Apparently not wanting to be assaulted in the bedroom is "vanilla".

biwinny · 2022-01-06T16:05:08+00:00

Even if that was considered "vanilla" why is that a bad thing? Why is regular sex considered lame? People have only been doing it since the dawn of time.

AverageGiraffe · 2022-01-06T20:40:31+00:00

Pro-tip, from a woman who literally had to fight for her life at the hands of a sociopathic ex, anytime someone is choking you grab their thumb and twist it off their hand, break that motherfucker. I remember my mother (a retired MP) telling me from a young age 'if you twist the thumb, the body will follow'. I was able to break his grip around my neck everytime he tried to choke me to death.

HighPriestess31 · 2022-01-06T15:27:46+00:00

Wtf? Never choked someone until they blacked out? That's how people DIE.

And spoilers, I've had this done to me. It's not fucking okay. It's fucking scary as hell and when you have no blood flowing to your brain you literally cannot say stop.

iguanidae · 2022-01-06T15:02:40+00:00

To note: this was posted on a thread where a study was citing why sexual activity rates were so low in the past decade. "Rough sex" was cited as a reason.

Editing to correct what the study said.

Mcccy · 2022-01-06T15:26:45+00:00

Ngl, the fact hair pulling/slapping/choking women during sex is normalised is just...disturbing.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2022-01-06T15:28:14+00:00

Once, I asked a man like this, “Do you actually believe that’s going to work? You insult me, and then I do this thing I don’t want to do? The answer is still no.” He got quiet, except for maybe calling me an ugly b-tch and who would f-ck me in the first place (spoiler: many, many men, if only I gave them the time of day. I’m sure that scrote would have accepted my offerings of “vanilla” sex if I offered it).

Sweetheartsorrow · 2022-01-06T15:40:53+00:00

A guy once basically strangled me and it scared the shit out of me. Like had both his hands around my throat and I was struggling to breathe. I was terrified but too scared to say anything. I still cringe and want to vomit when I think about it. It had never occurred to me to ask about it because in my mind THAT SHIT ISN’T NORMAL but apparently now you have to voice that you’re not cool with being abused during sex and that is beyond disturbing to me. A few of my now former friends even didn’t understand why I was so upset by it. The dude could’ve unalived me. And he had the audacity to hit me up like a year later asking to hookup. He’s obviously blocked now.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2022-01-06T22:35:03+00:00

The fact that men have got away with murder using the consensual rough sex defence should put off any woman for life.

The woman is no longer around to state if she did actually consent to get choked to death.

DiosaCordilia · 2022-01-06T23:22:21+00:00

We all have to thank this to 50 shades of Grey (50 shades of fucked up) and the bdsm community that comes with it, liberal feminism with their sex "positive" movement but the real "winner" here is porn and the normalization of it. Also the pickmes that shame other women by saying 'do x,y,z or your man will find another' for example.

Sex is an intimate act, sex is something you want to do both, it's not something you owe to someone. Sex is real intimacy and love. And if you find a man, that's willing to say that choking you out (that is so dangerous), slap you on your face or even your ass, pulls your hair, spits in your face, calling you names (slut, whore etc.), kicks you, puts his penis so far in your mouth that you nearly choke or gag.. If any man say this is love, that this is how he shows his love. He is a sick psychopath and you should run for your life.

Many women including me fell into this trap of bdsm, romantizing the dynamics and stuff. When you look into the psychology of these things, when you value yourself, when you love yourself, when you care about yourself. You know that the only people who are doing this to each other, hate themselves as much as they hate you. It's not love-making, it's hate-making.

I find it horrible that sex without hate is now suddenly boring and vanilla and I will never ever fall into that trap again.

Pheonix-Queen · 2022-01-06T15:55:41+00:00

“You never choked someone during sex until they blacked out?”

Wtf, have you been choked out? It’s horrific and scary as fuck. I thought I was going to die. I wish these guys would just be honest and say they have no empathy and just want to hurt people rather than shame people who don’t want to risk being MURDERED during sex.

BeanBagSize · 2022-01-06T16:32:06+00:00

No thank you. Younger me was with a woman who tried to choke me in the bedroom. Didn't go well for her, but it still bothers me that if she'd been a guy I'dve had a snowballs chance in hell getting out of that. If feeling safe and secure is vanilla, then that's the ice-cream I'm gonna order.

Davina33 · 2022-01-06T17:00:12+00:00

Vanilla and proud here! He can choke his meat but he is not allowed to choke me.

butteryrum · 2022-01-06T22:14:04+00:00

I would describe choking someone until they pass out as rape.

_queeeen_ · 2022-01-06T23:33:41+00:00

Men learn these violent things like choking, hair pulling, rough doggystyle, etc. from porn. It's incredibly boring and an instant turn-off if he does something like that. And it's almost always without asking. Real men who are actually good at sex follow their internal creativity and sexual narrative, and take pleasure in giving pleasure.

KindredMaximus · 2022-01-07T02:30:22+00:00

He just literally almost killed someone and didn't even have a crash cart on hand and I bet he can't do chest compressons or mouth to mouth, in the event she doesn't come back around. He just gave someone - DEFINITE - dead brain cells and increased her risk of stroke. These measly men damaging our sisters, daughters and mothers, make me sick.
And vanilla is not wanting to die now?
I bet he's never sensually fed someone chocolate or dabbed it on her nipple and tenderly sucked and licked it off, until she writhed. That's not vanilla - that's chocolate and it's sensual and it's not an abomination of violence and damage. These men are so lame and one dimensional - it hurts how easily influenced they are in their mush brains by billion dollar corporations. Talk about boring, banal and DANGEROUS.

melympia · 2022-01-06T20:22:50+00:00

So what? I'm vanilla and proud of it. Vanilla is my kink. Like, seriously. Now, don't you dare to kinkshame me...

Catz10000 · 2022-01-06T17:03:08+00:00

I keep saying it: so many things can go wrong when you're choking someone. Serial killers and extremely depraved people who can't bond or have compassion get off on hurting people. Dehumanizing them. This is not BDSM. This is depravity and acting. Murder is not hot.

iacint · 2022-01-06T16:02:34+00:00

spot a virgin in commentaries.

xsweaterxweatherx · 2022-01-07T07:13:22+00:00

I was unironically told recently that choking IS vanilla now.

Davina33 · 2022-01-07T08:10:05+00:00

I'm wondering what the way around this? So far, I've never come across a man that wants to do these things in the bedroom. Maybe we have to record ourselves sitting a man down and telling him we do not consent to any violent acts during sex and sending it to a friend?

Because we all know if we get killed this way that they will trash our legacy and say we were into violent sex in court. I'm afraid of coming across a man like this.

Ugythrowaway123 · 2022-01-06T17:56:27+00:00

This might be a troll, but it’s still pretty disturbing. I could see why some ladies would like “choking.” It could be pretty hot having a hand around your neck while kissing and having sex. But that’s not really choking, it would be like a guy holding your hips.

That’s also why sex outside a serious relationship isn’t worth it. You have no idea what’s going on in these guys heads. You have to be careful in a relationship too of course.

hensbanex · 2022-01-06T18:14:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

xpressurself111 · 2022-01-07T14:50:14+00:00

I’m so glad the degenerate comment was posted. Ffs. Shame these rapists.

Objective_Ad7771 · 2022-01-07T23:33:06+00:00

Vanilla is the best flavor anyway 🌺 vanilla ice-cream, vanilla parfums and vanilla sex 🌺

thythy147 · 2022-01-07T00:16:08+00:00

Ah, what’s new? Men justifying their depravity through kink. Shaming women with standards as vanilla because they refuse to be degraded for men to get off to.

I actually think if it’s just talk, let men talk as freely as possible about their sexual preferences. It saves time to filter out which one is a scrote. And to test if they’re really a scrote, point out how those are problematic and see how they react. The ones who hate women/have erectile dysfunction will flip out cause you might take away their only avenue to cum. Use knowledge to vet👌

Title	Apparently not wanting to be assaulted in the bedroom is "vanilla".
Author	iguanidae
Upvotes	787
Comments	60
Date	January 6, 2022 2:56 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rxggc6/apparently_not_wanting_to_be_assaulted_in_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/apparently-not-wanting-to-be-assaulted-in-the.1094317 https://theredarchive.com/post/1094317

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