"The secret to a long marriage is always saying 'Yes' to your wife."

ThrillaDaGuerilla · 2021-12-19T08:34:10+00:00

Every time I hear the phrase " happy wife, happy life"....I immediately correct it with " happy spouse, happy house".

The idea that the husbands happiness doesnt count, as is intended with that phrase, in 100% grade A feminist bullshit.

Both spouses happiness needs or be tended to or it won't work.....1 or birth of you will be unhappy.

I've been married for 32 years....that " happy wife , happy life" shit isn't welcome in our home.

mikesteane · 2021-12-19T06:56:34+00:00

Another old chestnut: It won't actually make the marriage last a long time, but it will seem like it.

HungryLikeTheWolf99 · 2021-12-19T07:14:33+00:00

John Gottman is a researcher who spent 40 years studying couples longitudinally, and by the late 90's, could predict whether a married couple would still be married or be divorced in 10 years to 91% accuracy by observing a 5-minute conversation between the couple.

His method for making that prediction wasn't intuition that only he had - it was a coding scheme that any person (that is, any grad student working for his lab) could be trained to use. I say this just as a preface, to help place this in the empirical context it came from.

Anyway, Gottman is very clear that the way that the couple handles conflict is the key to staying married and deriving satisfaction from the marriage. A union in which one person is subservient to the other in disagreements doesn't work like one would hope; but learning how to have productive conflict is possible for most couples.

My wife and I were assigned his book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work as pre-marital counseling by our wedding officiant. It was absolutely worth the read, and he goes into lots of detail about healthy/productive conflict, and a few other things gleaned by his lab. I'd say (just in my own opinion) that it pertains completely to married relationships, 98% to any romantic partnership, 90% to any family relationship, and 60+% to any relationship you develop with another human in any capacity.

TL;DR - IMO, there could be some couples that have other power dynamic things going on that make this strategy viable, but it's probably more of a fluke when it works than an actual useful rule. People need to learn to sort out differences, not just push over their partner every time.

brrlls · 2021-12-19T10:24:27+00:00

I asked a colleague this question recently. She'd been married for 32 years to another college.

She said the key is not to sweat the small stuff / don't be petty and point score.

She's probably right

ElegantDecline · 2021-12-19T11:10:39+00:00

The reason she is still with him is because he's a millionaire and pays for her to live a comfortable life.

The reason he said what he said is probably because he fucks around a lot and is a shit person to be around, and he's trying to pull a save by just saying some generic pro wife shit. He apparently has no problem throwing all other men under the bus to save himself

PFfounder · 2021-12-19T09:28:28+00:00

"I want divorce" "Yes, me too."

ThePiachu · 2021-12-19T11:45:51+00:00

"Happy spouse, happy house" is a better variant of that since it focuses on both partners in the relationship being happy.

63daddy · 2021-12-19T07:01:28+00:00

A wife who always gets what she wants is less likely to leave, resulting in a longer marriage, but it doesn’t follow that’s what’s best for the guy.

I’d rather have a wife leave me after two years because I wouldn’t give her what she wanted than have a wife leave me after sucking me dry over 5 years.

Better yet, don’t get married. I rather enjoy women, but it doesn’t follow its in my interest to marry one.

philhalo66 · 2021-12-19T12:11:09+00:00

this always bothered me. it always struck me as unfair even when i was a kid i asked my mom why and she didnt really give me a good answer.

slipkid223 · 2021-12-19T15:35:30+00:00

No one can make another person happy, only you can make yourself happy.

"Happy Wife happy Life" is a phrase said by Men who have given up and become subservient to their wife.

It's fucking pathetic.

Reaper621 · 2021-12-19T13:26:13+00:00

My wife has corrected this many times.

We have friends going through a rough patch, and the wife set a list of demands for them to stay married, and she used this phrase. My wife insisted they both need to be happy or this shit ain't gonna work. We get eye rolls.

coloradocaniac · 2021-12-19T09:20:42+00:00

I'm no one's work horse or pack mule. Too much of my time has been spent trying to make others happy so I wouldn't end up alone.

Flashy_Glove6208 · 2021-12-19T12:49:59+00:00

No, it's not.

Mutual respect earned (not given away for free), defined and followed through relationship boundaries, and keeping your masculine frame is essential.

Being a doormat or a pleaser does not work.

Reward good behaviour, spoil occasionally and be ready to walk away if healthy relationship boundaries are broken.

MBV-09-C · 2021-12-19T13:01:07+00:00

Any time I hear that phrase, "no wife, no strife" comes to mind.

Kumarsratan · 2021-12-19T08:14:51+00:00

Yes this is not a concern rather a fun for the society led by feminist

want-to-say-this · 2021-12-19T10:19:27+00:00

I seriously think women have been conditioned to think their happiness and feeling right is the most important thing. So many of them hate to be wrong or denied what they want. Start arguments over the smallest thing and want a man that never argues and does whatever is asked no matter what. Then half the time leave because he isn’t manly or can’t be satisfied.

Complex-Stress373 · 2021-12-19T12:14:28+00:00

i would say more "happy you, happy life". you cannot be happy otherwise, even if that means to be single, which is very acceptable nowadays

YesAmAThrowaway · 2021-12-19T12:33:18+00:00

If the entire content of anybody's life is their spouse, they seriously need to take some alone time.

alman3007 · 2021-12-19T16:57:28+00:00

I prefer: Happy spouse, happy house.

EgalitarianFacts2 · 2021-12-19T09:14:30+00:00

Disregard Females. Obtain Resources.

mikesteane · 2021-12-19T09:51:31+00:00

"Does my ass look fat in this?"

jordanjohnston2017 · 2021-12-19T14:42:30+00:00

I was having my anniversary dinner with my gf of 3 years our waiter was also waiting on a table with a couple on their anniversary too (can’t remember number but it was over 50)

He asked both us and them the same question: how do you stay together all these years. Of course 20 something year old us didn’t really have an answer but the other couple told him something I haven’t forgotten since…

“The secret is not for each person to put in 50/50 it’s for both partners to give their full 100%”

Silencio00 · 2021-12-19T14:50:26+00:00

Hate to be that guy but switch the genders and that would be considered very sexist and misogynistic.

magx01 · 2021-12-19T17:54:02+00:00

Left the wife then home became what it was always supposed to be: a sanctuary. My peace.

Never doing it again.

BrokenDeity1 · 2021-12-20T02:23:36+00:00

My response is "The secret to a long and happy life is to avoid women you can't say "no" to.

wildfire2k5 · 2021-12-19T15:51:12+00:00

I am so glad I didn't grow up with this trash. My parents have been together for almost 40 years and I never got this impression. They always made decisions together or one would default to the other after acknowledging that they didn't mind which way the deciding went. My GF of 5 years and I also live this way and it just seems to work out a lot better.

thestrucguyYT · 2021-12-19T17:32:35+00:00

Any women who thinks that you should always agree to her and that she is never wrong is someone you should never be with let alone marry! Same goes for both sexes honestly! We are all wrong sometimes and we have to say yes and no! We have to work with each other and not be picky over small things! Pick your battles!

dcs577 · 2021-12-20T02:29:22+00:00

Reminds me of the joke…”My wife wanted a cat. I wanted a dog. So we compromised and got a cat.” Or some such variation.

darksedan · 2021-12-19T10:23:23+00:00

The very successful businessman stayed “happily married” to his wife for decades is because he was a “very successful” businessman. Women stay happily married to well to do men.

Cue Kanye: “I ain’t sayin” she a golddigger..”

Edit: grammar

InsideWay6141 · 2021-12-19T14:16:05+00:00

That’s bullshit. I don’t say yes to my Wife to everything. I have personal boundaries and self respect.

WeEatBabies · 2021-12-19T14:39:59+00:00

And the secret to a long life is not getting married.

No wait, common-law-marriage exists, you can be married without a pre-nup by the State against your will : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriageIn Nova Scotia, a couple must cohabit for two years in a marriage-like relationship,
and may not have been married to another person during this time. (To be married by default in front of courts)

And that's just one example.

Even the extremely feminist U.N. declares forces marriages are a form of slavery.

But have no problems passing laws making women benefit from it.

Slavery is alive and well in the western world folks.

401kisfun · 2021-12-19T17:46:55+00:00

Funny thing is i did this for over a year with a super abusive boss who was a woman. I literally said ‘yes’ and made shit happen regardless of how unreasonable the request. It is a recipe for disaster. People do not respect that at all, subconsciously or consciously. I would never, ever do that for a woman because its not my job to make her happy. She needs to do that.

magx01 · 2021-12-19T17:53:09+00:00

The reality is they are essentially grown children yet are somehow our overlords (biological imperative) so we have to play this stupid appeasement game.

Trying to point out fallacies to them is futile because they don't care and operate on fleeting emotion and groupthink.

HgeanKidNebula · 2021-12-19T19:23:11+00:00

Even as a kid, I saw the "happy wife, happy life" phrase as appeasement. The phrase could be used to justify the wife always getting her way, for the sake of peace, even if it hurts the husband and the wife is the one causing the discord. If either partner isn't allowed to be happy/comfortable (or it doesn't matter if he/she is, as long as the other is happy), the relationship is toxic. "Happy spouse, happy house" seems more fair, as it implies both parties are trying to make each other happy instead of being selfish.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2021-12-20T01:53:36+00:00

As a divorced man, and knowing many other divorced men, the reality is that always saying "Yes" to your wife is the FASTEST way for her to get bored and divorce you.

DarthCallidous · 2021-12-19T13:43:34+00:00

"No wife, happy life."

TheSnesLord · 2021-12-19T11:05:34+00:00

I wonder though, if a successful woman were asked the same question and responded happily that "a wife should always say 'Yes' to her husband", how some folks might react?

Worldwide outrage resulting in her being lynch-mobbed, fired from her job and shunned from her feminist colleagues.

We all know the deal.

Other_Lingonberry234 · 2021-12-19T11:47:28+00:00

I have always taken this as a joke or to mean the men are just telling their wives what they want to hear. I've never taken this as a serious or factual statement.

michaelpaoli · 2021-12-19T09:23:49+00:00

I wonder though, if a successful woman were asked the same question and responded happily that "a wife should always say 'Yes' to her husband", how some folks might react?

Probably get a huge range of reactions ... depending who you ask. Likely everything from, "Absolutely, that's how it should be!", to, "Oh hell no, absolutely not!" ... and probably the whole range between those extremes.

skcuf2 · 2021-12-19T16:12:00+00:00

This is just something people say to avoid people digging deeper into their relationship. If anyone ever says that seriously to me I just assume their relationship is in a rough place. Women rarely want a man they can step on and control. I'd be willing to put money down that many of these 'happy wife, happy life' people have wives that are getting side action from some chad.

kandradeece · 2021-12-19T14:00:17+00:00

I always rebuke with "happy spouce happy house". Both need to ve happy

rabel111 · 2021-12-19T20:56:38+00:00

"Happy wife" is not a bad thing. "Always saying yes to your wife" is grotesque and demeaning.

A man who always says yes to his partner, is never respected by that partner, and no respect means no love. Affection? Yes, very similar to the affection an owner shows for their dog, but no love. This kind of deference breeds contempt and resentment, in both partners.

Women love this saying because it panders to "princess syndrome", the undercurrent of romance based on traditional "Disney" sex roles, that places women on pedestals and men on their knees.

JoeDrinkingJoe · 2021-12-20T00:16:03+00:00

This is the secret to a life of misery for men.

mikesteane · 2021-12-20T04:08:06+00:00

Let's see how this plays out for ~~Prince Harry~~ Meghan Markle's husband.

fishmonger7 · 2021-12-19T17:19:56+00:00

I think the successful business man might just be glad to have his wife busy spending his money which allows him time to pursue his work. If a woman doesn’t care about her man’s happiness then it’s not going to work in my opinion. A good caring wife can do wonders to a man mentally and make them strive to be a better provider.

TracyMorganFreeman · 2021-12-19T19:05:31+00:00

Gotta love the assumption that the man would never have any reason to divorce the wife.

How about "happy spouse, happy house?". Start holding women equally accountable for a healthy relationship.

MydnightRose · 2021-12-19T20:36:48+00:00

This is a load of crap. I beg men everywhere not to live by that. Stop allowing your wife to live like a spoiled toddler. I watch House Hunters and I want to smack every man who gives into his wife's juvenile demands for a house that is over budget. Someone somewhere once said if you want to know a woman's true character tell her no and see how she reacts.

nacholibresGF · 2021-12-19T21:53:24+00:00

Very good point. I would find it frustrating and demeaning if my husband always said yes and agreed with me when in his heart he didn’t. I would hope we could have honest open conversations and even agree to disagree at times.

Alarming_Draw · 2021-12-20T22:39:48+00:00

Ive said for years that behind the lie of the 'toxic male', the truth is that men have been slaves of women FOR YEARS.

Work all your life-so a woman can come along and claim half of it.

Economic slavery is still slavery

ijustdontcare74 · 2021-12-19T13:17:32+00:00

I'd say the opposite is true. Stand up to her, fight your corner hard and never give in to the temper tantrums or manipulation....she will respect you more. Women hate weak men. They say they want emotionally available men, yet reject such men in favour of masculine men.

kushpatel3410 · 2021-12-19T10:35:46+00:00

The secret to any lasting relationship is conflict resolution and mutual respect and understanding, but to a whole generation of dumbasses who can't put their pride and egos aside for 1 second, it does seem like saying yes to your wife is the way to go.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's not sexist or wrong, it's just what's been popular for a while

triplereffekt · 2021-12-19T10:29:15+00:00

Ok, as a married father here is my take: Its complicated, as all things are that involve more than two people and especially a couple.

I'd say, no, thats not the end goal, to make your wife happy. ONLY when both acknowledge that happiness must come from one self and is not the DUTY of the other person in a relationship, only then a relationship can thrive.

Secondly, fuck happiness, that shit is so over blown. Yes, its good to be happy, its a nice trait to have (its a huge red flag if the person you are dating is depressed) yes, BUT, as the years go by, you know whats also a more important thing to find in your partner? Reliability, Truthfulness and yes, somehow in the end it could lead to happiness, but that should not be your primary goal.

Now comes the BUT: If you have children, I'd definitely go along with the "make your wife happy" thing (especially in the first three years). You know why? Because the relationship a mother has with a child is the MOST INTIMATE relationship a human has, nothing tops that, if a mother is sick, your child will be too some day, a child mirrors the mother in more ways than we are able to understand.

Yes, if you want a healthy and happy child, you need to put your needs second to those of your wife. Thats what a man and a good father must do. And if you picked a good wife it won't be that hard on you. Men are people of sacrifice for the greater good, that what makes men men. And if you play your cards right and sacrifice, some day you will reap rewards 1000 times better than the lousy things you had to say no once. Life is good to you if you go for the long run.

Swingstar731 · 2021-12-19T11:29:00+00:00

If you don't agree with them about their delusional crap they will just cheat. Happens every time.

yuiop2021 · 2021-12-19T14:29:06+00:00

For those of us of the Christian faith who look to the Holy Bible for guidance, never forget Genesis 3:16. It clearly states that a husband RULES over his wife. Most cherrypicking Christian pastors who preach about marriage roles always seem to skip that verse.

BeanBodhi · 2021-12-20T00:03:21+00:00

It’s definitely not a feminist ideal as the background behind it is sexist against women. But older gentleman will still bring it up. I wish women now adays would understand what that phrase means for them. My boyfriend says it as a joke. As we both know the meaning and he does it to make fun of me (yes I’m fine with it) but I’m reality we work together to make sure both our happiness is accounted for

HeatInternational783 · 2021-12-19T14:18:35+00:00

Any man that says this is not fighting for respect from women. It’s why they concede it so easily, high value men don’t have to fight for women’s respect so I’ve seen it done as a tongue in cheek thing (oh we keep her happy, even though I’m the boss and make all the decisions that keep her happy)

andyvs452 · 2021-12-19T17:08:54+00:00

Slightly annoyed wife, happily amused husband.

Cookiedoughjunkie · 2021-12-19T18:27:23+00:00

does she have two black eyes?

Stasi_1950 · 2021-12-19T18:50:57+00:00

the public woulndt know cuz it doesnt align with the mainstream narrative, they'd simply not report it. OFC she is a women so barely anything would happen to her. But if its a man that said that, well... good luck

iforgotkeyboard · 2021-12-19T20:48:28+00:00

Let me correct

Key to a long marriage is when it's not you

benderXX · 2021-12-20T01:19:02+00:00

Ladies make sure you have a Happy Husband—

So you won’t be alone and abandoned

towerandhorizon · 2021-12-19T15:15:13+00:00

Some people (not just guys, but women, too) are very willing to submissive to their romantic partners, even when they are the boss in other areas of their lives. You have to take any piece of advice with context. Obviously, this advice would have little to no resonance or value with this audience.

Title	"The secret to a long marriage is always saying 'Yes' to your wife."
Author	flibbidy_floob
Upvotes	975
Comments	177
Date	December 19, 2021 6:34 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/rjqv9g/the_secret_to_a_long_marriage_is_always_saying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/the-secret-to-a-long-marriage-is-always-saying-yes.1091695 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091695

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