do t have to go out but she said she'd rather pay to have me come along than go alone or not go out.

Someday I'll have money and take her out and buy her some stuff to make up for it

Unabummer80 · 2017-06-22T23:18:30+00:00

Expensive dates just are not my style, sorry to say. I don't set the expectation of that early on so my girls aren't disappointed. It's easy to decipher that im a bit tight, and I use it to vet women. It's in my nature.

If my own experience is anything to go by, it is younger guys who think they need to impress that do it most. That, or older guys who have the cash to spare.

To be honest, it was never the culture around me to go on expensive dates. Buying them a drink at the pub would do.

Currently, I don't mind paying for dates but my gf does nice stuff for me. She always feeds me at her place and never asks for money towards it so I'm trying to be less of a tight dick. It's hard though cos it's second nature to me .

theambivalentrooster · 2017-06-23T01:04:41+00:00

Some men only know how to attract women with cash/gifts/trips/vacations/paying her bills, etc.

Some women expect to get cash/gifts/trips/vacations/have their bills paid as part of a relationship.

Most people expect some sort of reciprocal gift giving in their relationships.

I've never been in a relationship where money was a factor in attraction or keeping the relationship alive in either direction, outside of 'can we pay the bills?'. Ambition/drive or enthusiasm with current employment is another matter.

DaThrowaway808 · 2017-06-23T02:11:30+00:00

If you go based on the book by Gary Chapman The Five Love Languages, then the women who fall under the category of "Receiving Gifts" as their love language are most likely the ones who tie monetary possessions to status and love.

These are the subset of women the men are dating.

rpwthrowaway2016 · 2017-06-23T03:33:03+00:00

For context, we were both college students until recently. Food-wise, when we're physically together we cook most of the time. We might go out to eat once a week, spending about $10-$15 per person at the restaurant (usually Asian or Mexican places, no drinks). When we go out, we're usually doing a low-cost activity e.g. photography, hiking, going to a park, checking out a farmer's market or a store we're interested in. We go to the movies maybe once every 2 months. We tend to stay in and play video games/do stuff on our computers (I would rather go out more, but he's quite a big introvert). If we're back in his home city, we hang out with his family quite a bit.

We split most of our expenses equally - we even have a spreadsheet for it.

mgtow_1 · 2017-06-23T07:27:22+00:00

For me the costs of dates, gifts, etc can add up if you are seeing new people all the time, because women always expect the man to pay in the beginning, but those were always manageable. The big expenses come once the relationship gets more serious. It's the oh we need a new car, we need a new house, now we need new furniture for that house, etc. It's all those expenses that really add up.

eliechallita · 2017-06-23T22:42:51+00:00

You really need to reframe that point of view. I don't spend to impress my girlfriend: We spend money on the experiences that we want to have.

I'm not taking her out to fancy dinners to impress her: We go out to good restaurants because we both appreciate good food, and we can afford it on occasion.

For a more extreme example, I'm not buying a day pass at a resort to impress her: We both choose to spend a vacation day somewhere because we want to get away from work and our social circle, and spend some time lazing around in the sun.

The problem with your question is that you're assuming that there is no purpose to these experiences other than impressing a walking sex-dispenser.

StayAtHomeChad · Thu Jun 22 18:15:28 2017 UTC

My buddy makes like $100'000 after taxes and lives at his grandmas house. He lost his virginity like not even a year ago to a single mom he met on Tinder, I think he spent like $400 on her in a month, he didn't care 'cause he flosses filthy. He's not nigger rich going broke spending all his money on girls, but he's got the money so why the Hell not?

My life when I'm in a relationship is pretty much the same, except I'm not hooking up with random girls all the time and I have someone to watch movies with and say good night to me. My girl has more money than me in general, so no reason to spend any money on her.

Title	Life while in a relationship?
Author	Sunhappy_DC
Upvotes	12
Comments	196
Date	June 22, 2017 6:08 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6ivb27/life_while_in_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/life-while-in-a-relationship.267435 https://theredarchive.com/post/267435

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