How dangerous was/is your life due to the other gender?

mackenzie013_02 · 2021-09-05T15:57:09+00:00

One of my family members is extremely psychologically abusive (luckily I wasn’t around them for too too long), I’ve been sexually assaulted as a teenager, almost drowned, and then in the middle of a “lone wolf” attack in the first few years after moving to North America (luckily physically unharmed). I feel like I’m pretty maxed out.

Overall I feel pretty safe though. I’m not afraid of men and I don’t think most will or want to harm me. I’ve done tons of therapy, and self-defence classes (managed to overpower a guy who was after my friend - that felt empowering 😎). I do flinch occasionally when men make sudden & unexpected movements though, I get sick when I smell a certain cologne, and I do calculate risk/reward when it comes to sketchy situations. Do I wish I didn’t have to? Sure! But I know some things are irrational and prob won’t ever go away …so eh.

Edit: To add, there’s also been a Tinder guy who stalked me (we never met), a guy from a bar who followed me home, and a few men who blew up after I rejected them.

Luna320 · 2021-09-05T16:17:07+00:00

I would say I’m generally lucky compared to others I’ve met but I’ve also been more risk adverse. Like others have said it’s more likely to happen by someone close to you, regardless of gender. I was raped during my first relationship, cheated on and my second I found out my ex had been cheating the entirety of the five years. Having experienced an emotionally abusive relationship which threats of suicide if I left. However I also realize men aren’t all like that. I’ve definitely worked on being paranoid right after those instances and have improved. I’m definitely still wary of men but I could say that of women as well. I generally believe it’s good to be wary of strangers but paranoia goes beyond in my opinion.

Playful_Dig8694 · 2021-09-05T16:23:35+00:00

I don’t like to be touched anymore. Well, it has to be very intentional and deliberate and only my parents or really close friends. Even then, it’s not a comfortable thing. I didn’t block my ex, but unfriended and stopped even reading the endless stream of messages and locked down my social media accounts. The harassment stopped eventually but I’m desperately terrified of getting another message, or a phone call, or a knock on the door. The thought alone brings on this white-knuckled near-panic state. I left shortly after I was straddled and beaten across my face and neck for refusing to sleep in our bed. I firmly believe I’d be dead or incarcerated had I not finally swallowed my pride and escaped back to my parent’s. I’ve gained about 20 lbs from working out since then. I’m a man from the eastern US. Is my life really dangerous now? No. I don’t go through fear dealing with women, per se. But I’m always careful to be friendly/a bit stiff and formal. People always think I have a stick up my ass anyway, so that and my reclusive lifestyle mean I’m safe and free of complication. (And by complication I mean one continuous emergency.)

StarchRunner · 2021-09-05T15:35:28+00:00

Not me, but my friend was a lifeguard. One day an 11 yo girl slipped, hit her head on the jumping thingy (1m) and fell in the water. He got her out and had to resusitate her. Her mother accused him of groping and pedoing her, and tried to file suit against the ymca operating the pool and him.

He quit and doesn’t even go to the beach anymore b/c he says if someone were in trouble he’d feel obligated to help them. Quit swimming which he loved.

midwestufohunter · 2021-09-05T15:44:36+00:00

I have almost died from men strangling me from sex, my rapist texts me my address as a threat, and I’ve put men in jail for breaking into my home. 💪

midwestufohunter · 2021-09-05T16:11:39+00:00

Can we include being in the car w an angry man when he starts driving recklessly to scare you?

lady-luckii · 2021-09-05T16:13:53+00:00

When I was 15 I was raped by a group of guys in the woods. I told my dad and he blamed me. Got pregnant and again, dad blamed me. My family is rather conservative, so abortion was never an option. Horrific birth, many complications (some life long), gave the baby up for adoption, debilitating ppd, ended up trying to take my own life, blah blah blah.

I blame men for all that.

My dad, mostly when I was younger could get pretty physical, too. Like hitting and stuff, but it was mostly with objects, like a belt, so it wasn't god awful. He'd yell and scream at me a lot too. He wasn't like that with my brother. My brother is definitely the favorite.

Speaking of my brother, one of his friends turned into a creep. I had to reject him a bunch of times. I'd notice him following me around sometimes, but I wasn't sure if I was being paranoid (I was irrationally paranoid when I had ppd, so when I have those sorts of thoughts it scares me and i tend to wonder if I'm losing my mind). Then I caught him peeking in my window. My brother dealt with him and thankfully that was that.

I've had guys grope me on public transit 3 few times. Twice was definitely on purpose. One time could have potentially been an accident since we were packed in like sardines.

A few times it seemed like a stranger was following me. But again, I might be just paranoid. I have no concrete proof.

Liberal_On_Guns · 2021-09-05T16:34:28+00:00

Nowadays not at all.

In hindsight, I got involved with risky women in high school. I dated a girl who claimed sexual assault from multiple exes. Of course, she never brought any charges to the police. I believed her, of course, because I was infatuated with her and why would I assume she's a liar? Well, I shortly noticed she had this pattern of lying, which didn't deter me because I just loved hot-and-toxic bitches. She started dating my future Brother-in-Law, and after they broke up, he told me that she said the same shit about me (sex assault, or tried to sexually assault her or something). I dated this girl for a couple months and never did anything more than second base.

Another girl was a few years older than me, and I had a little thing for her for a few years. We made out at a party, and texted for awhile, but she was more interested than me. I ended up ghosting because I was more interested in another girl.

Fast forward a few months: My buddies put on a fight club in a field. God, we were idiots. We bought some UFC gloves and I bought a mouthpiece, and a buddy mowed a circle in the grass, which was our "ring." Yes, I participated because I was such a fuckin' badass; you know how it is when you're 17 and have a chip on your shoulder. Well, this girl shows up with her new boyfriend and his friends. Immediately there was light tension and mutual dislike. I fought twice in a row and one of the guys challenged me, which I declined because I was done. Okay, end of story, right? For some reason that I can't recall, I ended up texting with her new BF, and we were talking shit to each other. I have no clue how or why or who made first contact. All I know is that we agreed to a brawl, my friends and me against him and his friends. Well they never showed up, end of story, right?

Well, a few months later I get a text. It's just a picture of boobies. They were okay boobies, fairly perky, but not perfectly symmetrical, but there's no face. Well, turns out this text came from that girl's now-ex boyfriend who I was supposed to fight. I guess they broke up on bad terms, and he started sending out her titties. When I asked who it was, he told me, and he said the reason they started beef with me in the first place is because that girl told them that I sexually assaulted her, or tried to rape her, or something along those lines.

So yeah, when people respond with "But why would she lie," I roll my eyes because I know firsthand that toxic girls will engage in reputational damage if they're sufficiently bitter, or need to preserve their own reputation.

NarniaFox · 2021-09-05T16:29:32+00:00

I'm from Russia. Men were and are one of the main dangers.

I think all dangerous situations I've had involve men as perpetuators. I got groped, followed, stalked by men. Also there's one unsuccessful attempt to pull me into a car and another of robbery. Women I know closely have similar experience and some have gone through far far worse shit.

So I'm rather cautious around men. I don't think that they're all rapists or murderers, but I also have no way to know for sure which ones are.

HappilyMrs · 2021-09-05T17:04:08+00:00

On a daily basis, no actual harm. I have been lucky to have found the man I loved young and he is a good man. Also I avoided a lot of risk young by having a male protector (we started dating when I was 15). But I am still wary if I am out alone and there are men around because although most are not any threat at all, it only takes one to harm you. I never feel fully at ease alone around men.

ETA: The only time I was sexually assaulted was by another woman.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-09-05T18:22:24+00:00

I've been assaulted, I've had stalkers, I've been threatened. The usual, among the women I know.

But additionally, I got to witness my father abuse my mom and stepmom. He only ever hit me once, that I'm aware of (I was 2 and don't exactly remember it, but my mom told me about it).

I live in the US, in a sizable Midwestern city.

PM-ME-YOUR-STOMACH · 2021-09-06T19:08:21+00:00

I dealt with a lot of physical and emotional abuse from my single mother that almost drove me to suicide. Bullying from girls in my early teenage years basically gave me the kind of depression where you become hypersexual to prove you’re attractive. The combination of those two during my teenage years didn’t really leave me too fond of women. But really my mom and the way other people excused her actions, in addition to her justifications (grow a pair of balls I’m not abusive you just need to be a man) almost cost me my life.

On the other hand I actually haven’t been in that many dangerous situations with men besides cops harrassing me for being black. The biggest problems with guy’s usually stem from a girl being added to the equation. It’s sad really.

poppy_blu · 2021-09-05T15:54:49+00:00

If I told you some of the things I’ve done in my younger years, you’d think I was crazy. Some of the places I’ve traveled in the world, sometimes alone. A couple of the “gentrifying” neighborhoods I lived in after college and regularly walked home at night by myself. Maybe I’ve been lucky. Maybe I’ve been spared because whenever something looked out of place I immediately took the stance of a person you don’t wanna fuck with. A predator generally looks for easy prey. And I’ve had scary things happen — being followed, being propositioned, etc — but not so that it made me fear all men or stop doing what I did.

It’s probably also because Im well versed in victimization statistics to know most times you’re victimized by someone you know. That’s true across genders and across crimes. In that vein, my scariest moments have been with men I knew. The date who drugged my drink and I was only not assaulted because of divine intervention by my neighbor and her boyfriend. The “friend” of a friend who tried to assault me in a club bathroom. The boy when I was 11 and we were playing with the neighborhood kids in the woods near my house who pushed me to the ground and put his hand down my shorts. All of them were banking on two things, that I’d be too scared to report them and that because we knew each other it would be my word against theirs.

I’m older and wiser now. I have a family and child who needs me. I don’t travel to 3rd world countries by myself. I don’t walk around alone at night (and I live an area so safe you occasionally see men and women jogging at night). I don’t take unnecessary chances anymore.

That was a big rambling mess all to say that no, despite what I know have seen and experienced I don’t inherently distrust men which i believe was what you were trying get at.

Glum_Status94 · 2021-09-05T20:06:39+00:00

both gender have problems

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-09-05T20:18:45+00:00

Was walking home from school, group of dudes surrounded me and tried to intimidate me inyo getting into their car. Like legit blocked the entire Footpath so my choices were to walk into them or walk on the road if I could get away from thier circle.

I chose to run into the road. Some cars honked at me but 🤷‍♀️

Most incidents are just your normal sexual harassment in clubs though. I live in New Zealand which is infinity safer than most places. Never walked alone in a foreign country though. So I guess that's part of it.

KJ1017 · 2021-09-06T03:53:51+00:00

They haven’t made it super dangerous really.

Have had the cops called on me twice for walking through campus at night, but the cops were always pretty chill after seeing my student ID.

Had a huge argument with a girl and she let me know that if I didn’t go along with what she was saying she could ensure I had at minimum a very very long night. Wasn’t a hard situation to get out of, just did what she said and after a while ghosted her.

GigaKarenEnergy · 2021-09-06T03:59:47+00:00

I was just thinking about this lately. All of my lowest points in life were cause by men. All of them. Let that sink in.

I stay away now. I’m confident my life will be peachy if I just do this.

goneaway2thewind · 2021-09-05T18:29:36+00:00

The most dangerous part about women and femininity is that it's a covert capacity to create chaos. They work in the shadows against people with diciet.

Over the years women have

Made false rape accusations (3X)

Made false abuse accusations to other men to fight me(2x)

Pinned my team members against each other to destroy their productivity (5x)

Stolen money from me (2X)

Went through my personal belongings (4X)

Lied to their boyfriends that I was sexually interested in them to get a rise (3X)

The interesting thing about my experience with women is that I started out with the "Women are wonderful" naivety. It took many years for them to chip away from that.

Goodthingstartssmall · 2021-09-05T18:28:38+00:00

During my bachelors. One girl which is the daughter of a CEO from a middle local company tried to get me expelled. I don't know why she shoot at me but after we had some extra curriculum feminist presentation i challenged the women with some basic questions like "but most men are doing the most dirty and dangerous jobs" etc. just to show her own tunnel vision when she talks about white men privilege and uses the gender ratio of CEO's.

That scum recorded my questions and reported me of being a misogynist women hater tried to get me expelled. Had to deal with some disciplanary stuff like examinations. Thank god this was in the middle of my bachelor and the fact that i was a quiet and unproblematic student till then, led this charge to be dropped rather fast.

FuckWhatYallThink · 2021-09-05T15:32:33+00:00

How am i supposed to experienced “trauma” at the hands of women? I can easily overpower any woman since i was like 12.

Your post makes no sense

SaBahRub · 2021-09-05T15:54:58+00:00

I carry a weapon, have a home security system, took self defense and martial arts, plan routes, communication and scenarios, avoid being alone or out at night, spend more money on safer locations/destinations/methods of transport, avoid traveling to certain areas altogether, guard my conversations and personal information, anticipate abuses of power, and avoid treating adult men under 60 with anything except polite indifference

I do not expect these things to protect me from men. I do these things so as to not be accused of or found liable for not protecting myself from men.

Please note that men also engage in many of these activities to protect themselves from men

Orange_Paisley · 2021-09-05T16:44:53+00:00

My stepdad was abusive and occasionally took “liberties.” My dad was insanely jealous and caused trouble, which lead to more abuse. I was molested at 13, stalked at 18, and propositioned and cornered in a women’s restroom at work at 24. These days I have what I would call a pest rather than a stalker, but since I am with Mr. Paisley the sex pest keeps his distance.

Willow-girl · 2021-09-06T12:03:39+00:00

Around age 10, I seem to have been stalked by a child molester who made obscene phone calls to our house and told my mother about watching me walk to school. Dude never approached me IRL although once when I picked up the phone he tried to arrange a meeting by telling me I had won a bicycle in a raffle and had to meet him at the loading dock of a local business in order to claim it. I sensed something was "off" and told my parents, though. Had I complied ... well, I think we all know what would have happened, right?

At 19 I had a mentally unstable boyfriend who kept getting drunk and deciding we were going to kill ourselves and I was gonna go first! Eventually I got tired of hiding the bullets to his gun and moved 150 miles away to escape him. That was the last toxic partner I've had as I developed an aversion to them following that experience and have avoided them like the plague ever since.

TodTheRod01 · 2021-09-07T02:13:58+00:00

The most psychologically and emotionally abusive and manipulative people in my life have all been women....

Women who in this day and age can fabricate whatever and its get taken seriously plus court of public opinion = pretty dangerous.

With guys there's always been a modicum of respect or at least, keep my name out of your mouth and we wont have an altercation.

Im speaking for myself and not putting down anyone elses experiences no matter the gender

Master-Edward-3 · 2021-09-05T15:51:37+00:00

Do not trust going into women’s homes anymore. Talked online with a woman and when we finally got to know each other enough for a first date, everything was a lie just to stick me up with a gun in her newly furnished apartment or could’ve been a two flat actually. It was so stupid only got about $200 bucks and a deactivated cell phone. and the useless cops were retarded in even trying to find the pathetic sacks of shit.. Questioned me far more than the neighbors about the criminals.

unfknblvbe · 2021-09-05T23:42:05+00:00

Girl asked me to walk her out one from a pub becuase she felt unsafe turns out the guy she was worried about was her ex. while im not small dude he was definitely not a small dude and the jealous type, a little yelling between the two and her provoking him led to hands being thrown

After this i became a little colder towards women asking me for help i know its not all but i think there are plenty of women who treat men as disposable entities to do their bidding.

NarniaFox · 2021-09-05T16:17:33+00:00

I think I reject the premise. Any time I was subjected to danger by a woman it was ultimately due to me choosing to be in that situation. This wouldn't be any different if I were a woman.

back_in_blyat · 2021-09-05T21:40:53+00:00

7 years later I still have nightmares and panic attacks stemming from a girl who I hooked up with, upon rejecting her when she asked if I wanted to be her boyfriend, told everyone I raped her and they all immediately believed her, including some friends of mine that didn't even know her. It utterly broke me psychologically, and while in college I had multiple other close friends have verifiably false accusations leveled against them (verifiable to the degree such as with one incident, which was at a house party, took my friend back to his room, and was banging him with the door open, with him handcuffed to the bed and her on top). So yeah, I had hundreds of female friends in college (big school, was always invited to sorority stuff on a daily basis and was privy to any and all gossip) and never once heard of a girl being raped or otherwise assaulted, but had personally witnessed 4 men ruined by verifiably false rape accusations. But gotta keep believing all the women right

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ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-09-05T22:14:52+00:00

The lesson ive got from reading this thread is that all y'all need to start training MMA, yesterday

chalkandapples · 2021-09-06T01:23:42+00:00

I’ll give a positive perspective. Men in real life had never hurt me physically or emotionally (except sometimes boys didn’t want to play with me when I was a girl because 8 year old boys don’t like playing with 8 year old girls, which kinda made me avoid boys for a while). I don’t feel danger from men with the exception of just a general cautiousness of walking alone at night in a sketchy area because intellectually I know I am more vulnerable to be attacked statistically, and if it’s a man attacking me my chances of winning isn’t high.

I live in California but grew up on the east coast.

heyitsjeape · 2021-09-06T04:33:55+00:00

Females aren’t part of my life. They’re not dangerous to me at all. When I was trying to meet someone, trying to talk to females was incredibly difficult and trying but didn’t put me in physical danger (as far as I know).

superlurkage · 2021-09-06T11:34:18+00:00

Men are dangerous to everyone, women are dangerous to people they know. And I don’t have any dangerous women my life, so I’m all good there

MrShakedown1 · 2021-09-06T17:47:34+00:00

Gender...funny people. As for the opposite sex....very safe: I work in IT :).

LMM-GT02 · 2021-09-06T20:30:27+00:00

Women should just get a Glock if they are scared of men. But that requires some recognition of agency and immense personal responsibility.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-09-07T02:28:28+00:00

A little if I chose to get involved with.

Other than that it's quite simple and quiet.

IcarusKiki · 2021-09-07T03:56:18+00:00

I had to stop riding the bus at night and quit my night shift job because men kept stalking and sexually harassing me and it just wasn't safe anymore. Mind you this is in a decently wealthy suburb of California and not like Camden NJ or anything.

Sevenalligator7 · 2021-09-10T09:31:37+00:00

Very little, almost non existent danger

Etherdragon1 · 2021-09-10T18:27:00+00:00

I was pantsd on video during freshman year and it was spread through “KIK” if y’all remember that, and because I am very small down there, I was bullied heavily and called thousands of derogatory terms including but not limited to “eunuch””vaginadick” “little boy” “miniman” and so on for four straight years then when I get to college I thought it was over but holy fuck I don’t know how but it got out and although it was still absolutely soul crushing thank god it wasn’t as bad as HS, if you say SDM you are beyond brain dead, confidence comes from positive experiences so how in the actual fuck am I supposed to be confident in my self. The literal only thing I am confident in are my eyes because in my 23 years of life those are the 1 thing I have ever been complimented on. I don’t even feel like a man. I don’t feel like I’m worth being loved. Anytime someone online gives (in their opinion) heartfelt advice about how size dosent matter, how some actually like it, or anything else just comes off as mocking and condescending virtue signaling. I have completely and absolutely lost the genetic lottery let’s run the list shall we; I am a ugly fat autistic mouth breathing neck beard virgin super nerd with no marketable skills lives essentially in dad’s basement with a tiny dick that blows way too quickly……… I hate myself and I want to blame anything else but I just can’t I want to die because it burns my soul to know that I don’t actually have a chance at living

EstablishmentKooky50 · 2021-09-05T17:28:12+00:00

My first girlfriend ghosted on me after a night spent together. I was a virgin, she wasn't, but i was too shy making a move, so we cuddled all night long. She never texted me after that. Not a biggie..

My second girlfriend at college monkey branched after 2.5 years. I helped her out of tough times, throughout the whole second year. When i was in a mild crisis for the first time, she left me for a 19 years old liar (she 22, i 24). We had issues of course but up untill two days before she broke it, she said she loved me so it was unexpected to say the least. I was planning very seriously with and was deeply into her and she knew it, she was my first "real" love. After the brake up, i lost 20kgs and i was sick for months. Not because the breakup itself, but because of how it went down. I have sacrificed time, money and effort to build together, but left with nothing within two hours. She didn't even break up with me, she asked for a "break" in which she found out if her "monkey branch" could work out. I realised that only later of course, just days after the actual breakup she posted photos of them kissing each other on Facebook. This did sting a bit...

My wife (used to be very high on covert narcissistic traits) abused me financially and emotionally, for about 3 years.. Before i realised what is happening, i was way "overinvested", again. I used to think, these issues are just things we have to work on, and i just need to be patient and reassure her of my feelings. I used to be the person who gives in everything, when in love. After a while, I was at the brink of committing suicide after nearly got bankrupt. I simply couldn't say no and stick to it, i didn't have resilience and she always kept pushing till i gave in. She didn't respect my boundaries and i was not ready to lose her, so i couldn't enforce them. She saw me struggling to keep up with the bills, yet kept pushing for more... She would use shaming language, emotional blackmailing, isolation, bad mouthing and manipulation to get what she want, and when i told her that we are about to go bankrupt and lose the house i paid for and maintained 100%, she said, that's because I'm an idiot with money..

Interestingly enough, we are happily married now, waiting for our boy to arrive.

Title	How dangerous was/is your life due to the other gender?
Author	John_Oakman
Upvotes	4
Comments	177
Date	September 5, 2021 3:26 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/pif34c/how_dangerous_wasis_your_life_due_to_the_other/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-dangerous-wasis-your-life-due-to-the-other.1066749 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066749

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