Should guys be jealous of women getting experience before then if they still get the women in the end?

bottleblank · 2023-09-08T22:28:18+00:00

If those men don't get disrespected, rejected, and isolated for their lack of experience, no, that shouldn't be necessary. It might still feel very unpleasant to experience that loneliness, which is valid, but it needn't necessarily be expressed as jealousy.

But, with that said, that's not the world we live in. We're constantly taunted by images and depictions of "successful" people being those who have everything together, they have a wonderful loving partner, a great sex life, a bunch of supportive friends, a perfect job, always looking sharp, and so on.

Men are often looked down on, insulted, belittled for being inexperienced, a recent thread here had various women saying virgin men are off the menu and I've certainly seen a lot of women in the past saying things like "it's not my job to teach him how to fuck". Also sometimes implications that if he hasn't had experience then there must be something wrong with him or even that his inexperience somehow proves that he's a terrible misogynist.

How many times have you heard of men being described as incels, basement-dwelling neckbearded nerds, who have no hope of finding a partner? Who looks at a 40 year old virgin and respects that? It's assumed that he's a stinking useless dork, because everybody else by that age has had experience, potentially lots of it, because many people start in their teens. They've had sexual experience for over half of their life by that point, he's more than twice their past teenage self's age and he's had none. What do you think that tells people about him, whether the assumptions are true or not?

So if being inexperienced, or a virgin, gets you treated poorly and results in you having a worse life experience or worse prospects, especially if those women you mention are telling you "it's no big deal, whatever, get over it, stop whining, nobody's obliged to give you anything, suck it up, loser", whilst they're living it up and telling you that virginity is unappealing, yes, of course it's fair to feel something negative. Not necessarily jealous of someone else's success, but pissed off that they're speaking down to you or seeing you as a lesser person simply because they're privileged enough to get what they want and to have had those experiences by which to grow and climb the ladder of life. It's hypocritical, dismissive, and patronising.

It's also miserable to be in a social setting where everybody's assumed to have had previous sexual experiences and you're the one without any stories or opinions, either trying desperately not to be asked, or making unbelievable crap up to avoid being seen as a lesser person, a failure. It's demoralising when all your buddies are partnered and you're not, when they're going on dates or whenever you visit them you meet their partner they live with, and so on. Not necessarily in a teenage truth or dare sense, but even just normal adult conversations about daily life, where partners and experiences with them are raised as a topic. A co-worker is about to have a child, for example, and your other co-workers gather around and talk about their experiences with having a child.

Essentially what I'm saying it's not just the mechanical act of getting laid or having a bit of fun when you want it. It can impact your whole quality of life, how you're seen as a person, it can damage your self-esteem, your confidence, your future outlook, it can make you feel like crap to the point of legitimately harming your mental health, it can close opportunities, because it's more than just getting laid, it's integral to emotional maturation, psychological health, and progress in life. At that point it's not just "jealous of women getting experience", it's jealous that other people can even HAVE a life.

MysterySolverDog · 2023-09-08T20:41:11+00:00

Of course! If you had to work absolute min wage jobs with shitty conditions until you were late 30s, would you feel jealous of people who had just stepped into a cushy well paid office job right out of college? You're both ok at 40 so what does it really matter?

Dating in your 20s is low stakes and gives people a chance to find out what they like, what works and what doesn't, without having to make major life choices surrounding that. The flip side of this is that women are negatively affected too since if guys are that desperate they're literally just going to take the first option that comes along regardless of whether they're a good fit or not.. which can have pretty shitty consequences if you're doing this in your 30s rather than 20s.

PrinceArchie · 2023-09-08T21:00:25+00:00

I don’t think many men are jealous nor would I call the negativity around the perceived disparity jealousy. It’s more akin to resentment for the criticism and expectation levied against them. It makes sense when you think about it and honestly any person put in that position would likely feel resentment unless there was an outlet or they managed to get what they wanted in a way they felt contentment.

Think of it like this. For a lot of guys they perceive a woman’s romantic life to be one where she either is constantly being chased, desired or has to do very little to be an acceptable partner for a “relationship”. The bar tends to be low at just be somewhat pretty/attractive. As a man not being gross or overweight gets a majority of women in that door for consideration. For guys to be an acceptable partner for a relationship it is reinforced from an early age that you have to meet objective standards and make improvements to garner respect/attention.

Your looks, your intelligence and your competence are all in someway measured. A majority of how I experienced my childhood in this regard was to improve so you could be someone worth being with. Your worth as an individual more or less is predicated on what you can produce and who you can attract. So you could be a good husband, etc. Its normal social integration not something I’m particularly complaining about. Now yes girls will be compared for how well/fast they develop, but again the bar is extremely low for a desirable girl. Whereas the boys didn’t become desirable mostly until they physically matured. Some needed to be actively engaged in sport for their bodies to develop and standout, others simply had better genetics and were more muscular and tall.

Temperament also has a large impact. The more assertive boys obviously garnered more attention. This affect’s confidence and social integration and goes well Into adulthood. The longer it takes for a boy to physically and mentally develop (build the confidence), the longer it will take for him to socially integrate. In particular as it regards relationships they will constantly be compared or their flaws pointed to until people see improvement. Constantly being judged for lacking these things has a large mental toll. Compound this further later into adulthood, where now your integrity and ethics are being questioned. Are you even a good person, surely something must be wrong with you also as a person for not having a girlfriend yet this late in life? You must hate women or something.

You can easily see how someone with such a life experience in which the world never gave them a chance is suddenly just seen as oppressive. How resentments can grow, how lots of guys overcome their lot and improve simply to get back at people who likely would otherwise still think of them poorly and unfairly so simply because superficial factors in their life did not improve. A lot of people really do expect guys to suck it up or turn the other cheek because “it isn’t productive “ to hate anyone. But if we are to be candid the “right” to internalize or feel a certain way about how you feel the world treated you is yours to make alone. If you feel an injustice has been thrust upon you, there might be unhealthy but expected consequences.

TopNYJeweler · 2023-09-08T20:13:37+00:00

Only way I would be jealous of women on that would be if I wanted to be a woman, which is not the case.

Women don't need any talent to get laid. Plenty of narcissistic, disgusting, evil and cheating women get laid all time for just having a hole. They just have to exist, smile and open legs. I am not jealous of that because I don't want to be a woman.

I do think that nature is more unfair on men, though.

Sad_Top1743 · 2023-09-08T20:19:45+00:00

It’s not really jealousy but more so resentment.

At least that’s how I felt which led to a breakup. To mitigate this men either need a low experience woman or to get a lot of experience themselves, both of these strategies pose difficulties.

timspacewarper · 2023-09-08T20:37:31+00:00

I think you have 3 options: suppress your emotions, date women with little or no experience, or work towards your own experience. If you date around enough you'll build up your confidence, then you'll care less. Don't ask if what you feel is okay, just feel it and work around it.

Love-Is-Selfish · 2023-09-08T21:38:04+00:00

Guys should look for a woman who shares his highest values, whom he subsequently loves enough to spend the rest of his life with. If he can find that without much dating, then he has nothing to be jealous of. He’s achieved the pinnacle in romance, besides developing the relationship for the rest of his life. That should be the ultimate goal of dating for achieving happiness. There could be an issue that he needs to go through that process himself to learnt that the “hard” way if ever.

wtknight · 2023-09-08T23:04:04+00:00

If the women say it's fine and they don't care if guys didn't have experience in their 20s as long as they got it by their late 30s for example, then I'd it bad for guys therefore if the class was still more than half full?

Men will care if they somehow perceive that the men whom she slept with in the past were more physically attractive than he is. They will also care if they have to wait to have sex with her and know that past men did not.

Other than that, I don't think that men should really care about a woman's past relationship sex, for sure. And if that man has had casual sex before, then he shouldn't care if the woman who he is with also had casual sex in the past.

SoulBadguy0408 · 2023-09-09T00:33:46+00:00

If the women are genuinely fine with an inexperienced guy and it's like not a big deal, then I wouldn't complain because having a good partner is more important than them being a virgin or whatever

However, I feel like a lot of the times the assumption is they've had better before and after that they're settling for you as these are men never have had female attention before otherwise they would've dated in their 20s and before that during high-school as well

Mobrowncheeks · 2023-09-08T20:28:07+00:00

No, jealousy has no purpose. She has more experience then you whether you date her or not.

That doesn’t mean pick a woman that’s outside of your moral compass or comfort zone though. Don’t be jealous that she slept around and you didn’t. If you are uncomfortable with that just don’t commit to her. It’s simple really.

tiddermacss · 2023-09-08T21:05:48+00:00

most women in their 20s would’ve had more experience in dating and sex than an avg man..

so cant really avoid jealousy or other resentful feelings if you commit to a woman who already has a ton of experience and you are still starting out dating/sex wise.. that man will be left utterly disappointed.. especially if he finds out details of her past..

so best not to commit or commit for show and play around on the side.. take all the chances you get.. life isn’t fair for men in the dating world so no need to play fair.

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-09-08T20:42:15+00:00

Seems like a stupid and pointless reason to be jealous.

Are you going to be jealous if she's traveled to Europe and you haven't?

Are you going to be jealous if she's eaten at a restaurant you've always wanted to go to?

Waste of energy to be jealous of someone's experiences before you.

It is not a damn competition.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-09-09T03:57:05+00:00

They can feel as jealous as they like, no one can stop them.

They can also make a big deal about how women are terrible for stigmatizing inexperienced men. Again, can't stop them.

But if they do both those things at the same time we all get to make fun of them and they better not complain.

Safinated · 2023-09-08T20:29:16+00:00

If sex is a competition, sure

If not, no

John_Oakman · 2023-09-08T20:29:16+00:00

This, of course, assumes that desire for sex is consistent over the course of a person's adult life (in general, I know everyone relevant here is like that somehow but you're all truly exceptional). By the time the supposedly long term relationship minded male gets the chance (i.e. people in their 30s & 40s) the odds of even semi-frequent sexual activities in a relationship is not that high (but he shouldn't care about that, after all, the point of a relationship for the like of him is all about the privilege of fulfilling social expectations and whatnot, and certainly not those baser sexual desires).

The same disillusion can also apply to other facets of a person's life. For example: marrying someone who was in the military thinking they're gonna be fit and clean, but it turns out that they were done with that phase of their life and is no longer like that.

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-09-08T20:31:21+00:00

so they feel

The reality is at some point one must take responsibility. Not just of their feelings, but all their decisions. That have led them to their current circumstances.

Should they feel jealous? No one is stopping them. Conversely should others, society, or the world care?

Godspeed and good luck!

bluestjuice · 2023-09-08T20:36:59+00:00

Probably not, because women are more emotional than men.

bruhminer · 2023-09-08T21:09:10+00:00

Most women are not going to think it's fine, even if they claim otherwise.

But anyway there is no point in being jealous, yeah it sucks that I spent my teens and early 20s sexless while most women my age had no problem getting into relationships but there is no point in thinking about that, it is what it is. I try to be willfully ignorant about that as much as I can.

NittyGrittyDiscutant · 2023-09-08T21:12:29+00:00

imo similar level of experience helps a lot to the point it can be a huge problem if it isn't

Lovemelikeareptile1 · 2023-09-08T21:37:21+00:00

Men need to learn how to feel good about themselves. That's the only thing in life that matters. If you want to waste your mental energies feeling jealous over something you never had any control over that's your business. Just remember that a woman has every right to give her vagina to another man, woman or large farm animal whenever she wants. You never owned that vagina so not sure what there is to be jealous about.

Philip8000 · 2023-09-08T23:04:36+00:00

My concern would be more that my lack of experience being a dealbreaker, and even if not universal, it can be one beyond a certain age. I'd be happy to accept her as my partner, provided she's willing to be a little patient with me. I do struggle with insecurities and feeling like I missed out on one of those fundamental human experiences. I do everything I can to work on this, but it's still there.

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-09-08T20:47:57+00:00

I don't think they should date people that they'll feel that way about. I know men will say that means staying single, but you either deal with your feelings in a healthy manner or you end up single either way. Why blow up every relationship you have a chance to have now?

Ok-Delay-8578 · 2023-09-08T21:44:05+00:00

I think as long as a guy is comfortable taking the lead on dates/sex/relationship trajectory and is confident then women are happy with it. But it takes some experience to be competent leader

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Aafan_Barbarro · 2023-09-08T20:16:20+00:00

Jealousy is an emotion. Emotions aren't exactly rational and you can't perfectly control them. Yeah, if I somehow got a girlfriend "late", and she'd most likely have had a lot of experience, I would be jealous and it would bother me. I am even jealous now of any people who get to experience love and sex and it probably started back in my teens. And no, I don't believe women don't care. Because the inexperience shows up. Too often and too much.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-09-08T21:35:38+00:00

You shouldn't be jealous of anyone but there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that you and someone who has had different life experiences are not compatible.

sine120 · 2023-09-08T22:44:24+00:00

Should they be? No. Are they still miffed about it? A little. People covet what they cannot have, including sex/ relationships in their youth.

gramcaseceo · 2023-09-08T23:12:58+00:00

No. Women get sex as easy as it is for you to order an Uber or buy a meal at a restaurant. Women are not the same as men so comparing us like we are the same is dumb.

esdebah · 2023-09-09T00:10:34+00:00

no. next.

Title	Should guys be jealous of women getting experience before then if they still get the women in the end?
Author	harmonica2
Upvotes	1
Comments	119
Date	September 8, 2023 8:10 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16dkrps/should_guys_be_jealous_of_women_getting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-guys-be-jealous-of-women-getting-experience.1231314 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231314

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