R*peplay is such a common fetish with women because they crave being dominated

RGL137 · 2022-12-15T20:25:24+00:00

I’ve had a few girlfriends who liked being dominated a bit (nothing fucked up, never was into rape fantasies or BDSM and shit). I think girls like it when a man is powerful and dominant, but they don’t want you to be unhinged or aggressive. A couple past gfs loved playfighting and they loved if I won, but of course they didn’t want me to actually hurt them or anything. I think they enjoyed the fact that I was strong enough to overpower them or hold them down, but I loved them and chose never to hurt them. Kind of like a show of force and loyalty at the same time.

badgersonice · 2022-12-15T20:57:06+00:00

Another theory: sexual repression.

Fantasizing about sex where she doesn’t have any choice makes her feel like she’s not a lowly dirty slut who wants sex. I strongly suspect rape fantasies are much more common among women who grew up being taught that having sex makes them dirty and used up.

So in that case rape fantasies are a way to fantasize with less guilt.

OhDestinyAltMine · 2022-12-15T20:48:31+00:00

Largely Agree but I think men interpret this “dominance” wrongly, bc frankly a lot of those girls are really selfish pillow princess type lays who aren’t that invested in making their partner feel good; it is about the feeling of overwhelming desire for them. Not actually being dominated to the will of another.

Like it’s very common for a girl to be like “just use me!” If i take that at face value I’m gonna slowly play with her ass and general body in a way that gradually escalates my desire. This may bore her! However I’ve learned what she really means is “fuck me with an intensity that makes me feel like your desire is uncontrollable.”

CimZim · 2022-12-15T21:18:50+00:00

I'm not going to delve into the depravity of male kinks, because that topic is for another time.

Hopefully the next post of yours will, it'll be interesting to see why men are into choking, bondage, spanking, etc.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-12-15T20:43:15+00:00

If you are a woman, you will spend most of your life under the awareness you can be raped. It's pretty likely that you actually are raped or assaulted at least once; if not, it's always at the back of your mind, always a risk that you're careful to avoid. Even if you are careful, it can happen to you, and this is a threat that is used to make women feel powerless. It's no surprise that women think about it and want to have power over it. A fantasy, which is what was surveyed, or even outright performing the kink, which is rarer, is a way to have complete power and control over this situation that's the terror lying in wait in these women's lives. They dream of rape that can be controlled and dealt with. They don't want to be raped, which is why they fantasise.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2022-12-15T21:24:40+00:00

I have been a dominatrix for over a decade, I think I have a certain amount of authority on this topic.

An enormous amount of kink can basically be explained as anxiety + arousal. Among male subs, this is usually what's going on with cuckolding play and small penis humiliation. Anxiety around sex gets turned into a kink.

What anxieties do women have around sex? We're taught to fear rape usually well before we become sexually active, and often it's one of the first sexual topics we are told about. It's particularly emphasized around puberty, which is when most kink tends to set in. Perfect storm.

NJFlowerchild · 2022-12-15T20:47:44+00:00

Except they're not being dominated. They're actively participating and choosing the role. It can be stopped with a word at any time. That's also why women aren't doing these thing with hook ups. They don't actually want raped or to be dominated. Actual domination isn't a choice. These women are in charge at all times.

sparklyyblueberryy · 2022-12-15T20:30:43+00:00

I as a woman can tell you that it is the reason number one and that is pretty clear given that women find it attractive if they like the man, but not if they don't. Women want to feel special sexually. Female sex drive is highly narcissistic. Men also want to feel desired, but for women desire is dead if he isn't into it. Men might dislike star fishing, women would dump a man for the equivalent.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-12-15T21:41:36+00:00

BDSM including this type of play can be a way to get over trauma or a way to get over a fear of being overpowered.

Just as some people like to watch horror movies and true crime because repeated exposure makes you feel better equipped to escape should you encounter this.

Additionally, there is a thrill involved in tricking parts of yourself into feeling danger while knowing that the situation is both controlled and safe. This is the entire premise of amusement parks and county fair rides.

Dark triad really is just a key ingredient to women's sexuality. High psychopathy, narcissism and machiavellianism determines exactly what gives most women pussy-tingles. These same traits would lend a man to be more comfortable with rapeplay (or the real thing), and women's lizard brain can't help but crave it.

If this were true 98% of people wouldn't be having the success that 98% of people do (this is the percentage of people in the US that will have dates, sex, and relationships and/or marriages throughout their lifetimes). Most men (most people of any gender really) don't have even the vaguest ability or inclination to practice or exhibit "psychopathy, narcissm, and machiavellianism"

BodyTerrorSong1 · 2022-12-16T02:40:16+00:00

That "sample poll" you linked used 370 responses.

Meanwhile, this survey of more than 4,000 Americans' sex fantasies found that 61% women, 54% men, and 68% non-binary participants had fantasized about being 'forced' to have sex.

So while this kink is common with women, it's also common with men and even more so with non-binary folks.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-12-15T20:58:49+00:00

I think it's more related to what a particular woman is socialized to see as taboo or shameful. The fastest way to get people to fantasize about a thing is to tell them it's bad or off-limits.

My sexual fantasies are more along the lines of being the dominant while the male submits. I grew up in a religion with almost exclusively male leadership and continue to accept the nature of its hierarchy. I also happen to think that the most attractive angle for men is when they're on their knees looking up at you. Coincidence?

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-12-15T21:14:36+00:00

Women seek out weird BDSM sex when their partner isn't satisfying their need for masculinity. They're not naturally attracted to the guy, so need to go through all this performative domination and outfits and so on to trigger some kind of feeling and enjoy the sex.

Put a woman with a masculine man she's actually into and she just wants to get fucked by him without all the add-ons.

EulenWatcher · 2022-12-15T21:00:09+00:00

So from the first links the numbers for heterosexuals are 49.12% for women and 26.66% for men. And few people have this fantasies half of the time, they're mostly occasional and rare. I wouldn't say that 49% of women having rape fantasies mean that women generally want to be dominated.

First of all, there's a slightly bigger portion of women who don't have this kind of fantasies.

Secondly, from what I've read it seems most people imagine this "rape" in an almost romantic way - the rapist is someone attractive and cares about their safety and pleasure. I've read multiple BL novels that are usually consumed by women and the topic of rape although is rather common there, it's unrealistic, very "hygienic" rape that is not so much about domination, as it is about a partner who "just knows" how to push all your buttons.

Thirdly, I'd like to see a study exploring the correlation between rape fantasies and being a sexual violence survival. Unfortunately, it's one if the ways how our brain can try to deal with trauma and I think I've seen some studies about it. Higher rates of victimisation among women can explain higher rates of these fantasies as well.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-12-16T02:14:50+00:00

I think responsive desire gets mischaracterised as these things because it's the closest tickbox in the survey.

But the issue is, the surveys aren't asking the right questions.

LupeDyCazari · 2022-12-15T20:18:45+00:00

Don't give the weirdos who populate this messed up sub any more fucked up ideas, okayyyy?

Fearless_Trouble_168 · 2022-12-16T02:19:01+00:00

Point 3 really misses the mark here.

I've done rapeplay. Those men were OBSESSED with consent, to the point they wanted lists of what they could and couldn't do so they wouldn't make me uncomfortable. They also wanted to know what would make it more fun for me.

Dark triad men are going to actually hurt someone for their own pleasure. They're the rapists & manipulators of the world of men. I have always been attracted to guys with a high level of empathy, and believe it or not, a guy who can dominate a woman in a way that blows her mind is a guy who has a high level of empathy. Meanwhile a "vanilla" and "harmless" dude can be quite unconcerned with whether or not the woman has a good time.

You're not wrong women like dominance, but studies show agreeable men have more sex and better relationships. Shocker.

ETA: I think part of the reason I like being dominated over dominating is literally just biology. What use do I have for a tied up man? He can't fuck me, I have to do all of the work. Meanwhile there's endless things we could do while I'm tied up...

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-12-16T02:11:49+00:00

Most true kinks have little to do with reality and are actually based in trauma. The theory is that the kink is a way of taking control of the past trauma and dealing with it.

So, draw your own conclusions from that. Another possibility specific to rape fantasies is that it allows the woman to let go of guilt regarding sex, because it’s happening “to” her, rather than her choosing it. I’m not really sure about that, but it would make sense for women raised in religious or repressive families.

And last but not least, there’s the influence of porn and society in general, which has been really pushing kink and shaming “vanilla” in recent years. I remember saying I was a sub as a teen because I thought I should, and my first boyfriend being like “I bet you have a rape fantasy right?” and responding like “Uhh yeah, sure?” Until I figured out none of that stuff actually was my thing and being “vanilla” or switching things up was kinda totally fine.

HolyPipidastra · 2022-12-15T20:59:27+00:00

*by men that we respect and are attracted to

Authority is earned. Yelling at people, accusing them of having a feminist brain rot, stomping your feet like a four year old, putting responsibility to be “submissive” on a random bitch is easy. I can do it from my couch too.

Guys put a cart before the horse by attempting to come off as dominant while they did not earn the grounds for a woman to take them with any degree of seriousness. Dark triad is so popular because it mimics the competence and confidence we are really after, that’s also why younger women are prone to falling pray to male psychopathy.

You can take competence and confidence if you have dark triad, but you can’t fake the dark triad itself. If you can’t dominate a woman, it’s not because we are disgusting masculine dikes tripping on blue pill, it’s because as far as she is concerned you aren’t who you say you are.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-12-15T22:26:31+00:00

As I said to the top comment:

the sample of that study ain't exactly representative of wider population. Redditors are more white, male, LGBT, and wealthy than the country overall

TempoIndigo · 2022-12-15T22:42:03+00:00

u/thetruthishere_ hey its one of those threads we love so much

AutoModerator · 2022-12-15T20:17:07+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

angie-1964 · 2022-12-15T21:00:03+00:00

I have never felt in a sexual situation as though I was not in charge of it. In a way, almost too much so. This is a way of "safely" letting go of this.

avarciousRutabega99 · 2022-12-15T23:33:22+00:00

What the hell even is point 2? Are there really men out there having sex as if their lady is made of glass? If she doesn’t want you to fuck her until she cant walk straight, something is definitely wrong.

2022-12-16T00:00:30+00:00

For me it’s trauma (AGAIN LOL FFS)

Waratah888 · 2022-12-16T02:25:17+00:00

Thoughts?

From my fairly small sample size ( 6? 7?) all enjoyed being dominated to some degree. From wanting/ letting me decide positions etc, to mild smacking to blackmail/rape concepts and discussion (not for real).

Small sample size could well be due to 'filtering' by potential partners.

catniagara · 2022-12-16T12:54:54+00:00

The people who agree with you are going to be the ones who teach you why your argument is wrong. And you’re going to regret having said it. Horribly.

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-12-16T13:04:42+00:00

Dude, it is a FANTASY NOT A FETISH.

Your whole premise is ether based on misunderstanding or bad faith. I'll edit as the fallacies hit

Papa_legba0032 · 2022-12-16T15:47:00+00:00

You should never have the dark triad. There’s a reason why it’s considered mental disorders. Second, then how can women preach about equality and feminism when they mostly want to be taken over. Thirdly, bdsm is fun ans all but one wrong move especially without legal binding documents can send a man to prison for playing arounf with consensual non consent.

Pavi2 · 2022-12-16T17:07:17+00:00

Go look at all the women in the rape fantasy reddit. It's pretty disgusting honestly.

Pavi2 · 2022-12-16T17:15:48+00:00

https://reason.com/2018/10/17/seneca-valley-mean-girls-false-sexual/

Peppashaakaa · 2022-12-16T17:42:07+00:00

RP is also a common fetish because people are trying to relive certain negative experiences they’ve had to “rewrite” their story/ certain experiences to have a positive ending/ a sense of control. RP in a safe and controlled environment usually affords this.

Lots of fetishes and kinks are born from this need. Very interesting stuff. Ofcourse this only one of the many possible explanations.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-12-17T14:07:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AntWillFortune15 · 2022-12-17T15:11:49+00:00

I do love being dominated but ain’t nobody doing r*pep play tf?

PapaPinyun · 2022-12-17T18:24:25+00:00

Often I think that the only reason for them to cum over and over again even though men are basically done rather quickly is if the normal homo sapien breeding conditions for many hundreds of generations was gang rape

puririnpa · 2022-12-30T12:00:30+00:00

you're forgetting an obvious influence

porn

porn is everywhere and it being so easy to reach makes every kind of sexual fetish far easier to reach, transgender porn was in the top 7 most viewed this year, do you think dickgirls were this much desired before porn became widespread everywhere?

Title	R*peplay is such a common fetish with women because they crave being dominated
Author	SmarmyPapsmears
Upvotes	33
Comments	134
Date	December 15, 2022 8:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zmuwgc/rpeplay_is_such_a_common_fetish_with_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/rpeplay-is-such-a-common-fetish-with-women-because.1143747 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143747

Comments