The reason you’re having so much trouble finding a partner who likes you

xJ-Babyx · 2021-10-02T11:02:04+00:00

Over consuming the game stuff has really sabotaged me. When I reflect on the lessons I learned I wonder how much I’ve actually gained from it, especially recently.

I was a late bloomer, useless with women until the age of 26. I’m 30 now and I’ve had some incredible results, but just lately I’ve had some pretty harsh rejections and whilst it’s not easy to ascertain the exact reasons behind them (a woman isn’t going to tell you) as a result of journaling and introspection, a theme is becoming pretty apparent to me.

Trying too hard, coming off as aloof and lacking emotion, inserting innuendo and jokes into conversations where they needn’t be, not being authentic to myself and allowing women to be exposed to who I truly am and what my interests are - all the things that are genuinely attractive.

At the beginning of this journey, this stuff was super useful to me. It’s definitely having diminishing returns now and fixating on it is only provoking more anxiety. Time to start having real conversations and focus on becoming more confident within myself I think. Attraction needs breathing room and takes time to cultivate. It also happens naturally. Whilst I agree there are behaviours to avoid and certain actions to take, as a general rule authenticity is key.

macroxela · 2021-10-02T14:29:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Neil1398 · 2021-10-02T16:46:11+00:00

This is not really true for everyone. For me daygame and writing field reports made me who I am today.

I used to sit in the house all the time. But game forced me outside, learning my neighborhoods/environment. Brought me wings/friends, and made me the leader of certain wing groups whereas in high school I was more of a follower. Brought me to nightclubs, and gave me the women and experiences I would have never gotten, just focusing on myself. I’ve slowly become the guy that my friends (who got the girls) were in hs

I feel like a changed man, and although I’m not that great I love the journey.

Probably gonna get downvoted, but just because some people have to force themselves to socialize and get better with women doesn’t mean that that’s the reason they’re bad at it. You have to be bad to be good.

Think about lifting weights/sports/hobbies. There’s all a period where we don’t know what we’re doing. We don’t say the same thing about any other skill but getting better with women.

Maybe if all you’re looking for is a relationship all this doesn’t matter. But some dudes are looking to become the “man” and becoming that guy isn’t just by focusing only on yourself. It’s about developing the necessary skills

5_7pickup · 2021-10-02T11:56:58+00:00

I use those terms and Ive been having success. Refer to my field reports.

And too all the guys out there who’s tired of all these useless fucking post about “making yourself the coolest person possible” I feel you. Advice like this is incredibly vague, impractical, and un actionable.

I bet money OP cant approach girls if his life depended on it.

2udaylatif · 2021-10-02T16:24:38+00:00

Right up there with "Just be yourself"

ThePherdBeve · 2021-10-02T19:17:01+00:00

How do you know girls will come to me?

I've been in a lot of social situations, clubs, and parties. Also had a lot of friends who were girls... nothing ever came of it.

Can I borrow your crystal ball?

homelessfish22 · 2021-10-03T01:06:49+00:00

Fully agree bro. In pick up, the only important parts are the fundamentals. The rest is a bunch of crap!

Just go out there and try. It’s definitely, definitely not going to be smooth sailing but it’s better than living in your own delusions.

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2021-10-02T12:37:27+00:00

I promise that the level of overthinking you’re doing is coming across in your conversations and it makes it weird.

Step 1: Incompetence
Step 2: Conscious competence
Step 3: Unconscious competence

It's great that you're already working on Step 3, but the rookies here are still fighting to get to Step 2. They're coming across as weird no matter what they do, because they're still building their basic social competencies.

They need to concentrate on the skills they're trying to develop. That's how learning works. Shaming them for it is completely unhelpful.

MuMuGorgeus · 2021-10-02T10:51:14+00:00

This very week I made a post arguing the opposite, basically venting how I believe that self development and character, becoming the man I want to be, would attract women. But in reality, or at least my reality, it's not the case.

And my question was, should I have a lot of women in my life and than a few of them will pickup on that, or if the only way for a man to date, is by cold approaching and nightclubbing.

I'm all on board with what you said, and if you do that, you are gonna have a better life. But from my personal experience. Self development won't do shit for your attractiveness.

JohnZoffman · 2021-10-02T17:21:26+00:00

So when you have zero interest, hobbies and no life stories to tell, then what ?

cdemikols · 2021-10-02T16:14:11+00:00

This is an ignorant take.

You’re either an attractive man or a woman.

Being interested in things doesn’t make people attracted to you, basements everywhere are filled with overweight neck beards who are VERY interested in their hobbies.

Some people can do 9 x 23 in their head. Some people need to show their work to work through the problem.

Some people can walk up to a pretty girl, talk to her without tripping over words or getting nervous. Some people need to SHOW THEIR WORK and have a plan about what to say so they don’t sound weird, what topics they can bring up in case the conversation dies, what moves to do to escalate so you both aren’t sitting there awkward as she waits for you to make a move, etc.

You’re just taking the phrases like “daygame” and “field report” and because they don’t sound good to you, you’re ignoring what they mean and how they work. People give “field reports” of their dates to their friends constantly, they just don’t call it that. People use Daygame all the time, it’s just talking to someone in an appropriate manner based on the environment. Certain things sound better at the club versus at Starbucks on Wednesday afternoon.

Specialist-Kick-1387 · 2021-10-02T09:53:05+00:00

It's nice touchy feely advice, but unfortunately nature doesn't work like that. The male species always has to lure the female to mate whatever animal you study. There's a biological imperative. Whilst I agree it's important and healthy not to overly fixate on it, if you suck at finding others attracted to you, you work on it just like if you suck at a particular skill you would do something about it.

SummerEarly · 2021-10-02T16:50:58+00:00

Yeah kinda why I quite trying game. I want to get a point in my life I become so successful that all the women (not just the ones that have hit the wall) throw themselves at me. But idk from my experience of dating and living with 2 frat boys my opinion of girls is that they ain’t shit. At least during college.

eyesopen1111 · 2021-10-02T19:54:38+00:00

Tl/dr: "Just be your best self and 'the girls will come to you.'"

This advice is 99.9% bullshit because it only works for people who are naturally seductive anyways, ie "Naturals." The entire problem is that most sexless guys are terrible with women when they are just being themselves--that's why they are sexless in the first place! Give me a break. There are no 20+ year old male virgins who are naturally seductive--the naturally seductive guys lost their virginity in high school. The 99% of other guys either need or could benefit from knowing more about women and relationships, otherwise known as Game.

STOP THE CAP!! At best,

ViirtualCat8 · 2021-10-02T08:41:11+00:00

I wish i could upvote this more than once. Finally, the ultimate advice this whole subreddit needs.

notLOL · 2021-10-02T16:08:41+00:00

Is this advice or a rant?

I've had women overthink the dates especially before I got into reading how to make a girl feel comfortable romantically.

I imagine myself in those women's shoes and try not to come off as similarly needy, nervous or cautious and the women in my shoes observing the mess.

Guys do not get second chances for a first impression. Button up your costumes and hide the pua and seduction techniques. Put it behind the veil and only show the magic not the technique

I think having a platform to talk in pickup language has its place and putting it down here is a safe place to get critiqued

anoitdid · 2021-10-02T17:44:48+00:00

As a guy with a lot of guy friends, I've never heard any of them acting like this. I think this sort of behaviour may be specific to desperate reddit blokes trying to appear cool and edgy. No guy I know or ever have talks like that.

Fr4nko_ · 2021-10-02T11:18:11+00:00

How can they sense it? Thats bs man. What are women?? Some aliens?

clocksworking · 2021-10-02T12:01:16+00:00

daygame and field report makes it sound like gta for women

djzanax · 2021-10-02T09:34:13+00:00

3 years and nothing

jsbach123 · 2021-10-03T03:08:42+00:00

What I find contradictory about the PUA community is, they talk about being outcome independent and not being obsessed with pickup, then they write all sorts of field reports and getting completely analytical about every word and gesture they do. They're EXTREMELY outcome dependent and EXTREMELY obsessed with women. Like you said, it comes out when they talk to women.

Lots of PUAs who do night game cold approach just don't know how creepy they are.

SkiupBaeless · 2021-10-03T06:27:07+00:00

BRO FUCKKK. I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS TODDAY. “Game” has taught me how to recognize cues but other than that it’s all been about developing a genuine curiosity for others. “I’m only drive by creating strong relationships and bonds”

Mriconicdev · 2021-10-04T00:06:42+00:00

Facts

Appropriate_Ad3327 · 2021-10-02T15:00:43+00:00

If you’re tall then its super easy

AelfredRex · 2021-10-02T16:13:25+00:00

The real truth about PUA is that they are attention junkies. They rush from woman to woman looking for that attention fix by forcing her to look in his direction and speak to them, even if it's just to politely tell them to piss off. That's why they never look for interest first and are so happy with rejection. She doesn't matter. All that matters is that he gets to "shoot his shot" and then he's off to the next woman for another fix.

If that's all they have to offer a woman....

gggvuv7bubuvu · 2021-10-02T16:13:38+00:00

100! even when a guy is super hot, if they have an unattractive personality they are unattractive.

My favorite guys are average looking with above average intelligence, style, and an amazing sense of humor.

scenesick2 · 2021-10-02T13:14:27+00:00

it's filled with people that fish for validation like
" got my first rejection! " , " omg went to talk to a girl for the first time in my existence "

2021-10-02T08:42:02+00:00

Or a alternative path is to ignore advice and help and eat broken glass

On-The-Mountain · 2021-10-02T12:21:19+00:00

I completely agree with your point but I wouldnt phrase it ‘make yourself the sickest person’ or refer to how its good to become confident. I would phrase it as be the sickest person you can be. Confidence is not something you become so much, but something you are. Start to belief you are enough, you are cool, and that there is nothing you must do except do what you like doing, and express what you feel. Being honest is being confident!

2021-10-02T17:45:19+00:00

I am boring and i have no motivation or talent to change anything. You and your advice sucks. Please try harder next time.

SDdude81 · 2021-10-02T11:43:50+00:00

Damn dude, women are not psychics.

dmaiii · 2021-10-02T09:56:02+00:00

Hahah I made basically this exact point to some guy today on the sub and he didn’t like it

Canadian-Seductioner · 2021-10-02T13:19:46+00:00

Lol I use those terms all the time and have great success. Obviously don't use them in front of girls and you're fine. You also don't want to be too heavily focused on it when you're out either. It's a nice balance of keeping the seduction techniques in mind while also being natural and charming.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-10-02T13:50:48+00:00

Yes, this stuff rots your brain. But guys don't wanna listen.

FaithInStrangers94 · 2021-10-02T14:49:17+00:00

I’ve learned that there are some damaged people in the PUA who have actually dehumanised women and see it as being a big game of Tetris, but there are some some who seem relatively respectful but see it as a hobby and like using the the lingo etc

I’m of the opinion that game tactics can be valuable for guys completely devoid of confidence, and some of the more specific and situational advice can be helpful, but relying on this stuff will sabotage you and stifle personal growth - as others have said - akin to training wheels.

Shadow__Account · 2021-10-02T17:48:39+00:00

Overanalyzing is bad if you don’t apply stuff in the real world at the same time, but just doing stupid shit without understanding the theory behind it is also not going to get you anywhere if you are unsuccessful with woman

2021-10-02T20:06:39+00:00

I threw myself into my interests at 16...now I'm 32. That advice doesn't work. No chick is gonna fall out of the sky and onto your dick (LOL)!

RNWIP · 2021-10-02T13:02:46+00:00

100%. You guys wanna know the easiest way to any woman’s (or man’s, if you’re a female or a guy into guys) heart? Be. Fucking. Funny. Everybody loves a good laugh mate. Obviously don’t be a fucking circus monkey and be a fucking idiot all the time to get a reaction, but do have a sense of humor and know how to read the room to make them laugh.

I’ll give you non-believers the “field report” about my most successful night. I didn’t go out to the pub that night to pick up a lady. I went out that night to celebrate my boy’s birthday. We met a mutual friend there by chance, and her group tagged along with ours for fun. I wasn’t hitting on any of them, just making them smile and have a laugh. They came back to our place after the bars closed and one of them ended up jumping on top of me and made out with me, then we went to my room for some fun. I didn’t initiate any of it. I was too busy being myself and having fun. Which is what all of you should be doing first and foremost.

Pick2 · 2021-10-02T19:38:27+00:00

oh shut the fuck up......really tired of posts like "the reason X is because of Y, so simple fix"

gigolobob · 2021-10-02T15:06:25+00:00

Shut up you AFC. What do you know about bagging HB10s? If I ever catch you out at night I’ll be sure to AMOG the shit out of you with my DHV and kino, but of course you probably wouldn’t have approached anyways because of your AA. Calm down, chump.

No_Acanthisitta5052 · 2021-10-02T23:15:41+00:00

Get surgery, hit the gym, lead an interesting life, be the guy in romance novels/netflix series with added real-life substance, or entertaining jock, or intruiging professional. Get shredded, or lean shredded, or bulk-cut. Train your facial muscles. Also, get a fwb, hot-neighbours so that when you meet people you have no intentions but to entertain and seduce over text and follow-up meets.

Also, there exists men out there who are very effective. 250+ different women, married/unmarried. Although, you should not cross lines, it is interesting how similar they all are.

bigbootynopussy · 2021-10-02T23:55:18+00:00

YOUVE OBTAINED THE SAUCEEEE. yay and good luck

captaindestucto · 2021-10-05T08:56:21+00:00

Initiating dating/relationships requires particular skills on men's part that go beyond general social skills, passions, friends etc.

A man can be passionate, interesting, able to hold his own in conversation, but if he doesn't have these skills or is the slightest bit shy when it comes to showing interest in women then game over. Women have zero clue because they aren't required to approach, flirt, let alone 'escalate' things physically if it comes to that and generally don't want to either.

Just admit you have no idea (and yea you're obviously a woman). You've benefitted from this social norm but don't have a clue what it's like for men. Even corny or plain bad pickup advice at least acknowledges this.

Title	The reason you’re having so much trouble finding a partner who likes you
Author	stripebustlamp
Upvotes	500
Comments	141
Date	October 2, 2021 8:38 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/pzrdzi/the_reason_youre_having_so_much_trouble_finding_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-reason-youre-having-so-much-trouble-finding-a.1275103 https://theredarchive.com/post/1275103

Comments