In the 90s people didn’t go on dates, you just invited people to go for a social activity. Going on official dates was something losers would do. If a girl was told by her friend she wants to set her up with a guy. The girl would get pissed, say absolutely not and punch her in the face, not let’s see his Instagram. What scenario was okay is she came around friend groups and they ended up talking in a social setting.

There weren’t cell phones to look at so people were always looking up, interacting with each other more. Your phone wasn’t always there for quick dopamine hits for anything you want. People went out and hung out together significantly more for no reason. Not let’s wait for a specific event.

There’s still work and social circles where you can passively wait for opportunities, but people are more closed off now, unless you’re very social with large friend groups those opportunities are more limited today.

What modern dating is now would be viewed in the 90s as hookup culture on steroids. It’s a microwave society, no attention span, I want what I want, with these preferences. Compatibility and waiting for things to materialize is too slow.

It’s people looking for a dopamine rush from another person that reaches a higher level than their TikTok algorithm. If you don’t engage quickly and physically escalate to some level quickly and successfully, you’ve bored her, she’s onto the next guy who can supply the dopamine rush.

Most guys can’t get enough social opportunities with women so they are now required to figure out how to be online or real life pickup artists and build attraction quickly. I know women that would be willing to meet someone in real life, but prefer to meet men on social media and dating apps. It’s easier for the woman to get into very specific preferences and there’s significantly more variety of men online to choose from.

Finding relationships and the ability to date around wasn’t supposed to scale to this level we weren’t evolutionary designed for it. When men figure out online game they can also create a hybrid of it with girls in real life, exchanging instas is like a real life match. Men who get dating figured out are less likely to settle into a relationship, they can land dates whenever they want, and they crave the rush of meeting someone new.

There’s no fix for this and we can’t go back now. People still meet organically today, but we interact with each other much less than before in person, so it’s likely you will deal with more loneliness before finding someone.