The "friend" fallacy.

MyLastBestChance · 2023-11-14T02:10:02+00:00

Most people are actually not sociopaths…

TenaciousVillain · 2023-11-14T03:07:04+00:00

Friendships are good training wheels for severely socially inept people who consistently pour 100% of their self-worth and purpose in life into the Romantic Relationship basket. The desperation in them is so incredibly loud (and disturbing) it's obvious they struggle with interpersonal skills in general, have no friends, and put way too much hope in a woman coming along and solving deeper issues that are likely tied to relating poorly to others in general. IMO, 'start with friends' is solid advice.

Pola_Lita · 2023-11-14T06:01:16+00:00

None of these are true. I have always had loose acquaintances in my life but not really people I would consider friends.

So, why even form an opinion about friendship when you've never had one?

SeveralLiterature980 · 2023-11-14T02:50:55+00:00

So because you are an unfeeling gray mass of a person this means that friends are not important to have a fulfilling life?

Bad reasoning, hoss.

KayRay1994 · 2023-11-14T02:20:45+00:00

i mean, i think its less fallacy and more you’re either a sociopath of heavily trying to overcompensate for some internal pain/loneliness

LillthOfBabylon · 2023-11-14T03:28:06+00:00

People on this sub are obsessed with friends,

Because they're easier to get than a romantic relationship, and since guys keep whining that they're lonely, that's a great solution.

either saying you need them

Most humans do.

or that they are a prerequisite for relationships/sex

how to fuck do you guys expect to get a girlfriend if people don't want to even be your friend?

that if you don't have them you will have a weird dependency issue with a girlfriend.

You are aware that a girlfriend is still just a friend you’re fucking, right?

None of these are true. I have always had loose acquaintances in my life but not really people I would consider friends. I have had a couple girlfriends, banged some hos and my current girlfriend I live with on and off with.

Sir, those are just booty calls.

I'm not dependent upon my girlfriend and while I like doing stuff and having sex with her I would be perfectly fine without her too.

she’s not your girlfriend if she’s on and off.

Some of us really

Keyword: Some.

Exceptions don't make the rule.

sincerely don't feel anything and in particular are completely indifferent to either social interaction or the existence of other people.

I was wondering why the word sociopath popped up when I skimmed through the other comments.

drok007 · 2023-11-14T04:03:41+00:00

It’s not a fallacy, most people are not misanthropes. If they are, then they don’t need a woman either. They can live in the woods and be a hermit, who cares?

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-11-14T03:21:13+00:00

If you're not in distress in your current situation and not begging for help then fine, off you go.

That doesn't change the reality that there's a bunch of men with comparatively few friends who see themselves as stalled in painful dymamics they are powerless to overcome, whose current situations could be partially alleviated and long term prospects improved by having more friends.

Safinated · 2023-11-14T06:38:57+00:00

It’s only an issue if you also whine about being lonely, isolated and unvalued

MidoriEgg · 2023-11-14T08:08:24+00:00

There’s a lot of people on here who post that they want to meet a girl, but apps don’t work for them and they don’t like the club, so of course someone would suggest maybe meeting through mutual friends.

If you can meet a girl independently of that, great, but not every random piece of advice people give on in the internet is going to apply to you personally.

onerous_onanist · 2023-11-14T11:13:14+00:00

I've honestly never heard the "you need hobbies and friends to date" in real life that you see on Reddit all the time

It's always be decently in shape, take care of yourself, have a career with a future, your finances together, have balls and confidence. Most people don't have that much time left to fully focus on a hobby or hang out with friends anyways

meisterkraus · 2023-11-14T14:11:32+00:00

I agree a bit. Like you should be able to have a friend or two but the idea that you need a lot of friends is not true. Everyone has different temperaments so the amount of connections a person needs to feel satisfied will be different.

Gullible_March_4667 · 2023-11-14T14:19:13+00:00

Like many people here, I feel that you are the exception and not the rule. And that's if we take you at your word.

I'm in a happy LTR, havent made a real friend since highschool (11 years ago), and I still agree with the get good at making friends first" advice. Not to mention that their are other benefits, such as learning vicariously from other people's relationships problems, advancement in the workplace, etc.

Cool_Relative7359 · 2023-11-14T09:09:54+00:00

Some of us really, sincerely don't feel anything and in particular are completely indifferent to either social interaction or the existence of other people

And many others don't want to date someone like that. If you don't feel "anything" for people how can you feel something for your girlfriend and what is it that you feel? Also apathy towards others can be a trauma response, usually in people who were themselves neglected as kids.

And if you don't have friends, if you don't have community or a support group, if you're in a car accident, is your gf supposed to be your carer 24/7 and end up as isolated as you?

Sounds like a great life. /s

januaryphilosopher · 2023-11-14T07:03:45+00:00

Good for you, assuming your assessment of your situation is even accurate. Do you think there are many people like you who are "completely indifferent" towards others? Do you think that indifference makes them particularly suited to relationships, considering they'd presumably be indifferent to their partners too? Do you think there's simply no trend or correlation between successful friendships and relationships at all?

Mauf066 · 2023-11-14T11:38:27+00:00

Most people do, you're the exception.

SarsaparillaCorona · 2023-11-14T04:21:05+00:00

Oh hey, that’s me! I’ve been saying that!

Cool. Your personal circumstance means you do not need friends, very cool ‘I work alone 😎’ vibes from you.

But when I say this I am saying it in reference to people who have neither friends OR success with women.

You’re right, you don’t need friends to have success with women. But getting success with women is a hell of a lot easier when you do have friends. Even if those friends aren’t directly connected to your ability to get women, they inferentially provide you with the social skills and resources you need to have success with women. They also have the fun side effect of not requiring as much maintenance, and it’s a lot harder for a friend to break up with you.

A lot of people on here don’t have struggles with women, they have struggles with loneliness. They are alone, without friends or community, and they seek that through women, which is a terrible thing to dump onto someone if you’ve been without it or need it.

If you don’t, cool, that’s you, but the vast majority of people do, and finding it in your partner is a bad move.

Think about it this way. Let’s say you want a job in a well paying field, but that field requires experience. You may get lucky, snag a job in that field with no experience, and then you’ll have experience AND the job coming in at the same time. Great.

But your chances of getting that job are much higher if you have experience, and Lo and behold, you can get that experience from lower paying, entry level jobs. It might not be your dream job, but it’s experience on the books.

Same thing here, no, you can’t fuck friends (mostly) but you can get experience having relationships with people, and that’s important.

Not everyone is you, some people need that entry level job.

The struggle is convincing them to go for that entry level job though. Most people here seem to be content with looking at the requirements and not trying, or refusing to go for the entry level job even though rent is due in a week and they have credit card debt. Oh well.

Spare-Estimate5596 · 2023-11-14T03:30:42+00:00

I think the biggest lie is having female friends will help you get laid. Why expand my “social circle” in order to be friends with a woman.

fuckingfitness · 2023-11-14T22:02:05+00:00

You sound very dry and empty

Minute-Leg-9583 · 2023-11-14T23:39:31+00:00

You sound like you have some form of ASPD or at the very least a severely avoidant attachment style from the careless and detached way you talk about your girlfriend. Perhaps having friends is a prerequisite for those who want secure and emotionally healthy relationships.

Notanothrshitthrow · 2023-11-14T10:13:19+00:00

Yep, and there are 5'7 dudes who have gotten laid a lot.

Welcome to the world, no rule is true 100% of the time. What was that phrase that you guys absolutely love, "exceptions to the rule prove the rule"?

gothiccbitch · 2023-11-14T19:10:00+00:00

you come across like a sociopath and i pray your girlfriend goes through your phone or you slip up and your mask of decency falls and she runs away before it’s too late.

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CraftyCooler · 2023-11-14T14:55:40+00:00

I think that at some point in life it is really worth to have a friends - a real ones and in my opinion(this is only my observation, not some revealed truth) the friendships between boys are different and more sincere than those between girls. Boys have longer period of being slightly naive about interpersonal interactions, while girls are building their friendships in more aware way, they know with whom they should and with whom they should not hang out with. I think that this might be a reason of men having less friends - initial screening of potential friends candidates make it more probable that girls will have more in common in the future, while boys are going their own ways and at some point have nothing in common with childhood buddies.

KorinTowerFreeloader · 2023-11-14T15:21:39+00:00

I agree with you, OP. In fact, having the same group of people as your core "friends" prevents you from meeting a lot of new people and growing as a person. This is because people tend to surround themselves with the same sort of people. That's why a lot of women end up dating the same type of guy time and time again. It's the same mistake. Therefore, even if your group "accepts" new members, chances are they are all very alike. I bounced from one friend group to another my whole life, so I maximized the whole experience for myself. I have enjoyed many more hook-ups than I would have otherwise. This strategy allows you to meet a broader range of people, thus giving you more networking beneficial for your career opportunities and success with women.

polyaddictia · 2023-11-15T01:57:39+00:00

Congrats OP, you created a post where the replies to it showcase the absolute idiocy of this sub. It’s crazy how you can just state: “in my experience, making friendships is not necessary to getting dates”, and everyone interprets that as you trying to argue that not making friends is the only way to be successful. Having a discussion or debate in good faith is no longer possible on this subreddit.

Btw, I completely agree with you. I do not have a single life-long friend and only have “friends” as long as I am employed at the same place for a long time. I still have good social skills and luck with dating women out of my league.

Adventurous-Art-8758 · 2023-11-15T09:03:54+00:00

Is this the definition of a hobosexual?

Title	The "friend" fallacy.
Author	Purple_Kangaroo8549
Upvotes	7
Comments	111
Date	November 14, 2023 1:28 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17uqrxq/the_friend_fallacy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-friend-fallacy.1238383 https://theredarchive.com/post/1238383

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