What exactly is wrong about being "beta bucks"?

MarBitt · 2022-08-13T15:46:52+00:00

Men who are bothered by this are usually those who were not chosen by women for sex in their youth. So they observed how sex is generally available to attractive men and most women, while they vainly desire it. This created frustration in them.

Now that they are older, women want to settle down and suddenly these men are in demand for stability, a good (agreeable and safe) character, overall husband and father material. But these men often have unsatisfied desires from their youth. They long to finally be able to enjoy passionate, kinky sex, explore and discover their sexuality, to experience what it feels like to be sexually desired by women.

And they have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that they will simply never have it in their lives. Because the women already had their phase of irresponsible sex and this men simply don't have such great sexual qualities. They have other qualities, but these will not help them satisfy the desires of youth.

The theoretical solution would be, when woman finds a man for marriage, to give him the opportunity to fulfill his desires from his youth, thereby overcoming them and growing up. But if the woman, on the other hand makes him wait for months, then she gets pregnant as quickly as possible, then after the child she loses her desire for sex...

So some men internally feel it is unfair and frustrating that they should step into such a role. All youth longed for sex, but girls were not interested in them. Then they finally started to be interesting to women, but those women want more family and love and partner life... And the time for casual sex and drunken threesomes is over.

And of course, women don't want men to deal with the fact that while she had 20 sex partners, he barely had two. The past is the past, she enjoyed the sex to her heart's content and verified that it was nothing extra without love. Silly fun for young people. But he didn't have the opportunity to experience it, so he idealizes casual sex all the more.

dbz19_kai · 2022-08-13T14:47:48+00:00

Cause you don't wanna feel like you're second best. That your wife was and is attracted to someone more than you and would rather be with him right now if only he was willing to commit, which he isn't, so she's with you instead since you're safe and willing.

johnnyGotHisTabla · 2022-08-13T14:54:12+00:00

It is better to be loved and appreciated for who and what you are than what you can provide.

Rexagon_2017 · 2022-08-13T18:12:27+00:00

The basic idea is that the man who is Beta Buxed enters his late twenties or early thirties with minimal sexual experience. The man then finds himself in a long term relationship with a woman who has had considerable sexual experience, with perhaps as many as thirty prior lovers.

There are a number of issues believed to arise in this kind of situation. First, it is believed that the men in the situation described have been given a raw deal. The woman got to have a considerably varied social life, and an extensive sex life in her youth, while the man was essentially celibate. This is perceived by a number of men as being unfair.

Another issue said to arise in a sub set of these men is basically "late blooming." Some men, who are off the scene in their twenties, become desirable as they approach thirty. Most of the men in this group were sheltered by upper middle class families. They have never experienced the party phase most girls had in their early twenties, and they are looking to indulge in their late twenties. This creates the issue of men who are essentially unserious in their late twenties and early thirties.

Finally, having had basically no sexual experience in his twenties, the man is typically not able to please the woman in question. The man is often seen as being an extremely poor lay, both due to a lack of experience, and general unattractiveness.

richard_golbes · 2022-08-13T15:22:41+00:00

I would describe almost all of my friends that are in relationships as "beta bucks"

What do you mean by this?

KombuchaEnema · 2022-08-13T13:06:13+00:00

If you’re in a genuinely loving relationship and you’re satisfied with your partner, you aren’t a beta bucks.

A beta bucks is a man who settles down with a broken woman (i.e., she made horrible life choices and wants another person to rescue her from herself, a damsel in distress) who doesn’t satisfy him in the relationship, but he’s too afraid to stand up for himself because he views women as delicate little flowers who need protecting.

There are a lot of men who fall for the damsel in distress routine. Toxic women have figured out that they can wallow in their own self-destruction (drugs, promiscuity, engaging in dangerous behaviors) and they can usually find a man who will be at her side to rescue her as soon as she snaps her little fingers.

Example: the man who can’t keep a girlfriend because he’s always coming to the rescue of his female best friend every time she gets blackout drunk at the bar (with no signs of her ever improving this behavior). He prioritizes his female best friend above every other woman in his life because she’s “damaged” and he feels a need to play hero in her life. He can’t comprehend the idea that she’s self-aware and manipulating him on purpose because in his mind women aren’t capable of being manipulative since we’re such sweet delicate little creatures.

Beta bucks are another variation of this. Do they want to come to the constant rescue of self-destructive women? No. Are they truly satisfied with starfish sex and a wife who only cares about his paycheck? No.

Do they have the balls to actually stand up to a woman and tell her “no more”? No.

And there’s nothing sadder (or more unattractive) than a man who won’t stand up to a woman because he’s too accustomed to playing white knight.

NockerJoe · 2022-08-13T14:25:42+00:00

To me theres a difference between that and a normal relationahip. In a normal relationship you presumably communicate normally and are reasonably sexually active. A lot of redditors on other subs try to sell their marriafe as "haha if I didn't text my wife first every time she'd disappear" or "well we never have sex now that we're married but thats not important" and once you see enough of these in the context they're generally in theres a really obvious subtext that a lot of these men are in loveless marriages with wives that don't really care about them because they didn't really have a lot of options and they tried to lock down the first woman that ever showed them any attention.

I don't think this is that common in the grand scheme of things but if you're a dude with no abu dance who has never really experienced a woman that properly loved you then you're in the demo most likley to deal with this, and this goes double if your parents divorced or had an unhappy marriage and you have no actual model of what a proper relationship looks like.

This is again, only really relevant to a few specific niches of men but those are also generally the ones talking about it. Nobody should be stuck with an emotionally abusive or neglectful partner.

FineDevelopment00 · 2022-08-13T17:12:30+00:00

I don't think you really understand what "beta bucks" means. It's basically getting settled for. It's the female equivalent of those hypocritical men who were promiscuous in the past but then turn around and seek out a virgin bride once they can no longer pull off the playboy lifestyle. That isn't to say people can't change, but if they really changed then they wouldn't be holding double standards and/or acting like they're into the person they settle down with when in reality they aren't and they're only with that person because the person (or people) they really want and reminisce about won't have them. Nobody wants to be a rebound/second choice and/or only sought after for shallow reasons such as status and used as a mere means to an end. And I say this as a woman.

midwesternMD · 2022-08-13T19:17:22+00:00

A lot of it, in my opinion, is due to the connotations associated with the terms “alpha” and “beta.” Alpha has come to be associated with peak masculinity/desirable/leadership/etc. And beta has come to be associated with anything but that.

Hell, the terms alpha fucks and beta bucks are designed to be divisive. Frankly, I don’t understand why someone hasn’t tried to coin the term alpha bucks.

Anyway, the fact remains that in any given relationship, there will most likely be a higher earner. And given the income gap, it is more likely to be the man (for now.) So it’s easy to demonize a bunch of happy (and a bunch of unhappy) men in relationships by broadly labeling them as beta bucks.

Conceptually though, I think men, especially men of means, fear that they are desired for their means and not for themselves. It’s the same kind of insecurity that attractive women might have regarding their beauty.

For me, I’m mostly concerned with finding the right woman who likes me for me, only to learn of the extent of “the other stuff” I bring to the table over time. Part of it is ego protection. But a big part of it is also to reduce the likelihood of a divorce that could financially turn my world on its head.

AdditionalPrice7336 · 2022-08-15T00:39:21+00:00

Something...dignity...something pride...something self respect...

wtknight · 2022-08-13T14:53:27+00:00

You're essentially spending money and time to be able to have sex, and,
The sex that you're having is not as good because she's not that sexually attracted to you compared to men whom she considers alpha, and,
She's more likely to cheat on you or leave you if she finds a guy who is more alpha who she is more attracted to.

vogel777 · 2022-08-13T20:37:52+00:00

Beta Bucks is a totally paranoid fantasy of deeply insecure men. They are men who want to be what they perceive as the hot men they imagine all women want to be with, they may as well be day dreaming about being a rock star or a superhero.

They are so immature that they can't accept they are just ordinary men with very ordinary options, they feel demeaned by having to live an ordinary, run of the mill life with an ordinary woman. So they create a narrative of victimhood around thus scenario that conveniently makes women the baddie.

sarkington · 2022-08-13T18:59:38+00:00

Sex is more important than anything else, at least to those who don’t like beta bux, that’s what

2022-08-14T09:20:08+00:00

I’m going to comment from the perspective of the few marriages I know that are truly beta bucks. These guys (mid 40s) make good money but are basically working to afford the lifestyle their wife wants. The wives have friend circles and hobbies outside of their house. These guys are basically chauffeurs driving their kids around and running errands during their free time. They don’t have hobbies and their social lives are run by their wife.

If they are happy with that life that is great and all these labels and external judgements don’t matter. I suspect however they aren’t happy and I watch them drink themselves into oblivion on Friday and Saturday nights. If they aren’t happy then they’re in a bad position because divorce will give their wife the house, the kids, child support, and most likely alimony. They will end up in a two bedroom apartment with a limited social life and bored as the sad Reddit trope goes.

Vtridolla · 2022-08-13T15:56:59+00:00

A bunch of morons on the internet might think less of you.

Do what makes you happy cabrón. No one asked to be here and we don’t make it out of this thing alive.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-08-13T13:23:52+00:00

Beta bucks is a concept invented by paranoid men that men in happy relationships will never truly be happy because his wife (even if they have regular sex) will always be thinking of her past or thinking of other men. She will also cheat on him at every opportunity.

Paranoid men tell everybody this because it’s another tool they can use to deflect from their own lonely miserable life’s.

“If I’m unhappy, I’m going to try and make myself feel better by making everyone else miserable”

John_Oakman · 2022-08-13T13:29:05+00:00

The [real] men [of the manosphere] who disdain the concept of beta-ing are also usually the ones who reject mainstream social legitimacy and obligations. Thus they dismiss all the positive aspects (if not seeing those as negative), which only leaves the negatives.

onirroc · 2022-08-13T13:06:43+00:00

I don't even know a beta bucks. All my friends are in relationships or marriages where both partners have careers...

humdf · 2022-08-13T13:11:27+00:00

blue balls? i.d.k. if you had sex with a woman who chased you and is high libido you'll know what they lack.

801735 · 2022-08-13T13:17:03+00:00

What exactly is wrong about being "beta bucks"?

Nothing much, really. That's why you might give "beta bucking" a try for a couple (Half a dozen? More?) of guys for a decade or two, selflessly so, you know, as practice so you're experienced if the need comes later on in your life. You're not sexist, now, are you?

Problem?

edit: italic

stats135 · 2022-08-13T18:06:45+00:00

The problem is that it comes AFTER AF.

There is nothing wrong with BB by itself, its just a problem when it is part of the dual mating strategy of AFBB. The alpha gets her youth, and the beta does not.

Basically there are three different scenarios:

1- Women spend youth AND old age with same man. This is traditional marriage. No problems here.

2- BBAF. Women spend youth in marriage and explore the CC later in life. This happened a lot with the boomers. You see quite alot of couples in this era marry as high school sweethearts, wifey gets bored and fucks the poolboy, and they divorce in their late 30's after the kids are teen/adults. Sure there's alimony and a a couple of years of child support, but on the whole its worth it to be the man here as he got her youth.

3- AFBB. Women spend youth fucking around and marries post wall. This is where it is undesirable to be BB husband material.

itmethrowaway12 · 2022-08-13T21:08:10+00:00

u get the girl at a less attractive point in her life?

AutoModerator · 2022-08-13T12:57:01+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

lifesuckswannadie · 2022-08-13T20:26:15+00:00

Theres nothing inherently wrong with it , its just preference. I personally would not want that

LightGlows · 2022-08-13T23:13:32+00:00

Compared to being actually desirable because of your body and personality it falls quite a bit short in my opinion but it's a decent way to go compared to being forever alone and such.

I know people will say being single is great and such but really it is utter shit in the long term if you are not sexy and somewhat personable(and thus able to get sex with women, or men for that matter since this goes for both genders/gays)

2022-08-13T23:42:59+00:00

It can go okay for a awhile.

But then…..

BOOM

2022-08-14T00:33:08+00:00

I'd rather just hire a sugar baby than have a partner that doesn't actually desire me.

AelfredRex · 2022-08-14T02:03:42+00:00

You have to remember that the guys who think that there even is an Alpha/Beta game going on are sociopaths incapable of any kind of Love other than narcissistic Self-Love. According to them, no woman can love because they only want looks, bodies, money, and status, which is merely a projection of the narcissists' own wants and desires onto women. They can't fathom anyone, especially themselves, actually caring about another human being. Hell, they don't even like women. They just want to use them for sex and ego masturbation. So they made up this "Beta Bucks" bullshit as a way to denigrate people who actually love each other.

parahacker · 2022-08-14T04:42:10+00:00

I mean, looking through the replies it seems like even the men who don't want to be BB don't get it.

But for me, it's pretty simple. And I didn't even really have this problem, never being terribly wealthy in the first place, and also having been the side piece for women who wanted to fuck around until I got tired of it. Somehow, I seem to get the BB aversion better than they can articulate it.

Probably because of watching the disaster that was my dad's second divorce. Er, hypothetically.

It's all about security.

See, if it's you that attracts the woman - your personality, sexuality, etcetera - then if you lose your job you don't necessarily lose the relationship.

But if you had to bribe your wife to coexist with you, even if you're a tall guy with charm - even if she's a year older than you, even if she had a fucking wart the size of my thumb on her cheek like my dad's second wife might possibly have had - well, when you maybe got a pacemaker and possibly aren't allowed to work in your profession anymore... when the money runs out and you're on disability... when you can't take trips to Europe, and the basic bitch your son hated for 20 years (cough) I mean your loving wife you invested hundreds of thousands of dollars into realizes the money tree has been definitively chopped down, well, she runs out pretty quick too. Took less than 2 years. Hypothetically. And he loses the house along with it. Even though she moved to a different state.

Hypothetically.

Men don't like being Beta Bux because most people, men and women both, aren't honorable or loyal enough to stay bought. You need love, ride-or-die commitment, and similar irrational (but awesome) shit like that to make it work.

Especially for women these days, when every chat group, knitting circle and ladies' night crowd is practically frothing at the bit to tell her to divorce, when there's really no downside, no condemnation, hell even praise and attention...

I can't blame women for leaving men high and dry on a whim, really. Culture is a powerful force, and our culture hates men - that's everyone's fault. But still...

Men don't like being BB because your wallet is not you, and mercenaries are never loyal to you, only to the money. That's why. Even 20 years and raising my hypothetical half-brother might not change that.

So I dunno about those other guys, but if I ever get really rich and decide I want to partner up - doubtful on both counts, I'm a truly bitter old man at this point - but if that ever happened, I'd fucking well lie and say I was poor as shit to any woman that asks. Because fuuuuuuck that.

BruddaMSK · 2022-08-14T10:26:26+00:00

What exactly is wrong about being "beta bucks"?

Nothing would be wrong if the beta was treated equally. Like you're either alpha or pay and you get same experience. The only issue is the world does not work that way.

kboogie82 · 2022-08-14T15:50:36+00:00

Nothing wrong with being a human ATM that gets little to no respect, essentially it's how human evolved but the wahmen want better why can't we?

neetykeeno · 2022-08-14T21:39:21+00:00

Since working hard to maintain a standard of living is clearly how under this current economic system the majority of the population who remain single or pair up have to live whatever their gender or sexual orientation, making it the monster under the bed seems about as self sabotaging a thing as one could possibly do.

Most women in our economy work for money to provide for their household. Most couples between them can take distressingly little time off work to do primary childcare duties and are flat out trying to have enough money to be housed, healthy, educated and maybe go to Disneyland one day

Men who have attractiveness issues are acting like women aren't overwhelmingly in a very similar boat to men... having to work hard to maintain acceptable household standards of living, and sharing the results of that hard work in any relationship.

If someone is highly unattractive they are left scrabbling for a partner with the rest of the residue of the system of mate selection. Some of that residue is people with character issues so unattractive people need to be careful. It sucks having to reject people when you've got few options. I can understand that causing a few mental issues. But... making being a provider the monster under the bed is tantamount to saying they wouldn't want normality anyway if they could have it. Which ummm... definitely gets people who are living normality offside. I mean if you don't want normality go deal with whatever weird thing you're going to do instead, and stop playing these stupid games with people who are doing normality, right?

Title	What exactly is wrong about being "beta bucks"?
Author	KoalaAccomplished395
Upvotes	0
Comments	107
Date	August 13, 2022 12:57 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wndx7b/what_exactly_is_wrong_about_being_beta_bucks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-exactly-is-wrong-about-being-beta-bucks.1127469 https://theredarchive.com/post/1127469

Comments