Do you classify older women with independent children as single mothers?

NockerJoe · 2022-07-31T17:28:39+00:00

No? "Single mothers" in the context its generally used means a woman in her teens, 20's or 30's with at least one dependent. The people talking about this usually are usually also on the lower end of this scale(25 or lower).

Its not the same because those 40+ with adult children are usually not even looking for anything long term with the kind of person who is having these discussions.

2022-07-31T17:34:14+00:00

Older women with independent kids are very likely to be dating older divorced men with independent kids. I think you’re overlaying the feelings of young childless guys over these women’s actual dating population.

Urbantexasguy · 2022-07-31T17:08:48+00:00

I consider women with independent sons and daughters to be “unencumbered” for dating purposes. That’s assuming I get along with their son or daughter of course.

Given that most people on this sub are still in their 20’s, you may not get a lot of useful answers, but it’s a good question.

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-07-31T17:05:04+00:00

how is this even a question

63daddy · 2022-07-31T17:07:36+00:00

Yes I would classify a single mother with independent children as a single mother, but I would view that differently than a mother who has younger, dependent children. Even with dependent children, I’d look at it differently depending on the children’s age, custodial split, etc. A single, widowed woman with a 1, 3 and 5 year old is probably seeking a father figure more than a divorced woman with a kid in high school who spends summers and weekends with his dad.

cvslengthbucketlist · 2022-07-31T17:17:11+00:00

Of course, if you become serious with them you still have to interact with their adult children. There's potential conflict and awkwardness involved with that too, because now they can freely voice their opinions, solicited or not. It's not just about raising the kids.

2022-07-31T19:38:08+00:00

They’re just women with children. And they’re single.

Women with children do have dating options and aren’t always viewed as the worst. A lot of this is contingent on particular variables though—her income, independence, personality—that make her a more attractive dating prospect.

poppy_blu · 2022-08-01T01:23:47+00:00

People in their 20s done want to date single parents because they’re young and don’t want to deal with everything that comes with that. Totally understandable.

They’re not bad dating options, it’s just not for someone who wants to be unencumbered by the crimp that children put on a dating life, the responsibilities that single parents have, etc.

A lot of men in the pillosphere heap unnecessary vitriol on single mothers because they like to identify groups they think are lower than them on a SMP hierarchy and endlessly demonize them. Just read the comments on this thread for example.

Impossible_You_8555 · 2022-07-31T17:43:41+00:00

You will never be seen the same by her, as you would a woman without another man's kids

purplish_possum · 2022-07-31T19:24:33+00:00

When a woman is over 40 her career is most important. By 40 she needs to be well established. The last thing a guy needs is a flighty 40 year old teenager.

Adult children are not really that relevant.

Barely-moral · 2022-08-01T00:48:05+00:00

Still a single mother. She made a decision on who was going the be the father. She picked wrong.

She has a child. The child either come first so I will never come first...so that is bad... or the child wild not come first in which case she is a piece of shit... that is also bad.

UMDAdminMakesMeSad · 2022-07-31T17:07:17+00:00

Yes, they are single mothers, it is the same.

sarkington · 2022-07-31T17:11:15+00:00

Men here don’t want to date those used-up, post-wall hags

The9thElement · 2022-07-31T17:16:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Wooden_Worker_3107 · 2022-07-31T20:11:52+00:00

Single mother is a term for a women in her teens that works a minimum wage job (if at all), has a kid, and looks like an ogre.

The child is only the proof for the bad life decisions, but it is never the only.

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2022-07-31T17:27:23+00:00

Good question in terms of narrowing,... sharpening the blade of division of groups. Drawing borders, if you will.

The answer is yes. It's as true as the statement that we're all our parent's children, even if the parents happen to umm... have moved on, for whatever reason, let's call it that.

Stop_Maximum · 2022-07-31T17:33:22+00:00

I’ll just call them a woman/man and if they’re not in a relationship then they are a single/available woman/man, but that’s me. I cannot assume they’re relationship status and I wouldn’t put the fact that they’re a father or a mother attached to it. Although I’ll definitely ask if they have any children before hand

Financial_Leave4411 · 2022-07-31T17:42:10+00:00

I would say yes because the mother will still want to spend time with her adult children especially on holidays and the adult’s father will more than likely be around from time to time as well.

No matter the age children tend to anchor people to one place because they want to be close to them and any potential grandchildren they have. Child free people tend to want the freedom to move and travel as they please as well as not being forced to spend holidays with kids/grandchildren that aren’t theirs.

SmakeTalk · 2022-07-31T18:59:22+00:00

Technically yes but if they're outta the home it's way less impactful on their dating life (duh) than if they're still young kids.

drew8311 · 2022-07-31T19:59:07+00:00

No, single mothers get a bad reputation because there are so many childless women the same age in the younger dating pool that are better options. After a certain age expecting to find a childless partner is less practical and its probably an added bonus they are out of the primary childcare years when their children are more self sufficient, even middle/high school isn't comparable to dating a woman with a toddler.

There are certainly different degrees of single mothers across the range. Worst is the one who got pregnant outside of a relationship and has very young kids with limited father presence. Other end is someone married 10-15 years who gets a divorce when kids are a bit older, split custody so is essentially free half the time and in the near future won't even have kids living there at all.

Zcuzz · 2022-07-31T20:10:50+00:00

I'll date chicks with grown children or if she doesn't have custody. Otherwise hell no.

SouthernGrass3 · 2022-07-31T20:32:53+00:00

Single mother usually means you’ve got kids who are minors, or— possibly a little older, if they are still at home and very reliant on their parent

Still, a woman with a 15 year old is less likely to be ruled out as a relationship option due to the single mom status, than a woman with a 5 year old. Plus, most of the guys that the first woman would be looking to date will have a kid/kids of their own.

operapeach · 2022-07-31T21:15:11+00:00

I would never date a single mother. If I were older and she had grown children, still wouldn’t date her because that would mean she’s bisexual and I don’t date bisexual women.

I don’t want to spend my life taking care of someone else’s kids and having to pretend I see them as my own children. If I wanted kids, I’d have them with my partner.

AndyBrown65 · 2022-07-31T23:45:42+00:00

Single mothers are generally women with dependent kids at home still. "the worst dating options"... I think that has been confirmed.

When their kids fly the nest there is a void that they either fill with a need for grandkids, or it gets filled with cats, or some other strange obsession. I would not say they are single mothers still.

They are possibly a sub-set of divorcees. The only difference between a 49 yo divorced woman with independent kids and a 49 yo (former) single mum is that the latter generally doesn't have an ex husband on the sidelines, and the divorcee is typically wealthier as her lawyer has extracted the house, his super and 60% of his cash.

A case in point is a high school sweetheart of mine. She is mid 50's and has an 19 yo daughter at Uni. She got divorced 15 years ago and her (former) husband was a child molestor who spent time in jail. No child support. She has no qualifications and bounces from job to job whilst living in granny flat. At one point of time she was so poor she lived back with her parents in her late 40's. She would have no super or savings and lives from week to week buying bargain groceries and relying on the good nature of others.

Another girl I went to high school with married a guy who ended up quite wealthy and the guy started shagging his secretary. It was the best thing for the wife as the guy was worth about $15M, and after the divorced she ended being worth about $10M, not bad for someone who left school at 15 to be a typist.

What I am saying is that former single mothers who have been single moms for some time are more likely to not have a means to support themselves, whereas women who were married and divorced their husbands in the 40s or 50s are likely to have the means to look after themselves, but are typically a bit bitter because their husbands left them for a younger, thinner model.

ManzBearzPigzIzRealz · 2022-08-01T00:42:52+00:00

No, all other things beIng the same, I put them in the same category as childless women.

2022-08-01T00:47:08+00:00

Imo a "single mom" is a teenage girl through the age of like 35.

A older women whos like 45 is a "milf" stage.

Technically they are still a "single mom" tho.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-08-01T01:26:09+00:00

Let me preface this by saying there are different types of single moms. The unmarried mom, the divorced mom, and the widowed mom. For some reason when single moms are mentioned on Reddit, people want to jump to the widowed one as a defense, and tbf that can be true and not uncommon.

Now that's our of the way, the obvious category most men (and some women) would place the single mom is in the 'unmarried mom' category. Whenever I think of the term "single mom" though, I would believe that shes more than likely under the age of 30 and never married the child's father. A 40+ woman with grown children, more than likely shes divorced or a lesser chance that she is widowed. Based on my observation, whenever she is trying to date someone, she has a totally different mindset. Most women at that age are already established and have their lives in order. Unlike the unmarried mom, shes not claiming to look for a father figure for her kid, or going after men with no kids or options with women. Chances are she is looking for someone who is around her age, and if thats the case, her partner would more than likely is divorced or have kids themselves. And with the kids, they're probably old enough to think for themselves and wouldn't get attached to you unlike one who is maybe younger than 7 years old. And if they are not old enough, chances are there is some split custody/visitation agreement between the mom and dad, which will be a little easier with dating because the kids don't have to rely on her 24/7 unlike if they were younger.

Yeah shes a single mom at the end of the day, but keep in mind the difference. A 40+ year old mom wouldn't be trying to convince someone how good of a catch she still is with a kid, because most men at that age wouldn't give af by that point. They understand that its kind of expected to have at least one kid by that age. Most of those women wouldn't go after a guy in his 20's anyway for that reason. Most of those women really don't need help unlike the young unmarried mom (she might say she doesn't because of her pride, but in reality she does).

With a woman like her whos 40+, its easier to keep lives seperate. She has her own house, car, income, bank account. I have mine. I believe the dating life is a little simpler than a mom in her 20's overall.

Oh, and while I'm at it: For those who are worred about the n-count with her. If she's 40+, I think it would be more than fair to accept the fact that she has a decent number that correlates to her age. Not often would a woman such as her would have a body count of 2. At some point you have to be realistic.

delight-n-angers · 2022-08-01T02:11:41+00:00

If they're adults and on their own she's not really mothering them. I think of single moms as people actually currently raising kids.

Nihi1986 · 2022-08-01T02:43:00+00:00

Definitely not the same, though you never know because children are forever, actually. She might need money to support them or they might need to come back home temporarily... It's not the same, though. They don't need a father figure and most if not all of the work is done.

intelectualycurious · 2022-08-01T05:55:42+00:00

A mom doesn’t forget her child when they leave the house.

Take that as you will.

2022-08-01T06:19:13+00:00

I think to many people get classified as single mothers.

I've seen many.

Woman who has kids, and divorced her baby daddy
woman who let some dbag pump n dump her, had the kids and he bounced
woman's husband died, she already had kids.

For me personally #1 is not a single mother in the sense that she is the only parent, which typically is what single mother implies, in this case she is single as in dont got a man. These are not single mothers in the sense that they are the only parent.

#2 and #3 are single moms in the sense that they are the single parent and they are single....to me this is a true single mom.

I don't think her age or her kids age has any bearing on the definition....now her kids age would potentially have a bearing in if a guy would date her, in the case of 18+ aged kids...they aren't your problem....

bluingmyself · 2022-08-01T07:50:31+00:00

The whole idea of "classifiying" single mothers is that they can no longer have/share/give the same experience of raising kids together with a potential partner. It doesn't matter if the kid is little or grown. That train (happy family raising) is gone, which has more to do with yourself - it also comes with a reputation boost in your circles/society. The difference is probably gonna depend on you as a person at this point.

villarconstante · 2022-08-01T13:58:20+00:00

No, like knocker says single mother implys a dependent and man are opposed to this because it usually means you are going spend your resources on someone else's kid and the woman is choosing you because you are the best provider of these resources she can get.

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-08-01T14:33:00+00:00

JaracRassen77 · 2022-08-01T18:12:43+00:00

Usually when we refer to Single-moms, they are usually in their 20's and 30's, with young kids that are still very much dependent on them.

2022-08-01T22:03:06+00:00

Nah, kids are grown. She's not supporting them. She's just a milf.

2022-08-02T00:42:39+00:00

The definition changes depending on culture and context.

In the UK, a single mother is just a mother who is single. She doesn't have a boyfriend or husband. Or she did and they broke up or divorced. Some of them share custody with the father, and others do not.

I think on Reddit they are defined as women who with children who have no involvement with the father.

Do you classify older women with independent children as single mothers?

Comments

I'm sorry you see your newborn child as a burden.

Title	Do you classify older women with independent children as single mothers?
Author	The9thElement
Upvotes	12
Comments	89
Date	July 31, 2022 4:58 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wctcf9/do_you_classify_older_women_with_independent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-classify-older-women-with-independent.1125759 https://theredarchive.com/post/1125759