Benevolent sexism is more attractive to a lot of women than hostile sexism.

PayStreet2298 · 2024-10-17T22:36:02+00:00

I'm wondering, what would benevolent sexism towards a man look like? What things do women do to make men feel benevolently sexed?

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2024-10-17T18:27:53+00:00

Most of us just wanted to be egalitarian, but since it's not even in the conversation here, does that mean it's not valued? Obviously benevolent sexism is preferable to hostile sexism for anyone; I don't think that was ever at issue. What was at issue is that there are studies showing that many woman perceive benevolent sexism towards them as equality and equality towards them as hostile sexism. How do we get around that? Just one more example of the mixed messages we men receive (in this case, "treat her equally, but not too equally").

end-the-run · 2024-10-17T20:06:34+00:00

I wish there was another term for this that wasn't sexism. I mean, understanding the differences between men and women and accepting that we have some responsibility toward each other, which includes not acting in ways that are going to trigger each other. Because it doesn't seem like a bigoted concept to me.

meisterkraus · 2024-10-17T21:11:39+00:00

Ok but a lack of benevolent sexism is seen to be just as bad or worse than hostile sexism. Some women have a vision of how men are treated that is incongruent with reality.

SmokeySunDrops · 2024-10-17T18:35:32+00:00

Did you know that holding racist beliefs is preferable to actually lynching minorities?!??

Seriously, what a silly conversation

VWGUYWV · 2024-10-18T13:40:16+00:00

Women don’t even notice benevolent sexism (people, particularly men, treating them better than they do men) until they begin to age and they start to get less attention and favors.

Before that, attractive women sometimes think everyone experiences life as they do. When that changes a little , especially post menopause, then they often become bitter and/or fight hard to appear more youthful.

It’s the female version of a mid-life crisis. Except they get fake boobs instead of a Harley.

I have heard women complain about men being nicer to them to get in their pants, but never the more common type where they enjoy the Women Are Wonderful effect. Which makes sense because no rad fem I’ve seen is a sufficiently reflective person to see a situation from a zoomed out view not entirely informed by their own feelings and self interest.

anewlookav · 2024-10-17T19:47:54+00:00

I've been lucky enough to have a good bit of opportunity with women, coupled with a really self-reflecting personality... and I agree.

I'm 38. I started off pretty naive about dating, thinking girls liked poems and flowers and professions of deep undying love. I thought girls were pure and innocent and sweet, and they never cheated and wanted to be treated with respect and made love to gently.

Boy was that wrong.

I was lucky to be good-looking enough. So I had a lot of girls like me, but never the one I was focusing my attention on. I had to ask myself why. Then, by the end of highschool, I quickly learned to project that indifferent, badboy persona, even though it wasn't actually me. I was a good actor. I also made money from an early age, owing to the fact that I was a very good athlete and made a lot of money teaching my sport.

So, yeah, I learned to treat women with what you are referring to as benevolent sexism:

As early as 17 or 18, I bought my girlfriends sexy lingerie and tight-fitting outfits. Yeah, I was showering them in gifts, but they were almost always of a sexual nature. Massage oil, jewelry ("I want you to wear this. Only this.") Yeah, women like having lingerie bought for them, and they'll wear it, and they'll put on a show for you.
Yes, I always paid for dates. If a girl protested, I responded along the lines of: "No. Girls don't pay."
I even paid for girls I was not actively hooking up with, and just hanging out with as friends. Again "girls don't pay." Sometimes, i'd even just buy female friends clothes and say, "I saw this and I thought it would look hot on you." As you might expect, a number of these friends became girlfriends or friends with benefits.
I 100% did not care if a girl had a boyfriend. And I often let them know that it didn't bother me. I'd guess the majority of the girls I've dated or hooked up with had boyfriends when I met them. Most hot girls have boyfriends. That's just how it works. They don't move on until there's a sure thing to move on to. Ironically, not my wife. That's probably a good thing.
When I was 19, the girl i was dating confessed a fantasy to me: her fantasy was to be at a party or dark dance floor, and have a hot guy just push her up against the wall and start making out with her, rubbing his hands all over her body, and then taking her hand and just leading her off to have sex. It blew my mind. I realized, then and there, that I was really wrong about women. I've used that move more times than I can count. Not always on women I've just met. On girlfriends, on my wife. Just unexpectedly pushing her up against the wall, letting her know I care about nothing else in that moment than her body, and what I plan to do to it. It doesn't always work, but when it works, it's worth the risk.
Ultimately, i've decided that a lot of women want to know you respect them and like their personality, that you are safe enough for them to let their guard down - and then they want to be treated as sexual objects, made to feel you think they are so attractive that you cannot control your sexual impulses when you are with them.
Not all women. Obviously.

DistributionLow5919 · 2024-10-17T19:51:51+00:00

You're talking about chivalry. Is it sexist to hold the door open for a woman? You just want men to acknowledge that women are different rather than treating women like "other men".

When we get into all this equality bullshit and trying to treat women the same way you'd treat a man, you come across men who are naturally violent towards other men. So now they'll be violent towards you just like a man. That's where you get the saying "equal lefts for equal rights".

harmonica2 · 2024-10-17T21:20:01+00:00

I don't understand how bad boys are benenvolently sexist. Just because they do not put women on a pedestal, above them, that automatically equals sexism?

addings0 · 2024-10-17T23:00:50+00:00

Then you will seem like you're not struggling with the 'game' (what CONFIDENCE really is!)

No. Confidence for men happens when he has a plan for his next expression ( sometimes that involves indifference to whom he's with ) . Women perceive it as ' not struggling ' ( because she's only thinking about what she can either avoid or take from him ) .

Stop triggering women's threat response and be a benevolent sexist prosocial gentleman and you will succeed more (if you want to be a bad boy type)

No. Women want men to do more than simply not be a threat. He has to have the whole positive package 24/7. She's judging him by every single minute action he ever takes, and there are no set structure or rules. It doesn't take much to trigger a womans repulsion. And women aren't prepared to be on the receiving end of their own rules. What happens when she triggers his repulsion?

purplish_possum · 2024-10-17T19:31:00+00:00

File under "no shit."

a_minty_fart · 2024-10-17T19:51:37+00:00

Who would have ever guessed that people like systems that benefit them.

Wattehfok · 2024-10-17T20:07:34+00:00

The ridiculousness of this post aside; there’s a conversation to be had about benevolent sexism.

To me, benevolent sexism comes down to intent.

Are you opening the door and standing on the kerb side of the footpath because you both enjoy the theatre of old-school manners; or is it because you’re big tough man she tiny weak lady?

A lot of women like benevolent sexism because it’s nice to have your dinners bought, be given gifts and to feel cared for.

What they don’t like is the paternalism, assumptions about gender roles and lessering that can go along with it.

light_n_air · 2024-10-17T18:14:03+00:00

How do you define benevolent sexism? Because I don't think benevolent sexism as you are describing it is sexism at all.

Meanwhile, hostile sexism just sounds like ... normal sexism? Getting hostile at a woman after rejection = they feel entitled to the woman = they do not respect women as equals who are allowed to reject them = they are sexist.

AutoModerator · 2024-10-17T17:55:48+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

nuclearmeltdown2015 · 2024-10-18T15:19:38+00:00

This seems like it would be common sense. A man who is sexist in a positive way towards women is more attractive than a man who is sexist in a negative way.

So the man who believes a man should pay for things, or that a woman has a kinder demeanor than men versus the man who believes that women all have bitchier personalities than men or that women are lower performers than men at work and deserve lower pay.

Basically, a man whose sexism plays in favor to a woman is viewed as a person who can bring value to a woman's life therefore is viewed positively while a man that does the opposite is seen as a threat and viewed negatively.

You can also put a darker spin on this and say the benevolent man is viewed as more attractive because he's perceived as easier to manipulate because he will play along with a woman's submissiveness as a way for her to manipulate him and hold power over him whereas a hostile man is less easy to control.

Reasonable-Cookie783 · 2024-10-17T22:52:58+00:00

Benevolent sexism is a nonsense term I refuse to acknowledge

W-Pilled · 2024-10-17T19:58:46+00:00

Guess feminism really is a nothing burger and women do prefer gender roles at the end of the day

ExcelSpreadCheekz · 2024-10-17T19:03:13+00:00

To me benevolent sexism is essentially chivalry and less about putting women below men and just recognizing and being flexible to womens limitations. Chivalrous men come off as more mature and masculine which is more attractive.

Toxic sexism to me is essentially a men who try to compete with women. Like women having something they dont is a threat to their masculinity. They recognize womens differences but think those differences make women inferior as people and they arent interested in hearing otherwise. They come off as people who act on emotion rather than logic which I find unmasculine. They remind me of boys who think girls have cooties or the niche group of trans women who hate biological women and that just doesn't trigger attraction in me at all

Like a really catty woman lol 😆

AutoModerator · 2024-10-17T17:55:48+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Tj21040 · 2024-10-18T01:04:28+00:00

Deal with the women and people who celebrate you.

Beautiful_Bunch_6079 · 2024-10-18T10:28:09+00:00

The studies around that point out that the women who are very pro benevolent sexism like the benefits and goodies they receive

You know, the whole meme about feminism only when it’s beneficial trope

Fuzzy_Ad9763 · 2024-10-18T12:06:01+00:00

It's 2024 and we're still having discussions about women liking bad boys. Dude. Grow a personality.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-10-18T14:25:03+00:00

I mean… no shit. I think the real question is if benevolent sexism is more attractive to women vs men who believe in treating women equally. And I’d say that depends on the woman, traditional women want benevolent sexism, progressive women want progressive men. However, I’ve found some so-called progressive/feminist men can be just as misogynistic as more trad guys, so it’s the actions vs the words that count.

Women in general usually just want someone who treats them as a human they like. “Well men hit men and say mean shit to men, so women want special treatment blah blah blah,” yeah well they aren’t dating/in a relationship with those guys. Men make an effort to impress other men they like or want something from. You’re supposed to like the person you’re dating, otherwise why are you with them? I do expect to receive as well as give special treatment to my partner, and friends of any gender.

Cougarette99 · 2024-10-18T16:47:46+00:00

Realistically the choice women have is between benevolent sexism and hostile sexism. Egalitarian men are not that common and are highly self aware evolved individuals. They are desirable.

rag3light · 2024-10-20T02:07:55+00:00

And hostile sexism still >>>>>>>> male feminist "good guy"

Comprehensive-Job243 · 2024-10-18T03:45:19+00:00

Ya, like a warm bath that imperceptibly gets hotter.... duh 🙄

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2024-10-17T18:46:53+00:00

The behavior is preferable, but it does not make one more attractive to a woman. If anything it will make her feel like she is above that person.

Cunning_Linguists_ · 2024-10-17T20:16:36+00:00

why do you assume a man can't do both?

catdog8020 · 2024-10-17T20:43:06+00:00

I agree, but the pre-requisite is making the pre-selection cut for woman which is based on physical attraction and secondarily benevolent sexism. Benevolent sexism worked for most average men in the past but it doesn’t mean shit nowadays if your short, average and have an average paying job. As a result, this is why you are seeing an increase is hostile sexism damit lol 😂. Benevolent sexism or the Medal of Honor ain’t gonna do shit if all the woman can go for the top 20% of the men. Woman say that BS; I want a good man, a liberal (I’m a red pill liberal by the way), a sensitive man that I can emotionally connect with blah blah blah. But woman don’t have to date, marry or settle with a short, bald ugly guy nowadays. An average woman can get a chad or be an orbiter around a chad. They don’t have to date boring Al Bundy or pee-wee Herman. The real issue again for this behavior is due to the inequalities in dating for average men causing frustration and lonliness and sexlessness for 33% of generation Z men and a sexless man is a hostile men. American men this is my message of hope. My poor brothers take hold of your destiny and don’t waste your time with American woman unless your a chad or it’s working hot for you. If not get the passport or spend your hard earned money on escorts. No game, social skills, being like Jesus or buddah ain’t Gonna change your availability of meeting woman if your average or below average.

Title	Benevolent sexism is more attractive to a lot of women than hostile sexism.
Author	Random_Average_Human
Upvotes	61
Comments	131
Date	October 17, 2024 5:55 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g5x0qg/benevolent_sexism_is_more_attractive_to_a_lot_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/benevolent-sexism-is-more-attractive-to-a-lot-of.1533102 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533102

Comments