Do you ever get lonely, and start missing / thinking it wasn't as bad as it was?

Repulsive_Art_1175 · 2024-01-12T21:54:56+00:00

Sure, but the I re-visit r/deadbedrooms

Own_Saucer1993 · 2024-01-11T18:00:24+00:00

At the very beginning I felt this way and even more so getting through the holidays alone. A few days ago I had a rare good day and thought to call my stbxw but immediately said to myself, “why risk ruining a good day?” That kind of put things in perspective for me.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2024-01-11T15:43:02+00:00

Nope, those feelings tend to evaporate when your exw cheats on you. I look back and I just see that everything I did had almost no appreciation for the life we worked toward or anything I did. Looking at the exw's old man, that poor b@stard is 70 and not retired because he has killed himself trying to please his wife who....is never happy despite all they have. Like mother like daughter. One year after divorcing and I really enjoy my free time, peace and autonomy.

I_got_BAnaNaS · 2024-01-11T15:08:18+00:00

Are you getting laid? If not, it’s probably your hormones. Find a low drama woman who doesn’t need a forever man and you’ll see instantly that any woman in the world is better than your ex-wife.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-01-11T14:09:00+00:00

I do, but I wasn’t the one who filed, and I had a ‘sudden’ divorce where she cheated while on vacation with a rando and decided more rando D was what she needed.

I kinda wish I had the ‘bad’ side during our marriage, it would have made it easier to get where I am. She was plenty bad after the cheating though

Theedon · 2024-01-11T06:05:45+00:00

Picture this. 20 years married. Went out for a family dinner. We are home the kids in bed and so are we. I roll to face my wife and she says, "Not tonight, I am tired and have a headache". Now repeat that over and over again.

Final straw, she spends $75,000 on a kitchen remodel.

You try to make it work but she doesn't stop spending. This time matching tattoos for her and her daughter.

Mentally, you are drained. There is no romance. There is no money. You have to raid the retirement account to get out of debt.

Then she texts you in the airport that she wants a separation. You have given her your all, and she still isn't happy.

Nope, I don't get that lonely anymore.

Solid-Phase-1655 · 2024-01-11T03:33:27+00:00

One thing. I miss having my daughter under my roof every night. Alot of days I kissed her head as I went to work, and kissed her head when I got home. Now I have less time with her. But the time I do have is absolutely wonderful. No one to cause trouble. Her mother can piss up a rope as far as I'm concerned. I did care what it cost me!

rboller · 2024-01-11T03:26:57+00:00

Every day. I’m eight months post filing. We live separately, but share a dog we both adore, and get along better than we have since we met. We’ve talked about reconciliation, but both of us are scared shitless of it imploding again and are protective of our hearts and sanctuary.

JonathanApple · 2024-01-11T03:11:49+00:00

Hell no

SkeptiCynical · 2024-01-11T01:55:44+00:00

Sure do, and I spent many years wondering what the difference could be in living apart versus continuing to live with a miserable, abusive alcoholic shitbag.

Once you're out of a bad marriage, the regret doesn't last. You'll spend many months (or years) battling your ex in court and any residual pity or regret will quickly evaporate. Once you begin to rebuild your life with the lessons of the past under your belt, you'll thank your 2024 self for committing to the change.

Great-Grasby · 2024-01-11T00:57:06+00:00

We've been separated for only 4 months at this point, so it's still pretty "fresh". I catch myself thinking it every couple of days. In my notes app I have a note called "reasons I left" and it's a list of, well, reasons I left. They're not things like "because she was btch" or anything (even though I could easily say things like that), but rather specific tendencies and things she would say/do that would make me feel bad about myself. It's sometimes hard to read because I do have really good memories with her, but it's a good reminder that yeah, despite how awful it feels, I needed to get out. I ultimately feel better about *myself now that I'm not with her. Reading those things reminds me of how she made me feel on a daily basis, and no matter how many good times we had and how nice it is to reminisce, I need to keep in mind that she was a very bad person (to put it lightly). That helps a bit.

Suggest_a_User_Name · 2024-01-11T00:22:18+00:00

No. Never. I would prefer being alone to ever being with her ever again.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-10T23:22:33+00:00

Sure. 20 years of history, kids, I think it is naturally to second guess and miss the good times. She wanted separation, I filed. In the beginning I had big waves of, I hate her then I miss us, up and down. This still happens although less frequently and more just ripples in my calm pond.

When I feel that way I just remind myself things can never be the same. I will never trust her again, without that we could never have anything. I just accept it, and it has slowly gotten better and better. Someday I assume, as is my goal, that I will be completely indifferent to her.

Forward-Transition-5 · 2024-01-10T22:57:52+00:00

It lasted the first few years for me. It didn’t help that being apart makes us get along so much better. Eventually the whole idea just went away on its own. Now it doesn’t even cross my mind anymore.

Wassp868 · 2024-01-10T22:47:23+00:00

I used to, but that was for the 1st year, but now I got so much going on because I'm focused on myself rather than a guiding a needy leach.

Get busy broda, make that money, enjoy life, DONT GET RE-MARRIED.

There isnt anything in marriage that you can't do outside of marriage.

Crafty-Way-6860 · 2024-01-10T22:04:24+00:00

I do that often. We signed 6 months ago. I've come to realize that alot of our issues were things I could have resolved had I taken an honest look at myself. I see her now and she looks light and happy. Not the nagging wife I dreaded coming home to. If I could go back in time I honestly would. The things she wanted from me weren't far fetched. Get off the phone at dinner, separate from work on the weekends, help out with the kids and house, etc. In hindsight I have alot of regrets.

Chicagokiasoul1990 · 2024-01-10T21:10:53+00:00

No not at all, black hole of a person, who never appreciated anything

Plebe-Uchiha · 2024-01-10T21:01:49+00:00

No.

This is coming from someone who didn’t initiate the separation. I was willing to fight til the very end for the sake of our kids. It’s not even the separation that got me to think the way I do now.

It was the court case.

She lied.

She… lied.

Not just lying for the sake or lying. She lied while making herself a saint and has court filings that our kids will not be safe under my care. I don’t care how bad or how good our relationship was before the separation. She claimed, she filed in the courtroom that our kids would not be safe under my care. That their well being is in danger under my supervision. It doesn’t matter if she apologizes for everything. It doesn’t matter if she gives me all the money in the world. It doesn’t matter if she shows me she’s changed. It doesn’t matter if she offers to give me everything I desired out of our union. It doesn’t matter.

I will never want to be in a romantic relationship with her again.

So, no, I never get these feelings. Which is funny because our mutual friends have no idea how the court case went. I don’t talk to them about it. Mutual friends and all. Our mutual friends imply that I should try to work it out with her again, start dating. I just say no that’s not possible. I leave it at that. [+]

Canadian_builder1081 · 2024-01-10T20:54:09+00:00

I wonder if if its the new year and holidays where we are surrounded by happy families and it reminds us of what we had?

I’m in this space right now too and debating opening up a conversation with my ex. We haven’t filed yet but have been separated for almost 2 years. I miss the kids when they aren’t with me, and when they are with me (50-50) i find it so hard to do everything for that week.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-01-10T20:27:26+00:00

I used to battle with those feelings but thankfully my ex is so nasty and emotionally draining, a brief talk about our son is enough to make me praise the Lord that I'm no longer with her.

Ecstatic-Shopping313 · 2024-01-10T20:12:42+00:00

I go back and forth. I have seasons of hating her and loving life without her, then seasons of hating myself and missing her. I'm in the latter now.

internallydeluded · 2024-01-10T20:12:31+00:00

Yep. My ex keeps pushing every day all day to get back together. I made a list of everything that went wrong and all the crazy shit she did especially after I filed and moved out. My therapist tells me to look at the whole picture of the relationship instead of just the good times you want to remember. Every bit of it is difficult, but she doesn’t do anything to address the issues we had.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-01-10T20:00:32+00:00

Yes, but then I remind myself why I filed and why she wasn’t good for me

MysteriousLevel526 · 2024-01-10T19:55:31+00:00

I understimated how much I would miss my daughter even though we have pretty much 50/50 through the week. Sometimes I think I should have just shut the fuck up and gone to the massage parlour once a week.

lifelesswriter69 · 2024-01-10T19:51:45+00:00

all the f*cking time!!!!!!!! and if i shared what i been through, i am 100% sure you wouldnt believe it or told me you would have left after 3rd or 4th time... let alone the 20th time or more. this doesnt even count "small" things that make a relationship tick

does it mean it was all her fault? no.... but i will not accept 50/50 with my history.

all this to say -- you are not alone. it sucks. its the worst.

godspeed

Title	Do you ever get lonely, and start missing / thinking it wasn't as bad as it was?
Author	mrsafro
Upvotes	26
Comments	45
Date	January 10, 2024 7:41 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/193h2lm/do_you_ever_get_lonely_and_start_missing_thinking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-you-ever-get-lonely-and-start-missing-thinking.1242671 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242671

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