Should it really be considered cheating if one person doesn't want sex anyway?

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-11-05T14:44:01+00:00

The logic tends to fall apart when we arrive at "okay, great! Now tell your SO all of this and that you intend to sleep with other people before doing so."

DonQOnIce · 2022-11-05T15:12:38+00:00

All you have to do is tell your partner and if they stay it is an open relationship, not cheating.

If you mean not telling your partner, that is cheating and “but I have a really good reason” doesn’t make it not cheating.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-11-05T14:43:46+00:00

My understanding is it is cheating if the person you are involved with does not know.

Otherwise it would be considered a open relationship.

saraimarsena · 2022-11-05T14:50:50+00:00

cheating is whenever you go outside of the agreed boundaries of who you both agreed is allowed in your relationship. regardless of whether the circumstances are “justified” or not. just like “cheating back” is still cheating.

GlumManufacturer1557 · 2022-11-05T14:54:08+00:00

Sure, but if you think like that, you can't condemn women who seek romance in other places since their husbands don't want to do it.

MedicineSpecific9779 · 2022-11-05T15:05:33+00:00

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MistyMaisel · 2022-11-05T14:43:54+00:00

Cheating is anything which violates and betrays the boundaries and expectations of your partner in terms of how you sexually, romantically, physically, and emotionally carry on/connect with others. No matter what they are or are not doing.

So if they don't want you having sex with others, it's cheating. Doesn't matter if they don't want to give you sex.

_revelationary · 2022-11-05T17:40:36+00:00

A lot of men don’t want to give oral sex. So you’re saying it would be fine for a woman to go outside of her relationship to get oral sex if she wants it?

Some men don’t want to work out. If a woman likes a muscular guy but her husband won’t put in the effort should she go hang out at the gym and flirt with the men there?

If a woman wants kids but her husband doesn’t, should she be free to go get knocked up without telling him?

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-11-05T21:02:47+00:00

Is it cheating? Yes.

Are you trying to justify something you did?

funlightmandarin · 2022-11-05T15:22:49+00:00

Boiled down definition of monogamous relationship: exclusive, intimate relationship with one partner, note: intimacy doesn't necessarily mean sex only. You can have intimacy without sex.

Terms inside the relationship may vary, e.g. frequency of sex, living together/not living together, but ultimately it means having one partner.

Taking your intimacy to outside partners will then be considered cheating. You can leave the relationship if you don't like the terms. Or refrain from entering a relationship with terms that will have you resenting the other.

anonymous-platypus1 · 2022-11-05T15:30:55+00:00

Because you can just leave the relationship if your needs aren’t being met. Talk to your partner about opening things up, if they aren’t okay with it you are then free to leave on the basis that you feel you aren’t getting something that’s a basic need.

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2022-11-05T16:32:31+00:00

If you make an agreement and break it it is a betrayal. Doesn't matter if you super duper want to break the agreement.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-11-05T16:57:03+00:00

And this is how you end up in the divorce courts crying you have to pay child support

Maybe instead of ducking a random you work on the relationship. If it can’t be fixed then leave neatly

KekeSmall · 2022-11-05T17:05:40+00:00

It’s still cheating. You can’t just change the definition of words. Is it incredibly unfair? Yes. But still cheating.

edgyny · 2022-11-05T19:46:00+00:00

It's cheating if monogamy was previously agreed upon and the new arrangement was not mutually agreed upon.

Bikerbats · 2022-11-05T19:50:00+00:00

This one is simple chief: Ever been cheated on? It hurts. Why the mental gymnastics to try and justify hurting someone else like that?

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-11-05T21:32:54+00:00

Anything without the consent of the spouse is cheating. WTH OP ?!

No-Rough-7390 · 2022-11-05T14:53:28+00:00

It’s still cheating but it shouldn’t be surprising.

If you come into a relationship/marriage where you are having regular sex and one person stops, that’s almost akin to fraud. Women will play dumb at this point, but it’s common sense that a great sex life is something 99% of men want.

I’ve also heard women, though, say they cut off their guy in hopes he cheats so it’s an impetus to break things off and he looks like the bad guy. So who knows.

But cutting off sex, in general, is an idiotic move.

2022-11-05T14:47:44+00:00

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DisasterPeace7 · 2022-11-05T15:50:41+00:00

I mean it is cheating, justifiable cheating I would say, but yes cheating nonetheless

CentralAdmin · 2022-11-05T16:10:26+00:00

You have to have a discussion about this. Be willing to leave if it is a big enough deal.

Yes, there are people who fear the consequences of leaving. Yes, there are women who hold their families for ransom by threatening to deny him his kids, forcing him to choose between sex and his family.

Yes there are shitty people out there who do this. But you should know who you are making a commitment to before you marry them. You should have a discussion about what to do when sex is off the table.

Also, it would be wonderful if the low libido or partner who is not interested in sex takes some initiative here as part of their responsibility. It should not just be on the partner who wants sex to bring up the topic and discuss what happens. I think a lot of people assume the ball is in the court of the person with greater desire. Both people need to take responsibility.

It shouldn't be one person begging another to engage and getting nowhere. In those cases I understand why someone may cheat. They at least tried to talk but we're shut down. But even so, it's better to leave than to cause your family potential problems.

MedicineSpecific9779 · 2022-11-05T16:28:39+00:00

I noticed a wierd cultral trend going around in both manosphere spaces and pop feminist spaces where they are trying to excuse cheating for particular reasons or trying to change our perspectives on cheating. For the feminist I have read articles written by the mistress who feel like they shouldn't be judged or that it's personal so no one should be involved.

Here are my personal thoughts and feelings towards cheating which maybe different from the conventional perspective. One I don't think cheating is more natural in men nor do I think just because it's natural so it's ok. A lot of horrific things that occur in nature we as humans wouldn't be ok with. Two I am able to forgive the cheater if they are willing to take responsibility and accountability on their actions and work on becoming a better person. If they don't take accountability and blame me for their actions we are done.

Three if someone disclose to me that they cheated of course I am going to judge their actions and hold them accountable but at same time I want them to change and become a better person so they don't hurt another person. I won't remain friends with cheaters who cannot take responsibility because I don't want to be friends with people who cannot take accountability or responsibility for their actions.

Four I don't think cheating is a personal issue as people claim to be. I think there is social cultural factors that influence us to cheat. Also if your friend cheated on their spouse what makes you think they won't betray you. Especially if they are not willing to take responsibility for their actions in that situation why would they take responsibility in other situations.

We are humans we make mistakes and we may never prevent us from getting hurt but that doesn't mean we should hurt people or that we cannot reduce the frequency of people getting hurt by others and help them heal. As humans we can learn from our mistake and become better individuals 😊

daddysgotanew · 2022-11-05T17:09:02+00:00

Cheating isn’t cheating unless you’re married. It’s called dating and exploring other options.

Choice_Ad_6230 · 2022-11-05T21:43:40+00:00

Go cheat and keep it to yourself like an adult.

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yayayubsea · 2022-11-05T20:49:32+00:00

It’s only cheating if they don’t know or you don’t have some sort of agreement. Also by your title I thought you meant is it cheating if you as SA lol. Which it obviously is not

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-11-05T23:26:34+00:00

Yes it would still be cheating if they had agreed to be exclusive, it has nothing to do with frequency of sex.

If after being in a marriage or exclusive relationship people find they are sexually compatible the only way they can avoid being a cheater if they get emotionally, romantically, or sexually invested to another person is if the couple has broken up and is no longer together, or if they mutually agree to an open relationship.

If someone isn't sexually compatible with me and we cannot come to an agreement, I break up with them because we aren't right for each other and we both should be free to find someone better suited.

Being a cheater is unethical and can be incredibly harmful, detrimental not just to a partner's mental and emotional health but their physical health.

Taipanshimshon · 2022-11-06T11:03:42+00:00

Many of the responses here show that the needs of one partner outweigh the needs of the other for most of you.

And that the gender stays the same.

No wonder we will never find a " solution".

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-11-15T06:13:34+00:00

It's pretty common that the low libido partner will admit it was their own negligence that caused the cheating.

Title	Should it really be considered cheating if one person doesn't want sex anyway?
Author	MedicineSpecific9779
Upvotes	0
Comments	211
Date	November 5, 2022 2:39 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ymvua9/should_it_really_be_considered_cheating_if_one/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-it-really-be-considered-cheating-if-one.1137991 https://theredarchive.com/post/1137991

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