Practicing seduction as a woman without seeming desperate or out for just sex?

ggGideon · 2016-10-30T14:21:48+00:00

This is a fun question. Not too many girls seem to post here, but some are lurking around I'm pretty sure.

I'm not sure how great advice from guys here would be since "you don't ask a salmon how to catch fish" and all that. But I would say subtlety probably won't work. I think most guys get complacent when they have a girl to hook up with regularly and aren't as willing to go through the risk of rejection as they are when not getting laid regularly.

I don't think sleeping with him and then making him choose is good either. It's too manipulative and sleeping with him for this reason will put you on the same playing field as other girl.

I think the best course of action here is to be straight forward. Tell him you're into him but you aren't just looking for a fwb.

Maybe just bluntly tell him you're into him or you think he's hot (or maybe just kiss him, that's as blunt as you can be non verbally). That should set the hook and from there you can let him make moves. After a while, but before sleeping with him, you can tell him that you aren't just looking for a fwb.

bray-db · 2016-10-30T13:52:47+00:00

Before someone links r/fpua, I've tried asking questions/starting discussions there before (on throwaways), but it doesn't have very much traffic, so they won't help much with this situation. This subreddit has over 50x more users, for reference.

johnnyfaceoff · 2016-10-30T13:58:39+00:00

You should avoid manipulating people! I'll also say that you need to be way more honest with how you communicate with this guy. Why don't you talk to him about it like a normal person, instead of attempting to manipulate him with sex and an ultimatum. Not every guy wants to be in a relationship! As the saying goes, "It takes two to tango."

Yourgonnagofarkid · 2016-10-30T18:40:59+00:00

As a girl that knows a bit about pick up. What's a good example of kino and sexual talk or escalation for you? I can get a girls attention but have no idea how to escalate and make the combo sexual without sounding weird.

Thanks!

Overnight_Delivery · 2016-10-30T15:42:20+00:00

A girl asking a guy out is never "breaking gender roles". A guy never thinks she is "breaking her role". Approaching just means all the hard work is on you, and she's able to do the hard work and that's a big deal. I would feel a lot more loyal to a HB6 I'm already having sex with who is super aggressive and defensive than a shy HB8 who is a little shallow and thinks lowly of me for my lack of skill. Seems like there is no punch through between you two.

If you're acting really hot and constantly holding out then you are actually intentionally making it more difficult for him to make a move.

kinpsychosis · 2016-10-30T21:59:03+00:00

I feel like the guy you are interested in prefers you.

But doesn't know if you and him will have something in the end, since the HB6 is already giving him sex, it's the safer choice, but if you go out there and ask him out on a date and escalate from there you are sure to win out

Apocalypse487x · 2016-10-30T15:51:52+00:00

When my GF asked me out she said it's not just for sex. She said she wants a real relationship. I said ok and we are still dating. She's 7 to 8 in looks. I consider myself 4 to 5. I didn't think anything less of her or myself for not initiating first. I don't think anything of gender roles. They're very outdated.

Just be honest with your feelings and actions.

Questionnaire7 · 2016-10-30T17:11:26+00:00

I would highly suggest you read these 2 short stories. You probably intimidate him, maybe he is inexperienced with dating.

http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/daisy/summary.html

http://www.sparknotes.com/short-stories/winter-dreams/themes.html

iamthesage · 2016-10-30T17:46:37+00:00

If you like him so much - just tell him. When a guy is direct - women like it (in my experience). Why wouldn't you just tell him? Most men do not know the game or never study how women communicate. Perhaps, he is clueless. Men are not mindreaders.

Some men (like the ones in this sub-reddit) take time to understand female communication, but most men don't.

Murfdigidy · 2016-10-30T20:28:32+00:00

The guy is shy, so a girl who's outgoing and blunt will have more luck with this guy because shy guys arent the easiest ones to reel in with subtlety. That's why this girl is succeeding, the shy guy doesn't have to go out of his comfort zone to get laid. People in general are lazy, if the guy has something he doesn't have to work hard for vs something that may be more of a challenge he'll most likely choose the easier option. WITH THAT SAID, that rule doesn't apply to hotter girls, if the girl is clearly hotter than the other, the guy will put in more work to get the hotter one.

I will say in general women's ranking of other women I take with a grain of salt, I don't trust them. You may say your a HB8.5 and she's a 6, but guys have totally different rankings and my guess is that you're closer in rankings than you think. Again guys are also stupid, guys may ignore a beautiful face if another girl wears slutty revealing clothing, hence giving a false better ranking just because the girl dresses very revealing. We get smarter as we get older but it's just the case. If a guy is that dumb to just go after those types of women then no loss on your part, the guys a tool.

You need to be more outgoing without being too over the top. He's shy, a shy guy would absolutely love a girl like you asking him if he wanted to join you for coffee or study. Again there are great ways for both sex's to ask out subtly,. The way you do this is too act like you were already going to the place with her without them. For instance, say hey I'm going to check out this cool show, new restaurant, museum (whatever) wondering if you wanted to go? If they say no, again you're not rejected since youre implying that you're going there anyway, with or without them. Go for it, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

pandasaregayrobots · 2016-10-30T21:46:45+00:00

What does hg, hb and pua mean?

yummbeary · 2016-10-30T22:23:59+00:00

You have 2 options as a girl:

Make him chase you. Make him hot, get naked touch his D, let him touch your P. If you're a good cock sucker, give him a taste of that good soft tongue action. But when it comes to sex, give him some classic LMR. Tell him, you're not sure etc., you know what I mean. Then ask him, what he's looking for and that you're not looking just for sex.
Go see him and ask him what he's looking for and that you're not looking for sex.

Number 1. sounds like more fun, but is also a bit drama. Up to you! 🙈👍🏻👍🏻

ryantreb · 2016-10-30T18:45:51+00:00

I get not wanting sex outside of a relationship, but for me personally, I won't get into a relationship without it. I'm not going to get attached/ have feelings for a girl if we're not sexually compatible. I've left fuck buddies for girls that I've had feelings for. I'd rather have sex with a woman who turns me on both physically and mentally than just physically any day. I think if the guy likes you, which he seems to, and you sleep with him, he's going to choose you over her. Work on that mental connection beforehand, just to be sure. But if he likes you, an ultimatum won't be necessary.

WidoW_ExPress · 2016-10-30T20:28:58+00:00

Open honest communication. Straight forward as fuck well be so hot from a girl. Cause you just don't see that. I've been hit on by girls and it's always subtle. Like they want you to know but outloud they wouldn't say it.

BestOfPUA · 2016-10-31T07:29:20+00:00

Let me ask a question first. Are you also a quality girl/person?

Because, i see lots of hot girls around. I rarely see hot girls that are worth keeping! The ones that are worth keeping are taken. Unlike many PUAs here, I am actually trying find an attractive girl whom I can marry. (Marrying someone I am not attracted to would be a torture for me). I have had sex with some very attractive girls. Unfortunately, I would not marry any of them.

Years ago, I met a professional instructor for PUAs. I was talking about the hot girls I see around. He told me as I start going out, I would realize beauty is plenty but personality is rare. I totally agree with him! You can score sex with a hot girl here and there. But finding a girl with character (in addition to her being hot) is extremely rare.

I always ask myself this question when I am considering serious relationship with a girl. If she and I are married for 10 years and I suddenly had cancer, would she stand by me? I had sex with more than 20 girls. I can only vouch for 3. I tried to put ring on 2 of them but it did not work out due to other problems.

Jacob_961 · 2016-10-30T20:02:06+00:00

Look... you can get any guy especially if you are hotter, but keep your hands off the merchandise. There are plenty of other guys. This is how cats behave. If the yarn is out of reach, they go crazy and want it. Once they get the yarn, they get bored and walk away. Unless you really want this guy for real, other than for validation or practice, just drop it. The other girl is a human being too and she has feelings. Regardless of the fact that you wouldn't let another girl flirt with your guy, it would still sting you if another girl even tried, let alone succeeded in stealing your guy. Just drop it. And btw PUA tactics are for quick lays. The seduction community is notorious for not being able to keep women. This is not the place to look for relationship advice.

StarwarsITALY · 2016-10-30T16:11:34+00:00

You have oneitis. The recommended cure is to have 10 different relationships before you go back to this guy

kikecasti · 2016-10-30T18:09:31+00:00

I think pretty much everything has been already said but just wanna emphasize that "following gender roles" is stupid, just trust your feelings and if you don't want to make a move, help the guy create an environment where is easy for him to make a move.

sarah-face · 2016-10-30T21:03:25+00:00

Why not just tell him you're really into him and want to get to know him on a more personal level?

Dodoman9000 · 2016-10-31T04:08:41+00:00

Commenting for later reading

IWriteForGroupies · 2016-10-30T14:41:58+00:00

Getting laid as a pretty girl is easy.

I actually prefer to sleep with ugly girls. They are much more fun and they do a lot more. When it comes to time and effort, I rather go for the girls that are HB4-6.

We'll say I'm a HB8.5.

Most girls think they are cuter than what they are. I will take your word for it.

One specific HG8 is a bit shy.

Shy is a broad term to describe a person. It often doesn't explain why they are shy. It is the why that is the most important thing. The sad thing about hot guys is that looks don't get them girls like looks get guys for girls.

After weeks of flirting, we finally made out. He didn't push for sex, and after a few hours of cuddling, I left.

If you are truly hot, there can be multiple reasons why guys do not make the first move. One is inexperience. He has no idea what he is doing and does not know how to proceed. Another could be that he is putting you on a pedestal and not treating you human. Also, this may sound bad, but sometime you have to be an expert at giving clues. This means taking him almost to the finish line and letting him choose to cross it.

HG8 never asked me on a date or for my #, but when I see him around, he lights up, tries to chat, and attempts weak kino. When he sees me talking to another guy, he'll get jealous and try to interrupt, often finding excuses to remove his shirt first.

I am really thinking this is inexperience and not knowing what to do. I also believe that maybe he is putting too much thought into you. This is only a guess.

I tried to escalate our relationship, but was beaten out by a HB6, who pursued him aggressively and slept with him before he and I made out.

You have to love those HB6s, they put in the work. I don't think you were beat. I think you just found someone who was willing to work harder.

The HB6 gets jealous and tries to physically pull him away when she sees us talking. He ignores her when I'm around, but they bang and flirt when I'm gone. She recently fucked his friend but HG8 doesn't know.

When are dealing with competition, it is best to remove the competition or get the person away from them. That way the other person has the advantage. The good thing is that their relationship is not official, so that mean anything goes.

One risky way to get exclusivity would be to start sleeping with him, and then ask him to choose between us, but I don't want sex before exclusivity. Would guys drop sure sex for possible sex with a hotter girl?

I am going to tell you something that may hurt your feelings. Sleeping with uglier girls normally is better than sleeping with hotter girls. All women look the same when the lights go out. I will also say that oral sex is a factor and all kinds of stuff. I may be wrong for saying this but I rather sleep with a ugly girl that give good head, than a hot girl that is terrible. Also, competition is pain to deal with. I hate dealing with guys who want to know the hot girl just because they are waiting for me to slip up. Think of it this way. Looks are a benefit, but they are nothing unless you can back them up. The short answer is it depends on the guy. I would not.

I haven't done anything aggressive so far, but it's obvious to everyone that I like him. I feel like a girl 'breaking gender roles' and asking a guy out makes her seem lower value.

This is a culture thing. I think if you get better at giving clues and put a guy in the right situation, anything can happen. If you want him to ask you out, you need to make an environment for that. I recommend offering him something that he can't find in other girls. This is how girls that are a 4 get guys that are a 9.

TL;DR Are there any subtle tactics for a girl to escalate romantically and destroy a guy's fuckbuddy? If not, what aggressive tactics should I try?

I recommend knowing your enemy. Once this is accomplished anything is possible. You could eliminate the time that they have to sleep with each other. You could set her up with another guy. There are so many ways that it is crazy. If you want a relationship, you need to offer something that can't be bought. It also needs to be something that is a little bit addictive. Good luck.

Seyden · 2016-10-30T17:58:56+00:00

Maybe hot sex or guaranteed good sex?

The second one seems more fullfilling in a logical sense, but if a man knows sex is no big deal and he can live a life in abundance of sex there is no reason not to strive for higher goals. So yeah, most likely people will chose the "safe" route, but that is no rule which is written in stone i'd quess.

tooeasilybored · 2016-10-30T20:50:47+00:00

Just talk to him and be honest, even if he turns you down nothing should really change too much in the friendship in the long run. I've been there, everything goes back to normal after a while.

It's important to just talk to him in a proper setting. Not while you're at a party getting shitfaced. I once was asked by a friend to come home with her at the end of the night, I was so drunk/having so much fun that when the cab pulled up to her residence I totally forgot and went home. This happened twice before she finally put her hand down my pants and kissed me at my place.

Quithi · 2016-10-31T00:11:04+00:00

I think you should withhold sex for now. I believe girls hold the key to sex and boys hold the key to a relationship. He has only given you very minor commitment so far, so you should only give him a minor reward. When he starts giving you more (like a date), you should start giving him more.

Going all the way might go well and lead to a relationship. You are trying to build an emotional connection and sex is a pretty decent way to do that, but it might very well end with a similar situation to the other girl. It would be wise to choose a different action than one you've already seen fail (even if it might work for you).

I think you should form an emotional investment from him first. He is in demand so remember that the more time you take the better, but the more the risk will be of him ending up with someone else. Meet him more, go on dates, have intimate conversations or whatever you like. Remember that guys are often not in tune with their emotions so you at times feel much more invested than him simply because he doesn't realize how hooked he is on you, but that also means that you can make him fall in love without him even realizing it. How many guys do you know who broke up with a girl only to realize as soon as she was gone how much she meant to them...

Girls tend to be more non-verbal than boys. Telling him that you like him and that you like hanging out with him will go a long way. Telling him that you're looking for a boyfriend or that you want a boyfriend is a pretty good way to let him know what you're after. Remember that guys are usually 'dense' as they function in a more verbal way and therefore are less about the connection between you when you're talking, and more about what the actual discussion is.

So to summarize: Withhold sex and reward him with more intimacy for more commitment, be more blunt with what you are after, form a strong emotional connection with him and then you'll get him to want a relationship.

You should read /u/ggGideon's post if you haven't already as well. Oh and remember that you're asking the fish here. Every poster here knows the notorious 'just be yourself and be respectful and you will find the girl of your dreams' answer from girls asked this question, and you're getting a pretty unique spin on that here. On top of that you have come to a place mostly populated with guys who have had a bad experience with a girl and that will also color their comments to you.

-edit-

Just read you are a virgin! DO NOT GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT BAGGAGE! Lose your V-card with someone you like, that's discreet and knows what he's doing. You're going to have a lot of emotions connected to losing it and it's best not to enter into a relationship with someone that took it. Just think about the girls that have lost it to someone and expected a lasting relationship and came out worse for it.

Aeon199 · 2016-10-31T05:13:44+00:00

You can do this by realizing that you don't care about status, and that autistic guys are just as hot as normal guys. That's how you would accomplish this.

fruitheart · 2016-10-31T06:41:32+00:00

[deleted]

What is this?

HaikusfromBuddha · 2016-10-31T08:02:29+00:00

What I got from this grab lower back is power move. Talk mundane if you're under 5 in looks and lack confidence. Talk sexually charged if you're good looking and confident. Picking up girls, literally, in a smooth manor is excellent. Women like feeling smaller than men.

Ivabighairy1 · 2016-10-31T08:44:20+00:00

I wouldn't do the make him choose thing because he may not choose you.

He might not be that into you.

He might think you are out of his league even if he did make out with you.

The one thing that gets me about this is what us guys call Oneitis. You're so focused on him that you may be missing other opportunities. Search the subreddits for Oneitis.

And what if he doesn't drop the fuckbuddy or makes you one in addition to the other one?

Communication, not talking in code. Hard to do, but what have you got to lose? You're not fucking him now so you have nothing to lose.

itsjustchad · 2016-10-31T16:11:34+00:00

If he feels more comfortable with her then you, then your out of luck, she is a sure thing, you are a maybe at best. Why would he give up a sure thing for a maybe?

-ATLAS-_ · 2016-10-31T17:27:04+00:00

Go check out the redpill women subreddit. It's literally about the very acts of getting a guy to commit.

bigboss2014 · 2016-10-30T20:01:46+00:00

I'm sorry but you're looking in the completely wrong place. Seduction and pick up artistry is not for relationships. Read the game, it's not a guide its a story, a story of how going full PUA turns you into a fully mental egomaniac who can't connect with human beings.

The only way for anyone to get a relationship is to find someone they like. Go on dates with them. Kiss them. Fool around. If you don't want to have sex then don't.

Grow a pair of balls, ask the guy for his number and ask him out on a date. It's clear he's attracted to you. Date him and find out if he likes you.

virgula24 · 2016-10-30T20:00:41+00:00

Several things could be going on, bro code in action. 1 I think he likes you but there is a bro of him that is first on the line. 2 he likes you but doesnt feel confortable around you because he thinks you are too hot for him 3 he might actually like you and want a good relantionship with you but didnt try sex with you to show his respect and go slow

My propose solution, go 'hang out' with him in a fun activity, preferably with touching involved (trampolines, whatever...) and casually say you are hungry, go have dinner, say you would really like to cook his favorite food, take him home, make him drink lots of wine while you cook and the rest will develop. After sex talk ask him what is he looking for .

Gl, Let me know if it worked

mbillion · 2016-10-30T16:22:21+00:00

So seduction is not really the place you want to go for advice on forming a meaningful and lasting relationship.

The problem is you are trying to trick your way into a relationship. You are going for seduction tactics but playing a long game - its confusing and any guy worth his salt will see right through it

fakenamehere01 · 2016-10-30T14:07:09+00:00

i meet a lot of pretty girls so for me it comes down to a girl's personality when i'm choosing which one to hang out with. i often find i'll start talking to a really hot girl, then spend the night with the less attractive, but much cooler friend. deep, interesting girls are much rarer than hot girls, so if you're already physically attractive to a guy, focus on finding common interests and being interesting and challenging. a strong man likes being challenged by strong women.

as for "destroying" this guy's fuck buddy, i don't know what to say to help that, but someone who is too manipulative is a turn off for me. i think the advice would be the same for a girl as for a guy, which is that you should simply provide more value than the other girl - be cooler, funnier, more flirty, more fun in bed, smarter, and more interesting.

Vallarta21 · 2016-10-30T21:05:37+00:00

ohsnapt · 2016-10-30T22:09:43+00:00

Hell get jealous and try to interrupt but not without removing his shirt first Wut

He's with her. Kind of. And you want him to drop her and go with you, maybe.

Can't really date someone before you fuck them how does that work

But give it a go. People "steal" people all the time

Just flirt and etc. If he's talking to you ignoring her that is a step on the right direction

leprogrammist · 2016-10-30T14:30:19+00:00

Would guys drop sure sex for possible sex with a hotter girl?

that's idiotic as sex is sex. It doesn't get better when a woman is hotter. Also what makes you so sure that just your looks make you better at sex? You just feel more entitled because you think you look better. Just as any guy - if you want to get better you have to develop inner game and your personality. hotter doesn't mean you have more chemistry with a given person. there are some hot looking women who are hot only on their photos but boring in day to day life. so what you want to do is basically throw yourself at the guy and escalate. there is no guarantee to keep him if you are boring.

Seyden · 2016-10-30T14:31:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Practicing seduction as a woman without seeming desperate or out for just sex?
Author	bray-db
Upvotes	203
Comments	150
Date	October 30, 2016 1:48 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5a62oh/practicing_seduction_as_a_woman_without_seeming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/practicing-seduction-as-a-woman-without-seeming.1414756 https://theredarchive.com/post/1414756

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