What do you think about red flags? Are red flags truths?

GridReXX · 2023-10-25T13:41:11+00:00

A red flag 🚩 is an indicator of a potential pattern of behavior you don’t align with or want. I imagine they’re different for different people. My red flags may not be yours because what I don’t want to deal with in an intimate interpersonal relationship (romantic or platonic) may not bother you at all.

For example, if I’m on a date and my date is dismissive and rude to the waitstaff just because, to me that’s indicative of their unsavory character. I likely won’t proceed. But if I did, I wouldn’t be shocked when their callousness and cruelty towards others arises again. I chose to hope for the best when I knew that’s probably them.

AdhesivenessLevel379 · 2023-10-25T13:30:57+00:00

Red flags are just indicators of future problematic behaviour. It depends on what your idea of said “problematic behaviour is” and how you believe it manifests

JNRoberts42 · 2023-10-25T13:45:02+00:00

For example, are women with tattoos,

Religious and inexperienced men assume those women have sexual experience they can't measure up to. They are red flags for those men, but tattooed women aren't likely to have any interest in religious and inexperienced men, anyway.

Consuming alcohol is frequently a social activity. Asocial men who dislike drinking probably don't participate in social activities, so that's a "red flag" for friendless men uncomfortable in social environments.

Men who mistrust women with male friends have been the orbiter who girlfriendzoned his platonic friends, so he's projecting his experience.

Those men pretend they are disqualifying women, but those women weren't options anyway. Pre-rejection gives people the illusion of choice. Keyword illusion.

Here, I'll demonstrate. I have zero desire to date a conservative, religious man, but he wouldn't date me, either, since I'm a single woman who owns her own place and has no interest in traditional roles. I have no interest in uptight loners, but uptight loners wouldn't date me anyway, since I have a moderately active social life. I have no interest in jealous, possessive men men, but since I work in a male-dominated job and have male-dominated hobbies, possessive men wouldn't choose me anyway.

Some red flags are universal. But most claims of "red flags" are just posturing because it makes insecure people feel better about their station in life.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-10-25T13:52:00+00:00

I think everyone has Red flags.

RP tho? They kinda smartly figured out something. Tattoos, out drinking, lots of guy friends: these are the social and attractive women that have been around a lot so they have heard it all before Your negs, your dread game, your humblebrags, the flashy style, etc. they have been seeing/hearing/dealing with that since probably HS and even if it worked then: it’s not going to work now. In fact she’ll probably call you out and publicly embarrass you as “just another loser trying pickup techniques from the internet like every other loser who approached this week”.

SO: best way to not get exposed? Tell all the dudes to avoid “ those kinds of women”.

obviousredflag · 2023-10-25T13:30:14+00:00

Red flag for what and for whom?

A red pill guy is a red flag for me.

Women who don't drink alcohol are a red flag for me.

Women without male friends are a red flag for me.

If you just add every red flag someone ever states on the internet to your list of red flags you need to follow when assessing a person, nobody will have no red flags.

You need to decide for yourself what you value in people and what are no gos for you.

literaryhogwartian · 2023-10-25T13:32:08+00:00

Sorry since when is drinking alcohol a red flag?

TotalTravesty · 2023-10-25T14:16:51+00:00

Considering how many people have different red flags—and how some people’s red flags might contradict other red flags—I think red flags are just expressions of personal preferences. People act like their own red flags are The Truth, but it’s only ever a matter of personal opinion. And considering the shit red pill is scared of, I’m glad their opinions are just opinions.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-10-25T16:12:25+00:00

Everyone has things they consider ''red flags'' and not everybody agrees on exactly those red flags are. I think a guy who doesn't like animals is a red flag, I'm sure plenty of people disagree.

I like it when red pillers bring up their red flags. As a tattooed woman who drinks alcohol, consumes edibles, and has male friends, I appreciate it when someone says those things are a no-go for them, that way I know that this person is a hard ''no'' for me. Makes things easier.

zoxzoxzo · 2023-10-25T15:11:25+00:00

You should constitute your red flags based on your own morals, beliefs and common sense. Do not just blindly follow what anyone else says is the red flag in someone, think with your head first.

GoodMongolianWorm · 2023-10-25T13:29:42+00:00

There is some red flags (drug users, abusers, known widely as cheater, etc.). But i dont believe in whole appearance = personality thing. Even if there something you don't like, maybe you will be able to see past that flaws after you get to know that girl better.

YacubsLadder · 2023-10-25T16:48:49+00:00

Having some tattoos doesn't really mean all that much to me.

Nor does a woman who socially drinks.

Women who nearly exclusively have male friends and don't have female friends is a red flag.

I've dated a few girls who only have male friends and two of them ended up cheating on me with said male friends. I've also known other women who cheated on friends of mine with one of their harem of male friends.

And typically the reason they don't get along with women is because they flirt with their homegirl's boyfriends or fuck them.

Not always but it's pretty damn often.

There's often times a reason a girl is very popular with guys.

Different-Virus-7474 · 2023-10-26T01:23:01+00:00

The gaslighting from the women in the comments 🤦‍♂️ a red flag is anything that makes a woman seem untrustworthy or likely to put the relationship at risk. Male friends, dressing provocatively, girls nights out or trips, big social media presence. Tats don't bother me but it's a red flag too I guess.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-10-26T02:07:22+00:00

Most things dumb women think are red flags are actually icks

Notanothrshitthrow · 2023-10-25T13:25:13+00:00

They're mostly bullshit.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-10-25T13:57:15+00:00

100% agree. They never said it applies to all women obviously, like out of millions of women there may be one with tattoos and alcohol problem that can be a good wife and mom, but that is not the majority. Generally speaking women with tattoos are a red flag because they seek attention and it shows that they are damaged, women who are addicted to alcohol obviously a red flag, same with men drinking alcohol. And women with male friends another huge red flag because, let's face it, most male friends actually wait their turn.

thatguywhosadick · 2023-10-25T15:26:03+00:00

The concept of red flags (ie that there are certain signs that someone has deeper issues which would rear its head later in a relationship) makes good sense to me, that being said some things that people consider red flags are pretty dumb imo and in some ways the concept has probably gone a little too far with the whole “icks” thing.

Like for example if it’s the first date and the girl brings up serious family or part relationship drama, that’s a red flag to me, as it’s telling me that those issues are a very active problem they’re nowhere near over if it’s getting brought up so early.

Few-Notice9304 · 2023-10-25T13:34:23+00:00

I honestly see red flags as a more women centric idea, like ‘ohh he’s attractive but kinda toxic in xyz’

Guys kinda know what we are getting into. Or at least accept them.

Maybe mens version of red flags is a ‘whore’ meter.

ratboi34 · 2023-10-25T13:55:42+00:00

One of my issues in dating was that I see everything as a red flag. You got broken up with by a man, the non picky gender that doesn't initiate divorce and stays in unhappy relationships? Red flag. You broke up with a man and you can't give me a real reason? Red flag. You got mistreated by every guy you have dated? Most abuse is bidirectional so you might be abusive. Red flag. Or you are into these behaviours, which would mean that you see that in me. Red flag. You got size 9 feet? Red flag. I will tell everybody that my 200 n-count friend is pure hearted, but if I know that she kissed like 10 dudes, that's a red flag. You dislike the lion king? Red flag. Didn't you have a childhood or what? Why wouldn't you like it? "I have childhood trauma." You should've been a better child then. Red flag. You like the lion king? Does that mean you are in support of social dominance hierarchies? No empathy for the antilopes. Red flag.

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LoFiPanda14 · 2023-10-25T14:18:18+00:00

Tattoos aren’t a red flag, heavy drinking is, women who have male friends wouldnt be that interested in so no they’re not truths just preferences.

Safinated · 2023-10-25T14:25:04+00:00

They’re stereotypes. How accurate do you think those are?

jay10033 · 2023-10-25T14:48:14+00:00

Red flags are like Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart's description of his test for obscenity: "I know it when I see it." If there's a woman who's slept with 100+ guys, is involved in sex work, etc - a red flag. Or women who got their significant others or children out of frustration - a red flag. I'm sure women who see men with criminal records for domestic violence as a red flag.

Red flags aren't prescriptive, so there's no use trying to determine whether a behavior is in fact a red flag. If you don't see how a pattern of behavior may impact your long term relationship before the fact, then it isn't a warning sign. But generally, people learn from their own experience or the reasonable connection of the experience of others.

armpitpics · 2023-10-25T14:52:14+00:00

Red flags don't matter, what matters is your tolerance to certain behaviors. Being heavily tatted up and drinking alcohol is correlated with impulsiveness, but many man do find impulsiveness and other problematic behaviors attractive even if they don't do so consciously, which explains their inability to find something "better". There are also many women who show problematic behaviors even if they don't drink and aren't tatted up, who also never fail to get long term relationships.

Red flags tell you if something might be wrong, but they're not an accurate metric of something actually being wrong.

SmallSituation6432 · 2023-10-25T15:08:47+00:00

A rather broad question. Not speaking of RP red flags at all, they are incredibly helpful when actually used in a reasonable way. By that I mean, red flags are meant to be indicative of some larger or specific trait. If you are reading a book by its cover so to speak its probably just stupid. Tattoos is a good example, the mere fact that someone has a tattoo doesn't say anything about them as a person. Just assuming every woman with a tattoo is a tramp and every man a thug is absurd. A tattoo on their face probably indicates a disregard for social appearance, and a non-highly professional job.

Basically, I would argue that when it comes to red flags, ask yourself "is there only one or two ways that this behavior/thing could come to pass" If so, then it is likely indicative of that being true, or close to the truth. This is of course predicated on the person judging being both reasonable and generally informed enough to make such a judgement. If you are dumb enough to think that only people prone to antisocial behavior get tattoos, then no standard is going to help, because you just EDIT (don't) have a foundation on which any kind of reasonable judgement can be made.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2023-10-25T16:04:46+00:00

Really those aren't even red flags just indicators of a non traditional women.

Ok_Smile_60 · 2023-10-25T16:33:25+00:00

Hmm, mental illness and promiscuous past? I looked past those and got burned reeeaaaal hard

OtPayOkerSmay · 2023-10-25T16:34:03+00:00

Red flags, for me at least, are signals of possible added chaos in my life if I were to proceed with getting to know a person; which is to say they are a sign of excessive baggage or anti-social tendencies.

Does she use insidious manipulation tactics like jealousy, love bombing, etc.?

Does she show low impulse control? ie shitty tattoos, going completely off the rails when drinking, seeking out luxuries (items and experiences) beyond her current means, etc.

Is she self-centred and bratty to the point of being like the valley-girl caricature?

SirCha0s · 2023-10-25T16:40:57+00:00

Red flags for trad conservative men I guess? I kinda generally agree with some red pill stuff but this right here is an example of some goofy cringe. Having male friends in my experience with women is actually a green flag (not necessarily always if she's just sleeping around) because it shows she's not some extreme pain in the ass radfem. Tbf it does matter what type of male friends she has. If the men like hanging out with her because she's just genuinely chill and they aren't all just hanging with her because they're pathetic simps that just want some pussy then that's a very good sign for me at least, unless of course she's incredibly unloyal but that could happen with anyone. In fact, for me it's the opposite with this one, if she doesn't have male friends, that's a sign you should steer clear. The rest of that list is just plain stupid and doesn't need any further explanation (minus alcohol in case she's a massive alcoholic.) You did leave out more important red flags though that they mention that I genuinely agree with. If she has BPD, fucking run. Don't date, fuck, nothing. Just don't even try. Trust me. Just run.

sweetestpineapple · 2023-10-25T16:44:05+00:00

These are unrealistic expectations for most women who aren’t super religious. I did a quick google search, and apparently over 1/3 of millennial and gen z have tattoos. Tattoos haven’t been a sign of delinquency or rebellion in decades. Of course amount, placement and design matter. I also don’t see the issue with drinking in moderation. Male friends can be a red flag if boundaries aren’t respected but simply having them is pretty normal.

MistyMaisel · 2023-10-25T17:01:13+00:00

Signs symbolize many different things and it is up to all of us to do our best to learn to interpret them.

Do I think many of these are valid interpretations of "bad woman".

No. But, sometimes they are as well.

macone235 · 2023-10-25T17:03:55+00:00

I think red flags exist. I don't think these necessarily have to be red flags though. You can drink modestly, have modest tattoos, and and have friendships with male that are pretty platonic. However, when you start getting more tatted up, you drink a lot, and your male friends are questionable, and how you treat them is questionable, then it definitely becomes a red flag.

For example, having glass of wine at home is fine. Having a a small little quote that means something to you on your rib cage is fine. Having a guy friend that you've been friends with since you were young is fine.

On the other hand, getting wasted at clubs every weekend is a red flag. Having a sleeve that you got just to look edgy is a red flag. Being friends with a guy you've had sex with, and even worse - still doing weird shit with like "innocently cuddling", or spending more time with him than your actual boyfriend is a red flag.

SoulBadguy0408 · 2023-10-25T17:59:09+00:00

I don't think they're totally the truth because it varies, but it's a lot of reasonable assumptions that, based on certain traits, it could mean something not so appealing

pssnflwr · 2023-10-25T18:10:35+00:00

While there are some more universal red flags, I think most of them are just personal to what you are looking for. While I might not agree with the red flags if the red pill community, I think it’s entirely up to each individual to set their own standards. You should date who you want.

kvakerok · 2023-10-25T19:13:01+00:00

Ok, let's dive into this a bit.

We'll start with tattoos. It's not about tattoos themselves, it's about what tattoos signify. There's a world of difference between intentional, well thought out tattoo, and a shitty ankle butterfly or a tramp stamp. The former is a sign of a smart person, the latter is a sign of poor impulse control, and high conforming behavior (she has friends with similar tats and is trying to fit in). Poor impulse control is a terrible character trait for an LTR partner, but a great trait for a fun side chick.

So really it's about whether the woman's character traits are fit for the role you want her to take in your life. The exact same thing is valid for men imo. Women use fuckbois for fun and not LTRs.

You wouldn't use a race car as a daily commuter, same thing here.

Rogue5454 · 2023-10-25T22:48:20+00:00

I think just being a woman is a red flag in a red pill man’s eyes.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-10-26T00:11:57+00:00

A big red flag is a woman who constantly talks about your red flags

“You’re controlling”

With no evidence almost like she wants you to be

Title	What do you think about red flags? Are red flags truths?
Author	Educational_Ad_9344
Upvotes	8
Comments	115
Date	October 25, 2023 1:20 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17g4mya/what_do_you_think_about_red_flags_are_red_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-you-think-about-red-flags-are-red-flags.1236326 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236326

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