Overcoming high standards

SmurfESmurferson · 2018-06-06T15:26:04+00:00

I've never understood this mindset - have you never been attracted to, or desired, someone who wasn't a stereotypical model or, well, Brad Pitt? We all have, let's be honest.

So why are some people - including you, OP - so convinced that the opposite gender is "settling" for them? Is it so inconceivable that someone likes you for being you?

Honestly, I think it's poor self esteem, which is a huge turn off in and of itself.

exit_sandman · 2018-06-06T15:24:42+00:00

Dan Ariely (who got some really nasty burns around the age of 20 due to an accident) has made an interesting video on this where he commented on people adapting to their league by purposefully going for other desirable traits.

He also didn't really sugarcoat the fact how "good sense of humor" is the poor person's "hot".

sublimemongrel · 2018-06-06T15:29:26+00:00

I don’t know are there really that many people out there who have this issue? I’ve seen some pretty ugly people in LTRs with similarly ugly people and they seemed pretty happy and affectionate to an outsider.

Five_Decades · 2018-06-06T15:53:18+00:00

Good question. If you figure it out, let me know.

The problem is that you can still date if you are low SMV, but you have to date other low SMV people. If you can't do that, then you're fucked because a lot of low SMV people aren't attracted to each other.

If you're low SMV in a low SMV dating pool, either you don't like them, or they don't like you, or both.

Here is another issue I run into when trying to date in a low SMV pool. Lots of low SMV people don't understand that someone can find them attractive. You hit on a woman and she just stares at you like a deer in headlights, her brain can't process that someone finds her attractive. That is another hurdle you face.

goatismycopilot · 2018-06-06T15:37:28+00:00

You get rid of the high standards, you figure out which standards you can discard and which ones are core values. I have a friend who weirdly clings to the idea that a potential partner has to have a university degree, she associates some kind of baseline intelligence which she values, with the university degree. I think it is weird frankly and have told her that. She could reframe how she asses the kind of intelligence she values but she has not done that.

LooksMatterToWomen · 2018-06-09T09:28:15+00:00

Honestly, people with low SMV are better off staying single if they can't find what they're looking for.

1Badmunki · 2018-06-06T16:40:13+00:00

I would take a break from dating and just focus on yourself, raising you SMV. If your overweight, start hitting the gym and eating right. If you are broke, work on your career etc. If you need social skills then work on that. If you are in good shape and have a good job AND lets say you are not the most attractive guy, you could still be a 7/10, higher if you make more money etc.

passepar2t · 2018-06-06T16:42:57+00:00

I'm a male version of you and I've yet to overcome my standards. I simply can't feel excited about dating fellow 4s. We don't exactly inspire adoration.

Personally, I don't think it's possible to overcome your high standards. It's like a disease that has no cure but responds to treatment. Keep trying to value attainable traits and eventually a mental habit will build up, making denial easier.

wtknight · 2018-06-06T17:05:39+00:00

There are ways to increase one’s SMV through losing weight, spending a lot of money on hair, makeup, clothes, etc. If a woman has maximized her SMV in these ways, though, then the only thing she can do, assuming that she already has an agreeable personality, is to lower her expectations when it comes to men.

AnyReference · 2018-06-06T18:02:33+00:00

If you're a 4/10 to 5/10 PSL but are fat (just read through the comments), you can potentially looksmax to the point where you are conventionally attractive and find a conventionally attractive person if there is obscuring of facial bones.

MaliciousMack · 2018-06-06T19:12:53+00:00

You don't. You improve yourself. TRP advice incoming...

Think of the small things first. How you dress, physical fitness, etc. These things can be pinned down and improved upon. If you have excuses for why not, cast them aside and work at it anyway. Most guys don't need a 10 out of 10 to like you. You just need to be good enough.

So improve yourself, so you're more than just a piece of ass for some guy to tap.

[deleted] · 2018-06-06T20:43:02+00:00

There are more leagues.

trail22 · 2018-06-06T21:44:28+00:00

Its not abotu coming to terms with low SMV, it is what are you willing to change abotu yourself to get what you want.

ALready you talk abotu weight. What abotu moving? What about taking on new hobbies. What about willing to approach and ask guys out. How abotu willing to change your personality into one more conventionally attractive.

Its comign to terms with who you want to be and seeing what you can get. Then if you still cant get as the person you want to be, you have to ask yourself how are you wiling to act in a way you dont want to be, in order to get what you want.

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redpillrobert · 2018-06-06T15:20:04+00:00

I'm approaching this from a female perspective...How does one come to terms with being low SMV?

diet, exercise, plastic surgery

"is there no other way?"

"there is no other way"

Aaren_Augustine · 2018-06-06T15:40:03+00:00

You develop girl game.

Merger-Arbitrage · 2018-06-06T15:42:56+00:00

Don't forget that SMV (casual sex of various kinds) and RMV (LTRs/marriage) are different things.

SMV is a subset of RMV traits (RMV is simply far more comprehensive). Importance of overlapping traits may vary, too.

With that being said:

How does one come to terms with being low SMV? With their realistic options for potential sex/relationship partners being unattractive to them?

If your SMV is low, but RMV is higher, then focus on LTRs/relationships and vice versa.

Coming to terms with being low on those scales? Try and see if you can be satisfied/happy/whatever with your RMV/SMV equivalent by dating / sleeping around. If not, you'll have to stay single / celibate or raise your RMV/SMV.

Not sure what else I can say here.

Neither gender wants to be "settled for." But doesn't that mean you have to pick someone so many leagues below you that you look like you came from Olympus to them? In which case, they might be very hot for you, but you feel disgusted just thinking about touching them.

Why would you pick someone way below you? Makes no sense. Likes-for-likes trades work. Similar leagues.

blackedoutfast · 2018-06-06T18:51:27+00:00

leagues don't exist. don't let the fact that a lot of people think you aren't very attractive make you think that everyone thinks you're unattractive. no matter who you are, there is some (maybe small) subset of guys who would be super into you.

also, maybe think about what you really care about and what matters most to you. obviously a guy who is 9/10 in looks AND has a an amazing attitude AND is super rich AND he is super popular etc would be ideal. but maybe you could be happy with a guy who is really fun to be around even though he is only a 5/10 in looks or status. or maybe a 5/10 guy would disgust you and what you really want IS a super handsome guy, but you don't care if he is poor and kinda dumb and not very popular.

Workaholico · 2018-06-06T19:12:44+00:00

What do you mean? what are the questions?

Workaholico · 2018-06-06T19:16:35+00:00

Accept one thing. "you have no alternatives"

are your needs that low you can live alone? okay accept it, are you needs that high you have to accept it? okay accept it. there is just no alternative.

it is like saying "I want the sun to shine blue"... forget it, it is not gonna happen, accept the alternative (use blue sunglasses) or go without having this "want".

rpwthrowaway2016 · 2018-06-07T08:56:49+00:00

Not directly answering your question, but one way to improve your odds is to move to an area which is heavily male-dominated.

crackrocksteady7 · 2018-06-06T15:34:55+00:00

What's your bmi

Title	Overcoming high standards
Author	cenic5
Upvotes	9
Comments	154
Date	June 6, 2018 3:16 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8p1fv0/overcoming_high_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/overcoming-high-standards.262054 https://theredarchive.com/post/262054

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