Is it normal as a man for girls to NEVER flirt with you or express interest in you?

MetalPandaDance · 2018-11-24T18:37:03+00:00

Girls do approach when they already feel like you're safe and pleasant to be around. As for cold approaching, practically speaking, never going to happen.

JealousCaptain · 2018-11-24T19:13:30+00:00

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rigbed · 2018-11-24T22:58:45+00:00

Hit the gym and report back

ImJustSo · 2018-11-25T00:41:07+00:00

No, what's normal is for guys to be completely oblivious to a girl's interest and you're no exception, my dude. Despite what inexperienced dudes think, women initiate the majority of initial interest. An experienced, successful male capitalizes on women's interest and an inexperienced male does not.

Mittens_Amarth · 2018-11-24T20:45:16+00:00

If youre good looking enough then yeah they’ll approach you and flirt or theyll approach and try to spark small talk and hope you catch the hint that she’s interested.

JealousCaptain · 2018-11-24T22:55:59+00:00

Just remember that girls are passive as mess and want to be in power to decide who is getting rejected and who isn't. So in the end, you have to do the approaching. But even then, to most girls, they will reject you and take your interest as an ego boost.

I've been in your situation and you're gonna have to talk to people and be slightly more selective who you associate with. Remember that women are hardly ever direct and you will have to carry a good load of the burden that comes with the conversation. Hang out with many and get seen with them on social media and use that to leverage social status.

Rhyat450 · 2018-11-24T18:53:22+00:00

Hey theres a saying " If theres a object in the way u dont stay still you move it out of the way" basacally if a girl inst interested in you initally then go to any one and flirt & court her.
Dont wait for it to happen, go make it happen.

Instead of giving tha Vibe of a Friend, give her the Vibe of a lover tha will spark her interested

2018-11-24T22:25:57+00:00

I rarely hear of girls flirting with a guy even if they are higher they are a 8 and in society its expected for a man to flirt with a women. The closet I get to girls flirting with me is when I moved to a different school in 5th grade and random girls asked me "If I liked *blank*".The only other time that recently had happened to me was in my senior year of high school when I was walking around the track field for gym class and the track field would be shared with the middle school. As I was walking around the track these girls go up to me asking me questions about high school and other random generic questions. After they where done they started whispering among themselves and suddenly one of them said to me and points to one of friends "Hey my friend wants to know if you will go out with her? She thinks you're cute". Her friend was blushing very heavily and look embarrassed. I was shocked about it and a bit awkward back then and my response was "no habla ingles", then I started speed walking away. I felt bad for the girl yeah I know I should have handled it better. I am sure now a days they are laughing about it now lol.

rogorithm1020 · 2018-11-24T22:02:12+00:00

Hey man, just want to let you know that I'm also still a virgin and I just turned 26. I also never really dated anyone and never really had any girls flirt with me or upright tell me I'm attractive. I recently joined this sub thread, and I'm already learning alot on how to approach women. At the end of the day though, it's up to you to put yourself out there and practice the advice you have been given.

Trust me, I know this is super hard. I'm still scared of getting rejected and I also feel like my lack of self esteem isn't helping. But I'm positive that if I keep at it, I might lose my virginity one day and maybe even get a girlfriend. Keep your head up man and focus on the process instead of the end goal.

skinisblackmetallic · 2018-11-24T18:40:20+00:00

Are you disgusting and pathetic? Probably not but the question indicates possible patheticness.

Are you aware of what is attractive to women? Are you aware of what behaviors indicate interest from women?

It will be difficult to experience any of these behaviors if you’re not putting yourself in the mix.

melisaevelynim · 2018-11-24T22:57:01+00:00

It could be that you’re not able to interpret their interest for interest. As for women with boyfriends being friendly, is because it’s simpler to make male friends when a woman is in a relationship (no weird expectations creep into the other person’s mind, usually).

Personally, I tend to share my interest if it’s there. And enjoy having male friends. As for attractiveness, it’s incredibly subjective, even the way you think about yourself and carry yourself plays a factor. So if you walk around convinced that you’re unattractive, avoid making eye contact or being friendly, then your odds drop way low.

This is why people who are happily dating say that they met their loved one when they least expected it or when they weren’t looking for a partner, because that expectation you’re setting for yourself and the women around you is warping your behavior and personal outlook.

FeelReal7 · 2018-11-24T23:50:55+00:00

Be a man and show balls. You have to try to ask some girls out. Your goal should be to ask 5 girls out first,then incrase the number to 10...20 etc. You have to build some Confidence and don't get rejection to personally,see it as a way to improve the Game ;)

tajbinjohn · 2018-11-24T18:57:13+00:00

There were a handful of girls who I at one point thought were flirting with me, but every single one of them turned out later on to have boyfriends. I'm not kidding. I don't know why girls with BFs are so friendly to me haha.

Honestly they might have been flirting with you. Just because they had boyfriends doesn't mean they lost the ability or drive to flirt with people.

Is this normal? Basically I havent asked a girl out since I was in high school, I'm now in my 20s, and the main reason is because girls never, ever show interest in me. Therefore I've concluded that I must be repulsing women in some way. For this reason I never flirt with girls, never touch them unless absolutely necessary. If I really like a girl I sometimes even go out of my way to never make eye contact with them or smile at them, because I'm scared they might think I'm disgusting or pathetic.

The only thing pathetic here is that shitty mindset. You're making excuses to not take action and heading in a downward spiral. The best and maybe only cure for that is to take action. Make that eye contact. Smile more and smile often. Do things that you know are more attractive.

Is this normal? Am I just crazy? Or I should I be worried that literally no girls show signs of interest in me?

You're more than likely missing indicators of interest. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY that mentality of expecting the girl to always lead the way is slowing you down. It's up to you to start and own the interaction so quit being lazy.

JealousCaptain · 2018-11-24T21:34:16+00:00

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tropicsGold · 2018-11-25T01:46:49+00:00

You are clearly in a bad place mentally and emotionally, so all us dudes feel for you and wish you the best.

First, you have to get some wins under your belt. Work hard at school and start building a good career. Hit the gym big time. You will look better and your biochemistry will improve. Eat better. Get some exciting hobbies and pursue them.

Once you are winning at life and have a plan, you will have a bit more confidence to pursue some hot chicks. Some final tips. Women are driven by their hormones, if you have a bad experience she may be PMSing. Ask when she is ovulating 2 weeks later and she may be all over you. Be strong. Persist. You will be fine in the end.

lponced2002 · 2018-11-25T03:52:40+00:00

Yes this is normal. You’re not repulsive for that reason. For a guy, the only way to meet new women is through mutual friends, clubs/hobbies, work/class, or cold approach.

swaden10 · 2018-11-25T17:35:43+00:00

I feel you. I also don't have any problem approaching anybody and socialising and I've never considered myself ugly, as beauty is the most subjective things in the world (I've often been really interested in girls that friends considered okay), I even consider myself pretty handsome.

Yet, I have the same fears as you, I never got out with anybody and the smallest approaches I've ever made never went further.

I'm not gonna talk to you about "the game" and "IOI" stuff because I don't believe in these things.

The only answer is that were afraid of rejection and of unknown (I hate not knowing the way to my ends). Girls most often don't come by themselves, nor men do. At first there's a relation that needs to be created and I'm pretty sure you've got no trouble there. The hardest part is currently breaking this barrier between friendship and relationship. If you really want it, you've got to accept that she can dislike it and that you maybe won't even be friend anymore.

Try to become more tactile, close, etc. with people you're interested in and wait for their reaction; decide from there. Love needs to be built together and never ever a relation will last if only one person moved his/her ass. Life is effin' fast and even though you got plenty of time, you mustn't be wasting it. Just flow, "be the change you want to see". You don't have to move your damn ass for this to "work", it's more a change of mindset. If you think enough about it and forget a bit about your fears you'll make it happen, it can take time though.

Also don't take my advice as an answer, this is my vision of the whole thing based on my life and the discussion I've had with different persons.

jono12132 · 2018-11-25T18:53:32+00:00

Very normal. I've been approached by a girl a grand total of one time in my life. It threw me off because it was such an odd thing to happen. Only afterwards did I think she was maybe interested. I know what you mean about girls who have boyfriends flirting. One time at work that happened with a girl I was working with. I thought she was interested so I messaged her later to ask her out. She obviously said no, just like you I thought she liked me. So even if a girl is friendly to me I don't think much of it now.

During my college years, nothing happened at all. No girls really spoke to me at all. A lot of that was because I didn't really socialise or make an effort with people, but still on a day to day basis, in classes it was like I didn't really exist to women. The same happens now too. I'm a little older but I never feel like the women I see around think of me as an attractive person. I work in a shop and I serve a lot of girls and they never look at me like I'm anything at all.

JealousCaptain · 2018-11-24T19:14:05+00:00

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A_solo_tripper · 2018-11-24T23:53:08+00:00

Basically I've been at college for 2 years and not one, legitimately not even one, girl has expressed any form of romantic or sexual interest in me, or flirted with me.

There were a handful of girls who I at one point thought were flirting with me,

To put it short, you are going to drive yourself crazy with your mind frame. You are all over the place and nowhere. Just these two sentences are contradicting. I can only imagine what is going on in your brain.

Your Internal dialogue might go like this: Girls don't like me. There is something wrong with them. There is something wrong with me. What is wrong with me? Am I too tall or not tall enough? Is it my nose? Is it the way I behave? Why aren'y these girls making a move? Only girls with bf flirt with me. Girls don't flirt with me. blah blah blah.

You need to learn one thing. You can only control what YOU do. You can only control your actions. When you wonder why other people do this or do that, or why they aren't doing this or doing that, you will drive yourself crazy.

And if you want to find out, ASK the girls.

Your post is way too vague, so I have provided a vague response.

JealousCaptain · 2018-11-24T18:55:01+00:00

Damn buddy, there's a lot of factors you need to make yourself more aware of.

Some basic thing you might want to know (I only started dating AFTER I realized the following): Girls are more susceptible to act according to social standards. And sadly, society compells girls to be careful of rejection more than guys. To counter this, it is strictly speaking not the girl's job to show interest first, but the guy's. Stuff like where the girl is straight coming on to a guy being like "Hey, how's it going" you will only see with true naturals or famous people, in my experience. In other words: People that are genuinely attractive and spread the vibe of wanting to date women.

I don't know you personally, but I don't think you need to be a rocket scientist to realize that your purely masculine/alpha-like vibes are lacking, and therefore girls will be hesitant to wanna date you. It is noticable if you worry about being disgusting or pathetic, worry about touching girls, haven't flirted since high school etc.

Girls are socially more adept than guys. They will feel your discomfort around them and will feel just as discomfortable around you in return. Moods and vibes are contagious.

The 'girls with boyfriends being nice' thing is pretty normal. These girls feel secure to talk to you and even tease you because they know you're not coming onto them cuz they know they already have the safety net of a boyfriend. Not to burst your bubble, but stuff like that is always a friendzone case. Been through that shit twice. If there is no sexual tension involved, it will end up as 'just being friends'.

TL;DR It is the guy's job to make the first move, as unfair as it can seem. That's just how it's perceived. Try to develop mindsets to feel comfortable around girls more if you wanna get into the initiative to date more girls. Do theoretical and practical research on how to be an alpha/how to be more attractive to girls. Get yourself in the zone of 'fuck it, Imma do this/say this just to see what happens, even if I lose this girl'. Don't worry about it. There's no shortage, and progress requires sacrifice.

2018-11-24T18:57:35+00:00

Women do this with me yet I'm still here. Should you be worried? Maybe there's something else you should be worried about.

I get approached, flirted with, and invited to study.

They also say I'm intimidating when I'm quiet, but when I speak I'm less interesting. I don't really bother these days.

BTR2018 · 2018-11-24T23:13:14+00:00

99.999% of girls will NEVER show interest.

ProductivityMonster · 2018-11-24T23:08:45+00:00

You know how you get this stupid shit to stop where every married girl treats you like her dog/gay friend, you aggressively/confidently flirt back with her to quickly find out if she's married and if she is, then ask to meet her single friends. Then all of a sudden you go from asexual toy to real person with sexual desires.

Also, if you get more physically attractive (weightlifting/eating right) and confident (takes practice and more than a few rejections), women won't even try to take away your sexuality and will actually run with the confident, sexual signals you give off from the start.

saito200 · 2018-11-24T23:20:02+00:00

Yes, it is normal. You have to go and do all the work

bennybrucie · 2018-11-24T23:21:15+00:00

A girl's version of a "move" is randomly getting in your way or making eye contact more than twice. Gotta approach, closed mouth's don't get fed!

AkshagPhotography · 2018-11-24T23:22:16+00:00

Girls ? No. Old ladies (mid 60s)? Yes but very rare

skyburnsred · 2018-11-24T23:29:56+00:00

"I never flirt with girls"

There's your problem. You don't show interest first. Women don't flirt like men do. Women showing interest is mainly just looking at a guy longer than she'd look at an inanimate object, or standing closer than normal. It's still the guy's job to "open" the interaction. We still have to do most of the work. It's just your job to make her laugh and feel good. Women don't like rejection, so they rarely will put themselves out there like that unless you're some celebrity or just so insanely attractive that you wouldn't be writing this post in the first place.

AKA, you gotta start chatting up random girls, you gotta be more confident and learn to screen girls for interest early and polarize quickly. The mantra I and others use is that I want either a "fuck yes" response towards me or nothing at all. Don't settle for the maybes. Find the girls who obviously are into you and work off that, or find ways to quickly build attraction.

Make sure your basics like hygiene, basic fitness, and fashion are up to snuff. Once those variables are out of the way, you can start blaming more of your social abilities rather than feeling disgusting just for existing.

Things you can immediately fix: breaking eye contact first (conveys weakness if you do), approaching more women on campus just to chat for practice, and focusing on yourself and your own social circle/hobbies/life. Dating as a man in 2018 is still a numbers game. Don't worry about having some reputation as a player, if anything that just makes you more attractive as long as you're always being confident and fun about it, not desperate and creepy (seeking validation through female attention)

I used to be the same way, wondered if I was just a freak. Then I said fuck it, started dressing nicer and just chatting to random girls I thought were cute in lines for coffee or dining hall, and made sure that they knew that's why I was talking to them, and trying to get numbers and dates or at least interesting interactions. Once I stopped giving a fuck about being rejected, I started getting laid a lot more. Just remember girls love sex and flirting just as much as men do, they just can't really do it in public because of social standards.

araisbec · 2018-11-24T23:38:32+00:00

I would never expect this - not unless your very attractive, or have some other defining characteristic that makes you an outlier.

The most important thing with women is confidence - by far. You want to be careful not to take this mentality too far, and develop low self esteem, because women seem to smell that shit a mile away. Me in high school 100%.

I would focus on just being you. Try to talk to women at some parties, joke around, and keep things light-hearted. I’ll be nervous as shit, but as soon as I can make a girl laugh or smile, confidence goes up 200%, and it’s a done deal for me. At that point, flirting is easy, and if it doesn’t work out, I’m not taking it personally.

You just gotta have a good time, and know that most of the time it doesn’t work out, it’s out of your control. There are shitloads of women out there for most guys.

For me, best thing ever was online dating. Think of it as a training program for learning to flirt and just be yourself while remaining confident. I can’t even count how many girls ghosted me at first - and it wrecked me each time. Eventually I just found I MYSELF knew who to hit on, and you start to realize that there is a certain type of girl that just works for you. You also realize what to look out for, and how to avoid the bad ones up front. That’s been my experience at least - highly recommend it. I’m going to marry the woman I’m with now, and we met that way.

89percent · 2018-11-24T23:39:51+00:00

"There were a handful of girls who I at one point thought were flirting with me, but every single one of them turned out later on to have boyfriends."

Not mutually exclusive.

"If I really like a girl I sometimes even go out of my way to never make eye contact with them or smile at them, because I'm scared they might think I'm disgusting or pathetic."

Eye contact is important. Girls are also human beings like men, and eye contact is essential in communication and creating human bonds.

Why would they think you are disgusting or pathetic?

Thinking__Is__Hard · 2018-11-24T23:48:39+00:00

You mentioned that you’re currently enrolled in college, second year - correct? 23 years old?

Do you attend a big public university?

Are you perceived by your peers as a party animal and/or clown? The funny guy who gets wasted every weekend?

Continue to hit the gym, and get serious, maybe even passionate about your career after school.

Review your social media, and make sure there aren’t any desperate or cringe posts, tweets, etc., indicating your emotions about this.

Clean up your social media. Give off a more professional vibe. However, still share hobbies, events, vacations, photography.

It could be that none of this applies to you, but just a few thoughts. I’ve had friends in your predicament, and have witnessed them turn everything around after college, settling into a career, building wealth, networking, etc.

Godspeed

Tromeecia · 2018-11-24T23:56:49+00:00

Sounds like you don’t even know the basics of game or how social dynamics work. Start researching and learning how to talk to girls and be social. It’s a skill like anything else, you must learn it and practice it to be good at it and get results. There’s more to it than just appearances. FAR MORE. The way you talk, I don’t think you would even know what to do if a girl did flirt with you or talk to you in a sexual way.

LionVenom10 · 2018-11-24T23:58:44+00:00

Wanna know something even weirder. One girl, who had a boyfriend, was really friendly to me to the point were my friends thought there was something legit between us since it looks like she’s always flirting with me. Once she broke up with her boyfriend, she completely ghosted me, just like that, out of the blue.

nocrustpizza · 2018-11-25T02:06:11+00:00

So they never approached you? Do you ever approach them? That is your answer.

Skintro · 2018-11-25T02:11:48+00:00

So i read all of your comment and you kinda looks like the extroverted , more social and general better version of me. Since some things that happened in my life , i’ve always struggled with woman ( under the romantic / love / date aspect) and recently i noticed that i don’t get any kinda of signal. Both in a flirty way or just as stranger , totally zero. Absolutely off the radar i would say. Anyways , rationally i come to the conclusion that the only thing i could try on from this point is to , yeah make the first move on literally everything you could think. Man is so easy to understand yet so fucking difficult to do , mindset is just an hell of opponent. Back to you , i have seen that you are generally good in social interaction , you already got some social circle, you have some style , some traits that you think are good ( as a joker). You are basically ready for the whole game , you just need that extra-step that will make downfall the whole situation. Literally one step. Correct me if i am wrong , you’re scared of rejection mainly , and on second hand you have absolutely no clue on how to flirt. For the first thing , as people said on this sub , only experience will help , no secret formula , magic words or spells will change your attitude towards it. Hopefully taking some good and bad reaction will set you free of this “holding” mindset. For the flirt game , maybe you want to look for some theory before starting. I am talking of things like a good kino , to see and understand the reaction of the girl in order to understand if they are in or no, to make things clear about your interaction , and so on. I’m sorry but since I am not even decent at it ,something could be possibly wrong or stupid , as i said is just theory ( and remember , theory CANNOT full prepare you to it , just pratice can). You could try to : -understand what you want in your girls ( traits that you like , an attitude you admire , personality traits that you like and so on) - do compliments on things you like about sudden traits , or even more “low” compliments ,more on a phsycal aspect rather than personality or beliefs, such as “you’re cute / i really like your jacket- how it fit you” - make thing more clear for the one you choose , direct invitation for date or telling them what you feel. - eye contact , touching (can’t say more on this , i still cannot even think of a way to do it without see it as awkward), playful/sexual sentences , general good vibe (if you really enjoy the moment you already done that)

I want to add a disclaimer. Probably girls will reject you , not gonna lie. The worst part is not the rejection part ( gotta be real , not everyone is interested in you) but the possibly outcome of them humiliating you. But you have to understand that since you approach NOT in a creepy / violent manners you have literally no fault on that , that girl is just a stupid fuck for ruining something that most likely she never done. People can be a prick and be dumb even if you’re right. About that , you will need to build a inner mindset. Think about it just like the one that is holding you back. The old mindset keep telling you “ no one is interested” , the new mindset that you ( and everybody , me for first) should have is something like “ i did it fine , no fault on me. The next will be better”

English is not my first language and on long post like that i always say to don’t mind the possible typos or the really bad built sentences. If something is hard to understand let me know and i will try to explain it better. Apart from that , you really have so many thing that could lead to be a fantastic player ( if you like the terms , but I would say “an excellent man who know what he want and how to take it”) , i really hope that others answer will be more specific that me and that your whole situation will turn out good. Could use this post even for improving my shitty situation . If you want , give us some update after you thought about all of this and actually tried to so something. I really would to end with a cheesy , useless Cit that actually make the reader just angry about the comment but I would just say good luck.

SyrusDrake · 2018-11-25T03:39:04+00:00

This post feels like I wrote it myself and forgot about it, it's kinda surreal.
I've been at university for four years now, I'm in my late 20s and the closest I ever got to a girl showing interest in me is when I thought that one girl smiled at me when she really just happened to look in my direction while laughing about something her friend told her.
Oh, and when I was dumb enough to believe those lists of infallible IOIs and asked out a girl who presumably was giving me most of them, it later turned out she had a boyfriend. So I've been there too...

I'm also largely convinced that I must be completely repulsive (not without reason), so I usually try to avoid even looking at women so I don't inadvertently offend them.

I obviously don't have any advice for you. I just wish you all the best. For me, the curtain is closing, my time has largely passed. But you're still a few years younger than me. I hope you may one day find someone who is interested in you. You seem like a cool person, you deserve it.

testpostignorepls · 2018-11-25T06:56:16+00:00

Basically I've been at college for 2 years and not one, legitimately not even one, girl has expressed any form of romantic or sexual interest in me, or flirted with me. There were a handful of girls who I at one point thought were flirting with me, but every single one of them turned out later on to have boyfriends. I'm not kidding. I don't know why girls with BFs are so friendly to me haha.

Why should they? If you don't provide them with any reason/incentive to approach you, why should they?

What are you offering?

Oliverovsky · 2018-11-25T07:05:38+00:00

You probably haven’t noticed they've flirted with you

TiedHands · 2018-11-25T07:18:51+00:00

Is it normal? I mean, yes, sadly, for some of us, but not for others. The only girls that ever "flirt" with me are my female friends that are already taken. They see it as harmless, innocent fun. But outside of my friend circle, no, I literally might as well be invisible.

paulchiefsquad · 2018-11-25T08:34:24+00:00

It's pretty normal that not a lot of girls show interest in you, and you don't need to be scared of showing interest since it is completely normal, however when you show interest before the girl has shown hers you become not very interesting since the girl already won your heart whereas most of the girls want dating to be more of a challenge. You can try becoming more attractive by working on your body, or your hobbies but you can just meet as many women as you can and find someone that you like and she likes you back

Meetmeinthe · 2018-11-25T09:01:23+00:00

I litterally started talking to girls at age of 24. Before then when i look at a girl i would get so embarrassed my face would turn red and felt like im gona vomit. Im sure you have your own battle but the real fight is you versus you every single time. You can switch the mindset and become better or continue the same path. Best of luck.

2018-11-25T09:28:01+00:00

@linkschide had the best answer. Most guys are average looking. Some are below that (ugly), some are above average looking some are exceptionally good looking (think Male Models).

Average guys rarely get approached, either in the club or during daytime. Above average (Chadlites) will get a much higher interest from women, especially in the clubs and on Tinder. Very handsome guys (MM/ Chad tier) are living life on easy mode: hundreds or thousands of Tinder matches, many girls initiating first and willing to meet with you and have ONS with you like crazy. They're getting IOI's every day of their lives.

It's surreal when you think about it. Most average guys have no idea how easy do good looking guys have it.

hans1193 · 2018-11-25T10:50:28+00:00

Girls flirt differently. You need to be able to pick up on looks, basically. Also you might be ugly.

Crixusgannicus · 2018-11-25T11:38:15+00:00

You have to be interesting somehow.

This can be visual using Mystery's outlandish (or at least eye catching somehow), social proof, if you have a large group of interesting friends, preferably female, cultural (for instance learn to play guitar, even badly, and you will never go sexually hungry)

There are other ways but those will do. Especially guitar.

PS

Also good news bad/news. Some chicks with BFs will flirt because

1 They think you're sexually "harmless" (not good)

2 They actually "mean it" but won't act on it (neutral)

3 They actually mean it and will act on it ie cheat with you OR they are looking for a new deal (good/bad, depends on your point of view)

4 They're just having fun (don't take it personal because it's nothing personal, it's just "business")

helio203 · 2018-11-25T11:51:56+00:00

I litterally just read this and I think this may be helpful

https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/a02li0/how_i_became_less_creepy/?utm_source=reddit-android

piperson · 2018-11-25T12:22:39+00:00

You need to learn body language. Learn to read others body language and learn how to respond with your own postures. This is the number one thing to learn in the art of pickup. Once you learn this, you realize how useless words are.

I learned a lot about this from taking dancing lessons. I would talk to girls before dancing with them and found them to be stiff as a board, but once we got out on the dance floor, they were so passionate and such a different person. While dancing, they were so uninhibited and free. They said things through their movements that would never come out of their mouths.

Flirting is all done with the eyes and posture. Are they relaxed or tense? Is there posture open to you or closed? When a girl is relaxed, she will give you signals. It's your job to pick them up and act accordingly.

When a girl is closed to me, I don't force the issue. I look for girls that show that they are open to talking with me. Then I chat with them, looking for similar interests that we can share. The whole time this is going on, I'm gauging her reactions. If she is smiling and interested in what I'm saying, I get closer and begin some light keno. To emphasis a point, I may touch her on her forearm. If that feels good, I will do it more or escalate to rubbing her shoulder or back. This is how you flirt.

Remember, nothing is forced or feels unnatural. You two are just enjoying each other's company. And sex is not even on the table yet. You are just getting to know a new friend, what she likes and doesn't like. If you enter the interaction with intent to fuck, she will feel this and run like a rabbit.

This is one of the biggest mistakes guys make. They rush into the sex without the proper foreplay, the time to get to know each other a little. This foreplay is important and can be super enjoyable all on it's own. Be open to anything. Don't take rejection personally. We tend to invest ourselves heavily in these situations and tend to take it hard when we get turned down. Don't tell yourself that you are on the make for a mate. Just think of it like you are bumming a cigarette. If she says "no", then you move on to the next one.

When you see a cute girl, give her a little smile. If she smiles back say hi, or "crazy weather" or some relevant topic. If she responds, you go from there.

Being calm is a super power in the art of seduction. If you can stay relaxed, you show that you have nothing to hide and she has nothing to fear. And if you joke around and are playful you are inviting her to join you in the fun.

A real man leads, but not in a pushy way, but rather through invitation and he takes one step at a time, not rushing through but rather, savoring each step of the way.

noprideinsomniac95 · 2018-11-25T12:54:32+00:00

This is how I feel, yet I've had multiple girlfriends and hookups over the years, so obviously it isn't true. I think what's really going on is you need to approach them and do all the work. Girls generally won't approach you unless they knew you for a while and are really infatuated, or you're in the top 5%

ls737100 · 2018-11-25T13:17:30+00:00

No one else seems to be addressing this directly, but women are not primarily interested in men due to looks. They will flirt with a guy that is really good looking, super fit, buff, etc, however, as someone estimated, that's like the top 5%. Often this will be pretty subtle too. Women are far more afraid of being rejected than you imagine, in fact some with preemptively reject as they think you will.

So what are women attracted to? Here are a few of the most important things.

Dominance
Confidence
Intelligence
Strength
Power
Humor
Leadership

Here's the awesome thing. You can alter your looks a tiny bit. The things above are totally in your control and you can start working on them.

Hit the gym, lift weights. I always hated the idea of lifting weights. I started doing it and found I loved it. I'm 49 and I've got women in their early 30s grabbing my biceps now. I'm not cut, or buff, I just finally have some decent muscle and they notice. FYI, this doesn't need to be a lot. 30 minutes a day for 6 months and you'll see muscle growth. I used a book called Bigger, Stronger, Leaner. Look on Amazon, or find a trainer or class. Don't just go start randomly lifting weights, you won't see results.
Work on your posture and body language. Stand up straight. Hold strong eye contact with everyone. This takes some time to work on. 2 most powerful things I've discovered with women are eye contact and touch and eye contact is much bigger.
I find it hard to flirt as well, but you know what I'm good at? Teasing the shit out of girls. So tip here, don't tease her about having a big nose or anything else that's a sore point. But tease them about overdressing, about being too smart, parking badly, throwing like a girl, trying to hard at anything, matching their friends clothing, wearing glasses and not being a nerd, being a nerd but not wearing glasses. Eating unhealthy, eating too healthy. Do it in a friendly fun way and when they tease you back, laugh at it. Trust me on this. Why's it work? It shows dominance, confidence, intelligence, humor, all at the same time. It sends a subconscious message to the girl of, "I was attracted to you" (obviously since I'm talking to you). "But you don't intimidate me".
Start being friendly to everyone, all the time, everywhere. This will be huge, again, trust me and do it. Who is everyone and everywhere? Men and women, clerks, waiters, bus drivers, janitors, the person next to you in line or on the bus, everyone. From this point on, don't see people as above or below you, see them as people with whom you can engage. Why? The more you talk to strangers, the more you'll find that people love it if anyone talks to them. The person with a scowl will love that you engage them. You'll become much better at conversations with strangers and actually enjoy it.
Ask about other people. Be genuinely curious. Don't talk about yourself or brag. Make everyone else the center of attention. Make it a goal to find out something interesting about them. If they ask about you, answer, but then move the question back to them.

These will keep you busy a while.

One big mindset to fix as well is needing permission. You don't need permission to do shit. You like a girl, go up and start talking to her, tease her, do the other things in here. If she responds badly, who cares. Move on to the next one, if a lot of them respond badly, tweak what you are doing. Be a little more jokey or a little more serious and see what happens. You'll have to test it a bit. And as far as the friends. Yes, might be weird to "flirt" with them. But you can amp up the teasing. You can also start hugging them when you see them, that'll help you work on touch.

eyesopen1111 · 2018-11-25T13:27:21+00:00

You need to forget about flirting for the time being and work on some more basic skills. First, learn to be a friendly person. Learn to be cordial, pleasant, attentive, and complimentary. Next, learn to be a fun person. Learn a little humor, some improv, jokes. Then, go for the friend zone. Just get girls in your life as friends. They will help you better understand women and, eventually, some will likely want to sleep with you. Take an on-campus dancing class. There are plenty of girls to meet, the context of the class will have you interrelating with girls verbally and physically, and you’ll learn a great social skill. Look for more experienced wingmen to help you out. Find a dating coach. Read books and take courses on seduction.

2018-11-25T15:03:31+00:00

Fairly decent looking guy, never once had it happen to me. Every sexual interaction I've ever had with a girl was pushed by me. I'll sometimes get IOI's in clubs or w/e, but eve that's been pretty limited

boofuckinghoo88 · 2018-11-25T17:29:44+00:00

This is called being average, which is effectively the same as invisible. Although surprised no interest from less attractive girls the same age. That's probably a sign of the times with dating apps and stuff making it even easier for women. Or you're being 'nice' which will leave women dryer than an Arab's fart.

To get noticed you need to be more Steve and less Stu:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UefQYjG7rM

Be assertive less passive make opportunities instead of waiting for them. Then strong eye contact and being opinionated.

TrickyDickWearsAHat · 2018-11-24T18:10:46+00:00

You're not missing much brother, most women, especially those in college, and not interested in a boyfriend. Instead they are more concerned with themselves, their friends, and whatever gets them attention. You don't want those types anyway. As cliche as it is, everything will come to pass in time, dont rush or force it. And enjoy the fact you're not wasting money on fruitless dates

Raunchynutz · 2022-03-31T19:34:18+00:00

Yeah its normal. Girls get to be picky as they have no problem getting men. You could be a nasty 500 pound woman and you would still get hundreds and thousands of matches on tinder. Even more so if the girl is attractive... Why would they bother to go out of the way flirting with guys when they know that all they have to do is just wait a day or 2 for all of their options to message them/approach them? After a short wait, they get multiple match's and get messaged by some guy with a Hercules figure and a high paying job leaving average joes like us out of luck. This is backed by statistics. Female tinder profiles had a matching rate of 10.5 percent. The match rate for males is only 0.6 percent. At this rate, to expect a match the average woman just has to send 3 likes before she gets a match. While the average guy has to send 50 likes before getting his first match. Unless you are in the top 10 percentile of men, your basically fucked. Id say a nightclub/bar scene is your best bet at meeting a woman as an average guy... You will have to be very charismatic and charming, which is a skill that can be developed. You need to learn to be able to take advantage of situations. You need to be at the right place at the right time and know when to say the right things. Bars and clubs are often the right place at the right time. Heres an example. Lisa and her boyfriend broke up. Shes completely heartbroken and vulnerable. Her friends see how sad she is and they take her dancing at one of the local nightclubs to help her forget about the messy breakup and to just go have fun. She drinks to much and begins to feel lonely. She misses her ex boyfriend as much as she is angry at him but most of all she misses the type of attention he gave her. The more she drinks she become more and more Desperate to get this missing attention elsewhere. Thats when you approach. You might not be exactly what she was looking for but you are there and available. You seem more attractive because of all the drinks shes had and how dark it is in the night club. Its completely unfair and it kind of sucks ass but thats just the way the world is. A lot of these bars and clubs have more girls than guys because they usually let women into the night clubs at a discounted price and sometimes for free.

Zangief89 · 2022-05-03T17:01:30+00:00

Wear nothing but suits and this will change. Also eye contact

MapleLeafChief · 2022-07-17T10:35:01+00:00

Laughing at all comments saying its all in his head. No one can give honest answer why girlsnnever show interest. Ill just say not an answer all time for human behavior. Humans I grew up to realize are mostly dumb.

2022-09-05T15:37:43+00:00

Women are confusing.

Many girls flirt for fun apparently, which I just find manipulative tbh.

Many women do it for validation, or they think it's totally harmless, without realizing that the majority of guys don't exactly get complimented or are flirted with by random women very often, so we often aren't sure how to respond. (I've been complimented a few times and often time it catches me totally off guard unless I know them already).

It's especially jarring to many men when we often see the sentiment that women generally don't make the first move and will sometimes even complain that the guy didn't say anything to them when they made no indication that they wanted that guy to say anything in the first place while they were with them.

Some women don't even realize men have feelings, but that's a very rare sentiment I've seen.

The biggest thing for a man to be flirted with, is to seem approachable.

Nobody wants to flirt with a guy that has a resting bitch face or looks like he's ready to slap anyone that gets too close to him.

Another thing is to be alone. Oftentimes being a random member of a group setting makes you less approachable because whoever might want to flirt with you, might not want to talk within earshot of all your friends in case they say something embarrassing. (It's the same for men who might want to flirt with a girl, but don't want to do it while she's with a huge group of friends.)

I remember being in a club, and the literal moment I went to find a seat alone and away from the dance floor, two girls randomly came up to me. But I wasn't interested so they left pretty quick. (Remember, some girls in clubs will also flirt in order to get you to buy them free drinks, which had just happened to my friend the same night)

But my friend, who isn't objectively very attractive, is as approachable as a teddy bear and does not have a single threatening vibe about him, he had a girl randomly buy him shots and they went out to get Subway after.

He got two numbers that weekend.

2022-09-24T22:16:41+00:00

I think the reason they don't is because you yourself don't show interast in them or talk to them. They are probably in the same place as you. They have no way of knowing that you are interasted if you don't show it in any way. If you never flirt, avoid eye contact, avoid talking to them, and avoid looking at girls, than they're gonna think. This guy doesn't seem interasted in me, and move on to another guy. Girls can't know that you are interasted if you never show any signs of being interasted. It goes both ways, if you avoid girls not to seem pathetic or disgusting, than they'll think that you're not interasted, and therefore mever approach you because you make yourself unapproachable. You need to learn to make the first move, and actually show that you are interasted by flirting, and not avoiding them. The problem is probably that you never make the first move or at least try, and hint at you being interasted.

Title	Is it normal as a man for girls to NEVER flirt with you or express interest in you?
Author	JealousCaptain
Upvotes	308
Comments	228
Date	November 24, 2018 5:57 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/a00k9y/is_it_normal_as_a_man_for_girls_to_never_flirt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-it-normal-as-a-man-for-girls-to-never-flirt.1457322 https://theredarchive.com/post/1457322

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