I thought this was very interesting. Wdy think?

AligatorTears · 2020-08-31T01:38:00+00:00

The concept of a friend zone is so weird to me. Maybe it is a bisexuality thing but if I limited my friendships to people I'm not sexually attracted to I wouldn't have any friends!

I have plenty of female friends who ask me for advice on their boyfriend troubles and I just don't see the problem with being friends with somebody while also being open about the fact that you find them sexually appealing but not somebody you want a romantic relationship with.

Twobithatter · 2020-08-31T01:40:57+00:00

This concept has been around for awhile already. It’s also in the way that women want guys to open up to them. Except guys aren’t used to opening up, so making themselves vulnerable also makes them grow attachments.

Artezio · 2020-08-30T19:25:42+00:00

Never thought of it that way

drilled-swiss · 2020-08-30T22:49:46+00:00

We need emotional wingmen. I have one haha.

lunchladyshand · 2020-08-31T03:01:08+00:00

Woman here: From my perspective this is spot on.

NDex101 · 2020-08-31T01:11:17+00:00

The "friend zone" exists because men have a hard time at gauging a woman's interest. Overplaying the sweet, friendly, good listener guy can lead you straight there.

DanJDare · 2020-08-30T19:49:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

usedtimecapsule · 2020-08-31T01:12:34+00:00

This means you need to find better guy friends

Jyapp448 · 2020-08-31T01:18:57+00:00

Completely agree. Just wish some people won’t look down on your for your traumas and instead try to help you past them.

Source: college kids are cold, currently in college, feel like I can’t open up without being judged and gatekept.

TheJustindsd · 2020-08-31T05:58:41+00:00

Does anybody know the original post?

TheMailmanic · 2020-08-30T23:46:05+00:00

Kinda makes sense but it doesn't change what guys need to do to get laid

Mr-Kabuki · 2020-08-31T03:34:24+00:00

I read once that women have girlfriends and boyfriends. And if your not having sex with her, you’re her girlfriend lol.

negdawin · 2020-08-30T23:35:18+00:00

Yeah kinda true. She treats him like a female, doesn't see him as a masculine man.

The dynamic is similar to two females, no masculine polarity there

However they're not stupid. They're aware when the guy has feelings for them or wants to bang them..... But that still doesn't change the neutral, friendly dynamic.

MagicLuna · 2020-08-31T02:03:58+00:00

This guy is on to something

STAYotte · 2020-08-31T04:31:22+00:00

So basically what you're telling me is to remove all her friends so she only talks to me... S/

ManHands22 · 2020-08-31T00:13:24+00:00

Friend zone exists mainly when beta males interact with women without directly expressing interest (they don't want to risk rejection and are happy to just be around the women, thinking it will eventually lead somewhere), and the women are happy to oblige them because they like the attention and feel like they don't owe the man any kind of romance.

Both sides are kinda at fault. The men for being cowardly and not expressing direct interest and just expecting a romance to form over time by itself, and the women for kind of knowing (women have strong social intuition) that the men want more than just a friendship but maintaining the relationship anyway out of selfishness.

The thing in the OP can happen but isn't responsible for most occurrences.

mydeardroogs · 2020-08-31T01:04:24+00:00

I mean of course, but at the same time I feel like a general layer of emotion avoidance over every man in society is the norm and historically always has and always will be until a future where we're all brains in jars. Perhaps it's cultural and perhaps it's driven by biology in ways we will likely never know, and will likely never admit to. Is this good? Is this essential in the grand scheme of things? Who can know for certain. What I don't understand is that no one seems to declare what upside society enjoys, in particular the upsides that women enjoy, from men having a general emotional avoidance.

2020-08-31T04:59:28+00:00

Anything that ends with 'I learned this on Tumblr' shouldn't get any attention at all.

On top of that it, doesn't address the friendzone and it just shows that there are quite a lot of women who don't seem to understand why they friendzone men.

Men should just learn once and for all that if they are interested in a girl romantically, they should simply let her know. And not in a clingy and creepy way, like what you see in the movies, but in a manly, upfront and casual way so that she will feel comfortable.

Surely enough, if you've been friends with a girl but you start having feelings for her, you can definitely turn the friendship into a romantic relationship. Most guys fail at doing so because they're either too afraid to ever change the dynamic of their relationship and hope that the girl will do it herself, or they do it but in the same creepy way as they do it in the movies.

The main reason why women friendzone has nothing to do with them trying to find emotional tampons. Boyfriends do end up being just that, but they're also romantically involved with the woman.

Women friendzone because most guys are either the kind of creeps that we make fun of over here, or they have no confidence and they never make a move. And for this type of guys, the friendzone is actually the best case scenario in a way, because the worst might invovle the police and a restraining order.

EndevourPastYourself · 2020-08-31T12:33:19+00:00

Pretty interesting post, however....

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND USES LIGHT MODE

shinn497 · 2020-08-31T02:12:46+00:00

Yep! This is why I don't have as many female friends. At least I don't get as close to them as my male friends. I'd rather not catch feelings for them.

I also get annoyed when a female friend say, "Well why can't you be friends with women. Do you hate them?". No I don't hate them. In fact, I love them and that is the problem. ITs far too easy for me to friend a woman, and not have those feelings reciprocated. I'm not a friend of being hurt. Esp. since showing women the kind of attention and kindness I want to makes them less attracted to me.

tranquil_af · 2020-08-31T06:21:35+00:00

u/JellyBeans909090, please link the original post

2020-08-31T14:39:14+00:00

I think this is true, and makes a lot of sense. People offering advice of how to get out of the friend zone don’t realise that women naturally decide whether someone is “partner” worthy or just a friend within the first week or so of knowing them (with some exceptions of course).

Being flirty, charming and funny always help to be viewed as a “partner” rather than a friend, but so many flirty, charming and funny guys always end up in the friend zone regardless. It is always up to personal preference, and frankly, there’s no easy answer on how to be immediately seen as a partner.

pure_x01 · 2020-08-31T15:01:13+00:00

When girls know the guy is there because he wants more and she keeps him there. Its deliberate. Men can do it to girls too but its not that common.

alexis2098 · 2020-08-31T15:05:17+00:00

this makes no sense to me whatsoever. It just depends how close you are with someone whether it's a male or a female

tsunderemaster420 · 2020-08-31T16:18:16+00:00

Legalise hombro cry circles!

Corchef007 · 2020-08-31T17:39:06+00:00

Is nothing to do with that ..simply Men treat women like they're virgins plus add fear of loosing her and to sumarise you end up with a Submissive man. Women are so sexual is just amazing how can men be so blind.. A woman will think in seconds if she will sleep with you not at that moment but in the future. All you need to do is create that future. When your sexuality( sexapeal) Is extremely high women will not only think about sex with you they will fantasized it ( visualize) Thats the language women speaks. I can look at any woman and be sexual without saying a thing of course if she doesn't find me attractive nothing will happen but if she does she will mirror my gazed. If I had ask after I sleep with a woman what did she find attractive about me ..they tend to answer ( your eyes other your eyebrows) Others your eyebrow piercing.. She will see your confidence as Why Me... Lots of women had ask me how come you're alone ( there's something wrong with you) This should always be your answer. " My career takes a big chunk of my time, looking to have fun and let go, who knows maybe in the future you might be the one, for now packing your suitcase to visit a nude beach will sound like fun to me, but don't expect for me to stare ( with a wink)..

Yes I will said something like that after 1. I had read all her sexual signals 2. She is smiling like a clown 3. She had hit me in the arm that I had lots counts.. If you're not sexual you will not get sex you will end up in the friendzone why because if you can't see her sexual advancements she will become disappointed. Never try to convince women's to like you it doesn't work. Is the whole package that makes you attractive that the reason. Women doesn't have types ( men) only girls...

someRandomDudeSays · 2020-08-31T18:01:00+00:00

Been there, done that.

ethical_pa · 2020-08-31T18:09:08+00:00

It's an interesting take. But the friend zone thing is complex involving a lot of factors, plus individual and situational differences.

Basic pickup 101 advice remains true here; if you're intent is sexual, it's better if she knows this early on (indirectly or directly, maybe with a little doubt on her part). If you act like a friend with no sexual intent, it becomes a problem later down the road if you want to initiate anything.

I don't think the problem at it's root is women putting men in the friend zone. It's guys acting friendly as a tactic to seduce, attract, or engage women in a romantic nature. They don't know how to seduce or flirt so they play it safe by being friendly so as to not get a rejection from women. Women sense this and they may accept the friendship, but the attraction is generally not there and never will be. You weren't a man about it. You displayed timidity and lack of boldness and initiative.

Don't get me wrong, it is possible for a woman to develop feelings for a male friend down the line (if he acts like a man, truly values her friendship and doesn't act like an orbiter). But the "friend zone problem" boils down to what I said before. Men trying to befriend women as a tactic to engage them sexually or romantically.

ohmoimarie · 2020-08-31T18:19:30+00:00

Yes! I once had a girlfriend tell me she couldn’t talk to her guy friends the same way she talked to her girlfriends because 1) they don’t usually talk about that stuff and so are typically don’t know how to “help” or effectively listen and 2) because they then tend to think she is into them.

redpillsmooth · 2020-08-31T18:21:32+00:00

Never tell a woman your problems. She will look at you as being weak and inferior. In most cases, that would turn her off.

In some cases, she might even throw your problems in your face during an argument because of their emotional nature.

Men are naturally designed to be strong and looked towards in times of uncertainty.

If you must talk to someone, I would talk to a therapist, a best male friend or a close family member.

appleORorange · 2020-08-31T19:49:14+00:00

no interest at all

account_for_rbn · 2020-08-31T20:07:40+00:00

This doesnt negate the 'leading on' thing completely. There are ppl, disproportionately more girls imo, who lead others on.

Greenheart220 · 2020-09-25T00:29:06+00:00

This is so right on the money and it definitely has to do with socialization. I’ve noticed men who were not raised with strict/as toxic of gender roles (or maybe men who reject them, as well) tend not to feel friend zoned as much.

Alex_O7 · 2020-08-31T03:16:37+00:00

Yeah this is one thing, but also friendzone exist because women usually like the attention of other men even if they will never make anything with them, it is a free confidence booster for girls (but this is true also for men friendzonig girls).

LunaMMLunera · 2020-08-31T02:44:20+00:00

I had a good friend in college, he came from a really strict family and his mom is really controlling. She called him to know if he was at home every day at 6 pm, even when he lived 10 hours away from them. One day, he came with me to pick up some stuff from a friend house and he told her he was watching tv. Anyway, we were close and I asked about his family and why he felt the need to lied, etc etc ... some time later people and other friends keep gossip that we were together or that we should just start dating. After that I stopped been friendly with him, I just wanted to be nice and support him but for all our male friends, I was into him.

golauragoo · 2020-08-31T02:02:53+00:00

Being able to talk to your guy in an emotional way is super important, wish I knew that earlier

rhofire · 2020-08-31T05:39:08+00:00

This is true. It's not the complete picture, though. Many women lead men on to think that there's a chance of romance when there isn't.

7Saturn7Saturn7 · 2020-08-31T08:57:29+00:00

From a seduction standpoint female friends will either help you greatly or hinder you greatly. The test is simple, ask her to set you up with one of her friends. If she's not eager to help you in some way (maybe she doesn't have a single friend but will wing for you etc.) then she's going to subcommunicate that you are a non sexual entity to all the women she meets.

imperfectlytoxic · 2020-08-31T06:09:17+00:00

Well, shit.

Edward_Hardcore · 2020-08-31T10:53:39+00:00

I strongly disagree with the comment but I'll share my personal opinion. For me, the "friendzone" simply doesn't exist. It is a concept that men use just to cope with the fact that they can't be with a woman. As a person who has been rejected multiple times by women, it has actually worked on my favor just ignoring my romantic feelings overall for that person because it pays on the long run. Like kissing my childhood crush or dating a person who wasn't really interested in me as a lover. It takes time, and strength to accept rejection and live with it. Hell, I was a nice guy a long time ago but the moment I realized that it wasn't the end of the world and that my physique isn't important I have had more opportunities that 2012 me would've killed for. Insisting on someone who said only looks for a friendship makes you seem desperate and creepy.

nemyrae · 2020-08-31T10:58:00+00:00

thank god

PrometheusRisesIN · 2020-08-31T09:14:40+00:00

completely untrue about the part of men hating it. here's a thought : if they go about forming emotion intimacy with everyone, then do they love everyone? What about their partners ? Do they have the same level of emotional intimacy with him than her male friends?

On the other hand girls says that emotional intimacy is required to initiate sex. Then accoridng to this girl's logic girls must be banging their male friends.

It appears true on the surface but is juts another form of reason girls make to shed the blame off them.

RoadToVictory1000 · 2020-08-31T03:46:46+00:00

Nah this ain't it

2020-08-31T05:12:19+00:00

Pssh, guys friendzone themselves because they are usually too “nice” to gain the interest of the woman sexually. It’s the guys fault if you end up in the zone. She had to know that you’re interested sexually from the start or else you’re just a friend.

VDKay · 2020-08-31T07:41:10+00:00

Translation: That particular girl (and probably her 3-4 close friends who she talked about it) feel that the reason of friendzone is because girls (she and the 3-4 friends) open up emotionally to anyone, and that seems to lead people on.

While this may or may not be entirely true, this is a concept that statistically applies to very small sample of girls. IMHO (and I believe I've talked to more than 3-4 girls), the actual reason guys get into the friendzone is because they approach a girl in a non-sexual manner and/or end up not firing up enough of her attraction triggers. Then, naturally, the girl "assumes" he is a friend. In fact, that girl wouldn't even have that male as a friend if he approached her sexually and been honest with his feelings in the first place.

tiberius14 · 2020-08-31T08:11:44+00:00

I think she's being fallacious: it might be that women want to 'dump' their problems and bad disposition on you - they generally do - but the second you try doing the same, they'll execute their exit strategy 😂 The way I see it that isn't friendship..

On their defense though, many men I know do the same: they will tell you all about whatever issues they have in their lifes and continuously talk about the way they feel about things... But as soon as you direct the convo towards something of more interest to both parties, they either go back to the previous topic or just split as of to let you know you were rude not to sacrifice your time and good-spirits on listening to them...

Title	I thought this was very interesting. Wdy think?
Author	JellyBeans909090
Upvotes	1535
Comments	208
Date	August 30, 2020 7:09 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ijifi8/i_thought_this_was_very_interesting_wdy_think/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-thought-this-was-very-interesting-wdy-think.1428053 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428053

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