I am deeply terrified that I missed out on the human experience in life. I have never hugged, never kissed, never had friends, never done anything that didn't have an "economic" value assigned to it. Virgin at 30.

WindJammer27 · 2022-05-11T04:17:56+00:00

Some of the best years of my life were post 35, hell my best years sexually were 37-39-ish. It's never too late.

Someone else suggested letting yourself hit rock bottom and get angry, and I kind of agree. I had that moment in my early 20s and it really changed my life for the better. I stopped worrying about other people and superficial shit, and started living for my own sake. Do what you want, figure out what you want from life, and go out and get it. It's not gonna come to you, and no one is going to just give it to you.

myloteller · 2022-05-11T03:12:05+00:00

You need therapy, you didnt get to this point on accident, so youre gunna need professional help to break whatever cycle youre in.

Focus on self improvement, go to the gym, eat healthier, shave, get a good haircut, or shave it if youre balding. Practice just saying high to the cashier at the grocery store, if you cant do that just practice smiling at them and making eye contact. PRACTICE SMILING IN THE MIRROR!!!!!!! Seriously please do this, watch some youtube videos and learn how to smile at people, learning to smile with your eyes is life changing and everyone you smile at notices it. Once you can do that work on starting a conversation with them. Just slowly build up your social interactions and the fear will eventually go away. Ask somebody that works in the store where something is, even if you already know. Little stuff like this goes a long ways. Eventually as you gain confidence you’ll unconditionally start making conversations longer than they need to be which js what you want.

jbo99 · 2022-05-11T01:54:35+00:00

Therapy. This is your best chance. I’m right there with you and am finding therapy helps

Born2Frick · 2022-05-11T02:10:31+00:00

+1 for therapy. You could try it online first, but I’d recommend doing in person if you can. Just try to dive into everything self improvement. Spend your time improving instead of worrying. The more you like yourself and easier it will be for others to like you. Any friends you make always try to be an asset to them. Offer to help when they move or have a project, don’t cancel plans last minute, that kind of little stuff.

Alarming-Unit-7214 · 2022-05-11T03:10:14+00:00

What I'm gonna say is controversial because it can be easily misconstrued but I'm simply sharing what's worked for me.

Let yourself hit rock bottom and let yourself get angry. Unless you think you will harm yourself or others, go grab a drink of w/e u can tonight and just let it all go to shit. Cry your eyes out, curse your life, curse god, curse the universe for all the circumstances that have lead you to being you - an untouched virgin at 30.

Stop being sad. Instead be pissed. Pissed at life, pissed at your upbringing, pissed at your bullies, pissed at yourself.

And then use that anger to fuel yourself to be better. Think of all the times you let fear get to you. Think of all the times you stopped yourself from putting yourself out there cause you cared too much about what others would think of you.

You let that shit ride for 3 whole decades. Get angry about it and prove to yourself you're not gonna be the same person by 31

DapperDan365 · 2022-05-11T01:43:36+00:00

Why do you believe you will be called slurs?

Lonely_Man22 · 2022-05-11T04:13:48+00:00

You are not alone my brother. I’m in the same shoes as you. All I can say is that it gets worse and worse if you don’t find a solution. I’ll be praying for you and I hope things get better for you. Women are so complicated that it will drive you insane trying to figure them out.

VorpalPaperclip · 2022-05-11T04:12:11+00:00

You have time. Use it.

To be successful, you’ll want to intentionally dedicate a period of time, at least a couple years , maybe 3 to work on this issue in, yes, therapy, but also reading books, attempting things you never have. Accept failure but not as an end but a square on a giant spreadsheet of experiences.

I had time. I didn’t figure out my issues until my mid 40s. I stopped accepting my existence as I had always accepted it. I had always thought, “I can’t change, this is who I am.” But, like you, I was hurting myself and worse, other people. I dedicated all of one year to therapy, reading, meditation and writing on what I knew to be the problem and addressed it head on. I gained knowledge and built some skills to see myself for who I was and spent the next two solving the problems. Lots and lots of failures and setbacks, but I wasn’t willing to fail. I still have challenges but I embrace them when I can and hide from them for a few days till I gain the courage to look straight at them.

You can do this.

unabletodisplay · 2022-05-11T04:31:45+00:00

Hey man, this won't help much, but you are not alone...

TheCultOfGrogg · 2022-05-11T06:35:05+00:00

Bud, a lot of men are in your predicament. Don’t feel alone. Dating today for men is an absolute shitshow. I would feel comfortable telling guys not to do it. I was actually happier pre my first ever relationship than post. Women are RUTHLESS and dating is pretty much just about them. Dating for 95% of guys is really just like a season of the Bachelorette where you’re doing back flips, busting money, and pouring your heart out to get a mere text reply from a chick you know is getting piledriven to oblivion by other guys. Modern dating literally is merely a war of attrition on a man’s soul.

As for friends, most adults post-school don’t have friends and start to shed them as they move on in life. “Friends” become someone you can call in a jam rather than someone you hang out with everyday.

My advice? If dating is what you want, just play the numbers game. That’s the best advice I can give you. If you put all your eggs in one basket with a woman I can almost guarantee you you will seriously regret it.

As for friends, I want you to go out for a mere walk. If you cross paths with someone, just make quick eye contact and say “hey, how’s it going?” And keep walking unless they look your way and begin replying. Do this until you do it without even thinking about it. Then go to a bar or something, something where people are there to socialize. Now that you’re comfortable breaking the ice, force yourself to be present and have a convo with someone? About what? Anything surrounding you for starters, but know that people like talking about themselves, and you’ll never run out of things to talk about if you keep the conversation on them.

You got this. Just try not to think of your situation as a problem. Seems counterintuitive but for me at least, I’ve taken on defeatist attitudes when I feel a have a problem that I don’t have the answers to. The second I stop thinking of it as a problem and start thinking of it as something I just haven’t gotten around to addressing, but am completely capable of addressing, I tend to make light work of the work required to solve it. But something about internalizing “I have a problem” just stains you with “I’m fucked”. It’s weird because they say “first you have to acknowledge there’s a problem before you can fix it”….but some guys acknowledge the problem and because that problem is typically tied to low self-esteem, all they’re really acknowledging is that they lack the capacity to do anything about it.

Silver-Variation8903 · 2022-05-11T02:32:51+00:00

Therapy is your answer man. You can make a thousand posts and read a thousand more comments, but you won’t see real change until you start experimenting with therapy.

Maxoncillo · 2022-05-11T05:36:28+00:00

All the comments have told therapy and that's is the first step imo. Next step is being around people. Find an activity you can afford and you can spare some time on it: Go to the gym, go practice some boxing/Muay Thai/jiujitsu, sometimes you can go to a bar just to grab a drink and, if super lucky, talk to the bartender (I've done this before and it ended amazingly, tho the bartender started the conversation). With internet you can meet people too, not directly like in a dating app, but on groups, idk, maybe a gaming thing? Idk, i don't do social interactions in my neighborhood, not my style, but there options.

But don't forget therapy, with a psychologist. Man, I'm 28, and since I was 25, this have been the most horrible years in my life and I'm trying to make the most of it, I'll be doing the same every year. Don't think of your life of a waste, you did what you had to do and that's okay, now go, relax while you have a lot to live. Economic balance is reached from 40 and onwards, you're never too old.

Ok-Professional2756 · 2022-05-11T06:32:36+00:00

How is this a question for seduction lol?

But the answer to these sorts of questions is quite simple. Start working out. Hard.

Key-Pace7150 · 2022-05-11T02:25:29+00:00

If you got good grades why are you making little money?

Sandvicheater · 2022-05-11T04:55:02+00:00

Controversial opinion but people lets keep an open mind and open debate. OP have you considered hiring an escort? There seems to be deep rooted psychological issues that'll take years of therapy but if the biggest elephant in your room is just getting laid and having female companionship. Don't think of yourself as a loser having to buy pussy, you're literally suicidal right now and if getting your dick wet is the only thing keeping you from jumping off a bridge then do what has to be done. I was in a deep dark place when both my parents passed away and I drunk myself into a stupor nearly every weekend and banged any piece of ass that would give me a time of day (we're talking low SMV value girls here <4 score). Was it a healthy way of dealing with depression? Hell the fuck no but I am thankful I resorted to that instead of a more permanent solution if you know what I mean.

FaithInStrangers94 · 2022-05-11T06:11:29+00:00

Don’t hate yourself. Whilst in hindsight you regret some of your choices, you never made them with an intention to harm yourself in the future. And now you’ve recognised how you would like to change, you’re on the right path.

Some people will judge you for it but there are a lot of compassionate people in the world and it’s just a matter of finding them

wetsock10 · 2022-05-11T06:29:38+00:00

Lad if you are religious, pray, and meditate, because searching for the problems is the past and meditation helps view your thoughts from the side yk. May the Lord bless you g! A lot of people been saying therapy which is amazing it’s helps to get Clarity and develop a plan.

curiousnoob1234 · 2022-05-11T06:39:08+00:00

I am not a therapist just a common human but I would suggest you to practice mindfullness,gratitude go in a bar or club go for social events and try to talk with people dont think they will come and talk with you mostly people are humble so there wont be much problem going to gym might help too it releases happy hormones i guarantee you will get results. But first keep good mindset that you are good human and keep growing. We all are with you of you feel like talking dm me.

hagakurejunkie · 2022-05-11T04:54:53+00:00

Dude, RELAX! What timeline are you following? Most dudes don't peak until 30-35 anyway. You missed nothing, you're right on time. I'm in my 40's now and I knocking it out of the park and I can assure you my numbers were a complete joke in my 20's compared to my 30's. The fact that you're a virgin at 30 means utterly nothing. Start from where you are.

mattgk39 · 2022-05-11T02:36:11+00:00

You ned therapy first and foremost my friend. Best of luck.

B3asy · 2022-05-11T03:59:42+00:00

Therapy is your best option. Good luck

Vractomorph · 2022-05-11T06:53:21+00:00

You are autistic. Read autism survival guides online. Don't believe you can't learn.

Talk to people, look people in the eyes, smile a bit, dress decent, do hobbies and have interests. You will find that suddenly life will start to happen.w

cringegrill · 2022-05-11T01:39:21+00:00

Never began buddy boyo

TooMuchJibberish · 2022-05-11T03:49:41+00:00

You definitely missed out, I'm sorry.

I feel like I will never have the human experience.

How do I get over this fear

At this late age you definitely won't get to experience all those fun things many guys got to experience.

You know, sneaking into their girlfriends house and cuddling with them.

Getting invited to parties and having lots of fun with said friends.

Having traveled with friends and gotten to live new experiences with them.

All of that, you will simply not get to experience.

And there isn't a single therapist in the world that can turn back time.

Unfortunately for you, time flew by and it simply seems like you missed the boat.

The only thing you can do at this point is to continue living life how you were and try to find some copes that keep you going (gym, work, hobbies, etc).

I truly feel sorry for you

Contango6969 · 2022-05-11T01:51:37+00:00

I know its like terrible advice but life is also short. Start hitting the liquor hard buddy.

CaptainRiege05 · 2022-05-11T04:25:22+00:00

Therapy and seld improvement man

You gotta really want it

You can change now but it's all or nothing you can start working out you can eat better get fit You can sharpen your style refine yourself work on your finances everything to improve yourself and then get out there in the dating game

2022-05-11T04:27:48+00:00

Therapy. Self help books. Also, if you fully commit to turning around, you can 100% make huge progress and have a totally different life sooner than you think. I’ve gone from where you’ve been, to where I just got out of my second long term relationship and need to refresh my game. There is hope, and EVERYONE has missed out on something in life. And if they haven’t, fuck them those perfect bastards!! Ha

Danels · 2022-05-11T05:00:47+00:00

You can change everything at any given moment. Only when you are death is too late.

homeslice567 · 2022-05-11T05:08:11+00:00

Totally not the point but I haven't seen it mentioned, there's a thing called a professional cuddler/hugger that you can look into

greatlifeahead · 2022-05-11T05:13:33+00:00

Tell me more about yourself. Use logic. Is there any factual things you are lacking to get a girlfriend? You talk a lot about how you feel and these are all inner game.

I think therapy would be good for you. Also meditating and mindfulness. Learn how to distance yourself from those negative thoughts and start to build habits that bring you close to other people. Go out more.

incognito3107 · 2022-05-11T06:05:35+00:00

In the end it won't matter much what you did. Stop treating life so seriously, enjoy yourself.

If you want to meet people, you need to throw yourself in many different social situations, where you can enjoy yourself and be happy. If you want to make friends, you need to create mutual memories and plans for the future.

If you want to be loved, hugged, kissed, first you need to love yourself. I feel you can use some therapy, reorganise your life and cut off toxic aspects of it, take care of your health with proper food and workout. You can still lead an abundant life, just exclude things that are out of your control.

AynRandMcNally · 2022-05-11T06:29:08+00:00

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wow15characters · 2022-05-11T07:27:38+00:00

watch hamza bro

HowToStud · 2022-05-11T09:46:10+00:00

You’re 30 champ, change or complain and stay the same

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