What's your favorite and funniest toast to say when buying shots?

edmar10 · 2011-08-02T19:28:54+00:00

I've heard the one you wrote as "to drinking triple, seeing double and acting single."

It sounds like it is combined with another one- "to positive times and negative test results"

I also like- "a toast to bread. For without bread, we would have no toast."

InMyWhiteTee · 2011-08-02T21:24:32+00:00

To our wives and lovers. May they never meet.

Shogun117 · 2011-08-03T03:20:01+00:00

Here's to hoping I drugged the right drink

okcspecialist · 2011-08-02T19:49:36+00:00

If you want to memorize something amazing to make an impression, here's one that plays very, very well. Especially if you have it down well enough to pause and say it all slowly, thoughtfully:

| "Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives... and to the ‘good life,’ whatever it is and wherever it happens to be."

-Hunter S. Thompson

alkaline810 · 2011-08-02T18:03:51+00:00

Got this one from one of my old managers:

Acqua fresca,

vino puro.

Figa stretta,

cazzo duro.

hopscotchking · 2011-08-02T19:03:22+00:00

Here's to the people who know you well and like you anyway.

To your enemies enemies.

RodJr11 · 2011-08-02T18:37:48+00:00

Here are two of my favorites:

To our children-- May they have hot moms and rich dads.

To Honor. To getting on her (pronounced, "honor"). To staying on her ("honor"). And if you don't come in her, come on her ("honor").

Therapist13 · 2011-08-02T19:25:51+00:00

might only work with champagne but...

"real pain for my sham friends, and champagne for my real friends"

Huntsworth · 2011-08-02T17:29:08+00:00

Here's to gunpowder and pussy,

Live by one, die by the other

Love the smell of both!

bolxrex · 2011-08-02T16:24:08+00:00

I saw this in a movie trailer for a movie I never saw: "To people who make toasts!" it stuck with me cause it caught me off guard and always seems to illicit a chuckle from friends / dates.

Also the movie "I hope they serve beer in hell" has a metric ton of great toasts if you like toasting in iambic pentameter.

edit: here it is

Here is to the people we've met

And to the people we've fucked

And to those of us

with no such luck.

Here's to beer in the glass

and vodka in the cup

Here's to poking her in the ass

so she don't get knocked up

Here's to all of you, and here's to me

together as friends we will always be

But if we should ever disagree

then fuck all y'all, here's to me

andmathews · 2011-08-02T22:49:13+00:00

To Alcohol! the cause of and solution to all of life's problems - Homer Simpson

posinegi · 2011-08-02T23:29:00+00:00

If the ocean were vodka and I were a duck I'd swim to the bottom and drink my way up but the ocean's not vodka and I'm not a duck so pass me a bottle and shut the fuck up

Minnesota_Man · 2011-08-02T19:22:55+00:00

Here's to those who wish us well...

and, all the rest can go to hell.

glassuser · 2011-08-02T16:41:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

PedobearsBloodyCock · 2011-08-02T19:53:09+00:00

May our children never have the faces of our neighbors,

and may our dicks always be harder than our lives.

shockwavec · 2011-08-03T03:25:45+00:00

To Hell: may the stay there be as fun as the way there.

sixxis · 2011-08-02T17:51:50+00:00

I've always been a fan of this one by Yeats:

WINE comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That’s all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and I sigh ~W.B.Yeats

ejes · 2011-08-02T17:38:30+00:00

to the {pick any nationality}

continue throughout the night picking random nationalities and not repeating any.

senator_mendoza · 2011-08-02T16:47:49+00:00

i always like to dedicate them to someone or something - recently: my friend whose birthday it was, george washington, the internet, tim thomas, the guy who shot osama bin ladin, etc.

not particularly creative but if no one has anything better, i'd rather not let the toasting opportunity go to waste.

okaiokieokay · 2011-08-02T19:45:34+00:00

To virgins and lesbians: thanks for nothing!

2011-08-02T20:35:26+00:00

"to respecting women!"

2011-08-02T20:15:09+00:00

Bottoms up, panties down!

1000foothands · 2011-08-02T20:27:56+00:00

"Here's to swimming, with bowlegged women"- from the great movie JAWS.

simbac · 2011-08-02T20:51:35+00:00

I find it really fun to toast "to youth" and watch everyone realize shit just got real.

thai_quan_doh · 2011-08-03T00:09:07+00:00

Life's a waste of time and time's a waste of life

So let's get wasted and have the time of our lives!

~unknown (as far as I know)

2011-08-02T19:50:03+00:00

Usually I go with for helvede.

With my mates i also do the first toast of the night with a "may our wives never be widows" but that is an oldie.

WilliamHTaft · 2011-08-02T20:11:06+00:00

Now there are good ships and wood ships and the ships that sail the sea, but the best ships are friendships and may they always be.

Zok · 2011-08-02T22:49:31+00:00

"To all the women I've hugged, and all the women I've kissed; and my sincere apologies to all the ones I've missed!"

Badmojoe · 2011-08-02T23:39:11+00:00

I have a lot of geeky friends, my favorite currently is:

*U'lich Jach-Jaj! *

Written phonetically, this is a common toast in Klingon. The literal translation being "may your blood scream!" but is not meant any more literal than, "here's mud in your eye."

Erathos · 2011-08-02T18:08:54+00:00

K, this is my favorite.

Here's to the breezes that blows through the treeses

And lifts the girls skirts above their kneeses

And teases

And pleases

and...

Look at that SNATCH!

Down the fuckin' hatch!

jhsavestheday · 2011-08-02T17:17:23+00:00

Here's to you and here's to me May we never disagree But if we do, Then fuck you And here's to me.

shinola · 2011-08-02T21:19:09+00:00

I've found the perfect girl and who could ask for more? She's deaf and dumb and oversexed and owns a liquor store! -my dad's favorite

biscodude · 2011-08-02T22:07:33+00:00

To fires: Not the kind that ignite and burn down shanties, but the kind that excite and bring down panties

Rob_V · 2011-08-03T01:23:00+00:00

Here's to feeling good all the time.

uunngghh · 2011-08-03T02:00:52+00:00

Here's to rattlesnakes and condoms. I don't fuck with either of them! -- stolen from a buddy of mine

coffeeisblack · 2011-08-02T18:00:08+00:00

It's the only one I know: "To beginnings and ends, and may there be no difference between the two."

Nightmannn · 2011-08-02T19:58:34+00:00

Clinkity Clank, Drinkity Drank!

freun989 · 2011-08-02T20:21:13+00:00

"To better times than these.."

2bfersher · 2011-08-02T21:48:15+00:00

à nos femmes à nos chevaux et à ceux qui les montent.

Translation: To our women to our horses and to the one's that ride them. Sounds classy at first until you find out what it means. Great laugh.

Another is "SKULL" which is cheers in Norwegian. Not sure how its spelled in Norwegian however.

2011-08-02T22:23:10+00:00

May all of your pleasure be pure pleasure, and may all of your pain be champagne.

2011-08-02T23:50:08+00:00

In Arabic, kes means cheers and kis means pussy.

I say Kes Emak, which means cheers to your mothers, or fuck your mothers.

asshole_for_a_reason · 2011-08-03T01:05:42+00:00

May you be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you are dead!

Helmet_Icicle · 2011-08-03T02:51:56+00:00

"Here's to not dying."

SubGothius · 2011-08-03T03:07:51+00:00

For tequila shots, "Na zdrowie!"

vladdrk · 2011-08-03T04:36:40+00:00

"Here's to bread cause without bread we'd have no toast" Lame? Yes, but its the only one I know!!

dzwin · 2011-08-03T18:42:12+00:00

"May those that love us, love us. For those that don't love us, may God turn their hearts. If God cannot turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles so we can recognize them by their limping."

camwinter · 2011-08-02T21:30:59+00:00

"To wives and girlfriends, lest the two should meet."

youshallhaveeverbeen · 2011-08-03T02:42:04+00:00

To the dog:

To the dog that could piss this stuff

And if that dog could piss enough

I'd wrap his legs around my head

And suck his dick till he was dead.

2011-08-02T20:00:11+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TofuTofu · 2011-08-02T16:39:32+00:00

I usually say "To America, land of the free and home of the brave" in an ambiguously sarcastic way. It always catches people off-guard.

CultFusion · 2011-08-02T22:41:22+00:00

white women.

NickStaton · 2011-08-03T03:30:13+00:00

Gentlemen, to evil.

canadian_stig · 2011-08-02T18:55:40+00:00

May your stomach always be full and your testicals always empty.

Synux · 2011-08-02T19:27:52+00:00

It isn't funny, but it is my favorite: To absent friends.

mcslamhouse · 2011-08-02T21:29:31+00:00

"Keep the wolves in the woods, and the wives in our beds!"

kohbo · 2011-08-02T22:30:09+00:00

There are big ships, small ships, and ships that sail the sea. But, the best ships are friendships, so here's to you and me.

Conradfr · 2011-08-02T23:24:21+00:00

to Zidane !

tedeaston · 2011-08-03T01:15:50+00:00

To the death of our enemies.

More with friends than seductees, really.

Knowledge_is_Key · 2011-08-03T01:54:49+00:00

Here's to being good at being bad.

2011-08-03T02:54:50+00:00

To Blathe!

ferio252 · 2011-08-03T05:13:12+00:00

I usually don't toast, but I'll squeak in, ...to friendship!!!..." And everyone usually groans and doesn't drink quite just yet.

JacksonsDad · 2011-08-03T06:13:18+00:00

Just put your glasses in the middle and yell "MERICA!" (pronounced: America without the "A" and with a less notable "E") It's classy and if you do it enough other people in the bar shout it too

2011-08-03T10:37:49+00:00

Here's to beer in the glass, shot in the cup. Fucking her in the ass so she don't get knocked up. Here's to you, Here's to me, best friends we'll always be. But if we were to ever disagree, then fuck all you here's to me.

rageagainsthevagene · 2011-08-03T20:09:32+00:00

Here's to your death. May I build your coffin myself from the wood of a hundred year old oak tree I plant tomorrow.

abenton · 2011-08-03T23:56:20+00:00

Saving the shit out of this thread.

napstylz · 2011-08-04T02:57:30+00:00

only works at wedding or bachelor parties

Here's to the bride! and a glance at my past it was a wild ride when i stuck it in her ass

nutmegmagi · 2011-08-04T06:09:02+00:00

We may not always get what we want, as long as we don't get what we deserve!

nutmegmagi · 2011-08-04T10:09:54+00:00

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, ‘Wow' What a ride!"

There's a great many variations, but that's my favorite... google "life journey what a ride" and you'll get plenty of links. Use this one loudly at a bar and you'll get a cheer from several of the people around you. It'll open half the bar for you and builds mad social status with guys.

Eszed · 2011-08-04T11:38:25+00:00

Bogy:

"Here's looking at you."

Hemingway:

"Here's how."

shakeyjake · 2011-08-04T21:05:46+00:00

This is mine:

.

Here's to the girls that buy lots of shoes.

They take our money and they drink our booze.

They many not have their cherry but that's no sin.

They still have the box the cherry came in!

hiphoprising · 2011-08-04T22:15:04+00:00

My buddy Mike always says this one:

"To the people who love us, the bastards who hate us, and the all the fuckers lucky enough to know us!"

2011-08-02T18:56:39+00:00

HONOR

If You Fall Off

Get Back On Her

If You Can't Cum In Her

Cum On her

christopherologist · 2011-08-02T17:45:54+00:00

Jack daniels if you please...drop me to my fuckin knees

hdog42 · 2011-08-02T20:29:52+00:00

My friend is the toastmaster of the group but when it is my turn I usially go with something topical, works especially well around a holiday

I also like to throw out the one Stewie says in Family Guy: "To the Black Man. Thanks for taking it all in stride!"

Also funny story...Last weekend we toasted to my friend not putting the pussy on a pedestal, so he decides to put it up there and leaves the bar we are at to try and get some. He ends up back at the bar, an hour later, soaking wet from the rain that started after he left because the girl he was texting was with like other people and his cock was thusly blocked.

tl;dr If you toast to something don't break it or bad things will happen the rest of the night

chosonhawk · 2011-08-02T23:51:05+00:00

Here's to you, here's to me. The best of friends well always be. But if we should disagree. To hell with you and here's to me.

herpespuathrowaway · 2011-08-02T17:40:39+00:00

I always go with "here's to the next step" from the American Pie movies. Always gets a laugh.

TheEllimist · 2011-08-03T00:54:16+00:00

The one true alpha male toast:

THOR!!

Mighty god of the sky,

and the open spaces,

and the god of the particles,

and the god of the thunder and the lightning,

I call upon you to SMITE our enemies,

rend them limb from limb,

and if you have a chance, bless our food,

so that we may become hardy,

and that WE may rend our enemies limb from limb as well!

Philluminati · 2011-08-02T22:22:04+00:00

To honour Get on her Stay on her And if you can't cum in her Come on her! To honour!

[ belongs to a friend of mine ]

burnteternal · 2011-08-02T23:54:44+00:00

Only really works if you're british:

To The Queen and The Empire

b214n · 2011-08-03T00:45:41+00:00

My favorite is "SCHLAND!" said with much passion. Because Germany is awesome and I wish I were German.

2011-08-03T03:07:23+00:00

Never considered it till now but made one up just for you.

Say "OW" kinda loud, shoot, and then give a long drawn out "Aaaahhhhhh" starting from the highest pitch you can manage down to the lowest baritone.

I think it would work best with a group.

Edit- Brevity is the soul of wit

heybulldog · 2011-08-02T19:34:19+00:00

My friends and I compete to come up with the most absurd and offensive toasts. The trick is to get you're tone right so that you emphasize that you're joking. For example, "To world famine!" So long as you pull it off right and the people around you aren't easily offended it often gets a good laugh.

KingGorilla · 2011-08-02T18:25:57+00:00

No homo!

CuilRunnings · 2011-08-02T19:34:09+00:00

"Here's to HONOR! If youcan'tcuminher then cum HONOR!!"

ecartes · 2011-08-03T03:32:35+00:00

"To life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

glirkdient · 2011-08-02T23:58:18+00:00

Heres to girls If you cant cum in her then cum on her

And best of friends we shall be and if we disagree then fuck you and heres to me

2011-08-02T18:30:18+00:00

Cum on her not in her!

Title	What's your favorite and funniest toast to say when buying shots?
Author	Geaux
Upvotes	153
Comments	181
Date	August 2, 2011 4:06 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/j6siy/whats_your_favorite_and_funniest_toast_to_say/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/whats-your-favorite-and-funniest-toast-to-say-when.1320891 https://theredarchive.com/post/1320891

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