Men crying in front of women

Acousmetre78 · 2023-02-07T07:23:56+00:00

My 38 year old sister called me faggot after I cried about her beginning to use heroin and fucking my former best friend.

hendrixski · 2023-02-07T12:07:59+00:00

When I was dating I had shared my emotions a few times (be it crying or talking about the trauma from divorce from my abusive ex wife) and I noticed that it correlated with a breakup soon afterwards. Women taught me to bottle up my emotions.

Also, when I shared this story on Menslib and then went back in anonymous browsing mode I saw my comment was hidden from others. So you're not allowed to point out that women are spreading ~~toxic masculinity~~ internalized misandry.

CookyMcCookface · 2023-02-07T07:32:02+00:00

Correct. Because despite what women say, they’ve been conditioned by society the same way men have. Now, it’s not to say that ALL women react negatively, but in my own experience, it’s always been an unpleasant experience. Awkwardness, infantilizing, silence…I avoid at all costs…

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2023-02-07T14:24:31+00:00

It always amazes me how even feminist get uncomfortable around men being upset and crying. Women say they want emotionally vulnerable men but when they get one it gives them the ick. Unless you are gay and then they see you as not really a man and they are OK with it. Personally I believe its because they still expect men to perform masculine gender roles that benefit them and it subconsciously makes them view him as weak and not much value to them.

SvitlanaLeo · 2023-02-07T13:26:13+00:00

If you're wife/girfriend/mother/female friend says to you men shound't cry you should know that she's an abuser. Because gender policing is a form of abuse.

GloryToChadlantis · 2023-02-07T11:09:58+00:00

Lol me s lib. I got banned from there because I told them patriarchy wasn't the issue.

Allot of women hate weakness. Crying is such. Also might want to get off men's lib. You won't liberate yourself from anything.

My-Unedited-Truth · 2023-02-07T10:44:11+00:00

I am a pretty emotional dude. In my experience it depends on the cry. Silent tear during a sad movie or a wedding, “aww you aren’t afraid to be vulnerable!” Sobbing during family tragedy or reliving trauma, “maybe you should put this in perspective. Some people have it way worse.”

One of those situations is emotionally connecting and being moved. One is legitimately terrible situations that should generate empathy but seem to generate disgust.

My ex said she felt like she shouldn’t have to take care of me when I lost a close family member to drug overdose. Literally I just cried. I got a pat/rub on the back that morphed into silence and distance. It was very bizarre.

My current wife who is actually extremely supportive in a ton of ways is also brainwashed a bit by women’s studies/feminism. I was sexually abused for several years when I was a child by an older female cousin. My wife has no problem condemning the perpetrator but when I “came out” with that information to her, she tried to comfort me by telling me “at least it wasn’t abuse caused by systemic oppression.” She said that I wasn’t abused because I was a boy. I was a boy who was abused. Whereas, girls are abused because they are girls. I still don’t really understand what that was except her trying to remove the possibility that an “oppressor” can be victimised. Like her brain was trying to correct the dissonance.

I don’t think they do it out of malice. I think there is a story we all tell ourselves and some of our stories are closer to reality than others. The farther from reality your story, the more people you need to share in it with you. Feminism is a whopper of a story.

GltyUntlPrvnInncnt · 2023-02-07T16:16:33+00:00

Do not ever cry in front of a woman! Nothing good will come out of it. If nothing else, your vulnerability will be used against you next time you have a fight with her.

jadedlonewolf89 · 2023-02-07T18:17:37+00:00

I remember the day my mom died She died before she could answer the door, when the paramedics got there they managed to resuscitate her, I was holding her hand and watched her die again on the ride to the hospital.

My gf was standing at my front door when I returned home, she asked me if everything was alright when she saw me, and I just started bawling which wound up starting the fight that ended our relationship.

Suppose I dodged a bullet, but fuck if that didn’t break something in me.

denisc9918 · 2023-02-07T05:22:19+00:00

I'm surprised that you were surprised. You might want to try watching what women do rather than what they say.

A_Direwolf · 2023-02-07T14:13:05+00:00

I cried, (well, pretty much had a breakdown after I re-injured my back after having microsurgery 5 months prior) in my partners arms, i felt my career was over... she left a few months later because I showed "weakness"

They really do think less of you for being emotional, it's extremely hypocritical, but I know that's just part of their nature and can't control it.

Background-Fox-517 · 2023-02-07T17:42:23+00:00

Any weakness displayed in front of a woman and she will instantly lose respect for you. If you get your ass beat she will leave you. Crying is a huge red flag for them as well.

Many women say they are ok with it and prefer for a man to show emotions but that's a lie and their actions speak louder than words. Women don't even know what they want and or they just lie.

Don't tell women any secrets or they will use that as fuel when you break up to verbally harass you. Don't show any weakness around women or they will drop you in an instant.

This would be like a woman attempting to boss the man around in the relationship, or make all the decisions, or whatever traditional role of a man she tries to take on is an instant turn off for a man.

mikesteane · 2023-02-07T13:39:03+00:00

she was nothing but comforting

I cried in front of a woman once and she was super-sympathetic, so I asked her to go to bed with me. She just laughed and never spoke to me again.

Made up story, but you get the point.

No_Description_6656 · 2023-02-07T14:55:38+00:00

I just find it hilarious they say they want men to show emotions and stuff like that, and then they make fun of them for it. Not sure how you guys feel about Jordan Peterson but look at what he did on piers Morgan. Teared up a little bit and the entire internet was roasting him.

Ann997 · 2023-02-07T15:07:01+00:00

I am one of probably very few females that really likes guys that show their emotions. I once talked with a friend about it, she was shocked. She said: "what? You are weird... I mean X (her husband) does show emotion when he is happy, but if he would cry.. I wouldn't like it. I would probably leave him" She kept looking at me as if I came from a different planet and kept repeating a few times how weird I am. For me showing emotion is extremely important, so a relationship can work. Also I do feel more connected to them, if they do.

CawlinAlcarz · 2023-02-07T18:02:30+00:00

There are only a very few occasions where crying in front of others will not brand you as a soft bitch. Those are the death or potential extreme peril of your child (e.g. terminal diagnosis or something like eminent brain surgery with a 20% survival chance) or the death of a close relative (sibling, mother, father, spouse, or GOOD buddy).

Under NO circumstances is "ugly crying" (sobbing, weeping, wailing, etc.) going to be tolerated. The only appropriate crying for men "in public" that others will accept is a stoic stone face as tears run down your face.

I'm not telling you I think this is OK, but I AM telling you the facts.

RabidusRex · 2023-02-07T09:42:07+00:00

This is relevant for me.

when life gets really rough for me personally, I don't get sad, it doesn't make me want to cry....

...It makes me fucking angry. That's always my gut reaction.

however, man..... I'm such a softie sometimes when it comes to family, and love, and sentimentality, and I'll be cryin' over some cheesy feel-good type of shit without much provocation.

So, these days I have a really sweet and emotionally mature GF who shares this sort of vibe. Last night I showed her an interview with Fred Rogers (from Mr. Roger's Neighborhood) and we were both just in tears by his selfless philosophy, crying like a couple of wet pussies.

It was awesome. That them thar's them "good" kinda cryin'

But I think what u/TheNamelessComposer might be referencing is the "bad" kind of crying, (stressing the quotation marks) when a man has an emotional breakdown in front of a woman, and said woman is disgusted (or even offended!) that a man can possibly act in a vulnerable way, and brushes his burden off as if showing those kind of emotions is a sign of weakness or a lack of masculinity.

Which is a bunch of horse shit. And a really good indication that this kind of person is emotionally immature themselves, and probably would make for a really horrible (relationship, business, etc...) partner.

2023-02-07T19:48:33+00:00

Women are naturally repulsed by a man that they can sense weakness in. Every woman has a slightly different tolerance for emotional weakness or vulnerability from men, but it’s best to not test it.

danure · 2023-02-07T11:45:04+00:00

Girls/Women certainly will help anyone crying. They just might not wanna be in a relationship with you after. Too much weakness makes them the opposite of attracted as far as im aware. Would be happy to be told im wrong though.

odysseytree · 2023-02-07T08:07:25+00:00

That's just a politically correct statement. Your emotional stability determines the lifestyle of your relationship. The more vulnerable you will be, the more likely it will lead to break up.

Digger_is_taken · 2023-02-07T13:43:14+00:00

Women don't know how to comfort men. Men don't know how to comfort men. Therapists don't know how to comfort men. No one has any practice.

Don't expect a woman to already know your emotional needs. That's something that you can explore together. You need to find someone who wants to learn.

ZekalMacabre · 2023-02-07T21:59:18+00:00

We're expected to show our feelings, until we actually do, then we're shamed for it.

Don't be fooled, feminists do not want men to be emotional because it makes them question their beliefs which state men are unfeeling monsters.

IceCorrect · 2023-02-07T09:02:19+00:00

You cant force to be attracted to someone. Your friend treat you only as a friend so it have no negative impact on her.

Many times women link every male emotion with anger, so they assume that if you cant control crying that mean you wont control anger, so this would put them in danger. Its another projection, but this wont ever change

heeroena · 2023-02-07T05:47:37+00:00

What's there to be surprised about? Women don't know what they want or that they respond to. Nothing new here

Souppilgrim · 2023-02-07T17:30:07+00:00

It's anecdotal but I've heard several women in conversation say they lost respect after seeing their male SO cry

Cactus2711 · 2023-02-07T19:10:14+00:00

So because of your single, isolated experience you struggle to believe the overwhelming number of men who confirmed this to be true?

AlienAmerican1 · 2023-02-07T19:40:23+00:00

Don't cry in front of women. Like ever. Any of them.

Aimless-Nomad · 2023-02-07T19:42:16+00:00

The guys in menslib deserve it. This is what happens when you brown nose.

Mammoth_Cut5134 · 2023-02-07T19:47:43+00:00

And they will again blame it on patriarchy.

ArmedProfessional · 2023-02-08T02:27:34+00:00

My ex called me a spineless loser when I cried while in the hospital last year. I cried because I had just got diagnosed with diabetes, was the sickest I’d ever been in my life, had temporary blindness from it, lost my job the same day, and everything else I’d kept bottled up (regular emotions, my depression, and my PTSD issues that plague me) all came out. I should have broken up with her then but didn’t.

ohstarrynight · 2023-02-08T02:27:58+00:00

I am always empathic when it's come to men crying. I never judge. Men absolutely have the right to express their emotions.

Starforce2005 · 2023-02-07T13:03:25+00:00

I can't speak for cis women, but as a trans women, I have strong sympathy for men expressing negative emotion in front of me (even more so than cis women), because I understand what they had been through and how they are conditioned to live under such pressure, so when a men breaks down, it means it must be tremendous pain.

Sometime I don't know how to react is solely due to not sure of the appropriate reaction, I wish them feel accepted but at the same time don't want them to feel being disrespected as a strong male figure (which society puts a lot of pressure on them)

Birdflower99 · 2023-02-07T19:34:44+00:00

I don’t know. I’ve heard this as well and sure it may be true in most cases but not in my experience. I’ve never heard any of my girl friends talk about men crying being a turn off. They were more empathetic about it. I never saw my dad cry until his mom passed. We grew up under the whole men don’t cry rule and very rarely have I seen my brothers cry. For me as a female, it’s not a turn off. I just think damn.. this dude must really be hurt to be crying.

East_Panic8340 · 2023-02-07T23:08:32+00:00

Lol my homies ex wife went on a whole rant about how men need to open up more. 15 to 20 minutes later she was telling her friends about how she shit on her ex for crying in front of her. From calling him a bitch and pussy to slapping him. They all laughed hysterically throughout the story while I exchanged looks of horror with my friend.

TracyMorganFreeman · 2023-02-08T01:13:06+00:00

There's probably a selection bias of male feminists being with female feminists who don't think too much of men.

Nihi1986 · 2023-02-08T04:10:08+00:00

It's a bit complicated but here is the answer.

The men complaining about those bad experiences often did it in front of their partners and girl they liked. Women claim they are supportive in that sense and that they even like their men to open and cry.

The truth is that women want their partners to cry so they can show them their support and be useful and valued. In other words, they get more power in the relationship since now they know everything about him and the partners are going to become more dependant.

When is it a problem? When they already have enough power or have lost interest on the relationship, if the man cries about something which might affect their relationship, it will be seen as weakness. Women are not sexually attracted to weakness and find weak men to be worse partners in the sense that they tend to be less succesful and reliable (This is a bit of an exageration, though, but I want to be concise).

This doesn't mean that every woman is like that, and doesn't mean that they are supportive for manipulative reasons exclusively. This is not different than a man in love who fixes his gf's car or stuff like that. It's not done just out of generosity, it also increases his value as a partner.

Now, if you cry cause you can't find a job /hate your shitty underpaid job and do it for months, for example, she will see it as an affirmation of your weakness and inability to provide her and yourself with a better life together.

And well, there's also the problem of women sometimes being asked for emotional support too often by too many people. At some point, some of them give a cold or rude answer because they aren't in the mood.

Out of the relationship context, you'd have to do it at the right moment, when she's comfortable, not angry at you and not busy/tired.

I remember expressing inmense sadness to my mother when my all life gf (10 years) dumped me out of the blue (ofc she was cheating). I was even feeling suicidal, honestly. My mother answer was very short and generic, in the lines of 'just don't worry and move on'. 'dunno...I'm watching this tv show and I want to go sleep soon, just forget her' and stuff like that. She has always been a very supportive mother, just not emotionally, at least not with me🤷 anyway, got much more emotional support from friends, my brother and my father, and me and my dad can't stand each other, honestly...still he found the time, energy and wisdom to at least try.

Anyway, women are supportive though not all of them and not to the same degree and, generally speaking, it'a simply a bad idea to cry in front of women but also sometimes in front of men. People in general just don't like men crying.

skllyskullstyle · 2023-02-08T06:02:54+00:00

Doooood. I've been wanting to push a societal construct where I would absolutely encourage men to vent out and make it safe as possible.

But the reason why most men are actually weary to let out their emotions is actually a good reason. It's because they know that most of them will get shit down by women WHO TELL THEM TO DO IT.

It's not sexism or misogyny. I literally have screenshots of men and even women saying why it's risky to open up. You as a man could even get more trauma from her just because you jumped the shark but you got bit in the long run.

The manosphere tells men not to show emotions to women out of the common courtesy. It's their moral imperative.

Aba and Preach in one of their videos even said " you women don't know what men go through when you tell them to open up, but when they do you say "haha you fucking loser"".

Interestedmillennial · 2023-02-08T08:32:23+00:00

I always comfort my husband when he cries. I cuddle him and talk to him til he feels better.

Reasonable_Listen514 · 2023-02-07T19:09:20+00:00

Never believe women when they tell you they want you to be vulnerable to them. As soon as you do, they see it as weakness. They may never see you the same way again. Cry to a therapist, cry to your close bros, but never cry in front of a woman.

skcuf2 · 2023-02-07T14:45:20+00:00

My wife knows if I'm crying in front of her then something is really fucked up. Men's lib seems like the place that you'd find men crying over the lack of soy milk at Starbucks.

Final_Philosopher663 · 2023-02-07T09:48:17+00:00

You can cry in front of most women of course, only when they are ready for it . If you want to cry and they are not ready... bad luck.

sharksville · 2023-02-07T13:44:45+00:00

A good advice I can give is what I said to my boys. Just because you can cry doesn’t mean you don’t have to cry, but sometimes if you really need to let it out and it’s okay to cry. Crying is okay because you’re letting your emotions out rather than keep it bottled up inside of you to a point where one day you don’t know what to do with it or where did all that emotional crying feeling go. But at the same time don’t cry over the little things and try to be strong.

This chat came about after my wife’s mother sort of shamed him one time for crying because he fell and hurt himself and needed a grownup to make sure he’s alright. That’s the day she and her husband/my wife’s dad/my FIL both knew not to make stupid comments otherwise I wouldn’t hold back

Difficult-Lion-1288 · 2023-02-07T15:16:07+00:00

Don’t do it. Psychologically speaking it will change the way they see you. They cannot help this, it is not a choice and is supported by data. It sucks but at some biological level they need you to be their foundation and nobody wants a weak foundation for what their building. What sucks the most is that this data is in direct contrast to what women will tell you.

lemons7472 · 2023-02-07T13:49:47+00:00

I think that some women will help you depending on the situation maybe, however some are more disgusted and will actually mock you for such, or use your sadness or anger against you, calling you toxic or fragile or centering. Some women may also think and say that they want men to be emotional, but I think that this only means happiness, and sometimes sadness, but even that varies. It’s almost like a disneyficathon or fantasy of wanting some men to be emotional, and seeing it as cute even, but then in reality you’ll see that it could’ve just been talk, or again, it could just be a fantasy, or simply it’s just her not being actually prepared to see someone else being emotional, as not everyone will be ready to deal with an emotional breakdown anyways, which is fine, but be very careful of those who may use your emotions against you, and mock you for showing emotion, despite the fact that they told you that they would do the opposite.

Basically some women will legit care, some won’t, and will mock you for it, and some will pretend as if they care, but then will negatively react to you if your sad or angry, or some will just not know how to react, which at least that last one is natural

9pmt1ll1come · 2023-02-07T18:21:47+00:00

A man crying is the biggest turn off possible to a female. This is because women are drawn immensely to male confidence so you crying is the direct opposite of that. Pls don’t cry in front of a female unless you want to be disrespected by that female. You have to understand the double standards that women put men through everyday. Modern women still hold men to traditional values but YOU can’t hold them to traditional values. So you’d think, okay I’m a modern man so great! I should be able to express my frustrations in front of women right? NOPE. That’s not how they see it. And frankly, as a man, you should avoid doing that regardless. Instead, own being a man and embrace all the power it gives you. Don’t yield an inch of that power to any woman out there.

1_totally_real_human · 2023-02-07T11:42:23+00:00

I (f) suppose it depends on the emotional maturity/experience how a person handles an other person crying. I was raised "like a man" by my father to be successful and strong. I wasnt showing much emotions and I did not learn to comfort others or myself. My current bf changed that. He is emotional and has teary eyes regularly in front of me, this made me open up and truly cry in front of him as well. I learned from him that it's alright not to say anything and just hold the other one tight during such moments. Now I know emotions are there to be felt not fixed. So I won't say anything, unless I'm asked for advice.

ehWoc · 2023-02-07T13:00:32+00:00

Crying isn't a weakness, but crying to force someone to look the other way from one's wrongdoings, that's childish and a major turn-off for me.

GroundbreakingAnt322 · 2023-02-07T06:01:49+00:00

Just do what the rest of us do. Blink, cough, rub your eyes and walk away while saying something about “the damn allergies”. Then they know you’re crying a little, but you’re also being a tough guy about it. It’s endearing. What chicks don’t wanna see is a dude balling over something silly or trivial.

SnooHabits7185 · 2023-02-08T00:21:03+00:00

Never cry in front of women unless absolutely necessary. Women will leave you for it.

Redotta · 2023-04-20T08:07:25+00:00

The women I know are very comforting when a men cries in front of them

Title	Men crying in front of women
Author	TheNamelessComposer
Upvotes	184
Comments	163
Date	February 7, 2023 5:00 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/10vt7g8/men_crying_in_front_of_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/men-crying-in-front-of-women.1151661 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151661

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