Q4W: How do you define 'power imbalance'?

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-01-23T05:43:41+00:00

Personally, I think a power imbalance is when one party has something that they can use as leverage in their relationships to make sure they always get their way. Obviously, the other party has agency and can just tell them to kick rocks but it's not as easy to get out of some situations.

A rich person dating a person who isn't financially stable - if your partner is financially dependent on you, you could use that to get your way.
A person who is dating an underling - they could use their position to hold the other person's job hostage.
A person who is dating their student - they could potentially use their position to jeopardize the other person's degree.
An older person dating a much younger, inexperienced person - they could manipulate that person and use their lack of experience to treat them poorly.
A famous person dating someone who is just your average Joe/Jane - they could potentially use their fame and connections to bully that person into doing whatever they want.

Note that I say ''potentially'' for these scenarios. Just because someone has the power to try to pull rank on you doesn't mean they will. However, I'd be cautious of getting into a relationship with someone who could use their position of superiority to try and manipulate me/fuck my life up. I think it's good for people to be aware of potential red flags to look for, especially if they're dating someone who is way out of their league financially/status-wise/age & experience-wise. This goes for both genders.

why do you think women are never called out for using their various privileges to leverage advantages in relationships

Honestly, probably because women more often than not aren't in a position where they have anything to lord over a guy. At least not to the point of there being a huge enough difference between them that they could leverage it. I don't know a lot of women who make so much more money than your average man that they could potentially fuck him over with that. I don't know of a lot of women who are rich and famous and would date an average dude and use him as a punching bag. I don't know of a lot of female bosses that date Bob, the company accountant. Not saying it doesn't happen and those women should be called out for being assholes who abuse their position of superiority, but I can't think of a lot of examples, be they famous people or just average people. Shakira making a diss track about her ex?

I don't think just being hot or having friends is enough to be considered leverage. What exactly would you threaten people with? ''If you don't do X I'll leave you! And I can find another person/I have friends to comfort me!''. Sure, that's a shitty and manipulative thing to do, but other than causing you heartache they can't really do much to you. I view a power imbalance as something that can be used to fuck up aspects of your life that aren't your sexual/romantic life.

Demasii · 2023-01-23T02:42:06+00:00

It's almost always used in a way to accuse a man of unfairly leveraging some advantage he has over a woman in order to 'coerce' her into sex that she otherwise wouldn't (or shouldn't) engage in.

The power imbalance narrative I see alot come from the AmItheAsshole subreddit. Situations like financial abuse of SAHMs or older men trying to control their young partners looks or property.

I wondered whether these stories get the most attention to bubble to the top. But when I only look at new posts I don't come across much about the opposite.

Legal young women lack sexual boundaries regardless of men's age. It's a learning experience for many.

The only caveat with these things are that they are power imbalances that benefits the woman in some way (ie 'I feel protected with him') or ('he can provide for the family) etc. But does that make it suddenly not a problem because it serves the woman's interests?

Yes. A man using his position to bring positive change to a woman's life is good. It's a double edge sword.

None of the above are ever cited as a "power imbalance" but, IMO, those have just as many real-life implications and chances for "abuse" and manipulation as the ones that are often cited for men.

I don't hear these stories. For example, when you look at neutral places like AskReddit about men's experiences with older women men tend to report more positive experiences. Would you be able to link to these stories or have you only experienced them IRL?

So, my question is - why do you think women are never called out for using their various privileges to leverage advantages in relationships, when men, who have to spend years to work to gain a physique, enough status, and confidence is somehow suspect for using his status to on helpless naive woman?

I will call them it out when I see it. It would take more than just the superficial for me to jump to the power imbalance conclusion.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2023-01-23T02:09:32+00:00

A power imbalance occurs in a situation where one party's position provides an advantage over the other in terms of getting their wants and needs met.

This is not exclusive to romantic/sexual relationships. It can happen in virtually any interpersonal relationship, whether that be between friends, coworkers, teacher-student, etc. I came from a wealthier background than my closest friend from high school. Whenever she joined my family for vacations and outings my mom was very careful to make sure that she felt comfortable speaking up and expressing her wants, even if they didn't necessarily align with mine. She was mindful of the potential for a power imbalance to emerge between my friend and me.

I agree that male victims of uneven power dynamics, particularly in relationships, are not taken as seriously as they should be. It stems from the societal notion that a male cannot suffer or be a victim as long as he's getting laid.

Novadina · 2023-01-23T02:16:55+00:00

The way you’ve seemed to define power makes sure to automatically include all traits men have on average more than women as the “powerful” traits. For example, men on average are taller and stronger than women, and tend to be more aggressive in their sexual pursuits. If you think the sexual dimorphism traits of humans are all “power imbalances” then 90% of straight people will have a power imbalance with that definition. I also don’t think someone being hotter than the other or being more sociable has anything to do with power imbalances.

So that’s not at all what I would mean with that term, if I were to use it I would mean something like:

A teacher and a student
A boss and an employee
One person controlling all the household money and when and where the other can do anything
One person very sheltered and naive while the other is much more experienced about the world (I’m not taking the average 3 year age gap, but like a 40 year old man with an ex wife and kids and a teenage girl living with her parents)

DebateRoyal4525 · 2023-01-23T03:45:55+00:00

I always wondered where the phrase power imbalance came from.

Did they teach you this term in school, or did you pick it up on the internet?

I noticed a lot of times now people just start using new terms out of nowhere, and when I ask where they came from people get defensive.

Pathosgrim · 2023-01-23T05:32:05+00:00

So, my question is - why do you think women are never called out for using their various privileges to leverage advantages in relationships,

If a women is with someone that is lower than them in looks, status, income and etc... their social circle will tell her that she can do better and to aim higher

houstongradengineer · 2023-01-23T06:04:47+00:00

It's like obscenity- "you know it when you see it."

First of all, I absolutely WOULD be cocnerned about going after a man of fame and fortune whilst I have none.

Secondly, you can make educated guesses, especially based on age, but you can't really speak on anorher person's relationship until you actually see the full picture in context. Maybe the poor person does have a great support system and even gutire earning potential. That would make a difference.

obviousredflag · 2023-01-23T09:07:07+00:00

You need to check "power" imbalance over all aspects and traits. Overall, couples have equal mate value in their respective value systems. Which means, there is no power imbalance. Because mate value is power. If not in a direct sense to force your will on someone, then i a relative way of being able to have alternative options. Example: the rich old guy might have financial, life experience, etc. advantage (power) over the young , hot woman, but she also has the advantage of dropping the guy for another great partner-to-be if the old guy doesn't treat her like she wants to be treated. Power imbalance is only a problem if one side is unaware of their power.

MistyMaisel · 2023-01-23T16:11:11+00:00

Men don't tend to readily admit they're victims. And other older men also don't tend to see them this way. Which makes it pretty hard to help them, right? Like, if their own kind won't stand up for them, and they either refuse to come out as victims or can't even see that the things that happened to them are hugely inappropriate and unacceptable, it's kind of hard to help them.

Like, I don't know how you get a 14 year old boy who got head from an 21 year old girl to realize he's been sexually assaulted/raped. Because he's busy getting high fives from the boys. But he has. That shouldn't have happened, and he's likely to experience consequences down the road from this whether he knows it or not. But, I do absolutely think adult men should be trying to stand up for this and not commenting on these videos like this kid is lucky. And they should be trying to protect them. And they should be warning young men that cougars aren't like some gift from God hooray.

And I think a big part of this is that there's a normalization of sex/sexual stuff for boys at a much younger age than is appropriate. Typically from their older male peers and even their fathers sharing material with them that the really shouldn't be being exposed to. And it does have life-long consequences no matter what anyone thinks and it takes a lot to repair this kind of damage. And the amount of shrugging I see over it is astonishing. This is honestly one area where I fully think it's obvious society doesn't give a shit about men. And it's almost never mentioned and it's so so angering for me.

All I can say is that if I have a 19 year old son bringing some 35 year old woman home, I'll put her 6 feet under just as quickly as I would a man's. I'll tell her to stop being a massive toxic blackhole fuck-up and go find someone her own age's life to ruin. And if I find out some 15 year old girl was giving him head at the age of 11, she's going to prison or a shallow grave. Mama will not play.

statsfodder · 2023-01-23T03:43:26+00:00

Power imbalance is always advantage to men. Advantage to women however is just "how it should be"..

Phrases like "power imbalance" go hand in hand with "toxic masculinity" as something used to attempt to shame men.

EulenWatcher · 2023-01-23T02:02:39+00:00

A power imbalance is being expressed when one partner (or a group of partners) is able to dominate decision- making or otherwise asserts power in ways that disadvantages other partners or are not in the best interest towards achieving the partnership objectives.

I think power disbalance becomes problematic, when one seeks them intentionally to domineer the other party and use this disbalance to take advantage over them often to the disadvantage of that party. So it's one thing when a man meets a younger woman and they date despite their age gap and another if he was intentionally seeking a young girl, because he wants to "mold" her.

Women who take advantage of men get called out, but these cases are probably rarer and they also less often "hit the news". Society still hold the beliefs that men can't get abused or sexually assaulted by a woman, so lots just prefer to keep silent. Some examples of power disbalance with reversed roles: women who threaten their husbands with divorce and "you'll never see your kids again", gold diggers, women having relationships with much younger men especially if they've just become "legal", women who mistreat their disabled partners or partners with mental issues etc.

Kind_Zucchinis · 2023-01-23T03:17:01+00:00

The difference here is the amount of leverage the other person has.

If someone is much stronger than me, and has all of the financial power then it creates a relationship that could easily turn into abuse with little ability to escape.

That's a very different situation with more on the line than the other things you listed. Dating a highly aggressive man who body builds when you don't have your own income is not the same thing as, say, an extroverted woman dating a shy man.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-01-23T09:12:07+00:00

Women are called out for creating a power imbalance when it happens (although some of your examples aren't where women are at the top of a power imbalance). However, it is rare, in large part due to women having a greater awareness of how weird it is and the kind of situation the person with less power can be put in so there isn't much calling out to do. It makes sense to concentrate on what's common. A general rule of thumb for whether there's a power imbalance is whether these two people could have a genuine friendship or it'd feel more like a mentor relationship or something at best. Something like a height difference or earnings gap where neither is dependent in the other obviously doesn't get in the way of the former. Something like a substantial age gap or large social status difference may well create the latter. You can't pretend like there's no power differential in a relationship when in any other context you'd expect one to look up to the other.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-01-23T09:49:40+00:00

Women are called out for it op

The difference is, men are more likely to be predators than women

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TheMedsPeds · 2023-01-24T04:24:59+00:00

Teacher student relationships, boss employee relationships, maybe like a large content creator with a lot of social pull with a smaller creator, also situations like where one person is working and their place is in their name. Situations where one person can disrupt the lives of the other.

Safinated · 2023-01-24T18:37:38+00:00

All of those are recognized as power imbalances after a certain point

Title	Q4W: How do you define 'power imbalance'?
Author	Holden_Frame
Upvotes	35
Comments	155
Date	January 23, 2023 1:37 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10j0eq2/q4w_how_do_you_define_power_imbalance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-how-do-you-define-power-imbalance.1149290 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149290

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