I've finally found the what truly makes me happy - Women

d4n1p3 · 2021-02-26T16:19:04+00:00

It's not the women, it's the external validation you seek from them and that you've been getting. That's what is making you happy.

midnight_toker22 · 2021-02-26T17:05:50+00:00

So what happens when you stop getting compliments, or go on a dry streak? Do you go back to being unhappy?

Nothing wrong being feeling good about your success with women, but they shouldn’t be the source of your happiness.

Because once you get into a relationship with someone, expecting them to constantly be providing you with feel-goods so that you stay “happy” is going to put too much strain on your partner and on the relationship.

SodaStYT · 2021-02-26T15:58:01+00:00

geez, why do people have to be so down in the comments? i’m happy for you, bro! keep that high, and yeah, you’re bound to experience heartbreak eventually. but take it in stride and just remember that it’s temporary. keep staying happy!

chuckvsthelife · 2021-02-26T16:48:44+00:00

I think, what you have found is that being appreciated feels good.

Ok_Molasses_9840 · 2021-02-26T16:18:58+00:00

Stop using terms like "alpha" and "beta."

uniquan · 2021-02-26T16:02:24+00:00

For me it was basketball then it was women then now r/WSB

bonix · 2021-02-26T18:39:10+00:00

I hate to burst your bubble but seeking validation from women is not a true happiness. You are leaning on others for your own self worth, that will only lead to you having issues when you aren't getting what you want from them.

However you are close to this happiness and what you said is the key, "they liked my true self." THIS is what you should be focusing on here. Focus on being your "true" self, always improving. I put true in quotes because I'm not sure what your not true self is but I imagine it to be a front you were putting up to try and attract women that made you less happy and it wasn't until you dropped that did you actually start to feel good about yourself.

I want to reiterate this though, do not rely on others for your happiness. Obviously finding the right partner will make you happy but it should be two happy people that add to each other's worth. Not one whole person and one empty that needs to be constantly filled. If that makes any sense.

barrel_jam · 2021-02-26T16:05:49+00:00

On the flip side will you revert back to your previous state of mind if/when the successes dry up? Stay grounded bro and I'm rooting for ya

kynelly360 · 2021-02-26T17:20:03+00:00

I think this is a good example why Men need Women. They’re catalysts to be made happy, so it indirectly warms your heart to take care of a woman or get icecream with your daughter etc. Then vice versa women need men for strength or guidance generally. Eventually it goes vice versa and that’s what makes the whole thing a beautiful system.

Depressedkid1998 · 2021-02-26T18:12:48+00:00

I felt the same, then i got a dry streak and i got back to being miserable, you should explore dating and have fun but you really should be able to have fun by your own, which i don’t know cause im still currently miserable

Reaver_ · 2021-02-26T21:09:31+00:00

Let me fuckin tell you something. The day I finally admitted to myself that I simply am and always have been girl crazy was the day I finally started getting what I wanted from dating.

No more jumping from relationship to relationship with girls I knew I was settling for because I was too afraid to be upfront about what I really wanted for fear of hurting someone's feelings in the moment.

No more ignoring the fact that I have always day dreamed about being a bachelor, pursuing and dating multiple gorgeous women, and unless it was someone I knew I was head over heels in love with, a monogamous relationship was not for me.

I realized for the longest time I wasn't being truly honest with myself. I wasn't honest when I'd give myself excuses I knew I didn't actually believe like "being in a relationship will make me happier than dating a bunch of girls" or "I don't want to come off as a player" OR EVEN "maybe I can learn to fall in love with someone if I stay with them long enough." And in turn I wasn't being honest with my ex's which is why I ended every relationship I'd been in and hurt a lot of people I grew to care deeply for.

After ruining a solid friendship of 7 years with a girl I knew I didn't want to be in a relationship with, but tried dating anyway, I knew enough was enough. I looked myself in the mirror, and had a moment of brutal honesty:

I am crazy for girls. I always have been. I've had a different crush every year of school since pre-school. My biggest problem with relationships since my first gf in high school is that I fear missing out on someone else.

So why did I still keep entering relationships I knew I didn't want to be in?

I was settling for girls I knew already liked me or would be easy to get with, but who I knew I didn't want to end up with, because that was easier than approaching and risking rejection from the kind of girls I really wanted to date.

This was my new truth. I threw away the lies and the inhibitions and I put my real desires at the forefront of my life. I know who I am. I know my true desires. I know what works for me and what doesn't, but I need to be bold and courageous to get what I want.

I started putting myself out there more. I'd approach girls I'd normally be too nervous to talk to. I still was nervous as fuck, but learning about self-amusement, and seeking a fun interaction as opposed to hoping for a certain outcome was a game changer.

Any girl I knew I didn't want to be in a relationship with, I was open and honest with. "I really enjoy spending time with you, I'd like to keep doing that, but you also need to know that I'm not looking for anything serious. To be totally honest I'm having a lot of fun dating. I'm learning a lot about myself, and I feel there's a lot more to learn still. If you're uncomfortable or aren't interested in this, there's absolutely no hard feelings." There certainly were girls who were sad or disappointed, but everyone was understanding and appreciative of my honesty.

I found someone who wanted to be in an open relationship with me. That was the healthiest relationship I'd been in up to that point because of the pure honesty and openness we shared. There was a point where I was seeing 3 or 4 other girls. I was finally living like the bachelor lifestyle I'd only ever day dreamed about before.

Eventually these girls decided to move on or found another guy they wanted to commit to (even the girl in the open relationship), and we parted ways with nothing but sincerely wishing the best for each other, like "thanks for letting me be this person in your life for a little while, it was a blast and I hope this next guy gives you everything you deserve."

I continued dating this way until I finally met the love of my life about a year ago, a girl who not only met, but rose way above my seemingly unrealistic expectations for what falling in love would feel like. I'd gotten to live my Bachelor aka "hoe phase", got that out of my system, really learned about myself and what I was capable of, and got to a place where the idea of giving all my love to one person I was crazy for was what I desired most.

All from just being honest with myself admitting what I really wanted.

Boxgineer111 · 2021-02-26T16:25:11+00:00

Soo, how'd u meet them? Tinder, cold approaching, or what?

playingandrealityxxx · 2021-02-26T20:45:46+00:00

You need to have your ego destroyed, young man.

All of this new attention is reinforcing, in my opinion, motives and habits that are aligned for one reason: increase the amount of attention therefore increasing the amount of dopamine hits from potential partners.

I was stuck in this cycle in college and it's not healthy. It led to me thinking my shit didn't stink and my ego and belief in my self was so large that i was blinded by what truly matters in life and ending up hurting the people around me because I needed the validation from new people and getting the validation from one partner wasnt enough.

My advice is to have a clear defined goal of what type of relationships you want and to not let women be the reason for the satisfaction in life. Satisfaction should come from a deeper more natural place, from compassion, self acceptance, and self love. Not from someone else telling you how much they miss you because that validation and your instincts to reproduce with new partners releases dopamine. It's dangerous to get addicted to that path because without it, you're a fucking husk with no true and good intentions.

Obviously your mileage may vary and this is all very personal, I just personally think it's very dangerous to rely on external forces for happiness.

Cultivating self compassion and happiness inside of yourself is the easiest way to get the validation you're seeking and to keep it in control and maintain it. Telling you, once you cultivate the happiness and warmth inside you without anyone else, it radiates hotter than anything else you'll ever experience. Its so very hard to control your ego and desires when you have 5+ women fiending after you simply because your happiness is reliant on yourself and what you do in your free time and they KNOW it. Trust me, don't derive your happiness and sense of worth and sense of self from women. It's not the way.

Obviously I'm not saying don't fuck around and don't be in an open relationship if it isn't for you, I'm saying don't let this get to your head and don't become addicted to something without realizing you're getting addicted. You can do whatever you want, but be honest and truthful, and try to find self realization and happiness from deep within. Because it's there.

MajesticLaw4939 · 2021-02-26T16:14:27+00:00

Good for you! Keep it rolling, enjoy yourself. It's supposed to be fun, after all.

ladyboii · 2021-02-26T17:12:29+00:00

All part of living a balanced life

At-The-Texaco · 2021-02-26T18:36:52+00:00

Emails?

dflash88 · 2021-02-26T19:19:19+00:00

Who dafuq sends emails today?

apexadvice · 2021-02-26T22:33:35+00:00

How did you get in the right mindset? How did you start being you, without caring what others think of you?

genoherpasyphilaids · 2021-02-26T15:35:30+00:00

wait until you get your heart broken..

2021-02-26T17:23:58+00:00

Fuck yea.

mild_at_heart · 2021-02-26T20:29:40+00:00

Careful, if you live off of someone’s compliments, you’ll die from their criticism...figuratively speaking. 🙃

2021-02-27T08:55:54+00:00

I love it.

Also, as expected, the top comments are attacking you for approaching women, forming connections, and enjoying their company. No! You're not allowed! You have to get a job, have money, spend that money on hobbies, invest in yourself, meditate, achieve enlightenment, buy a house... THEN you can start approaching women from a position of strength and security!

Seriously, if you asked these people how you learn to juggle they'd tell you to read a book about how the only way to juggle is to never practice juggling and instead tidy your room and when you get it tidy enough juggling balls will simply throw themselves in the air!

Anyway, good on you OP. If having enjoyable interactions with women is what you want to do with your life then work on getting good at that.

No-Emotion-7053 · 2021-02-26T17:55:00+00:00

Lol beta

Blaphrodite · 2021-02-26T17:30:07+00:00

I don’t know that it brings you happiness as much as it’s self gratifying. And gratification is a good thing, it boosts your confidence. Getting compliments or a promotion at work bring pretty much the same feeling. Truth is, you’ll still need to find happiness outside another person.

ordi25 · 2021-02-26T18:28:38+00:00

Lies, no one talks with women via email in 2021

HorseJr12 · 2021-02-26T16:31:49+00:00

How'd you manage to pull this off?

OGpizza · 2021-02-26T16:11:50+00:00

At least you admit your beta that fine. Woman can make you happier, woman do not make you happy.

madmax2072 · 2021-02-26T15:35:56+00:00

This is just your biology talking. Wait until you get married then divorced and living in a van underneath a bridge down by the river.

playingandrealityxxx · 2021-02-26T20:22:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Supraboi2003 · 2021-02-26T17:56:47+00:00

i smell some cap

GarlicTraditional227 · 2021-02-26T17:59:37+00:00

For me my emotions can fluctuate depending on how my week is going. If I’m having a good productive week, get a lot done I feel incredible and full of positive vibes. People have told me that they wanted to get to know me for that contagious energy that emanates off of me. It’s always drawn people to me. Well when I was younger my anxiety was through the roof & my self esteem was buried deep under the floorboards. I grew believing I was ugly, unwanted so I used to throw myself headfirst into the friend-zone with females. Even if a girl had feelings for me and I found out I’d get this burnsomebody was attracted to me. took years and lot’s of self reflection for me to realize why. Back when I was single I was bouncing back from a low point life (not cuz I was single, was going thru really dark times ) and I learned a lot. One thing that’s stuck to me is how crucial it is to , respect,appreciate oneself first. I did by figuring out what my true purpose in life. Who cares and why are you talking about Anyone who I met (friends or dating prospects) who seemed to like me i vetted (decided whether or not I liked them) because I knew in order to for me to be happy, their personality and outlook on life had to match or compliment to my interests in life.

Visualize_ · 2021-02-26T18:32:17+00:00

This probably shouldn't be upvoted highly because this is literally against the fundamentals of "high value". He is getting his self worth from validation and when you remove it, he feels shitty again.

I mean there's really nothing wrong with experiencing the highs and lows because it's just human experience, but this is sending the wrong message for the people who are currently feeling shitty that women and external validation is the solution to their problems

animalsdreaming · 2021-02-26T19:11:06+00:00

Fair enough. If it works for you, go for it. I haven’t found hierarchical thinking to be helpful when trying to date. I try to be likable, which is something different than trying to be “alpha”

BlancheCorbeau · 2021-02-26T19:29:24+00:00

Congratulations, you’ve discovered the solar power of love! The brighter that sun, the more FREE power you receive from an external source.

But when life gets dark? You need some combination of batteries (memories of these good times), and a backup generator (internal self-validation) to get you through.

I don’t think anyone would say to turn away from or shut down the attention and feelings you’re getting... just don’t rely on it, because chasing what you’re feeling is going to lead to a feast or famine lifestyle, big ups and bigger downs.

2021-02-26T20:55:08+00:00

Username explains this post

Tokyo_Vanity · 2021-02-26T21:33:48+00:00

You sound like you don’t value yourself enough or love yourself enough. It’s probably not the chicks but the attention. That validation that you are desirable . My advice to you, focus on building up your confidence and do some self evaluation. Focus on killing such insecurities. Otherwise, you might get into a relationship and really hurt someone. Or hurt yourself. Also, don’t seek women for validation. You wouldn’t like it if someone did that to you

I_sort_by_new_fam · 2021-02-26T21:41:21+00:00

betas don't exist the scientist who made the study said so himself

fictitious-name · 2021-02-26T21:44:42+00:00

This is what is meant when people who have been enlightened (like you) say “fake it until you make it.” Because there will come a day where because of the success you’ve had using “techniques” or “tricks” you will feel natural charisma, grace, and a personality that makes people want to be around you and you will notice that it will be coming naturally.

At this point, you will no longer feel the need to use tricks or psychology anymore and that will further boost your self esteem.

That will be the moment where you no longer “fake it” because you’ve “made it”

I also like how you said that friends of yours noticed an overall increase in your mood, that’s another benefit. It will make you an overall happier person and people generally enjoy being around happy people more. People that don’t need to put others down to make themselves feel good. When you greet everyone and you make other guys who might be in the midst of working on themselves feel better about themselves rather than putting them down in order to steal the spotlight. THEN you will feel almost ecstatic. Things will feel like they just click. People will remember you and you’ll be invited to things.

If you walk away from this post with one thing it’s that guys don’t like a guy who has to put others down to try to make himself look good to women in the area, and most women can see right through guys who are “playing above their level” if that makes sense. In a sense it’s faking it til you make it but not being loud or an asshole while you do it.

mrko1990 · 2021-02-26T21:49:22+00:00

I feel the same way, maybe that’s why I’m more gay (into men) then females? lol! 🤷‍♂️😜

Gnostromo · 2021-02-26T21:56:27+00:00

This guy's gonna cheat!

McWhiters9511 · 2021-02-26T23:20:03+00:00

Emotions are internal. They're visceral. Happiness and satisfaction is internal. It just happens to you yes? You don't invent what creates the feelings and emotions you experience you simply experience them as a perceived 'effect' of a cause. Nothing internal can be given by anything external. Women do not bring happiness. You bring yourself happiness when you remove your personal barriers to that happiness. You are and can be completely independent and completely joyful.

Ps. That's what most people are attracted to. Absolute independence and genuine joy.

congowarrior · 2021-02-26T23:28:07+00:00

The chase can be addicting

Sawt0othGrin · 2021-02-26T23:57:54+00:00

If I had to take a wild guess, and I am no expert, you probably broke through the barrier of being too cold with women. We all go through it when we realize being needy doesn't work we pull back too much. That works better, but not enough. Women are like the Gears of War active reload mechanic, you have to hit it just right.

danirobot · 2021-02-27T00:02:36+00:00

Yin and yang.

genesdeathh · 2021-02-27T00:14:12+00:00

Congrats man lol keep it up

Marilla1957 · 2021-02-27T00:45:49+00:00

Be careful you don't end up in the "friend zone"...... Then you'll hear, "I don't see you as a lover, I see you as a friend."

Jay_Bonk · 2021-02-27T01:25:20+00:00

I'm exactly like you, but two of the top comments are very true. Beware of when a dry spell hits, and be aware that the real high might be feeling like a rock star because of external validation. I'll admit it, more often than not I like having a hot girlfriend more for the external validation than what she does for me.

ImStuuuuuck · 2021-02-27T02:01:22+00:00

honestly man, at the core of our temporary existence, the universe didn't go through trillions of years of evolution for you to get a degree, or a fancy car. you were literally made to fuck until you just can't anymore. that's our grand purpose. everything else is awesome and is but a means to an end. So were women, you just need to get socially good enough to make them feel confident and safe enough with you to take things to that intimate level and genuinely appreciate your time together while it lasts.

1eonidas · 2021-02-27T02:19:52+00:00

21M here too, and I remember discovering this feeling. Congrats bro honestly, enjoy it while it’s here. Your next serious relationship will be the strongest challenge to this philosophy, that’s my only warning.

Xlaythe · 2021-02-27T02:24:08+00:00

Ehh.... depending on external validation from women to feel good about yourself and be happy is at the very least unreliable. What happens when you have a dry spell and arent getting those DMs?

that_nagger_guy · 2021-02-27T03:02:53+00:00

People still contact each other by email?

STylerMLmusic · 2021-02-27T03:17:04+00:00

I think somehow you've completely missed the point of the saying you quoted, so it doesn't surprise me you don't believe in it anymore....you never did in the first place.

pinkypie24 · 2021-02-27T07:36:56+00:00

I don’t think it’s “the women”, it’s the feeling of being liked for who you are. When you do thinks that nourish your emotional health, like socialize and have repeated positive experiences, it’s good for your overall life view and self esteem. It’s not that women alone are what make OP happy, it’s just a puzzle piece. When we have lots of different things that we purposely put effort into that nourish our emotional health, we feel happy. For me, it’s my career and my friends. If those two things suddenly were completely gone, I would be devastated. Part of being happy is what we build for ourselves, which includes socializing and hobbies. I don’t think OP literally means the women are the only thing that could bring him joy, it’s the validation that he is like able and he is having experiences that help him to see him as he is.

Gaydame · 2021-02-27T09:01:04+00:00

People stop bad mouthing OP! It's all part of a process. OP, enjoy your happiness from validation. It won't last forever but it's a stage. After you've enjoyed a while of validation you'll feel down again. Then you'll start another journey to internal validation. All part of the process, so enjoy it!

Throwaway689023 · 2021-02-27T12:55:43+00:00

Congratulations! I do have a question for you though: Are you by any chance fairly tall? If so, I am not the least bit surprised you are getting validation. People can say height is not what matters until they are blue in the face. I have seen otherwise with my own eyes.

codewizbambam · 2021-02-27T13:17:08+00:00

When you wrote "They like me for who I am. Fuck Yeah!!" I had a broad smile on my face because I was happy for you and because that is one of the important turning points. Now you've set yourself free a bit :)

Shadow__Account · 2021-02-27T14:54:15+00:00

I think its the difference between short term and over all happiness. A sugary snack can also make me feel extremely good but I wouldn't say it makes me happy over all. Getting results with women when coming from nothing is amazing and definitely part of a good life, but when it settles in and you get used to more of an abundance, the wow factor will start to die off a bit and the grass will be greener regarding other points and you will probably get back to that needing to find happiness from within.

tylerden · 2021-02-27T20:09:19+00:00

Be careful women are fleeting, if that's your happiness, then it can easily be taken away buy the wims of a women...and that won't be a good day.

The conditions of happiness are the chains of your suffering.

Altruistic-Resolve-3 · 2021-02-27T21:59:31+00:00

What triggered this change for you? Can you xpand on what “being yourself” means in contrast to your previous behaviour too?

Title	I've finally found the what truly makes me happy - Women
Author	Shitload_of_Meme
Upvotes	527
Comments	152
Date	February 26, 2021 3:27 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lszz6m/ive_finally_found_the_what_truly_makes_me_happy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ive-finally-found-the-what-truly-makes-me-happy.1510393 https://theredarchive.com/post/1510393

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