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kettlebell_workout · 2021-08-30T11:30:43+00:00

Very embarrassing. In fact, failure in performing sex act can be so traumatising that it can take years until he will try again. Talking from personal experience.

But in reality. This is person's insecurities taking over. He may also avoid contact with you, due to you being the reminder of his failure.

Also. There could be a possibility that he just wanted sex and nothing more.

Mshalopd1 · 2021-08-30T14:50:39+00:00

It's as embarrassing as we let it be. Obviously if the girl gives you a ton of shit for it, it's way more embarrassing, but this isn't what you're doing at all. I would imagine as a girl it's sometimes endearing, as long as it's not every time lol.

Sounds to me like there's a lot of different things that could be going on here. He could just be embarrassed. He could have decided he doesn't really like you. He could have found someone else. Who knows. I'm guessing it's not just the embarrassment but it's hard to say. Your best bet if you like him and want to see him again is to be honest whatever that is for you. Sounds to me like its something along the lines of:

"I had fun with you, I think you're hot and you should come over again tomorrow if you're free" or some shit like that. Make it more sexual if you want, but just be 100% clear. Don't let him get away with not answering, if he tries just be like "I want to see you, do you want that too or no?". No point in playing games in this situation, and a lot of men will find that directness very sexy. You know how to honestly express this sentiment with him. Make it as sexually charged as you want or feel is right with him. Just make it clear and see what happens.

jbo99 · 2021-08-30T13:11:07+00:00

When I’ve finished fast I usually tell the girl something like “I’m obviously pretty attracted to you huh..” and if she responds in a way that’s like oh I should be flattered and glad it makes things a bit better.

Frankly you sort of should be flattered if he finishes super fast it means he finds you very sexually attractive to the point his body was basically unable to handle it. Nice job

Frequent-Vanilla · 2021-08-30T12:28:47+00:00

I don’t want to be a jerk, but it sounds like this guy was just looking for a smash and then doesn’t have any interest regardless of the quick bust

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2021-08-30T13:11:41+00:00

The only way you're going to know is to ask him

Izzyisagod · 2021-08-30T15:26:41+00:00

I dated a girl once first time we did it I finished like the first 4-5 strokes. After that we had a great sex life. No reason to be embarrassed sometimes it’s just the moment.

Noigah · 2021-08-30T12:11:10+00:00

Lol, sometimes I buzz quick too, I try to stop then for a second to reset the qlimax, but then they continue and well yeah then i cant controll it... But imo it’s good when a guy buzzes quick because that makes the other person attractive right, I should worry more if he didn’t cum at all hahaha

SUPERD0VA · 2021-08-30T17:56:27+00:00

yeah, it definitely can be embarrassing or traumatizing to a guy, but communication is key there.

I would usually know if my partner hasn't cum yet and try to slow myself down and just focus on them, or they were generally fine with me getting them off with other means afterward. everyone's different but gotta set those grounds rules to make the fun last.

KingofLingerie · 2021-08-30T15:08:23+00:00

girls cum first, that is the rule i live by

playingandrealityxxx · 2021-08-30T13:48:22+00:00

Uhhhh it sounds like he was just pent up and wanted to fuck, and then had severe post nut clarity about his actions and overall attraction to you.

If you want something more than sex, the expectation needs to be set earlier than after he cums for the first time.

Sounds like a chump though. If I cum quickly, I'm going to go right back to work and focus all of my attention on intimacy and arousal so I can go round 2 in about 5 minutes, no matter who I'm with, whether it's a hookup or a girlfriend.

Goodluck

Captainpimienta · 2021-08-30T13:30:34+00:00

Look, it's embarrassing and he'll be reminded about that. But if you're into him I would openly talk with him about that

yelo777 · 2021-08-30T14:33:57+00:00

Did he suggest helping you cum after he came? If not and if you meet again, maybe you could try to ask him to do whatever turns you on. I think most guys see it as a defeat to not make the woman they have sex with cum.

creamyalligatorpears · 2021-08-30T15:29:15+00:00

I guess when its 2 strangers, you want to perform well. But after years with someone, if it happens you learn to laugh at your shortcomings and eat her butt out.

2021-08-30T17:28:22+00:00

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KingTigerIV · 2021-08-30T17:57:16+00:00

I’ve had few moments where I blew my load in about 30 seconds-2minute time frame. It is very embarrassing and honestly it happens. It usually is when im just not interested in someone or just overwhelmed with how hot someone is. Idk its kinda weird.

Mog_Melm · 2021-08-30T13:01:33+00:00

I never understood the "hit it and quit it" mentality. In my view, "anyone worth shooting is worth shooting twice."

I don't think embarrassment is enough to prevent him from meeting up with you again, especially if he's returning your texts. Tragically, I suspect "he's not that into you."

It can be a real let down if you're getting along great with someone and he just evaporates without any explanation. I think it'd be easier if you could get some kind of feedback from people who lose interest. I always wonder, "Was it something I did? Did you just find someone else you like better? Personal life stuff unrelated to me getting in the way?" Alas, we don't always get to know what's going on.

If you don't have the stomach to ask him directly about where he's at, I'd just write him off and move on.

nokenito · 2021-08-30T14:09:04+00:00

I’m a guy and if I finish fast, I wait for fifteen to twenty and go again… usually taking care of her needs… luckily since I am older with a slightly swollen prostate that almost never happens… actually the opposite does, where I almost never finish. Even manually. It’s me, not them. But this guy is either embarrassed or was looking for that one and done. Call him, don’t text. Put him on the spot and ask him. If you want round two, make it happen… but take control.

069reasonswhy · 2021-08-30T15:21:29+00:00

It so embrassing because we dont intend to. Thats why oral is my friend. I later controlled it in my life. But, funny i had hard time getting cum during my uncircumcised vs circumcised me. Maybe more exposed? I dont know. Just give him moral support and just say you had a great time which you do right? Maybe you can help him with that. My ex helped me with it, although we’re no longer together. I owe her big time for helping with my lightning cum in minutes to half an hour.

agpc · 2021-08-30T16:46:54+00:00

Girls usually get more upset about not finishing than finishing too fast

AlexanderDroog · 2021-08-30T18:25:03+00:00

It is very embarassing, but for me it's never to the point where I wouldn't see the girl again, particularly if she was supportive when it happened. I yearned for the chance to do better.

I came too quickly the first time I had sex with the girl I'm seeing now. It was embarassing, but she didn't mind and wanted to see me again. Then, oddly enough, I had trouble cumming the next time I was with her. It wasn't until our third date when we really hit it off physically and both were fully satisfied.

I don't know what's up with this guy. Maybe he's too insecure to ever see you again. Maybe you should call him and tell him straight out that you didn't mind what happened and that you'd love to be with him again and help him pace himself. Maybe also suggest that he work on his manual and oral game to get you off while he recharges and is ready to go again.

Yisusbe · 2021-08-30T20:30:44+00:00

It happened to me with my exGF the first time we were going to have sex, and I think I got depressed. I was soooo embarrased... I felt like a fucking insect that just wanted to be killed to end its agony.

I couldn't see her in the eye anymore, and didn't feel like being funny or cocky anymore. I wasn't in a nice state to see each other coz we wouldn't have had fun.

Also, I wasn't able to get an erection for like a month or two after that. Not even watching porn, trying to jerk off... With time, I was able to see her again, and we kissed but still no erection. I started feeling some presure because she wanted to try again and with the kisses, we would usually try to escalate but I knew I couldn't get a boner... Until one day, things got back to normal. So yeah.

420villian · 2021-08-30T21:20:20+00:00

To describe the embarrassment picture being in middle School and pissing your pants. Then imagine the anxiety of the first day back to school after everyone hears about it.

Rheastar · 2021-08-30T21:26:31+00:00

There are a non small number of guys that lose interest after having sex once. For them it’s all about the conquest. Maybe he’s one of them?

Western-Bite1759 · 2021-08-31T00:38:21+00:00

It happened once to me and I still think about it. Happened 3 years ago. She just thought that it was cute, but it really destroyed my confidence. To this day I'm still very careful and nervous. Probably because I didn't have much sex since then. It's a big deal for some. It is for me. I just couldn't believe it and thought that I was a failure lmao.

PumpkinF_cker · 2021-08-31T04:32:33+00:00

Do any other women here think it’s kinda flattering and hot when a guy comes quick? Idk, maybe I’m just egotistical when it comes to sex, but every once in a while if I’m able to make a guy cum quickly it’s like “Oh wow, you liked sex with me -that- much? :)” I have no idea how else to describe it

LaidBackAndRowdy · 2021-08-30T16:38:50+00:00

Not embarrassing at all if you've already seduced a woman's mind, dialed her arousal up to 11, and given her many, many rolling orgasms through the use of your hands, toys, and mouth (which all men should be doing regardless).

Sounds like he's deeply insecure because he just doesn't know how to give his partners pleasure, and he won't push through the embarrassment to learn how to get better.

RelaxedFetaCheese · 2021-08-30T18:11:40+00:00

Taking too long to nut sucks too, cuz the girl usually starts feeling like she’s doing something wrong. After the first hour they either give up or start getting upset (sometimes sooner)

There’s a happy medium somewhere, but honestly I think the best way to go about it is (if guy) just do ur best to make ur partner feel wanted and to have a good time- which will in turn give u more confidence

Huskermang · 2021-08-30T11:21:11+00:00

A quickie is a quickie. Get off or don’t cause the guy is gunna and probably quickly hence the name. But yeah it would be embarrassing, more so depending on the feelings he has for you and anything he might have misinterpreted as you mocking his “quickness”

jayrack13 · 2021-08-30T16:44:30+00:00

He just wanted to smash, after having sex he’s lost interest. A lot of guys are just after the thrill of seducing and then fucking a girl. Once they’ve fucked the thrill wears off and they move on.

MAGUS_CRAWDADUS · 2021-08-30T16:13:29+00:00

Sounds like he just wanted to hit friend :/ I could be wrong tho you never know

swimminginblue · 2021-08-30T14:14:47+00:00

I think he’s just not interested in you. If he was, he would have wanted another round to prove himself

Dwaynedibley24601 · 2021-08-30T12:52:41+00:00

it's not embarrassment per se, but disappointment... You took the time t shower, drive over, maybe dinner, do all the right things that end of with a naked girl in your bed, YOU want to enjoy it, you want the whole show... it gets cut short and you have no one to blame for your disappointment but yourself.

Right_Perception1704 · 2021-08-30T14:05:59+00:00

Sometimes we guys cum based on whats going in our head. If we want a quickie, yes we can cum in 3 minutes but if a full time then can be even 2 hours.. with the same person. If we get too much excited then also we cum in short duration. Proceed slowly and don't do quickies please becoz girls cannot cum in a quickie.

milkman10169 · 2021-08-30T14:21:03+00:00

My partner and I had known each other for years before finally making the move to something more. I'm not inexperienced and generally have never had an issue with this. The first time we had sex it was less than 10 seconds. We were both absolutely shocked. She told me she's never been so flattered and we laughed it off. It's happened to every guy.

winning2323 · 2021-08-30T14:54:20+00:00

Was that the first time you had sex? We (men) are different creatures after we cum. Post nut clarity is REAL.

Evaldinho · 2021-08-30T15:05:00+00:00

PSA TO QUICK CUMMERS When you cum early, say it's a bit embarassing, but it's just because you think she is so fucking hot you couldn't control it. And then say something like, you have to go down on me for a bit, and then I'm ready for you again you sexy fuck. Stay in control fellas

ZK199422 · 2021-08-30T15:43:52+00:00

Imagine showing up to your own birthday party and leaving within five minutes without saying your proper goodbyes.

greenteanoodleboard · 2021-08-30T18:00:12+00:00

As a guy it used to be embarrassing for me when I was sleeping with women, because I’d be shooting my load into a tissue normally so you’d think there’d be no reason to cum so quick! but since I’ve stopped masturbating and watching pornography I’ll still cum ridiculously quick, but I face no embarrassment about it anymore because I know why I’ve cum quick! I can go more rounds too! Also I always make sure now the girl’s cummed at least 5 times before we even have sex

bokan · 2021-08-30T19:03:56+00:00

There’s lots of options to get around this issue. It strikes me that if he was really interested in you he might have turned to one of those alternatives.

It’s also very possible he is embarrassed.

GordonGecko69 · 2021-08-30T19:37:08+00:00

Not at all. It was a race. You lost ;)

intellectualidiot · 2021-08-30T19:47:01+00:00

Eh if it happens it happens, no big deal just go again.

larryd86 · 2021-08-30T20:06:55+00:00

Very embarrassing. I've had that experience, and the woman gave me a ton of crap for it.

truthbomb999 · 2021-08-30T20:52:32+00:00

Fast forward a few weeks and he wants to meet up for a hot “quickie”

Well...he did say it was a quickie....:)

Although he would entertain my sexts after that, he became more passive and muchhh less obsessed w seeing me and seemingly excited as he was before.

Hard truth most likely is he thought the fantasy of sex was better than the actual sex. Having to wait a year plus and then finding out the sex is mediocre would cause most guys to lose interest.

It made me feel a little insecure as we were having fun (I thought) and he was super cool and we had a good connection

What you think is irrelevant. Not everyone feels the same way.

Could he be that embarrassed about his performance or maybe its something else

If the sex was good, he'd be back. Sex is incredibly difficult for most guys to get especially with any regularity, case in point...you made him wait over a year.

2021-08-30T21:10:13+00:00

Id say it’s definitely a possibility he’s embarrassed , but it’s also a big possibility he just has moved on unfortunately. All you could really do at this point is make it undoubtedly clear you don’t care/ find it hot that he came so fast, and if he doesn’t reciprocate then thats on him. I’d say as long as you make it clear, then the ball is in his court and unfortunately it’s possible he just wanted a quickie. Might just have to chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Although a year is a long time to talk just to get a quickie one time ,, but I guess nothings impossible

Gregory-76 · 2021-08-30T22:08:54+00:00

You seem chill af 😌😎

utahmike91 · 2021-08-30T23:29:44+00:00

take it by the reigns

you can make a joke/comment about it

i have hardly any refractory period (and vasectomy) so I can just keep chugging along

or you can take a break and switch to having them ride your face like a snail

and then go back at it (usually last a lot longer round 2)

EleoraHC · 2021-08-31T01:52:51+00:00

Set something up where there is no expectation for that..(sex)

And maybe just try to chill for now

fr0ntsight · 2021-08-31T01:54:18+00:00

Guys get really embarrassed about things like this and it's hard to come back from. You gotta make him feel OK and secure. Sounds like he lost a little confidence and feels some shame. Even though he should not

Narcan9 · 2021-08-31T04:53:49+00:00

It's embarrassing, especially with too much sexting. But that is common on a first meet. Guys can get much better with repeated meets with the same woman.

Since you sound interested, send him a message saying "don't worry about last time. I had a good time with you and I want to go a few more rounds."

gigolobob · 2021-08-31T05:39:43+00:00

You got pump and dumped lol

AmyLL6 · 2021-08-31T05:48:22+00:00

I find a lot of guys are embarrassed and/or apologetic about cumming quickly, but they really shouldn’t be. A LOT of guys cum quickly on the first round, that’s what round two is for! ;)

Fluffy_Risk9955 · 2021-08-31T06:29:56+00:00

When a man has an orgasm prolactin is released in his body and he loses interest in sex. It clears the "I need fuck urge" from his brain. Next to that on average it takes man 7 minutes to reach orgasm, while it takes a woman much longer.

Personally, if his interest in you doesn't come back after a few days, I suggest you move on.

lulhoofdFTW · 2021-08-31T06:47:33+00:00

Eh it happens. Sometimes I was just so horny and absolutely ready to smash that the moment I stuck it in I came lol. My ex would sometimes tease me about it but deep down she felt flattered that I found her so hot haha

pnceng · 2021-08-31T10:42:59+00:00

The first few times of sex with a NEW partner is ackward - after 2-3 times you two will find your groove.

_whynotpink_ · 2021-08-30T18:22:01+00:00

I had sex with a guy which lasted for 6 minutes. AND he came. And he asks me "did you come?". I was literally like what.... You came already....? (My friend was sitting outside and she was surprised to see me out in all of 10 minutes including taking off clothes and wearing them again)

franniedelrey · 2021-08-30T12:32:11+00:00

That’s what I think as well. In my experience, the behavior she described up to their sexual encounter is how many men have acted towards me before we had sex. & then after, nothing. Regardless if they came fast or not. Some people only want sex and sometimes they only want it once.

blck_mambaa · 2021-08-30T13:09:46+00:00

This guy was tryna bust a nut, that’s it.

Flamingpotato100 · 2021-08-30T21:27:35+00:00

It’s not your fault for bussing fast. It’s her fault for making you buss fast. They gotta learn to control your buss

ennarid · 2021-08-30T21:57:57+00:00

As a girl, I dont care, as long as they are willing to satisfy me some other way. I think its kinda cute cuz that means they got so excited for me.

SpaceRapist · 2021-08-30T16:15:59+00:00

He could've finished you with his fingers If he cared.

He didn't either cause he realized he doesn't like you or because he knows nothing about sex

ProfessorHardw00d · 2021-08-30T13:59:55+00:00

All he’d have to do is focus on you after that. Sex doesn’t end after the guy cums. That’s when the guy switches the tongue/finger mode and gets to work

MuMuGorgeus · 2021-08-30T13:36:12+00:00

Lady, I wouldn't last a minute!

But you can always do more than just penetration...

Regarding shame, it's only embarrassing if you make it so, people think they should never ever fail, so you're right, maybe that's the reason why. But if so, let go, pursue a guy that isn't so insecure about his desires.

coacherman50 · 2021-08-30T18:38:48+00:00

He pretty much just wanted one thing and got what he wanted. That tends to be the reason why guys act dry after sex

unknown-one · 2021-08-30T19:19:58+00:00

instead of long discussion just watch the video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLnWf1sQkjY

Crazybear213 · 2021-08-30T23:03:13+00:00

I wouldn’t know, I don’t think I’ve ever cum too quickly. I get sick of telling women it’s not because I don’t find them attractive, it just takes me time.

Lord_Augastus · 2021-08-31T02:46:31+00:00

It isnt if the guy goes for another round. I used to be able to go 3 rounds, now i need a break for 2nd round and longer break for 3rd if it happens. But age does lower that it seems.

if he didnt go for another round, means he is insecure, self absorbed and embarrassed about it. Even the toughest of use get it in our heads that this penis thing, it rules out ego lives. I still get embarrassed and have faked not communing to struggle to regain an erection mid coitus, to get a chance to change condoms, etc. But now that I am older and wiser and more accepting of myself. I will laugh it off, make a joke to the girl and hope she takes it light heartedly, wait a bit with some more foreplay and go for 2nd round, and its widely known the 2nd round takes much longer. So its salvageable for my ego.

And thats my advice to those who do bust the first one too quick from being too blueballed or premature ejaculation. Just be honest, play it off as you were so turned on you couldnt contain yourself, and get back into the heat of things with more foreplay, some cunnilingus, some heat, and you can go another round salvaging the experience for yourself and your partner. Although many women wouldnt react like the guys do in their heads over it.

maddisser101 · 2021-08-30T16:40:03+00:00

It can be embarrassing but a number of girls have said that it can be flattering. And honestly I don't understand why it is not seen like that more so. Also, he should be eating you out after finishing that quickly, it is basic common courtesy.

MangoManiac420 · 2021-08-31T03:28:43+00:00

Not embarrassing at all cause atleast for me I cum quick round one but I can always go for round 2 and 3 and I last much much longer for those rounds and I let my partners know that and it hasn’t been an issue at all

haz__4 · 2021-08-30T14:05:08+00:00

It’s very embarrassing. I’m not trying to be a white knight here but it’s just pretty shameful to not be able to get a girl off

the_bbutterfly · 2021-08-30T13:35:22+00:00

is embarrassing how much you want to be.
I would say something along the lines, you're so hot, look what u do :)

Pedalcrunch · 2021-08-30T14:43:19+00:00

Guys make it more a big deal then girls, it is super embarrassing for guys.

toiletpaperaddict · 2021-08-30T15:59:08+00:00

I came after one stroke on my first ons - completely shattered my confidence for years as she laughed about it. So yeah could be that he feels embarrassed.

damnation333 · 2021-08-30T16:57:06+00:00

For all the guys in this thread, read "She Comes First". Thank me later.

Aran82 · 2021-08-30T17:02:40+00:00

I have so much stamina now I can go forever and don’t always have the will to keep going esp after my lady has cum multiple times - I wish I was a two minute merchant again 😵🤣🤣

lowyellyow · 2021-08-30T17:24:04+00:00

Not embarrassing at all if she's mature enough to understand that after a few minutes I'll be hard again and make up for it.

anon3451 · 2021-08-30T17:58:28+00:00

If I lost my virginity and busted in 1 second like I probably will, I think I will be grinning ear to ear. Then after some time I'll probably explain and then ask if she wanna try again

Optionsmfd · 2021-08-30T18:36:06+00:00

with all that buildup its natural to shoot quick

its why i always go down on the women till she O

give it 1 more shot...... tell him how excited u are to see him again

maybe give him a quick bj first then later on hell b ready for a longer session

Remote-Climate1365 · 2021-08-31T02:20:36+00:00

When I was in my early 20’s I came but didn’t orgasm. I made about 3 strokes and felt it so I pulled out, stopped, and when I finished cumming we started back. It was a little embarrassing but it’d been a while for her so she was pretty damn tight

anon1_mouse_stache10 · 2021-08-31T02:21:43+00:00

Tbh I wasn't embarrassed by the cumming on the way up the stairs as I was about all the crying he did and the consoling I had to do afterwards. Poor guy.

mte87 · 2021-08-31T02:53:31+00:00

I think my ex was using meth even more to increase his sex drive. He had trouble getting and maintaining an erection several times. I’d rather have a sober bf with that problem than a meth addiction honestly

2021-08-31T05:47:23+00:00

It would definitely be embarrassing because the expectation around duration of sex is influenced by media, meanwhile all studies that have surveyed actual expectations and weighed that against couples recorded time having sex WHILE stating that their sex life was very satisfying, are completely disconnected.

Porn conditions guys to think they need to be pulling off 15min+ marathons just pounding away.

Surveyed expectations for sex are around 10-12 minutes.

Actual duration of sex while being reported as “very satisfying” by both people, is 5-7min.

Premature ejaculation is defined as anything below 1 minute. There is “life long” PE, and there is PE caused by medications, emotional state etc. multifactorial.

The absolute worst thing a woman can do is make a big deal about it or berate : shame him for it. As someone said here already; massively traumatic and can even put a guy off from seeking sex for years.

Imagine if a guy said something to a woman during sex or after sex that would have the same reaction? It would be considered massively abusive, especially since he likely couldn’t control it. It’s involuntary.

Best thing a woman can do is reassure him, be positive about it, reframe it as a compliment to her (since a lot of times with non-life long PE, one of the reasons is just pure excitement out of control) and encourage him for a second round when he is ready.

AvatarReiko · 2021-08-31T08:34:18+00:00

Embarrassing for him. Unfortunately, We live in a world where the man HAS to perform or he is shamed and cast out. The woman can be absolutely horrible but the man? He’s screwed.

king_wizard_rob · 2021-09-01T00:17:44+00:00

Exposing the boyz.......If a guy is cumming too fast, take that as the ultimate compliment. If we aint cumming, we are not into you. He just doesn't have sex a lot and is excited to see you. If you like him and want to maybe be in a relationship, help his sex game and you win too :).

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	476
Comments	157
Date	August 30, 2021 11:18 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/peg26t/deleted_by_user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1277238 https://theredarchive.com/post/1277238

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