What do you think actually helps men date?

Huellenthousiast · 2022-08-30T10:52:46+00:00

Don’t wait to long with asking someone on a date, don’t let it “come to you” (not gonna happen).

Peacesquad · 2022-08-30T14:32:27+00:00

“Men aren’t entitled to sex. Get a haircut and go to therapy”—99% of women on Reddit

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2022-08-30T12:53:06+00:00

Self development. If you’re not putting effort into developing yourself then why would anyone else?
Financial literacy and stability. Things like overspending, debt and constantly worrying about money will seep into your daily life and effect your confidence.m since money is pretty important
Just talk to women. People have all these rules about when you can and can’t talk to women and how it makes them uncomfortable and blah blah blah. As long as you’re not harassing them and are aware of how you’re approaching just approach them anywhere
Go with an abundance mindset. There’s millions of women in the the world.
Don’t be bitter. Biggest one for both men and women. They let previous relationships seep into every relationship they have. Don’t be stupid and ignore obvious red flags but also don’t blame every woman for what some did

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-08-30T11:06:52+00:00

Build a social circle. Dudes out here have no friends and life

infinitofluxo · 2022-08-30T12:15:46+00:00

I follow the two rules that never fail:

1) Be handsome 2) Don't be ugly

desifemmefatale_94 · 2022-08-30T13:09:19+00:00

Be genuine in your friendships with women, I actually have an easier time setting up my single male friends when they haven't hit on me particularly. Having a genuine group of female friends tells other women that you aren't just out for pussy or a relationship

Stop_Maximum · 2022-08-30T16:21:18+00:00

I’ll start by saying that nothing guarantees success with dating unless you are attractive, people love your personality or you have something people look for. People don’t date you out of pity, this isn’t a Disney World.

That being said, I believe it helps to live life a little. Sometimes the best way to date is to let it happen naturally. All this forcing dates to work for you, makes people anxious, bitter and resentful especially when it doesn’t work.

Another way is to make and have some good friends around which might bring more exposure to the outside world. Not only does it help a person to have a social life, but also they might be able to meet new people through those friends and maybe a date. Friends can also advise on how to go about dating.

Another would be ensuring their presence is wanted and presentable. Some people might not care how you look, but if you want better chances care about your self and hygiene. Make sure you also wanted and not annoying to be around or bratty.

KoalaAccomplished395 · 2022-08-30T10:40:37+00:00

What I personally think helps men date:

1 Self confidence is often mentioned and I think it is undoubedtly one of the most important aspect but it is rarely elaborated on how to actually achieve it. I personally think self confidence comes from 2 things:

a Putting in effort: It almost doesn't matter what you put effort in! As long as it is something you feel pride in accomplishing it will increase your self confidence. Learning new hobbies/ tidying up your house/ helping friends, whatever. The things you don't get self confidence from are things you don't feel pride in for doing such as playing video games too long or watching tv all day (although these things are fine in moderation).

b Experience with dating itself. Dating gets so much easier if you go through it a couple of times. If you have a fear of dating then you have to break this barrier, with the right mindset being rejected isn't a failure, it's just a learning oppurtunity. Of course success will boost your confidence more than not succeeding.

2 Take care of your appearance. The thing I agree with the red pill on I guess. Appearance is important. The amount of things you can do to look better is actually quite large. Your clothes, hairstyle, smell, hygine and fitness are all in your control. There isn't a reason to not do this except for the effort it takes. I really recommend trying to switch up your style a couple of times because people just do what they are used to and sometimes something else looks way better. It doesn't make you fake or try hard to try out new styles. There are always things outside of your control, but everyone can be a 7 when putting in effort.

3 You have to try. A bit tied to point 1, but you have to try otherwise nothing happens. You have to go out and meet people and you can't just sit passively behind your computer (hello reddit). You have to flirt with people that interest you and not wait ages for the right moment or think you aren't good enough or whatever. Flirting is a skill and it's subtle, it's almost impossible to explain with words because it is person and context dependant. There is this fine balance between coming on too strong and waiting too long.

4 For online dating specifically you have to put in actual effort in getting good photos and a good profile. Always be presentable when hanging out with friends and ask them to take pictures. Put the pictures on websites that rate profile pictures to get a feel for what works. Spending 1 day actually putting together a good profile is more productive than days of useless swiping. Keep in mind that men outnumber women 4-9 to 1 on most dating apps so it will suck. However once you actually get a first date it's ok Take a dating app that isn't tinder because its onl used for memes and hookups nowadays.

What I think doesn't work: All the dumb “you have to be a bad boy” stuff or whatever. Everyone smells someone faking it from miles away. What I also think doesn't really work is endlessly trying to over analyse women as a group. "AWOLT" is often mentioned but I think it very much underestimates the spread there is in individual women. Some things might be more universal but other things are just very personality depended and trying to fit someone else's image of how things should be just leads to fakery. It also leads to a lot of bitter takes that help nobody.

Clean_Mastodon5285 · 2022-08-30T11:41:35+00:00

Be a chad or rich, hope that helps good luck

lordbongius · 2022-08-30T12:48:58+00:00

Be goodlooking or very rich if you want women to even consider you.

Sadly this is where we are at with modern dating, pretty much chad or bust unless you get lucky during highschool or college.

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-08-30T13:31:34+00:00

What actually helps men date is confidence. Having big dick energy or unassuming self confidence. Being smart and having social intelligence and social awareness. Thinking but not overthinking and staying out of one's head to avoid self-doubt. Properly grooming and paying close attention to hygiene and style of dress. Not being afraid to fuck up the date and not being afraid of rejection and knowing there's tons of other sexy women there some who won't reject at any time in any way.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-08-30T11:00:20+00:00

The main thing is just the amount of women you meet. Most men who struggle in dating aren't very social, or only social with men. But literally whatever other characteristics you have, the more people you meet who could be into you the greater chance you have of one actually being into you.

Superannuatedpunk · 2022-08-30T10:56:20+00:00

What really helps men date is getting out there and talking to women - casually, as friends, flirting, whatever. Doesn't matter. Talk. To. Chicks.

99% of the bloviating from men on this forum is basically down to being scared of girls.

Women are just people. You're not going to vibe with most of them. Some of them will be fine to just have a one-and-done chat with. Some will be kinda cool.

There's so much catastrophising about how you're going to laughed at/branded as a creep/arrested by the woke stasi for crimes against feminism.

No you won't. Be cool.

The other major sin here is putting too much pressure on yourself to get them to like you/be attracted to you.

They probably won' be. That's fine. Be cool.

PHVEDO · 2022-08-30T11:13:30+00:00

it all boils down to having a friend circle if u have events to go to you will meet girls no matter what. After doing this a couple of times u wont be experiencing the low self esteem/trying too hard to not getting anywhere issues. You wont be putting them on a pedistal as u r already meeting a lot of them so they r not scarce anymore. You will talk to them normally and calmly which is already better than 99% of guys they have talked to that day

TigerRude4 · 2022-08-30T10:41:16+00:00

Stopping whining on ppd

badsign12 · 2022-08-30T13:41:45+00:00

It always helps to be fit, to have some friends of each sex, and to do things you're passionate about aside from work. If you're conventionally attractive, that's a real good start.

If you're not so conventionally attractive, I think two things can help. People who aren't so good looking often develop a style that makes them even less noticeable, trying to hide some feature (s) or maybe their entire self. Wearing dull colors or dull styles or clothes that are 2 sizes too big.

I think it's fair to say that men in particular often go unseen by women. This blending into the background presentation just feeds into that. If a guy has any fashion sense, or a trusted friend who can help him out, dressing and generally presenting himself in a way that draws attention can help, especially if his looks alone seldom catch anyone's eye.

That's focused on looks because it's what she'll notice first. Beyond that, really try to figure out what type of woman you like as people and whether you are a good match, generally. Knowing who you are is a good place to start. If you're an artistic introvert who is often attracted to extraverted women in business-and moderately social women who work in education or the arts, the latter group might be better for you.

This is oversimplified, but the idea is to narrow your focus to women you're likely to actually like and who may like you. Again, men who aren't flourishing socially intuitively want to cast a wider net, when the counterintuitive approach is likely more effective.

FlyV89 · 2022-08-30T15:15:27+00:00

Read, train, work, travel, buy a bike, travel more, have friends, drink some, party hard, work harder, train even harder, read more, paint, listen to good music (rock and metal if possible, that's the classic music of our times) be positive, fun, extroverted.

When you start living your own life you will realize you don't have time to waste in the women that want to take part on it.

I know you won't believe me now, but I tell you I dumped more good looking women than you think just because my bike doesn't have enough room for two.

You want to be succesful with women? Make your life intresting enough so women stop being a goal and start to become an obstacle.

For some reasson, women throw themselves at you when they know you don't need them.

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sarkington · 2022-08-30T14:21:19+00:00

Stuff that they refuse to do because they don’t want to

Willow-girl · 2022-08-30T16:03:50+00:00

Courage, lol.

Gundam_net · 2022-08-30T16:35:50+00:00

I think it has to do with money and social reputation. Specifically, having a job that pays enough to afford a market rate home or apartment and an ability to live normally. I think problems happen when you can't afford to live a normal life. From what I can tell, this is really the only important thing. Keeping normality, normality of good health, normality of market rate housing, normality of everything. I think deviations from the normal are what women fear the most. And an age dependent normal, so under 23 normal is not failing out of school. Over 23, normal is working a job that pays enough for market rate housing. Etc. Over 26 normal is probably getting married and buying a house. Women seem to really like normal things, or at least hypothetically ideal normals that are almost never realistic. Maybe it's because of Disney movies culturally conditioning, idk.

Reality is a lot of people drop out of school, a lot of people struggle to pay bills or even work full time or get a living wage. Etc.

ObjectiveCow59 · 2022-08-30T17:21:43+00:00

The biggest things that help men date are genetic.

Be tall

Be white

Have an attractive face

Strong jawline

Come from a middle class family or better

Be in shape (some genes make this easier) Don’t wear glasses

Have a huge cock (improves confidence, big dick energy or whatever women call it).

Then epigenetics come in.

Then after all those uncontrollable factors are accounted for, it can give a little boost if you have some social skills and take care of hygiene a bit… by no means is this a deal breaker but it gives you bonus points for sure. (Women will date the dirty, obnoxious, self confident, tall white guy over the guy without all these genetic features but who puts some effort in.)

At the end of the day it all comes down to genetics, most women want tall white genes for their child and even if they don’t get pregnant with chad, the genes are still attractive on a primal level and our culture and beauty standards reinforce this to boot.

Of course women who are reinforcing the beta ideal (safety net) will tell you this isn’t true, don’t let them fool you. Women’s behavior tells the truth, their words often don’t.

AdditionalPrice7336 · 2022-08-30T17:39:54+00:00

Unlimited power!

greatestever1522 · 2022-08-30T19:47:54+00:00

The single thing that helps the most is going out and meeting people and working on your social skills. If you cannot talk to women because too nervous then just go talk to people and learn to make conversation until you are comfortable. Eventually you will be confident enough to go approach someone you are interested in and talk to her and get her number and get a date but know that you will strike out ALOT but someone will give you a chance eventually and just don’t give up. You won’t get dates if you don’t actually talk to anyone and try to get numbers/dates

LMM-GT02 · 2022-08-30T20:43:49+00:00

Get more fit, get more rich, and don’t give a fuck. Aim to the man of the hour.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-08-31T00:07:59+00:00

From observing my oldest sons dating , which I think living outside a urban metropolitan area gives the ability to date a boost . My oldest sons are lower 20s . One is 5'10 other is 6'2. Good / Average looks. Employed / furthering education. Living independently from parents Both can drive ,and have a license.lol I know this is a normal adulting thing but from reading numerous responses on numerous threads evidently alot of men don't drive legally. Wtf ?!?

My sons where raised around men all their lives . Football weekends , learned how to work on vehicles. Problem solve. Know how to change the oil , fix flats.

Honestly from middleschool neither had problems with obtaining GFs.

Men being in their sons lives is very important. Helps with boosting confidence and dealing with life from a males perspective.

Elonine · 2022-08-30T11:28:51+00:00

Be tall.

truthfullyVivid · 2022-08-30T15:59:39+00:00

This will come off as trolling but sincerely-- talking to women. Not just approaching/hitting on women-- gotta stop thinking of every (attractive) woman as a potential mate/target. If she turns out to be cool and you hit it off, then that's fantastic. Pursue it further until it goes somewhere, or it goes nowhere. But don't just pass on chances to socialize with women and make friends (oh noes, not the dreaded friendzone! lol) because you can learn a lot about women... from women. Go figure. Not to mention there are plenty of great people out there you could make friends with if you stop limiting yourself, so you'll be growing your network and that helps with meeting new people.

It's okay if you don't like having a huge network and prefer more personal relationships with your friends-- it doesn't have to be a massive group. But with more lady friends and time spent hanging out with them, you'll become much more confident around women because you'll be comfortable and less nervous about saying the wrong thing or fixating on if you look good at the moment, or whatever.

edit: Oh? Someone had a problem with this advice, eh?

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-08-30T11:44:31+00:00

Friends, honestly just having some friends around you improves your self-esteem and confidence, makes you more likely to go out and makes it easier to talk to people and women. I think too many of the guys here withdrew themselves at school and college and now don’t process the social skills to start or maintain a relationship. The red pill is helpful in this sense as it encourages men to better themselves and get out , which is great, but it’s ultimately still very much a lone wolf way of life which is why it doesn’t work very well.

People seem to forget, with the rise of single men, there is also a rise in single women, yet we don’t here them complaining so what’s the actual issue with these men then

2022-08-30T13:35:43+00:00

Get off the fukin dating apps, they are terrible for your mental health and are playing out against you, there are 3 times the amount of men on there for women that only swipe 5% of you, and the business model has no interest in getting you paired up for good, they pay psychologists to figure out ways to keep you hooked and paying to stay in the pool fishing.

GET OFF THE FUCKING DATING APPS. STOP BEING LAZY, QUIT MAKING EXCUSES, STOP LIVING THE HOPE STRATEGY, GET OUT AND LIVE LIFE, GET OFF THE FUCKING DATING APPS. THAT GOES FOR THE LADIES TOO.

Be social in real life, do things with friends on meetup groups and volunteer, take classes, go to spots where people congregate to chill with their friends even if you dont drink. In life you need to develop the social skills and have a good grasp on emotional intelligence enough to read people and manage relationships. Have realistic expectations, if you're fat and look like shit dont expect to be getting models working your shit day job at the corner store. I can't tell you how many overweight unkempt unhygienic CS kids I've met who are successful software engineers who are expecting some sort of anime waifu who is gonna game with them... while they are out there... the ones they want are Ethots who are hustling men for money on twitch... they are not looking to settle for one of their stereotypical fans. Be in the best shape possible, people dont like when I say that but everyone on average will prefer an in shape man, health and beauty at every size doesnt apply to us.

Play and lean into your strengths. Quit giving up, stop listening to people on the internet who want to coddle your feelings into buying into the system that gains from your insecurities. Girls are not much different than us, they poop (I think), and despite the shit they say on social media and virtue signal, if you're in shape, have your shit together, smell good/shower/brush your teeth regularly, are funny and awesome to be around, confident and know what you're doing and where you want to go and have a plan in life to go there and are moving towards your goals, someone somewhere is going to see you and possibly wanna stick around for awhile and touch peepees. You need to man up and start living with purpose. Women dont respect weak men at the subconscious level and you will never be happy making excuses.

Mindless-Spare-2454 · 2022-08-30T13:26:37+00:00

Honestly dating as a man isn’t hard. Understand that you aren’t your just your dick or physical properties.

Get some hobbies, read a book, work out on yourself physically and mentally! Be ambitious with your career.

BigDudBoy · 2022-08-30T14:37:02+00:00

Being attractive. Dating is mostly numbers x attractiveness. Being social and having interactions with a lot of women (high number potential dates) helps everyone. However, the only way to significantly raise the chance of getting a date or having a date go anywhere is to become more attractive.

ex_red_black_piller · 2022-08-30T13:50:42+00:00

Height, looks, muscles, being a complete dickhead.

Kentucky_Supreme · 2022-08-30T13:55:27+00:00

Be tall, flash money on social media, be in good shape, smoke and drink.

WOPR-1983 · 2022-08-30T17:43:52+00:00

Height and a nice jawline. Slender build.
Modern hairstyle. Trendy facial hair.
Big dick.
Impressive job, nice ride.
Throws cash around, throws good parties.
Associates with other pretty, cool people with "social currency".
Skin care, accessories, nice shoes... the little shit women obsess over.

If you're doing all that and are not beating the women off with a stick you're a psychopath or insufferable asshole.

cableGuy0 · 2022-08-30T19:15:57+00:00

Become as attractive as you possibly can, the wider the gap between you and the men in your area the better.

cel-shaded · 2022-08-30T12:21:28+00:00

Being either tall and at least average looking or being average height but otherwise good looking plus going outside and approaching / talking to women.

Blightning421 · 2022-08-30T14:20:54+00:00

Being tall

Luiz4823 · 2022-08-30T16:27:56+00:00

Jaw, +1.8m tall, fit, high paying job

deznue · 2022-08-30T11:40:35+00:00

Big dick and money.

M_LaSalle · 2022-08-30T12:18:10+00:00

Looks. Money. Status. Previous success from which confidence flows.

abaxeron · 2022-08-30T12:30:43+00:00

I just want to have a basic discussion on what you personally think actually helps men with dating/ finding a relationship

TONS UPON TONS UPON TONS of money. I'm speaking MASSIVE amount of money, the one that can solve an average person's financial problems and have several ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE more on top of that.

Money can't buy you love. But here are the things that money definitely can buy:

Free time. All the necessary tools to become the best version of yourself. World's healthiest diet calculated specifically for you, cooked by professionals. Ways to impress (comfortable car, etc.). Training in ANYTHING, including social and acting skills, dancing, etiquette; Hell, I will not be surprised if there's a master class on how to make a woman orgasm. Enough sources of positive validation and entertainment to maintain a constant positive, assertive, and confident attitude towards life.

NONE of this guarantees that anyone ever will fall in love with our man. But every piece of these things make falling in love with him progressively easier.

This is before we take into account an average woman's nesting instinct kicking in.

HumanCommunication25 · 2022-08-30T13:13:15+00:00

Pre-selection and social proof

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-08-30T13:14:02+00:00

Being social and building the ability to make connections with people.

DontDefendTheElite · 2022-08-30T13:43:07+00:00

Money + social skills. Easiest answer.

KayRay1994 · 2022-08-30T13:43:24+00:00

self development, getting your shit together (ie. being your own established adult), practice, have a life you can call your own and most importantly - patience, a lot of these changes take a lot of time to really hit

vorter · 2022-08-30T13:48:14+00:00

Being non-needy, outcome-independent, and bold/assertive/confident. Everyone should read Models by Mark Manson at least once.

swaggyquack · 2022-08-30T14:03:32+00:00

It depends on the guy. Every guy may be lacking something important that would help them, though there is a lot of general advice.

My number one rule, girls just want to have fun.

southern_dilettante · 2022-08-30T14:47:31+00:00

The very obvious answer would be: "be around 6' and have an attractive face with little to no eyelid exposure, symmetry, strong forehead and good jaw".

If you don't have these, you're going to struggle. I know I did, lacking the most important of them both. Should you be in such a situation and not be too ugly or short, your best bet would be exposure. Social media (preferably with a picture that makes you look better), friends, going out, not being a social retard, you name it. Now, it won't guarantee you success, but it's the best shot you have. Maybe eventually you'll luck out and find that one of the many women who know who you are due to these measures actually likes you and is an acceptable mate.

ruboyuri · 2022-08-30T15:02:59+00:00

Talking to humans to interact with them

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-08-30T15:10:05+00:00

Social Circle, Fitness, money, looking your best, charisma and wit, being at the right place at the right time, having a good Instagram profile

Ag116797 · 2022-08-30T17:26:41+00:00

It's a combination of redpill and blackpill men need a lot to have success with women. The 2 things at the top though are 1 good looks, and 2 very socially savvy and intuitive.

Smithersink · 2022-08-30T17:40:34+00:00

It’s not the red pill or the blue pill, but common sense. Don’t try to be someone you’re not, but don’t expect women to fall for you if you don’t try to improve yourself. Be a good person, but don’t be a pushover. Do what works for you; you can fuck lots of women if that works out for you, or you can wait for the right woman to come along—it really doesn’t matter, just follow your heart. If you’re bad at talking to women, make friends with women first, try to understand them better.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-08-30T17:52:47+00:00

Be tall, improve your looks, be lean, gain muscle, fix your clothes, get some friends. Gain confidence from doing all of those.

That will get you their. And will cover for your flaws

RealAmericanWeasel · 2022-08-30T18:27:05+00:00

Money.

daddysgotanew · 2022-08-30T22:02:50+00:00

Being extremely good looking. Like GQ model tier

Having a metric shit ton of money. Like net worth in the 7 figs and a multiple 6 figure yearly salary.

A gigantic dick. Like close a bakers rolling pin in length and girth

Huge amounts of status. Like one of the most well known men in her local social scene/city

Preferably at least 2-3 out of these 4. If you have that, you’ll have more women than you could ever know what to do with.

AlejandroVillegas · 2022-08-30T23:46:29+00:00

What do you think actually helps men date?

Common sense: Focus on your physical and mental health. Have a stable income. Hygiene. Confidence and funny.

That's pretty much it. There's no need to overcomplicate things

jayval90 · 2022-08-31T01:06:17+00:00

You're not doing her any favors by keeping her in the dark while you struggle with feelings over her. Let her know early that you're having little feelings. Don't tell her later that you're having huge feelings.

This advice helps on so many levels. It's the basis of an abundance mindset, it makes you feel less desperate and thus more confident, it ups the tempo if you're having to try multiple women before you get a match, etc.

cromulent_weasel · 2022-08-31T02:15:40+00:00

Possibly this Sheep in a box video could help?

RX-HER0 · 2022-08-31T04:09:58+00:00

I'd say, Red Pill is generally not bad to dip your toes in, but you should never get swallowed ( same thing goes for Female Dating Strategy, honestly ). Red Pill really will teach you thinks that will help you be more confident, and they always give advice that is extremely easy to execute. That's kind of like the honey that leads you to the angry bee's nest honestly, as it's so easy to fall into Red Pill and absorb all the bad stuff there too because they really do have some stellar advice.

In general, anyone who goes on Red Pill ( or Female Dating Strategy ) sites should be prepared to curate advice and make decisions for themselves, only using Red Pill ( or Female Dating Strategy ) as suggestions.

As for Inceldom and Black Pill, they won't help you. Although some of what they may be true, it's mostly doomer ideology in those spaces.

mandoa_sky · 2022-08-31T05:53:57+00:00

don't see relationships as therapy - usually, the other person is just as clueless as you are about navigating their own life.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-08-31T06:23:48+00:00

In order of directness: Meeting women, dating interpersonal skills, looks, partner value.

Foundational stuff: Career, interpersonal skills, social life, and mental health.

Ways to meet women: Social circle, social events, online dating, and out and about.

ex_red_black_piller · 2022-08-31T10:49:12+00:00

Looks, money, height and asshole game.

ririsbaby · 2022-08-31T16:38:50+00:00

Taking initiative and being confident while not being an asshole.

Neptune-Jr · 2022-09-01T00:49:22+00:00

Luck. thats it. To me female attraction is totally random.

HobbitShaker88 · 2022-09-02T15:44:51+00:00

100%- emotional intelligence. The average man is severely lacking in this. I also find it interesting emotional intelligence predicts who is more likely to do well in their career, perhaps because so few jobs nowadays don't require some interaction with people.

Also, empathy, conscientousness, being a good listener, viewing relationships as partnerships not "getting your way" all the time.

Title	What do you think actually helps men date?
Author	KoalaAccomplished395
Upvotes	82
Comments	226
Date	August 30, 2022 10:39 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/x1fowr/what_do_you_think_actually_helps_men_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-you-think-actually-helps-men-date.1130751 https://theredarchive.com/post/1130751

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