doing "hobbies" together?

N-Zoth · 2024-05-25T12:59:07+00:00

It's simple. It means having shared interests so that you can spend quality time together. If you don't, someone is always going to have to compromise, which is not sustainable.

For example, if you only like death metal and your partner only likes K-pop, how are you going to see a band live? Especially if it's going to a big musical festival like Wacken?

If you just don't have any common ground at all, it will inevitably become difficult to spend time together. Which then begs the question as to why you're together at all.

Weekly-Vacation-6929 · 2024-05-25T12:57:17+00:00

it would be like a couple who are into fitness and sometimes they workout together. Or couples that go to anime conventions in cosplay outfits.

In reality when they say this online they just mean watch the same shows as me and eat the same doordash.

mrs_seng · 2024-05-25T13:08:31+00:00

It means mostly having similar tastes, preferences, and activities. If one likes clubbing, they will want to go with their partner, but the partner hates clubs. This is an incompatibility.

One likes asian food, the other likes mexican food. Ordering and cooking food becomes a challenge. Another incompatibility.

One likes comedies, while the other likes horror movies. How are they going to watch a movie or go to the cinema. Again, incompatibility.

Both need to be on the same page. Else, they won't be able to find common ground not even when choosing a couch. Or the bed matters if one likes it hard and the other soft.

krackedy · 2024-05-25T13:20:14+00:00

My wife and I like long (sometimes multi-day) hikes and camping together. I'd assume that counts. We have our separate hobbies too, but that's a big one we share.

No-Assistant-2592 · 2024-05-25T13:07:28+00:00

We have several couples that game together in our gaming club. I feel like that counts...

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-05-25T13:18:33+00:00

Hobbies in this case means activities that have a high likelihood of being happily repeated over and over. So it's a slightly more extensive set than the usual use of the word hobbies but includes hobbies as the word is traditionally used.

Generally however hobbies are more...trusted...than nonhobby activities. Every dumb guy with an erect prick can lie and say he likes walks down by the river. But something like metal detecting or sail boarding or crochet....that you just have to do with him to work out how big a liar he is

Solondthewookiee · 2024-05-25T14:18:41+00:00

My wife and I both like traveling, playing video games, playing DND, cooking, for example. This is stuff we like to do together.

ratboi34 · 2024-05-25T13:22:25+00:00

Tolerability is more important than commonalities imo.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2024-05-25T13:36:21+00:00

It means doing things you both enjoy together, that's it. For instance, I have a deep, abiding love for reading and for films in particular. So does my partner.

Every month, our local cinema shows a "classic" movie for £5. We can then head to somewhere cheap to eat and discuss. Last week we went to watch 28 days later. So, we can share our interest once a week and spend a bit of time being pretentious and being together lol.

Difficult_Falcon1022 · 2024-05-25T14:04:23+00:00

For me it's more about compatible lifestyles and finding activities to share together. Hobbies can be one of those, but I wouldn't count things like cooking a meal together or going for a walk as hobbies, those are just regular activities that can have romance blossom in them.

I go to lots of local events so I'd probably enjoy being with someone who liked to attend some of the same events, but again that's more lifestyle and interests.

Personally I like when you can both be getting on with your hobbies next to each other, that's nice.

illusoryfindings · 2024-05-25T14:30:38+00:00

I think people just mean it to be like any shared activity together that you both enjoy, because then you're both going to be fully present with each other in the moment and that makes quality time.

If I'm doing some activity with her that she loves but I don't, a part of me is going to be wishing I'm somewhere else, and my mind will wander, I'll be checking the clock, I'll be losing energy while she's becoming more energized. She'll pick up on that stuff even if I'm not really expressing it, and doing my best to be in the moment with her, which'll create a disconnect.

You don't even need to be into the same things, you could have completely different interests and social lives, but if you enjoy your time together doing whatever, even if lazing around at home watching movies, that's going to feel like a shared hobby for you both and you'll look forward to it.

thedarkracer · 2024-05-25T15:17:15+00:00

do you all think "playing video games and watching a tv series together" is sharign hobbies?

Yes. It is a type. You can take a walk together, travel, do gardening, cooking etc. It builds great memories.

dislikesBSS · 2024-05-25T15:28:20+00:00

A hobby is an activity that regularly takes up your leasure time.

Going on hikes alo the river would count as a hobby.

As far as I know that has always been the definition.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/hobby

Sparkling_gourami · 2024-05-25T16:11:53+00:00

For me, it's not that they need the same hobbies, but I'm a creative person and I want to date someone who enjoys being creative. They could like making clothes, painting, and photography, all hobbies I don't have, but we'd be able to appreciate the creative aspect of them.

Creative folks have a certain mindset, and I just gel with them really well.

BreakNecessary6940 · 2024-05-25T17:03:40+00:00

Men entering a hobby that has women in is seen as predatory. Single women don’t want single men going to hobbies. Guarantee there’s a million excuses for this as natural behavior. And suggestion is always deal with it….

Dense-Tell-6147 · 2024-05-25T19:06:57+00:00

In my case:

I am a professionally trained musician, I don’t do it for a living but I perform and practice a lot. She has to share my love for music. Bonus if she’s as accomplished as a player as I am (yes, I ragdolled a cellist on a piano after playing together. Some of the best sex of my life)
I spent a good part of my life on the Alps. I love hiking and camping in the wild as well as skiing and cycling. Not asking her to make the Three Passes tour with me, but if she can, it’s a plus
I traveled 44 countries (had to stop after kids), she has to love hardcore traveling (no instagram bs) and know at least three languages
I am an art, history and science buff. I can be her museum guide, but she has to love the subjects as much as I do, and be able to have a conversation with me and my circle, that includes philosophy, economics and geopolitics
I am into fine dining (I cook), wines, fashion and in general, life pleasures. That doesn’t mean “expensive” stuff, but she must have finesse

My wife checks a good number of the above boxes, if someone didn’t share a majority of it, I couldn’t go beyond FWB, and would get bored soon

OKSector69 · 2024-05-25T19:19:11+00:00

I think there are a few different categories here.

Some couples have no shared interests. The man does man things with his buddies and his wife does her things with her girlfriends. This is basically the tradcon way.
Attractive women with niche hobbies and lots of options can choose to find a partner who aligns with her interests. For example a woman who is really into mountain climbing will probably want a partner who also is and she'll have her pick of those guys.
Men with male coded niche hobbies are used to women not sharing their interests, so the idea of having shared hobbies seems totally foreign to them and they're fine being with a woman who maybe even looks down on his hobbies and discourages them.
The top tier of men can actually find attractive women who share their interests and are totally in alignment with their hobbies.

I've experienced both 3&4 and 4 is obviously preferable if you can get it. But the reason the idea seems so foreign to most people is because most are in categories 1 or 3.

CoyoteSmarts · 2024-05-26T18:39:04+00:00

They're talking about activites you can either bond over with common understanding and/or actively having fun together while doing it.

For example:

You both might be athletes who compete in different sports, but you still share an understanding of the other person's competitive psychology and feel a connection to them because of that bond. You go to each other's events whenever possible and genuinely ENJOY being there - it's not just a begruding obligation.

Another example:

You're both foodies, so not only do you excitedly share stories, recipes, restaurants, and experiences with each other - you both LOVE finding new dining locations together and it becomes a regular Friday night date for you two.

Anecdote:

A male friend and I (f) went to breakfast after spending a whole night gaming together. We were laughing and talking about it - having a blast - when we noticed a young (early 20's) couple staring at us like we were Martians. They were seated across from each other with a baby in its carseat on the table between them.

My friend and I made eye contact and were able to wordlessly convey: "You noticed the gawkers, too?" "Yep."

So we kept talking, had our breakfast, and we'd both glance at this couple to see what they were doing.

And you know what they were doing when they weren't staring at us? Abso-fucking-lutely-nothing. No conversation. No interest in each other. Just staring at each other like strangers with nothing but a baby tying them together.

When my friend and I got to my car, we immediately started talking about that couple and laughing about them. Why? Because it was obvious they had absolutely nothing in common except that they had wanted to fuck each other and a baby came out of it. We figured they were staring at us because their minds were blown that a man and woman might \gasp** actually enjoy talking and hanging out together.

What makes this story funnier is...my friend and I had known each other since high school. Our friendship was about 18 years old when this happened. AND we worked together every single day. But we rarely got "sick" of each other and always found ways to have fun together because of WHAT WE HAD IN COMMON.

When people say they want someone with the same hobbies, THAT'S what they're looking for - but with an extra flavor of romantic and physical attraction. They're trying to avoid a relationship like that other couple, and I don't blame them. I can't imagine living like that.

kochIndustriesRussia · 2024-05-27T02:10:07+00:00

Watching tv...movies...building lego....playing video games...hiking...eating at specialty food spots...traveling...working out...fucking....

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bluestjuice · 2024-05-25T15:26:36+00:00

In this case I think it’s shorthand for shared interests and activities.

For example, my fiancé and I have in common our interests in camping, medievalism, reading, swordfighting, theater, and video games. We like history and debating ideas. We’re both foodies. We have similar taste in houses and decor and places we would enjoy living.

We actually have somewhat different tastes in music, but they are adjacent enough that it works well — he has introduced me to a lot of industrial and goth music I might not otherwise have encountered and really liked, and I can take him to a Broadway show now and then and he’ll enjoy it. Our taste in films and television sometimes overlaps and sometimes doesn’t. I love traveling and he likes it but finds it intimidating, so this works well as my interest helps facilitate something he is interested in but doesn’t have the skills to do so much independently.

Of course we have hobbies we don’t share. He likes building LEGO models and I couldn’t care less. I do much more sewing and costuming than he does. One thing that has changed is that we had started to get into long hiking and backpacking together, but he’s developed a chronic illness that means that’s probably off the table for him. I have to figure out what that means for me as a backpacker - am I going to just hike solo, do I need to find a regular hiking buddy, etc. Things can change over time.

Schmurby · 2024-05-25T15:37:26+00:00

My hobbies are eating, drinking alcohol and having sex. And I love to share

AngeCruelle · 2024-05-25T15:43:26+00:00

Imo what separates "hobby" from "activity" is recurring participation and dedication.

Like if we just go whitewater kayaking every once in a while for fun that's an activity. If we're doing this every week I'd start considering it a hobby.

Novadina · 2024-05-25T16:01:26+00:00

The dictionary definition is

an activity that someone does for pleasure when they are not working

Many people think it’s important to have a partner that has at least some shared interests for activities done when not working, so that they can enjoy spending time together.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-05-25T16:22:19+00:00

For me it would mean simply aving something to do together. So a walk by the river counts. Being able to find a show to watch together counts. Simply being able to spend and enjoy time together, being able to find something we both enjoy. And not having too much incompatible interests that would force us to spend much time separated.

superlurkage · 2024-05-25T16:23:33+00:00

Yes

Doing hobbies together involves very little

And yet people still don’t wanna

Doesn’t sound like such people actually like their partner

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-05-25T17:23:47+00:00

Well, my spouse and I both like working out, so we go to the gym together. I've tried out his thing (fencing), he's tried out my thing (pole dancing) and while neither of us has become actively involved in each other's things, I'll spar with him every now and then, he'll ask to see my videos from class and try to figure out how to do certain tricks. We both like video games, so we got Left 4 Dead and are going through a bunch of custom campaigns, WoW wasn't his thing but he gave it a shot so we can play together. We both like tabletop RPGs, we've made some minis and are currently in the process of painting them. And we also have similar tastes when it comes to shows and movies, we both like going for walks, we both like camping. We're also considering doing some kind of cosplay for next year's comic con.

I don't think everything a couple does together can be called a hobby so I'd probably use "shared interests" instead. I like spending time with my partner, and it helps if we have a bunch of things that we both enjoy doing.

Title	doing "hobbies" together?
Author	-Shes-A-Carnival
Upvotes	2
Comments	64
Date	May 25, 2024 12:52 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1d0bdq6/doing_hobbies_together/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/doing-hobbies-together.1519490 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519490

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