Q4Men: What's so bad about single moms?

hammerhaunts · 2018-05-09T01:01:46+00:00

They want you to get raise kids that are not yours, and possibly made very bad decisions to end up as a single mom in the first place

speed3_freak · 2018-05-09T03:14:14+00:00

The biggest and only reason is that you'll always be second to the kid. I don't want to play second fiddle, and if you find a single mom who puts you first, then they aren't a good mother. It's a shit ton of work to be a good step-dad, and I don't want to put that extra work in on a kid that isn't mine.

concacanca · 2018-05-09T01:37:13+00:00

My father has dated two single mothers seriously since leaving my mother. Both were completely unsuited for real relationships for a few reasons.

1) they gave the children of the father way too much room meaning they started to impact his and even my life.

2) they failed to draw any lines with the child/children at all meaning they effectively held the relationship hostage. I firmly believe that any parent that let's their child play them off against their partner is a shitty parent.

3) they expected provisioning financially and emotionally but failed to fulfill the 'gf' part of the bargain fully (including sex) due to #2

4) expected help with parenting but continually complained when any methods were employed similar to how my brothers and I were raised. We might not be perfect but all of us are fine men and very obviously examples of what these mothers hoped their kids would be (said explicitly)

5) put too much pressure on the relationship to get serious too fast. I got the impression that they were looking for some sort of redemption or kickstart to their lives after making bad choices in their previous marriages.

These were middle class women and no they were not bad or trashy, just a little entitled and failed hard at boundary setting.

whitetrashcarl · 2018-05-09T04:36:09+00:00

There’s one thing about single moms I really don’t like: they have other dudes kids

Barely-moral · 2018-05-09T01:51:19+00:00

I didn't date single moms but I know they fit in two categories. Both categories are bad for me.

She puts her child first and I dont want the second place. So I am not interested in her.

She doesn't put her child first and I can't respect a person that is that bad of a parent. So I am not interested.

jax006 · 2018-05-09T00:53:26+00:00

Single moms suck to date because 1) they have a very restricted freedom to do stuff. Unlikely to spend days doing fun adventures, let alone camping/road trips. 2) you will never be her first priority relationship, kids will be. 3) you are expected to dedicate a certain amount of time/resource to children that you don't get to raise or shape their character.

meanbuthonestt · 2018-05-09T04:10:45+00:00

As I got older, more of the women I dated had at least one child. It becomes unavoidable with age.

Some want sugar daddies or just someone to be a dad. Some have drama with the fathers and can’t go no contact because of custody issues.

Sometimes it’s as simple as not having the freedom to go out on dates or get out of town for a weekend or even just to fuck whenever and wherever you want.

And having a baby usually (not always, but usually) fucks up their body.

Byafan · 2018-05-09T07:07:02+00:00

It's been said by other posters, but simply put: You're never top priority. And if you are, she's a terrible mother.

I tried to date a single mother once. We never went out on a date without her children, and her idea of "hanging out" was usually running errands, groceries, etc, while I kept her children from darting off. She was very unavailable between working 40+ hours/week and her children's after-school activities, so it felt like I had a texting buddy who I helped babysit every couple weeks.

Being a single mother is tough as hell. And as a result, a lot of single mothers are out here looking for help, not a loving relationship. If there's a man out there who can provide both for them, more power to 'em, but that man ain't me.

TheGreasyPole · 2018-05-09T08:46:20+00:00

There are two things going on here...

The first is a sub-conscious/genetic instinct in men to feel an extreme aversion to “wifing up” women who already have some other guys kids. Men are genetically predisposed to not do this as it’s bad for male genes (which are limited in their reproductive potential by how many kids they can provide for, unlike women who are limited by biology to a max of 10). So most men feel an aversion to single mothers and do not know why they do.

This causes them to look around for a conscious reason to justify this instinctive aversion, because like most humans they assume they’re “consciously making decisions” when they’re really not.

This brings us to the second thing... there are good stats showing that being raised by a single mum is bad for the children, particularly male children.

So men put 2 and 2 together and make 5! “Aha!” they mentally say “I knew there was a good reason for my aversion, it’s bad for the kiddies. That must be the reason why I feel this way. Makes sense”.

So they jump on threads like this... powered by the instinctive natural aversion they have no control over... and attempt to explain its a conscious choice because of the stats they have discovered. And they get all high and mighty about how terrible this is for kids to “justify” what they feel, and would continue to feel even if it turned out single mum-ti-tude was great for kiddies. They’re seeking to explain why they instinctively feel single mums are “wrong” or “bad” (which has a selfish genetic explanation) with a conscious rationale that justifies the instinctive bad feelings.

It’s the interplay of this deep instinctive aversion and the conscious reasoning that gets you stuff like the thread below. Or at least, that’s my take on it.

DareyFathom · 2018-05-09T01:34:48+00:00

It's baggage and very negative baggage at that.

LUClEN · 2018-05-09T03:08:03+00:00

I know a few dudes that have dated women with huge expectations despite the fact that they are single mothers. Commitment to a woman with kids can be more demanding.

https://twitter.com/rich_cooper/status/966278833497309184?lang=en

PhucCheet · 2018-05-09T10:30:53+00:00

She might be using you for money and stability, not pursuing you for love and attraction.

There's a high chance of baby daddy drama. She'll be pissy and offload emotions on you. You may have to see her ex regularly as he picks up kids. How would you feel if your partner's ex kept dropping by? If you two have a fight, would you worry they might fuck?

She has young kids at home, responsibilities. That means it's harder to book dates and travel or be spontaneous. Dating becomes an entirely different experience. Less freedom. Need to find a sitter. Dates might get interrupted by sick kids or kid drama.

You worry the kids will get attached to you, then you break their hearts.

The kids are pissed about broken home and their mom's cock carousel, taking out their frustration by being disrespectful to you.

You might get stuck raising and paying for someone else's kid if the real father walks away.

Jokengonzo · 2018-05-09T03:32:00+00:00

The issues are many but baby daddy and the kid are the main reasons it’s hard

InformalCriticism · 2018-05-09T08:51:04+00:00

I've been "approached" by single moms before, and it's just pathetic. They only care about money (AWALT), but they don't even have the decency to hide it from you.

Lazysaurus · 2018-05-09T10:11:35+00:00

I dated a single mother who had a very poorly behaved 12 year old daughter. The worst part for me was the daughter was allowed to open the door and walk right into her mom's bedroom unannounced at any time, day or night. She barged in on her mom and I fooling around, and I felt awful about it. I told the mom that I was uncomfortable with it and asked that she talk to her daughter about at least knocking first. But that seemed like too much discipline to mom, so she refused to. I broke it off immediately after that.

ZodiacBrave98 · 2018-05-09T14:03:57+00:00

The first time I made an online dating profile I enlisted my sister's help to write the profile.

When it came to a part that asked if you were willing to date single moms, she grabbed the mouse and clicked 'No'. Then turned to me and said "You don't deserve that mess".

poppy_blu · 2018-05-09T14:11:05+00:00

--Single moms demand money to raise their kids

--they demand that you help them raise their kids

--they never have time for dating/sex

--they are stressed out, personality disordered, mentally ill and neurotic

--they are constantly broke

--they are just looking for bailouts

--they have psycho ex husbands/baby daddies and if you get involved with a single mom you have to deal with her ex/baby daddy

--the kids always come first

--despite that, you're expected to be a "father" and deal with a kid who hates you

--"YOU'RE NOT MY DAD! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I'M GONNA CALL MY DAD AND HE'S GONNA COME OVER HERE AND TAKE CARE OF YOU, ASSHOLE!"

poppy_blu · 2018-05-09T00:51:05+00:00

i think it's obvious they suffer from poor judgment

Noxin__Nixon · 2018-05-09T01:25:42+00:00

I think they are great.

From my experience most of the stereotypes are restricted to maybe 30% of single moms. Many I met are extremely different than the stereotypes repeated here by people who I suspect have only limited life experience.

I used to thank all the fools that listened to Tom Leykiss about single moms because it made my job easier by weeding out the douchebag competition.

TheOneTrueMagnet · 2018-05-09T04:10:00+00:00

Firstly, she is toting around another man's fuck trophy. This means she was stupid enough to get impregnated by a man who had no intention of being with her.
There is a chance that you are going to have to negotiate stupid things with this kid's dirtbag father later.
When dating her you have to avoid getting attached to/by the kid, because you are a monster otherwise.
Even if you do somehow want to enter this relationship, it's a crap shoot. Single mothers will treat you like a king. They will put the 50's housewife advertisements to shame. Once you put a ring on it or she feels the chains of guilt latch, she becomes herself. Hopefully she becomes something tolerable but not usually.
That child that she already has is fucked biologically. Children can sense whether their father is around and their endocrine systems make changes depending on that. Drug abuse, criminality, school dropout, delayed or early puberty, teenage pregnancy, and a host of other fun things are in your future.
Having to say my wife's son. And all the shame that brings.
She will also elevate that child over you. Normal wives do this too with shared children, but at least the husband has some moral authority as the father. Step-fathers don't get this.

Kralee · 2018-05-09T01:42:07+00:00

[85% of men in prison grew up in fatherless homes

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes

71% of highschool dropouts are from fatherless homes

90% of all homeless runaway kids are from fatherless homes

80% of all rapists are from fatherless homes

75% of all adolescents in drug abuse centers are from fatherless homes

70% of all juveniles in state prison institutions are from fatherless homes

72% of all adolescent murders come from fatherless homes](https://www.youngwarriors.org/fatherlessnomore/)

Fatherless homes make broken people more often the not.

Single parent homes are also an avoidable blight on a country's welfare system

SmeggingRight · 2018-05-09T01:47:47+00:00

At my age I don't come across many single mothers in the dating scene. I wouldn't date a single mother because I'm not ready to be a dad.

reluctantly_red · 2018-05-09T08:22:44+00:00

Something that hasn't been addressed is how women use the kid(s) as an excuse to not take responsibility for themselves. "I would have finished school but I had to take care of little (insert trendy name)" "Its just so hard to work when you have a baby to take care of." "I would have moved to take that good job but I didn't want to disrupt (little precious's) life". ...

Five_Decades · 2018-05-09T13:11:40+00:00

Many are single mothers because they can't hold a relationship together or have bad taste in men.

They want you to devote time, money and energy to raising kids that aren't genetically yours.

You will always be 2nd to someone elses kids.

Lots of guys do not like the idea of being BB, being the backup plan of a woman who made bad decisions and now needs a bailout.

Single moms have far less free time and disposable income. So you can't do things with them.

[deleted] · 2018-05-10T00:53:44+00:00

Mostly, I don't want kids. Not my own, and not some other dude. And single moms tend to bring a lot of baggage. Jealous baby-daddies is the biggest.

[deleted] · 2018-05-09T02:34:25+00:00

I've had the joy of dating single moms. Most were just pump and dumps, but during the market crash of 09 i was dumb enough to let one move in because i figured it would help to have someone to share bills with.

Absolutely the biggest freaking mistake of my life. I wanted get out almost the second she moved in.

I eventually moved to an area with fewer SM. But in some small towns there really isn't much choice when you move there in your mid 20s after college

enavari · 2018-05-09T03:27:37+00:00

I feel like you aren't going to get a lot of good answers on here OP because of the commentators are younger than their late 20s.

Yourstruly777 · 2018-05-09T05:40:07+00:00

If you already have kids of your own, sure fair game. Otherwise it is just a mess, believe me.

Freethetreees · 2018-05-09T09:48:28+00:00

I will start dating single moms when women start dating incels.

Because now? Why are we supposed to give a benefit of a doubt to single mom but on the other hand, women themselves do not give a benefit of a doubt to incels and call them all misogynists? Or even fucking terrorists? Paging /u/Freethetreees it is for you too.

[deleted] · 2018-05-09T13:24:44+00:00

There was a cute girl at a City Trends. I was eyeing her because she had a nice fat ass.

One day, I went for it. I learned she had an 8 year old son who she birthed at 21 while in college.

I gathered, not only does she have bad decision making skills (she complained about her baby daddy a lot, yet he was fine at the time before he knocked her up), she also struggled to reflect on why things went the way they did.

Instead of not having kids out of marriage, she questions having kids at all.

Also, it was the worst thing to try setting a date with her and have her turn it down or cancel because of her kid.

blackedoutfast · 2018-05-09T16:30:52+00:00

What's so bad about single moms?

they have a kid. a kid that's not yours. and she's either going to put that kid first in importance way above everything and everyone else, or she is going to be a shitty, neglectful mother. either way, not a great person to get into a relationship with.

Lazysaurus · 2018-05-09T16:36:42+00:00

I dated a different single mother than the one I mentioned in my other comment. When I broke it off with her, she said that her son really liked me, and asked me how I could do this to him. That made me feel really bad, until I realized that was her intention. I don't think it was fair of her to do that. I made a rule for myself to not date single mothers, and followed that rule until I broke it for the mom I mentioned in my other comment that saw no problem with her daughter barging in on us having sex.

Transmigratory · 2018-05-09T19:52:46+00:00

My guess with TRPers is that they were burnt by people who had single moms, were burnt by single moms or grew up with single moms.

Though, they tend to have baggage and that isn't good for dating. That and most men could not handle raising another man's child.

[deleted] · 2018-05-10T03:02:40+00:00

Single moms are used condoms other men left behind. Usually, attached to heavy baggage.

ifelsedowhile · 2018-05-09T02:31:56+00:00

The demographics with the higher rates of single motherhood are also the most plagued by crime, poverty and other social illnesses.
Just saying.

DrySpellCel · 2018-05-09T07:40:13+00:00

I am a product of a single mom. Met my dad in the Navy but never married. Or stayed together.

The issue with single moms is a lack or a proper masculine father. Men who are raised by single moms often have no clue how to attract women when they get older. Single moms don't tell their sons that women are attracted to good looking assholes. I don't know why.

exit_sandman · 2018-05-09T08:57:23+00:00

The short version (full text is here):

They usually have traits that are responsible for them becoming single mothers in the first place: Low FTO and irresponsibility, which led to her becoming pregnant without being in a relationship with the guy, or became pregnant from a boyfriend who was seriously bad father and/or relationship material which led to him bailing on her or her leaving him; she dated a beta mostly for provisioning and stabilitiy reasons but left him because the relationship was shit; she was so insufferable that the guy bailed; she wasn't willing to endure a less exciting relationship or soldier through a rough patch in general; or she generally put her own self-fulfillment above the welfare of her children; and so on. It's basically her being shitty or her choosing shitty men, neither of which makes her look good. And while it's not as if women without children couldn't have all these traits and then some as well, the likelihood to run into them is far higher when dealing with single moms (unless they're widows). And this isn't just the redpiller making up stuff, by the way: almost all single moms I know did indeed have traits that made them hardly datable at all.
The input/output-ratio in relationships with single moms is generally worse: they're far more expensive and high maintenance due to the children being present; while the woman on the other hand is tied down by her offspring most of the time and he pretty much always takes a backseat on her priority list: Basically a guy is paying more (maybe not in the short time, but definitely in the long term) for getting a drastically reduced version of a relationship because of some other dude's kids. And this isn't even going into the whole "I expect you to take on a fatherly role (without being allowed to also exert paternal authority) thing that seems to be pretty prevalent. And for guys who want their own children: odds are that she's either already done children or grudgingly acquiesces and lets you have one more, but that's it.
She's incentivized to be manipulative. Let's be serious - while most guys probably don't take #1 into account, they're definitely aware of #2, and this makes dating for single moms admittedly pretty difficult. On the other hand, the "I don't need no man"-road is far less attractive to her for the same reason. Which means that most of the stuff TRP says about wall-hitters - pretending to be great relationship material, to be stable good girls, to try to sell herself as a reformed person etc. - go double for single moms. Also, they're far more likely to put on an act and treat a poor schmuck like a king (including weaponizing sex) until she has bagged him for good (only to reverse all prior privileges at that point) than a women not in her situation would be. And she probably will do all that without having any bad conscience whatsoever becuase after all, she's doing it for the children. Granted it's not as if that was the norm, but it's simply far more likely to happen with single mothers.
Call it exit_sandman's law: if you can date a woman of a certain quality without her having kids, why would you date one who has them? Equally important: if you can't get a woman of a certain caliber without her having kids, then you won't be happy with that one either because she'll resent you for having been forced to settle for you.

Oh, and a few examples of single motherhood basically as a lifestyle element of white trash.

And here women from all walks of life I got to know personally - non-comprehensive, it was a few years ago.

My personal experiences with dating them? Well, I had a few FWB-relationships with women with kids, but they all tanked sooner or later because they wanted to upgrade to a regular relationship. And while this isn't specific to single moms, that trait - almost a certain neediness - was far more pronounced in them than in women without kids.

EsauTheRed · 2018-05-09T03:35:45+00:00

I don't want to raise a child that is not mine

I don't want my brother marrying a single mom and wasting his resources on a child that is not genetically his (or mine, I was counting on being a cool uncle, and I've told him if he has children with a single mom I will give preferential treatment to the child that I am related to, and he is okay with it)

93til1nfinity · 2018-05-09T03:44:40+00:00

A single mom in America is like a wounded lioness. It's degrading for her to even look for another partner after having kids by a man shes no longer with. I have sympathy but thats just the fact.

Willow-girl · 2018-05-09T07:06:33+00:00

I used to bang one. She had 2 kids. Pussy was not that tight.

Less_Salt · 2018-05-09T02:35:53+00:00

Well, if you knock her up, she might keep the kid.

If you get into something longer term than a casual fling, you'll have to deal with her kid quite a bit.

Her having a kid shows irresponsibility and poor judgement. Probably also some level of trashiness, stupidity, or over-attachment.

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newName543456 · 2018-05-09T22:24:56+00:00

You will never be as relevant to them as kids are.

SandyHalwan · 2018-06-29T11:11:35+00:00

Single moms are dismissed everywhere it seems.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/759349187146796033/

Gravel_Roads · 2018-05-09T09:17:12+00:00

I love single moms. Some of the answers here just remind me that not all men are good dating material.

I love children. I love people that also love children. And when I'm in love with someone, I also end up naturally caring about the things that person also cares about. I make a point to get to know my SO's pets, children, family and friends, because it gives me a chance to learn about the wider scope of their life and how they form bonds.

It's true that single mothers have "less time" to spend alone with dating partners. However, if you don't have this weird hatred of "other people's children" (eye-roll), and you're also willing to spend time with the CHILD as well as the mother, you'll find she has a lot more time if you don't mind the kid coming too. Go to parks, movies, baseball games. Parades. Fairs. Throw a frisbee around.

Jesus, people, if you hold yourself upright and live a good life and set a good example, you could end up changing a child's entire life. Men that whine about single mothers not paying attention to them are pretty much men that want to be taken care of like children themselves. Actual adult men who know how to manage a household understand that a woman with children only means you have the potential to receive twice the love and adoration.

poppy_blu · 2018-05-09T00:47:36+00:00

Because there were some astonishingly good looking women out there who have made a physical and emotional commitment to their children and this commitment could bar men from forming their own intimate physical and emotional bond with a woman. Their breasts should be ours, their hips should be ours, their emotional outpouring should be given to us.

Q4Men: What's so bad about single moms?

Comments

2 is #1

Title	Q4Men: What's so bad about single moms?
Author	poppy_blu
Upvotes	16
Comments	274
Date	May 9, 2018 12:32 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8i1rur/q4men_whats_so_bad_about_single_moms/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4men-whats-so-bad-about-single-moms.262525 https://theredarchive.com/post/262525