What specifically made you a MRA?

dalsgaard · 2012-11-14T06:05:57+00:00

I was an egalitarian feminist for the vast majority of my life, then I moved to Los Angeles and started going to college. I'd overheard offensive conversations between women, but would just chock it up to stupid... until one day:

It was sociology, we had a female professor, and got onto the subject of feminism. She asked us to raise our hands if we identified as feminists, so I did; upon looking around, most women had their hands up, but only three men. Then, she defined feminism on the board (equal rights, opportunity, and responsibility), and asked us to raise our hand again, so I did; upon looking around most men had their hands up, but only two women.

After a bit of discussion it turned out the female students disagreed with including responsibility in the definition; I abandoned feminism there and then... it took a little longer to find the MRM, but that was the moment everything changed.

typhonblue · 2012-11-14T04:03:58+00:00

I was a feminist. I believed in equality.

I held myself to the standard of equality for twenty years and deconstructed my expectations for special privileges due to my gender. In the process I figured out exactly what those special privileges were.

I did the work and discovered interesting shit along the way. I'm here because feminists don't want me. Apparently you can be feminist but you can't become one.

caesarkid1 · 2012-11-14T03:47:45+00:00

Returning home from a vacation with a friend I found the strongest man I know, crying on the porch. I had never seen him cry before. Through all of the fighting, and all of the struggling, all of the attempts at pulling things together and making things work. There he sat. My father. Afraid to lose it all. Afraid to lose all that he had sweat, and toiled, and fought over. Standing at the precipice of his fate, as he told me what he saw, and that he didn't know what to do. No human, should ever have that much privilege over another human-being.

subliminal_messaging · 2012-11-14T04:17:06+00:00

When did I become an actual advocate/activist? That was probably just over the summer, once I found that there was an actual group of people that, like me, didn't turn a blind eye to sexism against men. When was the first time I started noticing the sexism? Grade 3, the kids of my class were playing tag at recess, and the one slow girl kept getting tagged "it". When I tagged her, she lost her cool and clawed at my face. She dug her nail so deep that I needed stitches, but received no punishment for it. When the teacher came over she told me: "it must have been an accident, and you should have been a gentleman and not tagged a lady, go after a boy next time." Come to think of it, I guess that was my first experience with victim blaming too.

HoundDogs · 2012-11-14T05:43:16+00:00

I actually live quite a nice and happy life. I am married to an awesome, reasonable woman who I have an amazing relationship with, so that's a good thing to start.

My start with MRA was watching what the divorce process did do my father... completely legally. When he divorced from my step-mother, there were no children, and they both had equal paying jobs. My father was told, from his lawyer, not to expect anything better than a 40% split. The lawyer knew his shit because that's exactly what dad got.

His first divorce, when kids were involved, was worse. Here was a man making 100 thousand a year in the 80's, struggling to make ends meet in a seriously sketchy apartment and giving massive amounts of his check to my mother.

What's interesting is not that my mother was that cruel... but I noticed the legal system was already rigged in favor of the woman. I began to see family friends going through similar situations and in many cases the women were absolutely ruthless during and after the divorces. Jesus Christ it was scary to hear that these women, I grew up around, could be that ruthless with someone they once loved...and ultimately to their children. They literally had ALL of the legal power, and they were wasting none of it.

It's wrong. It's not that I don't understand and respect the role of child support or the mother, it's just that it is very obvious to anyone paying attention that extreme feminism got a hold of the American legal system and has done a great deal of damage to families.

I do fight for social justice and equality, but I would much rather apply a more egalitarian, and reasonable philosophy when attempting to achieve those two goals.

trecol · 2012-11-14T03:32:16+00:00

Was arrested in a domestic dispute. Never had a problem with the law before then, or after. I was the only one bleeding. The cops didn't care that there was damage at all, told me I made it up. The charge I got stuck with was battery for letting my blood get on the aggressor. The aggressor got to walk free, even after I made a police report (mysteriously was irretrievably deleted). Then they discussed how to possibly stick me with a felony charge while on the way to prison. Fucking killed feminism dead for me right on the spot, and I used to be kind of a big one.

I promised to type up the whole story with proof someday. And I will, just not now.

drinkthebleach · 2012-11-14T04:50:05+00:00

Feminists. In all seriousness though, I was raised without my dad by a mentally-ill drunk of a mother because the court gave her custody with no investigation. I was sexually assaulted in High School and denied help/therapy from a place in town who only catered to women, all my friends told me I was lucky.

JohnAdamZiolkowski · 2012-11-14T07:26:37+00:00

On my 18th birthday, my mother was in a bad mood. After a discussion, I figured out why: she received the very last child support payment she would get from my father for me.

This came as a big surprise. I had no idea my father was still alive, let alone paying my mother for my entire life. We talked about what happened, and she told me that he had never once wanted to support a another child (he already had one of his own from a failed marriage), and from even before my conception, she was aware of his position.

Yet, she took him to court, and won almost two decades of payments for a kid he didn't want. I instantly knew this was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Later, he contacted me, and we talked. It turns out all this time he had been living in a trailer, barely able to support his own children, and he and my brother had been living in cruel standards while I was completely oblivious.

This really opened my eyes to male issues.

I was raised as a feminist all my life, and felt a strong desire for equality of the sexes, yet feminism in general didn't really want to hear it, and my mother and my sister felt that my father's place in child support was completely justified, and to be seen as a victory for equality. This was no victory. It was a disgusting act of betrayal of the word.

iwishiwasfapping · 2012-11-14T04:02:06+00:00

Starting Sociology 101.

sibqm_lmvm · 2012-11-14T04:45:20+00:00

Seeing the shitty way that feminists treat men/the desire to create a better world for my brother.

2012-11-14T04:38:31+00:00

I would say it was college.... The stress from going to school full time, working full time, and the constant barrage of feminist bile from professors and propaganda plastered all over the walls. I became seriously depressed.

Kastoli · 2012-11-14T05:57:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Whisper · 2012-11-14T06:49:40+00:00

Watching all my male friends get hit by the bullets I dodged.

I participated in the marriage strike. I got a vasectomy. I refused to court women by paying for their crap, or putting up with their crap. I didn't join the army. Insisted on being treated fairly. Whenever a woman hit me, I hit her back.

And I prospered. I kept my money for myself instead of giving all to a woman and whatever kids she browbeat me into having. I had sex when I wanted, with lots of different women, instead of swearing sexual fidelity to someone who would decide when I was allowed sexual release. I had a career instead of get shot in a third world shithole, and coming back a cripple to a nation that had no further use for me.

And I saw horrible things happen to the lives of any man who did what the feminists wanted. I saw them chewed up, spat out, used up, and thrown away. I saw them mistreated by girlfriends and wives, and then abandoned the instant they had nothing left to give, balls of scar tissue who would never trust a woman again.

And I got angry.

Why should I have all the threesomes? All the money? All the respect? All the hedonistic life of the fully actualized man?

I saw men grovelling, pleading, performing, pursuing, and above all, paying, for a shred of the affection women were lining up to offer me for free. I watched and listened as they took phone calls from their boyfriends, lying naked in bed next to me, suppressing a gleeful giggle at their own wickedness.

I heard men call me or my lifestyle "immoral", and in their complaints that I didn't "respect women", I heard the bill of goods that feminism sold them.

All the men I saw around me, dying inside by degrees from neglect, from overwork, from loneliness, from thwarted dreams, and sometimes even quite actually from bullets and industrial accidents... they were mostly good men. Decent men.

Their only sin was to believe what they had been told. To believe that their society's plan for them was good for them and not just society.

The quality in me that was being rewarded with independence, money, leisure time, and a surfeit of feminine lust was not intelligence, or ambition, or courage, or wisdom, or service to others. No. It was cynicism. It was my refusal to follow the plan.

I realized that our culture's plan for women helps them achieve their dreams, helps them prosper and thrive. And our society's plan for men leaves them as withered husks, sucked dry and waiting for death.

And I stayed angry.

AnthonyZarat · 2012-11-14T03:32:26+00:00

My son was humiliated in his school by this tax payer financed discrimination campaign.

I asked for help from the feminists at feministe, and they elected me the runner up most hated troll of the year.

So I found the MRM, and Pelle Billing was kind enough to run this story.

Initially, I was naive enough to scold fellow MRAs for being combative towards feminists:

If men’s sites cannot become less hostile to women, feminists will never visit. And, without the help of feminism, masculism is going nowhere.

I spent some time debating the fascists at ManBoobz, which convinced me that there was no hope for negotiation. Our enemy was blind with malice and reckless hate. So, I finally took the red pill and started to learn about health care discrimination and judicial discrimination against men.

cuteman · 2012-11-14T07:25:15+00:00

Witnessed my buddy falsely accused of sexual assault in college.

jethro_skull · 2012-11-14T05:31:34+00:00

I started attending a women's college. No joke. It astounded me how very vitriolic these other girls were getting about men. I realized how moderate I was in comparison to these people I'm going to school with... and how crazy some of their rhetoric sounded. I researched the terms and found myself disagreeing and disagreeing and disagreeing again, then found MRA and Egalitarianism. I read /r/MensRights because it provides some counterpoints to the things I hear at school every day. I fought through high school to avoid indoctrination and Science help me if I allow it to happen as an adult.

Electroverted · 2012-11-14T06:17:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Memyselfsomeotherguy · 2012-11-14T03:40:09+00:00

Girl Writes What's video "Feminism and the disposable male". Made sense out of a lot of general frustration.

tellmethisandthat · 2012-11-14T05:56:25+00:00

I'm not sure what got me started with men's rights. It's a mix of things I guess.

My first experience of discrimination for being a guy: When I was 5 I had a teacher in kindergarten who was very biased against boys. On one occasion she discriminated pretty badly against me specifically (won't go into details because I don't think anyone really wants to know), and through a chain of events this caused me to severely lack confidence with regards to the opposite sex for my whole life after this (I had my first girlfriend at 21 as a result).

But I think what really made me aware men faced discrimination in society was hearing stories of bias in divorce court, specifically that women often got more custody because men were perceived as bad fathers. My father I am sure loved me as much as my mother did, and I am sure I could love my future children as much as any woman could love her own, so I was shocked that society and even judges could believe men were lesser parents.

This also got me interested in the topic of sperm banks, which was an eye opener for me. I feel sperm banks give society the impression that men are just tools to be used for procreation and aren't needed in parenting. I also heard studies show that children conceived through sperm donations and raised by single mothers grew up to think men were meant to be used by women for procreation and then 'discarded'. As a result, girls grow up not valuing the role of men in a family and boys grow up having low self-esteem and trust issues with regards to women (obviously it doesn't apply to all children, but apparently it's pretty wide-spread).

Anyway, the eye-opening part was the way people reacted to my arguments. Perhaps I was over-estimating the negative consequences of sperm banks and the system of sperm donations, but that's not what people replied to me. What they replied, to every single objection I made about sperm banks, was that women's right to use a man's sperm to conceive a biological child was more important.

Let me rephrase that for emphasis: to all the people I spoke to, a woman's right to have access to a sperm bank so she could have a biological child was more important than fathers being discriminated against on child custody or little boys growing up with complexes about their gender. That's when I realized society had some serious problems in the way it treats men.

Later on I learned more about how men are treated differently (and unfairly) in some cases. I became aware that violence against men is not taken seriously or even thought of as funny. I also became aware of stereotypes, especially the "men are perverts/think about sex 24/7" stuff. And of course I know men are more likely to be assumed to be pedophiles than women. I'm actually afraid of being near children.

And after reading r/mensrights, I learned how the law is often biased in favor of women. Men arrested after being attacked by women? Rape male victims not taken seriously? Legal loopholes and other stuff that make it easy for women to take a boyfriend's property? Crazy stuff...

Right now, I want to fight discrimination against men in the law, and I'd like to make people aware that men do face discrimination in many ways. My main problem with feminism is that it seems to have become more about women's rights than gender equality. Personally I'm about gender equality. I don't see this as a fight about men vs. women, for me it's a fight to make both genders equal. Both men and women suffer discrimination. The thing is, the majority of society is aware of the problems women face; on the other hand, only a few people seem to be aware that men are also facing discrimination, and this is the problem I want to fix.

dalsgaard · 2012-11-14T05:54:45+00:00

I can't find a point where I actually converted, because it has been a gradual thing. I was indoctrinated into a highly feminist mindset, thinking that women can do no wrong, and that men are always villains. But I've always been very logical and sensitive to fairness issues. I couldn't understand why girls were supposedly more trustworthy back in school. Why they barely received any punishment, even when me and one of my female friends had done the same thing wrong. I particularly remember reading a story about a girl sitting in class, feeling pressured into silence because people would laugh at hear, and how she didn't dare speak. The tone of the shortstory was this: We ought to have sympathy for her. That really resonated with me, because all my life I had been told to just 'pull myself together', in spite of the fact that I suffered far worse in class than she did. And when I tried to argue that she should pull HERself together, the teacher went absolutely mad, in spite of the fact that this is what she had told me to do.

At one point, I remember walking home from school thinking about the injustices of the world. I had been brainwashed to such a degree, that I would put myself down constantly, thinking I had to fight some sort of inner demon, and to keep it in check. Later, I figured out that "Fighting your inner demon to keep it in check", was a way to keep me in check. They say this to keep you submissive and under control. They portray you as a villain, so you will fight the enemy within instead of the enemy without. I used to cry at the plight of women, and swear that I would sacrifice everything, and do everything I could for them in the name of feminism.

Needless to say, when I beagn to find out how the world really worked, I became extremely angry. Men expected to die, be tortured, forgotten, expected to pay; we were all downtrodden and abused while we were told that WE were the abusers. I literally saw red at that point, and became the extremely angry MRA for two years, until I began to calm down.

Equa1 · 2012-11-14T06:43:12+00:00

When I learned what circumcision was.

JennaSidal · 2012-11-14T11:24:13+00:00

realising that female privilege is a thing...there are so many things I can do without anyone even raising an eyebrow, that would cause a huge scene if my fiance did it (such as talking a child in the street). It's wrong and the victimisation of men, the assumption that they're all automatically paedophiles or rapists, is horrible.

sp8der · 2012-11-14T16:37:42+00:00

I'm sort of a lurker in this crowd, but I know what makes me support you guys is empathy. I'm a gay male, so I dodge a lot of the shit you all get thrown (divorces, child custody, gender roles to some extent, certainly everything involving dating difficulties with women), but jesus christ sometimes I just feel so damn bad for you all. My crowd gets some shit, but... honestly sometimes I feel lucky to be gay with what I read here.

I also fucking hate stereotypical gender roles, so there's that.

And also, seeing how batshit radfems are and realising that those people are winning in some areas is fucking frightening.

EvilPundit · 2012-11-14T03:55:08+00:00

I was always strongly committed to equality, and even from a young age I protested when girls got special treatment.

Later I became a feminist, basically buying their schtick.

Gradually, though, I noticed that feminists themselves did or endorsed all the bad things they claimed were done by patriarchy. On the Internet I encountered other men who were questioning the position of men in society, and gradually gained awareness.

NeuroticIntrovert · 2012-11-14T05:20:26+00:00

-Being repeatedly expected to tolerate feminist misandry and losing several friends over it. -Feminist misuse of research methods to generate biased statistics. -The radical notion that men are also hurt by their gender roles. -Being in an abusive relationship and finding myself with nowhere to turn.

Apellosine · 2012-11-14T06:53:33+00:00

Since I was a teenager I saw the way my mother treated my father, lying to police, to friends and how much she was believed. No one ever believed my father that he was the victim of abuse because he was a big guy, 6'2" well built but with chronic pain that was manipulated. He wasn't a perfect husband by any stretch but he never got the help or support he needed from anywhere.

It was only recently that my brother has become close with my father again after being alienated from him for so many years.

My mother is only now getting help for her issues as well with alcohol but it cost her dearly, a husband, myself for almost a decade and her previous employment. I am reconnecting with her now and she is making an effort but it is difficult after all the years of hatred I felt.

themarts · 2012-11-14T04:37:18+00:00

i want equal rights, i just feel that feminists are going about it the wrong way, and arent open to listen to different opinions

BlackKnighter · 2012-11-14T06:38:18+00:00

I was raised to pedestalise women. I was a feminist when I was younger.

Eventually the misandry within the movement lead to me internalising self-hate. Once I got past that and realised what feminism had done to me, I became an anti-feminist. I will never forgive the movement for how it demonises men and masculinity. I am particularly against indoctrination, shaming and unnecessary medication of boys.

This naturally brought me to MRA where I could still be a proponent of egalitarianism in the most effective manner, by countering the sexism of the other side.

One day I hope both movements can draw down and the egalitarians will take it from there.

husky_nihilist · 2012-11-14T07:42:46+00:00

I took a class in gender studies...

productionx · 2012-11-14T15:11:59+00:00

Having to fight tooth and nail for my daughters and realizing that I had no legal stance in my state as a father for the rights and time I deserve.

Still on going.

Shiro_Yukianesa · 2012-11-14T17:30:22+00:00

I was raised in a single parent household with my mother.

She has, at least what I and through speaking to counselors have deduced as severe BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)

I spent the entirety of my youth being hit, manipulated, having the police called on me, lies being told to family. All under the "I am a woman and his mother. And I HAVE to be the victim." guise. She stole money from me and had family believing I was abusing her by stopping her from stealing more. I could go on, but what killed me.. was for the longest..and even still somewhat I always throughout this thought I was at fault. I would try and get help, try and reach out. But as it sadly goes I would be laughed at by police and written off as an abuser seeking an excuse.

My family had the nerve to play into it, and only after my grandma finally, finally after I was moved out from my moms house told me that it was my mother that had a problem, not me. Did they admit that they fucking knew the entire time that she was lying and abusing me, but because I was a boy and bigger than her physically and supposed to be "strong" it was more important that they didn't question her authority with me and look aside.

It was when after this I found myself, before I knew better, inadvertently looking for girls that were the same type. When in high school I told a female friend that had a crush on me "no" to heavy petting and I found myself facing my dean over an accusation of sexual harassment and even though he KNEW the claim was false he had to follow through with discipline because of school policy.

It was when I realized that for all this, I had no way to fight it. In every case I was framed the villain when I was the victim. It was when I realized just how many men and women hearing this would dismiss my abusers behavior and blame me for it claiming that it HAD to be justified. Its when I tell people that I had to cut off from my mother, telling them all that she did they still look at me as if I have disrespected her.

Thats what made me really start to question why women, particularly the ones in my life, were always justified for doing practically anything and got to doge all consequences. While I somehow managed to be responsible for their abuse, and their wrongs as well as it being my fault that I wasn't the caliber they expected.

For a while I was bitter, and I hated all women, but over time and thanks to this subreddit I feel like Ive gained a deeper insight in to what to look out for, the fact I'm not alone in this, the fact there are good women out there who see this and do understand how wrong it is, and I've managed to start to go to counseling and therapy so I can become more than a victim. It was when I was finally able to admit that I was a victim and even in a small part start to feel that it's NOT my fault. That I realized that other people need this too, and its worth fighting for. Nobody should have to feel that helpless, to feel like they are the wrong one for having someone else fuck with their heart and their lives.

zot13 · 2012-11-14T03:28:37+00:00

Rebecca Watson is what pushed me over the edge.

Her ridiculousness made me skeptically examine Feminism. I found that it was just another form of secular religion, like Stalin's cult of personality.

2012-11-14T07:23:42+00:00

In my personal life, I watched my mother refuse to move when my father got a job interstate. Despite having no dependent children anymore, and no close friends in the area, she refused. He had to quit his job, and they went back to barely being able to pay the mortgage. Divorce was mentioned, but they remained together. I honestly think my Dad would be better off alone.

Finally, I'm a female with mostly male friends. I've had to hear about them being hurt by women, and how they were too afraid of the implications if they did anything in defence.

contraterrene · 2012-11-14T09:34:35+00:00

Firstly seeing a friend falsely accused of sexually abusing his daughter and only the fact that he was out drowning his sorrows with us one night on CCTV after his daughter was too tired to stay up and he gave her to his ex's mother to babysit saved his ass.

Secondly, slowly picking up the hypocrisy from culture and feminist groups who insisted that only men can be evil.

Thirdly, having my SO abuse me, pushing her away in self defense, locking a door behind me to escape from her and her calling the police to come and when they arrived I told them that I had pushed her but that she was abusing me. Obviously they totally ignored what I was saying and gave me a 'caution' which I found out later was actually a permanant blot on my record preventing me from emigrating to Canada which was always my dream. For pushing an abusive woman away and locking myself into a room.

She does want to try and get it removed but only if she is not made liable for her abuse, so it's going to be tough.

Finally, I was falsely accused of sexually harrassing my immediate boss in my new career (who was seriously screwing up at work and hated me because I was excelling) by sending her cheeky text messages (one with the male name of the recipient right at the bottom) I can deduce that she forwarded them from my phone as the dates did not match up at all when I originally sent them and as her english was so poor that she would have been found out.

The CFO/HR manager totally took her side as soon as she complained and did not even give me a chance to defend myself as I sat there gobsmacked.

No one at all in our department believed I could have done this as it was a well know fact that I could hardly stand working with her and was glad whenever she was not there as I could get work done without her passive-aggressive bull towards me.

She was let go at the end of her probationary period for incompetence.

Now, I guess she has she has been spreading the word as I recently had interviews cancelled at places she has previously worked.. the old girls network. Now I have the sickening thought of that over me forever.

HeadingTooNFL · 2012-11-14T03:49:03+00:00

Everything, it was always a feeling to me that society was unfair to men and that a lot of feminists were hypocritical and misanthropic. Once I found r/MR it really opened my eyes and showed exactly how men were discriminated against.

garbage-art · 2012-11-14T06:48:30+00:00

I always knew that certain feminist beliefs, like gender being a social construct, were politically motivated rather than the result of unbiased research. Therefore I never considered myself a feminist.

But I still agreed with the concept of "patriarchy" and thought that women were more oppressed than men. Because of this belief I thought the MRM was stupid without really looking to see what it was about.

I got caught up in the thought police games used by feminists and started feeling guilty for "sexist" thoughts I had. Feminists would keep upping the ante as to what was considered offensive and what you were not allowed to do, say, or think. At this point I knew there was something wrong with what they were doing but I couldn't put my finger on it.

When I found girlwriteswhat's videos that's when things finally clicked for me and I found out just how irrational and manipulative feminism actually is.

TeaDrinkingBarbarian · 2012-11-14T11:37:24+00:00

All of your reasons are gonna make mine look stupid, but to be honest, the first time I really started to think about how men were being treated by society was when I saw this advert for the first time.

2012-11-14T11:51:38+00:00

For me it was school. In the school curriculum at my public Australian high school there was a lot of feminist propaganda. In history class we learnt about how women were and are still oppressed. In legal studies class we learnt about how the court system supposedly discriminates against female rape victims leading to 'only a 6% conviction rate' and how affirmative action is needed because women only earn 77¢ to a man's dollar for 'the exact same amount of work'. In health class we learnt about how boys rape and why they shouldn't and how having sex while drinking is considered rape (by the man). Police officers came to the school to talk about domestic violence (committed by men against women). There are so many examples I can think of where the curriculum and the teachers were feminist and often downright misandrist. I even had a couple of essays and oral assignments where I had to discuss how women are oppressed. On one of the essays I decided to write that I didn't believe this, and instead wrote about the disadvantages faced by men. I was given an F and the only comment was "Immature."

Kastoli · 2012-11-14T11:56:49+00:00

False rape accusations.

amroc987 · 2012-11-14T12:35:24+00:00

For me, it was probably when I took two classes, one called "Ethnicity in the Media" and another called "Gender Roles." I entered these knowing full well they'd be fairly heavy on their feminism teaching, but I never knew to what extent.

In Ethnicity in the Media, we discussed a lot of violence and stereotypes geared towards women, Asians, blacks, Hispanics... you name it, and then when it came to men we DID discuss how violence and objectification of men is becoming more prevalent in the media, but we were told that it was because we allowed violence against women, and how the issue was not of near the same importance as if it were on a female. We were told this while we had ads in the background from high end clothing companies (Gucci, D&G, Prada...) where men were holding down men in highly sexual positions, simulating rape.

The Gender Roles class, was merely "Here's how women are degraded, through a 3rd wave feminist perspective." In the 16 week class, we spent one week talking about males problems, and when mentioning male movements she broke it down into mythopoetic, or "ultra manly man, I need to go to the woods and kill something", MRAs (who she put on the same slide as neo-nazis and WBC) who are threatened by feminism advancements, and pro-feminism males who "realize that advancing the female front will help males", yet she never provided any way how...

I ended up writing a nasty letter to the department chair on the Gender Roles class to be used in her evaluation. I blatantly called her out for being HIGHLY sexist in class, playing favoritism with grades based on gender, disregarding male input, and downplaying anything positive in the male regard.

That semester made me start to do my own research on gender roles, and I came across this subreddit, and I've been following it ever since.

subliminal_messaging · 2012-11-14T13:14:42+00:00

It happened to me when I was in 5th grade. My partner and I did a big social studies project for our class/fair. Not only did we do well enough to pass but we WERE part of a group selected to go on to where we competed with other schools.

Well the girl at the top of the class didn't get selected. She complained to our teachers and My partner and I lost our place. I got so angry. When the teacher saw me visibly upset after I heard I lost my place, she asked me what my problem was. After snapping on her, she tried to shrug me off after I called her out on explicitly selecting her because she was a girl. I eventually was eventually let back in after talking to my principle. But she was still in the competition.

My partner and I won with our project. (partner was also a male)

Also all the teachers and staff at that school were all female. I noticed their sexism for a long time.

Tl;Dr was told i couldn't compete because a girl who was "the beat and smartest" didn't make it into the competition and complained.

VoodooIdol · 2012-11-14T15:07:26+00:00

Watching my brother go through his divorce. He got custody of his kid, but the courts awarded him a whopping $16 per week in child support. What the fuck is that? An insult?

hellzorak · 2012-11-14T16:54:09+00:00

I´m Brazilian... and here, I don´t see the kind (or the amount) of problem that you guys in the US see, specially the rape thing. However, I also do not see MRA here. But I became a MRA because there is a law here, called Maria da Penha. Maria da Penha is a woman that was beaten almost to the death by her husband. So, the congress made a law called Maria da Penha, that locks away men that beat women, almost on the spot. It doesn´t even have to be the woman calling the cops. And this law only applies to women as a victim. And our government minister for women topics actually said in an interview that. The law does not protect and is not aimend at protect men. So, a few years ago, I was having a fight with my sister. I was 21, she was 31 years... she slapped me in the face... HARD... Adrenaline kicked in, as I was moving to return "the favor", she screamed: "if you hit me I´m going to the cops and you will be arrested". I froze.... the fight continued and she tryed 2 more times to slap me. I was... and still am, powerless. It was 5 years ago, and I still don´t talk to her. She used the law, a biased law, so she could strike me without consequences. It was than that I became aware of the difficulties that men face, but it was only a few months ago that I decided be called a MRA. There are no equal rights when one can hurt the other, and the other can do shit abount it. On a side note, an ant and an uncle of mine (brother and sister), fight more often than not (she has borderline personality disorder, and I believe that he also has that). I few months ago, they foght, and this aunt called my mother to tell, and as my sister hearded, she says: "she should go to the police and say that he beat her" (he hadn´t). I immediatly got up and said: "he did not do that, you cannot ruin a man´s life like that, and if she goes to the police, I will back up anything that he says". The aunt did not went to the police. And my sister is a cunt. Sorry for the English, not my first language.

inthemud · 2012-11-14T17:11:40+00:00

The courts gave custody of my infant son to my ex's mother instead of me. My ex stood in court and said that she did not want my son and I was standing there saying that I did want him. So the court did the obvious thing and "awarded" the paternal grandmother custody. My ex lived with her mother. I spent years and tens of thousands of dollars fighting for my son. I was accused of everything under the sun including being involved in organized crime and the go-to sexual stuff. Even though every accusation was proven a lie, it did not matter. Because I was a man the state gave my son to any woman that wanted him.

2012-11-14T18:56:22+00:00

Growing up in a house of women with a mother that was assertively feminist and would take every opportunity to "teach" me that the world would be better if women ruled it and that women like Condoleezza Rice were not real women.
Seeing my parents divorce play out. My Dad got shat on, especially with custody. Any objections that my sister and I had with the custody arrangement were only responded to if they favored my mother.
I was sexually violated by a woman (while sleeping) when I was 19. As soon as I woke up I was able to overwhelm her physically and throw her off of me, and when I finally gathered the courage to tell other people about the experience almost no one (except my best friend) showed sympathy and consoled me. Even though it made me feel like complete filth and made women repulsive to me for the next five months, people only said it was "no big deal". My ex girlfriend said it was funny. Despite all this, I hear feminists say that by being a male I contribute to "rape culture" and I am always depicted, by guilt of my maleness, as an aggressor in rape rather than a victim. Fuck that.
My sexuality. I hated the fact that women were applauded for openly engaging in lesbian behavior for innumerable reasons and yet if I wanted to experiment with bisexuality I had to defend it nearly every time and fear judgement (from both males and females).

buster2209 · 2012-11-14T20:14:56+00:00

I had the pleasure of paying my now ex-wife spousal support.

Pecanpig · 2012-11-14T03:57:50+00:00

Nothing specific. I got in arguments with my mother regarding feminists, she suggested I research the feminist movement, I did so, and I found this little red pill. I didn't need any reason aside from my morals to be an MRA.

ThePigman · 2012-11-14T05:31:08+00:00

I don't like seeing society treat people like shit for no good reason. Funnily enough -- unlike most leftists -- i feel that way even when the oppressed are straight,white men. I'm sure that sounds positively neanderthal to some leftists, but they are just bigots who need someone to shit on -- even if it's their own sex/race.

Charwinger21 · 2012-11-14T07:33:29+00:00

Multiple friends of mine have been raped.

None of them have reported it.

I was supportive of egalitarian groups before that, but that's what made me become a vocal supporter of the MRM.

The earliest case? My brother was raped by a female student at his elementary school in grade 1. I didn't find out until he was in high school.

The most recent (and most vivid) occurrence? I was hanging out with some friends at a good friend's house. He went out for a smoke and one of the girls there (who was leaving the country in two days to go live with her fiancée) went out with him. No big deal, right? They're out for a fairly long time, but whatever, we're all busy having fun and it's a group of friends, right? Turns out while they were out there she chipped his tooth, dislocated his ankle, and tried to rape him. I was 10 metres away and I didn't hear a thing.

CptSeaCow · 2012-11-14T06:31:45+00:00

I had always had issues with social injustice, chivalry forced onto males at an early age and then not respecting them for it (1 too many doors slammed in my face), but what I think really drove it home was when I saw a co-worker, who shares my name, life completely fall apart from a divorce. He became homeless living out of his car. That was when I knew something had to be done and activism was required. That was the same time I discovered /MR

ashewalton · 2012-11-14T09:46:09+00:00

I don't identify as anything openly, I feel labels like "feminist" or "men's right's activist" have a way of tying you down to a certain mindset and leaving your mind closed to opposing viewpoints. Labels are a kind of indoctrination in and of themselves.

I've never identified to anyone as a "feminist" or a "men's right's activist," but I have a love of challenging preconceptions and debating with just everyday workin' folk. Maybe it's part of my love of writing, but I love understanding how people think, why they think what they think, and how they justify their own views and labels.

I stumbled across /r/MensRights not too long after I joined reddit, and subscribed since a) my boyfriend was (and got tired of being inboxed reddit links) and b) some very valid points on the way society treats men. Before /r/MensRights, it had never really crossed my mind that feminist rhetoric was out-of-date in our current society. I didn't see that women could actually have Privilege (in the feminist definition of the word).

I'd never really taken modern feminism too seriously, because I felt that through my own experiences, women weren't all that oppressed. Yes, there are still some on-going concerns, but social maladies don't discriminate based on gender, ethnicity, or religion. Everyone has trouble with societal expectations at some point, even White Males.

But my boyfriend's dad -- whose opinions and ideologies I don't agree with on any level at all, really -- was put through hell when he divorced. Do I think his wife was justified in wanting a divorce? Yes. The man had outright said to his family that if it was between his family and his God, he would choose his God. Maybe there's something ironic in that. But no grown man deserves to have to live in his parent's basement, because he's crushed by the debt burden forced on him by his divorce. While his ex-wife gets to live comfortably in a house to herself and her daughter.

And poor Jeremy, who loves his son. But won't get custody, despite his son's mother being a crazy piece of shit. Who works a full-time job, but despite that, lives in some sort of "symbiotic" relationship with a woman he doesn't know, so he doesn't have to sleep in a homeless shelter. Jeremy is one of the absolute nicest, most kind-hearted, strongest people I know. Wants to be able to program mobile games, but despite his full-time job, can't even afford a cellphone or tablet of his own to test it on. ("You have an emulator on your computer don't you?" "Yeah, but there's some bugs with touch I just can't figure out without having a touch device to test on...")

It just breaks my heart to see men systematically abused by the judicial system, to have unrealistic expectations just heaped on them until they're a figurative Atlas trying to keep everything together while they slide down the shitter. And then to have a good sum of feminists turn around and tell them that they're always the problem. That all men need to realise their privilege?

That's a load of bullshit that I just can't stand for, and a "fuck you" to anyone who believes that.

rightsbot · 2012-11-14T03:22:19+00:00

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sjonsson · 2012-11-14T12:06:49+00:00

I did the "mistake" of starting to verify feminist claims. Not sure why I did it.

jimmybrite · 2012-11-14T12:18:47+00:00

Men are always dumb as fuck in commercials, like this new videotron ad (My local isp/phone/cable provider)there's this tech talking to robots in the modem, and some woman sees him do that, and he says "Oh it's very technical stuff" well, the dumbfounded look she gave him made me clench my teeth.

GaetanDugas · 2012-11-14T13:55:01+00:00

My earliest memory of having a weird feminist interaction was in third grade. I had a teacher who went by the title Mz. (Pronounced mizz) not Mrs. Or Ms. She would get furious when ever a small child would call her Mrs. Keep in mine we are like 8 and 9 years old and don't understand this. In our eyes Mrs. was for women and Mr. was for men. She spent days teaching us about the differences and why women deserve different titles.

I think the event that planted the seeds of doubt was a conversation I had with my ex girlfriend. She was an open feminist and we had a talk about it one day. Her whole philosophy was women deserve special treatment because women were oppressed in the past. Women now have earned the right to have carte blanche with whatever because at some point in history, women were oppressed. For instance, its acceptable to have a women's only institution, it you can't have a men's only institution because women earned the right to take whatever they want, and men get nothing because if they get something women get, its sexist.

2012-11-14T14:57:29+00:00

I always noticed the inequality, even at an early age. Just never knew there were such things as MRAs.

2012-11-14T15:49:26+00:00

I was 16, attending high school "Social studies" class because it was a requirement. It was my first encounter with a blatant feminist teacher who pushed her agenda on the students through something as irrelevant to feminism as Sir John A. MacDonald and his role in Canadian history. I was constantly angry in her class because I had been bullied and harassed all my life for various reasons and now it was happening again but just because I was a guy. It made me think of all the casual male sexism in the media and pop culture as completely accepted and even funny. I used to be a "white knight". I strongly believed that girls liked a man who always put their needs ahead of my own, coming to their defense for arbitrary reasons, admitting I was wrong no matter what the situation and comforting them and taking responsibility on myself when THEY fucked up. As soon as I saw tears, i felt it was my duty to put blame on everyone and everything else but them. This taught me NOTHING and back-fired horribly and caused me a lot of trouble with the female principle who tried to accuse me of stalking a girl I liked when all I did was ask her to a dance with a note. My own mother thought I needed anger management and to see a psychiatrist to see if I had issues. I never knew about the MRA until barely 8 months ago. Now I;m 22 and see misandry for what it is.

Knight_of_Malta · 2012-11-14T16:29:03+00:00

user YOU_HAVE_NO_CLUE

facetothe9th · 2012-11-14T19:09:59+00:00

I was at a new years eve party getting drunk with some friends from college. Mostly girls. I was sitting on the ground and one of the girls turned around and kicked me in the back, twice, hard. I had bruises for a week. When I was upset that someone had just assaulted me the women, included my girlfriend, at the party refused to acknowledged that there was a problem.

ThouSaltty · 2012-11-14T07:00:16+00:00

Honestly? Tumblr. I got tired of feeling like shit every time I logged on and saw a bullshit feminazi rant and decided to do some actual investigating and figured out, "hey, I'm actually not an asshole for being a man. Cool."

livemansleeping · 2012-11-14T08:36:59+00:00

I pay attention. I use reddit a lot because it effectively represents a nearly perfect platform for generalized trend analysis of every one between ages 15 and 30. Partially by the front page, partially through a few subreddits.

When i find that trends are not progressing in a way i like i start paying very close attention. Maybe i'll even get legit involved at some point. Mens rights seems to be something that is just now getting rolling and needs the assistance of every one who can assist.

2012-11-14T14:07:56+00:00

I've never payed any attention to gender issues. My education is all technical. I've always shrugged off all the BS men go through as (life's tough man). I'm not big on accepting things without proof though. I'd just never thought about men's gender issues.

I came here though the random button and decided in seconds that this is a place for people who hate women. I decided to read a few of the posts and comments to confirm that. I never found any proof that MRA's hate women but I saw a lot of men's issues I'd never really thought about before.

Eventually I decided to see who else talks about /MR on reddit to see if I was wrong and this is a hate group. I found TONS of people who say men's rights is a hate group! I read all their comments and learned what straw man arguments and ad hominem attacks are!

I found out important feminist "facts" such as: Men can't discuss equality because someone a feminist knows got raped once. Men discussing equality can't be taken seriously because someone emailed the SPLC and got them to put /MR on a list. Men discussing men's issues in it's self is absolute proof that MRA's hate women. If you make a poster that says men's right's are human rights thousands of feminists will call that hate speech without ever explaining why.

So I never found any proof that /MR hates women. I found lots of evidence to support the idea that feminists are against equality though. As far as I can see feminism is full of middle and upper class white women who want the world to do things for them while they shame those people for trying to help them. The real hate group is feminism and it's unwitting victims are the women who blindly believe that feminism is about equality.

krashmania · 2012-11-14T15:27:15+00:00

I feel that way about the yoplay(sp) commercial where the woman describes all the flavors to her friend, and when her husband opens the fridge and looks inside it, she turns around, and in the most condescending tone I've ever heard, "babe? What are you doing?" Which wouldn't bother me if she was just asking out of interest, but she seemed genuinely angry at her husband for looking in his own fridge.

saranaclake123 · 2012-11-14T18:25:55+00:00

This subreddit was the first contact I had with this movement. And it's made me an MRA.

cronus85 · 2012-11-14T13:17:20+00:00

As said below GirlWritesWhat's youtube video "Feminism and the disposable male" got my attention and let me know there was such a thing a Men's Rights. It just made a lot of sense and I felt like someone was going to bat for me.

It made me look at other things in my past which I hadn't considered a men's rights issue. It pissed me off a bit. Like, "Shit man, that was really unfair."

Theophagist · 2012-11-14T16:51:01+00:00

The body of evidence provided to me.

Finndogs · 2012-11-16T00:25:54+00:00

I used to be feminist until one day, i got into a discussion with some friends about different topics until someone brought up rape, and all my female friends (my male fiend and 5 female(4/5were self proclaimed feminist), said how men were horrible sex predators(apparently forgetting me and my guy friend was there. So I spoke up saying women raped men too, but they looked at me and laughed saying men can't get raped. Eventually I found this subreddit and became a MRA

2012-11-17T08:03:03+00:00

I think my opinions are mostly genetic... no really!

But other than that, I would say TV commercials were eye-openers, then I grew up and stopped caring about TV commercials and started caring about real problems. TV commercials are probably the biggest help that the MRM has.

PacmanWasALangolier · 2012-11-14T17:10:55+00:00

Our current society makes it impossible for me to follow the path of my ancestors. A hundred thousand years of men fighting back nature and building a family - all these individual achievements of human history have been crushed out under the heel of Family Court and Divorce Law.

Getting married and having children is a fast track to dying destitute, alone, and bitter.

FridayNightHoops · 2012-11-14T10:06:02+00:00

A female friend showed me this.

FridayNightHoops · 2012-11-14T13:12:35+00:00

I have no clue what I'm doing here. I'm just an unsuspicious onlooker with enough time to read through all the stories.

ANakedBear · 2012-11-14T21:43:55+00:00

I heard a Joke once (I forget the original comeden, sorry) That you can have a womens only club, a Jewish only club, a Black only club, but if you try to have a white male only club, you will be labled as a hate group. At the time I just thought it was a ha ha funny.

One day back when I was in college I proposed, straight faced, a Club for White Males (I do not remember why) to talk about issues for them alone. In mixed company I was basically labeled a racist and women hater.

Since then I have been sensitive to the fact that we are actively discriminated against. It is shocking how casually a double standard is thrust upon us.

onlysaysyourmom · 2012-11-14T07:12:48+00:00

Your mom.

pacman7331 · 2012-11-14T21:38:57+00:00

God. Atheists, I pity you.

Title	What specifically made you a MRA?
Author	Electroverted
Upvotes	76
Comments	170
Date	November 14, 2012 3:20 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/135u0q/what_specifically_made_you_a_mra/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/what-specifically-made-you-a-mra.1009279 https://theredarchive.com/post/1009279

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