This question is something that I haven't figured out and I feel like it's a worthwhile discussion to have as it might legitimately help some men look inward at the true source of their unhappiness rather than obsessing on externalities.

Man A: Despite meeting all of the qualifications of "sexually / romantically unsuccessful" he maintains quite a happy demeanor, seem content in life, are relatively functional and social with friends and activities.

He doesn't obsess over diet or exercise. He avoids crossing over to obesity, but that's about it. He takes care of his health to the extent he stays out of the hospital, but otherwise he isn't on some mission of self improvement either.

Man B: Almost the exact same characteristics, but this man can't shake the frustration and disappointment around not being able to find romance or sex. He focuses obsessively so on this lack, it colors every movement in his life. It gets him to the gym, it dictates which people he interacts with, he looks for every and any solution to his "problem". He descends into more and more minutia in the hopes of fixing this issue.

Over time, his failures with this begin to crush his self esteem even more and his desire to self medicate through the still present loneliness by means of the girl he hopes will appear causes a vicious cycle of struggle, disappointment and resentment.

This is one of those questions that I think men and women contribute equally unique and valuable perspectives.

Some questions regarding these 2 types:

  • Which type is truly more common?
  • Are there a large amount of Man A's who are merely "faking" their contentment and are actually internally in pain?
  • Are Men B fundamentally suffering from a mental illness / other disorder that causes them to obsess over failures / externalities? (My psychiatrist calls this "Negative Narcism)
  • Can Man B learn something from Man A's ability to be content, and cultivate that to achieve some greater sort of mental peace?