Some PUA tactics I've documented

Hi, someone was asking me for a post detailing PUA (pickup artist) tactics. I think it should be known that most PUA shit is basic fuckboy behavior already documented in FDS's handbook, BUT here is a short list of stuff I've seen out there in the wild, as well as my personal interpretation as to what each tactic is supposed to accomplish and how to avoid.

• negging : probably the most well known tactic, an insult disguised as a compliment, meant to lower your "social value" and therefore your self esteem. Example "your hair looks great. Did you dye it?" The implication is that you had to be fake to become beautiful.

• changing the date at the last minute: a very common, yet overlooked tactic, it's understandable if an emergency comes up, but most likely he's just fucking with you by shit-testing you in the early stages. If you won't put up with this he'll ghost. Example: i had a movie+dinner date planned with a guy who came to pick me up and then on the way to the theater suddenly "remembered" he had some work to do at home. He wanted to take me back to his place which was fucking scary. I said no and insisted he take me home. Never saw him again. This tactic is used when you've already invested time in planning and getting ready for him. He is counting on you just going with the flow. It may take place during or just before you meet up for the date/he picks you up. There are many ways to use this tactic, but basically its being used to see how much they can get away with in the early stages of a relationship or to just pressure you into sex. This is why if you barely know someone you should just have a designated meeting spot so you can high tale it out of there.

• giving you an incorrect address: a fuckboy tried this on me the first date and it's a major shit-test. The idea is that he gives you the address of the restaurant/Cafe/ theatre/whatever to meet up at, but it's the wrong address. This is intentional. You show up and he's nowhere to be found. You call him wondering why he's late (or he calls you to tell you he's already arrived at another location). He pretends to be confused and asks you if you want to drive to where he is or should he come to you? He's counting on you going out of your way to meet him at the secondary location on the assumption he made a legit mistake with the adress. The purpose of this shit test is to see how maleable you are and open to doing him favors, to test your vulnerability and willingness to submit. I think it's something to do with the Benjamin Franklin effect from what I've read in their forums. If you are kind enough to give him the benefit of the doubt and go to him, he's already plotting his next negging move.

• weird gimmicks: anything that just seems weird or out of the ordinary, such as trying to impress you with magic tricks, giving you a tarot card reading, etc. Example: a dude once gave me a tarot reading as a way to neg me. Basically he asked me what i wanted a reading about. He was probably expecting me to ask for a love reading (since it's a date) but instead i asked for a career reading. He used the tarot reading as opportunity to predict that i was going to fail in the job market over the next 5 years, thus lowering my social value during the date. What's funny is i got a few job and immediately promoted within a couple months of that date lol

• the usual breadcrumbing fuckery is a very common tactic. There are a few posts in here about that. Basically if he's not enthusiastically contacting you first, don't bother with him.

• refusing to kiss you : this is a weird one. I guess it's a way to lower your social value and make you chase him. Doesn't make sense to me because i was just put off by it and ended all interaction with him.

• trying to remain mysterious: lamest tactic ever. Won't tell you anything about himself. Chances are he's either boring or purposely being obtuse

• narcissistic ultimatum: not sure if i coined this term myself, but basically this is sort of related to a common psychological tactic used on children to get them to do what you want. Basically the fuckboy narc gives you two options, making you think you have a choice, when really he's already decided what you're going to do on a date. Ultimately men should be planning the date fully himself anyway, but if he makes it seem like his time is more precious than yours by saying "I'm available Wednesday or Friday for a date" and he does this consistently, he is creating a sense of false scarcity to make you think he's more important and things need to be done on his schedule. It's not something you would normally think twice about, but it's actually a pretty common manipulative tactic. Think about it this way. Your child is throwing a tantrum about not wanting to go to bed. You give her an ultimatum "you can either take a bath or brush your teeth". Either choice means she's getting ready for bed, which is what you want her to do, but the ultimatum is designed to make her believe she has agency in the matter when really she doesn't. She's going to have to do both obviously and it'll be on your timeline, but she doesn't know this. She only knows she got to decide what to do first and that's good enough. It's the same with narcissistic ultimatum. PUAs use this to make you think their time is more valuable than yours and you're getting in on the goods by taking up a Wednesday, when in reality hes probably spending hours every day masturbating to porn and isn't as unavailable as you think. It's our job to vet by simply not responding to this tactic. If he wants to go on a date he needs to abide by your schedule and give your a definitive date and time. It's not your job to plan things. Sometimes plans don't always work out. But if he is consistently dangling a carrot in front of your face trying to pressure you to decide things, that's a bad sign. This person will usually do the ghosting for you anyway so just don't respond.

Comment below with stuff you've noticed.

EDIT: thanks for all the comments. Just wanted to list some more that I'm remembering based on what you all have said 💗

• embarrassing story: this is when a guy tells an embarrassing story about his life, I'm assuming to humanize his psychopathic self after doing all these other weird tactics on you. This tactic is usually used in conjunction with negging, in order to make himself seem friendlier and more down to earth than he actually is when he sees his negging tactic isn't working. Example: a PUA i had met up with a couple of times one day called me out of the blue. I think he was noticing i was slipping through his fingers so he had to do some breadcrumb shit. When he negged me about my job and i went silent (he probably realized he was losing me at that point) he then began to tell a story about how he embarrassed himself at his job. This seems like a trauma bonding tactic or something. The point was that he was letting me into his world just an miniscule bit after remaining "mysterious" the entire time. So you start to think "oh maybe he has a softer side i don't know about and that's why he's so secretive". The thing is, it's usually just too little too late. He could have been honest and vulnerable from the beginning, but instead breadcrumbed you the teensiest amount of emotional intimacy to get you hooked. Pretty sick and frankly pathetic.

• in terms of gimmicks, I'm remembering how a guy used drawings to neg me. We would be having a text conversation and then he would send me a little doodle he did basically making fun of what i said in the conversation. It's not cute and i caught on real fast to what he was doing. Men who mock you should be immediately ghosted. Next.