Hello, if you are newly separated I highly suggest you heed this advice. When my wife dropped the bomb that "she didn't love me anymore and couldn't be a mom anymore" 4 months ago, I was absolutely devastated, and I'm still dealing with the mental injuries. After 9 years together and having a kid together, I never saw it coming.

You may be like I was, reading Divorce subs and having a thousand epiphanies a minute about your relationship, but not taking it into action. I had all the knowledge to minimize the damage of this traumatic divorce, but I did not put it into use, because I felt like my relationship was different. I thought my wife could never do the things I was reading about.

Well I was damn wrong, and I hope you don't make the dozens of mistakes I have during the divorce process. Before we begin, let me say of course I am no relationship expert and I am far from perfect, but I've made 1000 mistakes and from that I've learned a lot. I am going to share it with you in hopes you don't make the same mistakes, these are of course just my opinions, good luck!

First let me explain the concept of the unicorn. The unicorn is the woman who simply realizes after many years of marriage that she and her husband are just not a good match, they both have changed, and that she wants to end her marriage in a way that is least hurtful to her partner while she pursues life as a responsible single woman.

Unicorns exist, but your wife is not a unicorn. Do not let her fool you into thinking she's a damn unicorn!

Lesson #1: If she says she's fallen out of love with you, she has met someone who she is interested in enough to end her marriage over them. Yes, even though she says she just wants to be single. Don't blame yourself, she is employing "the grass is always greener on the other side" fallacy. The sooner you accept this, the less it will sting when you discover her new partner/fling. The best quote I've read regarding monkey branching is "One day she will have the same resentment towards him that she had for you, no exception. He will fart, and she will groan."

Lesson #2: Once you're separated, her gloves are off. Get your umbrella because it's raining lies! She will lie without remorse, take everything she says with a grain of salt. In fact, the best thing you can do is limit contact with her as much as possible. The best way to handle a lie is to not hear it at all. She is not your friend or confidant anymore, the sooner you accept that the better.

Lesson #3: Document EVERYTHING! Record every voice chat/phone call, take pictures/video of every item taken out of the house, and get security cameras. I don't care if she is the sweetest angel and is ready to sign every divorce agreement, remember #2! Prepare yourself for the possibility of court no matter how confident you are that you won't end up there.

Lesson #4: Do not play the pick me dance, it has worked for exactly 0 people. If you want to reconcile, offer marriage counseling, have a discussion with her, etc whatever feels most applicable to you in your situation. If those do not work the first time, LET HER GO! Don't break down to her, don't try to manipulate her, the best thing you can do is let her go. Love is given, not negotiated. Never forget this: The harder you pursue her, the faster she will run away.

Lesson #5: Lawyer up, now! Even if you believe your divorce will be amicable, having a lawyer to make sure everything is filed properly is a must. Getting it done as quickly and favorably as possible is key.

Thanks for reading and I hope these lessons will help you make the best of your separation. All things get better with time, best of luck!