My personality type will never be popular with women, and I have hard time coping with that

Practical-Tea-3337 · 2024-10-23T19:28:30+00:00

There are so many nerdy shy girls who would like a guy like you.

Are you overlooking those girls because you only pursue hotties you are not into what you're into?

Negative-Train-3303 · 2024-10-23T19:26:02+00:00

If YOU like yourself (which is awesome btw) what makes you think there is nobody of the female gender that will also like you? I mean unless you think of yourself as an extremely rare person (which would be a little grandiose) there are many women who are just like you that are also shy and feel overlooked. Just gotta keep widening your friendship base and networking more - you don't have to change, the right people are out there waiting to be found. Focus on meeting all kinds of people (with similar interests) without necessarily thinking to meet women. I think you'll be surprised.

And throw away these self-defeating thoughts - they are just that - thoughts. The guy in the room you think is the social butterfly is also the guy that the girls roll their eyes about because he sucks all the air out of the room. Popular people have as many haters as they have admirers - the difference is they don't allow the haters to stop them being themselves.

ooa3603 · 2024-10-23T19:31:45+00:00

That's not the actual issue.

There are actually plenty of women who are also nerdy, quiet, reserved, introverted, kind of a hermit, not much social battery, a little awkward, don't like going out much, not super fun and spontaneous, don't like clubs, partying, doesn't drink, is mostly interested in geek culture and just doesn't really relate to most people.

The issue is that you and those women don't interact because you both have the types of personalities that don't engage with others much.

The single greatest determinant of meeting someone romantically isn't actually attractiveness (though it is important), It's actually opportunity.

So even if you work on yourself a lot, and your personality is very attractive to those women it won't matter because you both simply don't interact with the world in a way that you will ever meet.

You're basically in a deadlock situation in operating systems terms: (A Deadlock is a situation in computing where two or more processes are unable to proceed because each is waiting for the other.)

Said another way, if the type of woman who likes your personality type meets you, odds are she's not going to leave many clues to let you know she's attracted because she will likely also be quiet, reserved, introverted, kind of a hermit, not much social battery, a little awkward.

Basically, the women who are attracted to your personality type are waiting in their introverted comfort zone like you.

And you don't know that they are attracted to you.

You'll need to improve the way you look for these women. You need to figure out where these type of women hangout and better ways to look for them (online forums, niche interest events, etc).

That's the real issue.

GentlyFeral · 2024-10-23T19:32:42+00:00

So like imagine the stereotypical nerdy guy, quiet, reserved, introverted, kind of a hermit, not much social battery, a little awkward, don't like going out much, not super fun and spontaneous, don't like clubs, partying, doesn't drink, is mostly interested in geek culture and just doesn't really relate to most people. That's me, to a T. I'm also not someone very ambitious career wise, am very laid back, prefer to take it easy.

I married one of those. It's been 51 years now. Quiet, reserved, intelligent women exist.

azucarleta · 2024-10-23T19:28:58+00:00

I mean, I can't help you with desire to be "conventionally attractive," but you should work with your therapist to stop wanting that. Get underneath it, why do you feel that way so strongly? Who hurt you? some people ask glibbly (sorry if that's disrespectful). But the suggestion is that your desire here may not really be about what it seems to be about; your desire to be conventionally attractive, for example, may be an outgrowth of never feeling accepted by your parents. Work on that wound, and your fixation may dissipate.

But as for partners, whether you yourself are autistic or not, you have a ton in common with us. Try dating autistic people. I'm concerned your gut reaction that you won't want to vocalize is a prejudgment that autistic people aren't attractive, but buddy--1, that's not true, and 2, that kind of narrow thinking is what got you here.

Broaden your perspective.

WknessTease · 2024-10-23T19:38:42+00:00

Up until I was 25 I fell exclusively for nerdy, introvert, quiet guys. Women aren't all the same - a lot of them like your type of personality. Not all women want loud, outgoing men.

Will your type be "popular"? It's hard to say. I guess extraverts have it easier in all social interactions. But will it be popular enough that you can meet a woman you like? I'm sure of that.

GladysSchwartz23 · 2024-10-23T21:32:22+00:00

Do you want to be popular with a lot of women, or find one person to love?

These are different things, and one of them is something society tells you to be, while the other is a worthy goal and totally doable, albeit not easily or straightforwardly.

Fuzzy-Constant · 2024-10-23T22:44:02+00:00

So I'm a software engineer who works with hundreds of other software engineers and your / our type is incredibly common at my company. Tons and tons of us are in happy, healthy relationships. You don't have to be Mr. Alpha at the club to be successful in love.

You're probably wouldn't want to be with the types of women that those guys are going after either, right? I'm not judging them, I'm just saying I'm not interested in what they are interested in.

The older you get the easier it becomes to just be you and stop worrying about fitting some kind of stereotype. Once you're comfortably you it'll be a lot easier.

jmarquiso · 2024-10-23T20:18:25+00:00

Trust me. There's someone for everyone. You notice the attractive women gathering around the attractive guys, but do you notice the shy women that are not? Hell - there may be someone bubbling with personality that really wants to get to know you.

I'm an introverted, anxious mess and yet I've had great relationships (and bad ones) throughout my life. I've also learned how to be confident and self-assured, and tha took time (gain self-esteem by doing esteemable things). After high school, I was told a few times that I had rejected someone - and I had no idea they wanted to talk to me nor had I the confidence to even think they'd be interested. So it came off as rejection. Today I can flirt, I choose my company, and find groups with mutual interests, and I have options.

You can, too.

Dear gods I now sound like some sort of PUA MLM pusher.

But seriously - relax, and take a step back and make sure you're not missing the forest for the trees.

imagineDoll · 2024-10-23T20:33:39+00:00

extrovert men are not all that. actually that gold retriever energy gives me an ick because every guy I knew like that was impulsive and prone to cheating.

manysidedness · 2024-10-23T23:34:39+00:00

Lots of girls like that kind of personality. My husband has 0 close friends and just likes watching Netflix and we’re married.

bobklosak · 2024-10-24T00:09:43+00:00

If you can find enjoyment in new things for the sake of bonding with others you'll be fine.

The biggest thing about connecting with people is being able to share experience with them.

It doesn't have to be in your wheelhouse you really just need to be open to sharing in something else new sometimes for the sake of others.

If this bothers you then I agree with you, you aren't going to be perceived as a good person to be around.

However if this trait about yourself is also one of those things your not wanting to change, your telling me you want to BE a stubborn person not open to experiences?

If that's what you want to be but you still want sex or romance you gotta put in the work to find people in your niche. They exist. But here's the thing....your not going to like them. You won't like them for the same reason they don't like you, even if you find someone similar they will be different enough that if your both closed off from all openness you'll just both be mutually like "yeah no"

So your choice is put in moderate but rewarding work to change just a small aspect of yourself. Or put in a severe and extreme amount of work to find someone as stubborn as you but who you don't push away and they don't push you away cause of stubbornness.

Your choice.

If none of us talk about stubbornness resonates with you and you're just worried about being unattractive And you're frustrated that I didn't answer the question... Well then I don't think you're aware of you're readable stubborn nature in that case. Your post reeks of a stubborn person, not an unattractive person. There will be women that find you attractive. I think you're just too stubborn to do what is necessary.

Fuzzherp · 2024-10-23T19:52:08+00:00

There are a lot of people, women and men, who both share and like those qualities.
Unfortunately, we are invisible in most of society because socmed favors visibility and the desire to be visible socially. All of us who are more “low key” almost feel like a backdrop for the more ambitious and outgoing sometimes, but we live our own lives too.
You don’t have an unattractive personality type, you’re just likely envisioning yourself in pursuit of a socialite, while forgetting that there are many women looking for somebody exactly like you, we’re just also quiet and invisible lol

xweert123 · 2024-10-23T22:13:16+00:00

Why do you think this is true?

This may not be a personality type that very preppy supermodel types would be into, but that doesn't mean nobody would ever be attracted to that.

ConsultJimMoriarty · 2024-10-24T02:20:13+00:00

Are you serious? There are women on tumblr dreaming of a guy like you.

Aggravating_Piano_29 · 2024-10-24T09:40:31+00:00

There are plenty of girls out there who like guys like you. But have a bit of self-confidence (not to an obnoxious level, though), quit with the "oh poor me" thing, and lower your standards a little, you'll find there are plenty of perfectly attractive women out there who you maybe weren't looking at first. But most importantly, sought yourself out before trying to invite someone else into your world. Good luck bro.

mendokusei15 · 2024-10-24T13:13:45+00:00

Not gonna say it's the popular thing, in the same way I would not say this is the popular personality with men either. But as an introverted, low social battery, awkward, hermit, that one sip of alcohol gives me headaches nerd myself, I know at least two guys that are basically the same, one is married, the other has been with his girfriend for nearly two decades now. My boyfriend is also a hermit no alcohol massive nerd, because I honestly would not have it any other way as a hermit no alcohol nerd myself.

Are we popular? No, definetly no. But it is 100% possible to find someone that understand and loves us.

You like who you are, that's the important part. I would not focus so much on "getting attention" of random people that you wouldn't even have a good time with and being "desired" by these random strangers.

I see people celebrating what they love in their partners, and they never sound anything like me.

I just celebrated 3 characteristics from my partner that you share with him.

How do I cope with not being popular?

As you age, you will understand this is not important at all.

Not being seen as attractive?

... by random people you could not even have a conversation with because you share not interests. You attractive for some people that match who you are.

meleyys · 2024-10-24T15:30:44+00:00

Others have already given you most of the advice I'd give you. But I want to say two things: First, you sound like my boyfriend. He's probably somewhat more outgoing than you are, but you two have a lot in common. And hey, just being a nerdy guy worked for him.

Second, try Dungeons & Dragons as a way to meet people. I can almost guarantee you'll have fun, since you're a nerd. It's also a good way to get out of your shell, since you have to at the very least describe what your character is doing.

Anasnoelle · 2024-10-25T18:41:21+00:00

Let me tell you something… lots of women like that. Lots of women want a “nerdy” shy guy. Just as long as you aren’t an asshole. Maybe you are around the wrong crowd of people (perhaps they don’t suit your personality type). Find other people like you and date women who are looking for a partner that is reserved, “nerdy,” etc.

Fine-Equivalent-6398 · 2024-10-25T21:59:13+00:00

As a woman, you don't need a personality different than what you have. You don't need to be popular to get the right person. I am totally into nerd guys, I find them really attractive. My SO is a nerd, an introvert, doesn't like going out and is home and family oriented. If you try to change, then your chances to find a true love are dropping significantly, because they won't love who you are, but who you appear to be. You do you and then the right person will come into your life

Certain_Sock5259 · 2024-10-26T08:31:31+00:00

I am a woman and your personality is exactly my type.

Practical-Tea-3337 · 2024-10-23T20:02:18+00:00

In fact, OP, you are probably vastly more interesting than "conventionally attractive" people.

What do you want? A woman who doesn't share your interests? A woman who values money and success over depth and a unique personality?

Because I suspect that if you ever got with one of those women, you'd be bored out of your skull.

Look for nerdy women with similar interests. She might not be a gym babe, but she will be interesting to YOU. And that's what real love is all about.

Also, get off social media.

Aggravating_Crab3818 · 2024-10-24T09:49:55+00:00

Find a girl who is like you.

Here's some resources that you may find useful:

Brutally Honest Advice for Young Men

https://youtu.be/y3M2vkyG3w0?si=KyAXw6GuCC94AQPw

40 Harsh Truths I Know at 40 but Wish I Knew at 20

https://youtu.be/lwmVAWXQyY4?si=o6BEuK9iWMCHtzkr

The Best Relationship Advice No One Tells You

https://youtu.be/nxQYKNqZB70?si=aLsKt1n9xbxrHq_j

https://markmanson.net/

eurmahm · 2024-10-24T16:31:34+00:00

How do you know what is "attractive" to every woman? My husband sounds a lot like like you - with the exception of the fact that he is successful career-wise, but that is because he found a career that works really well for him as an ASD individual (financial systems). Did I have to pull him out of his bubble a bit when we met? Absolutely. But that was fine with me, I am one of those people that could converse with a wall. LOL

So there you go - proof that you do NOT need to change your "whole personality" to be attractive. He hasn't changed his personality at all - we just learned how to communicate with each other a bit better, he learned how to take constructive criticism without getting defensive, I learned how to pause before I react to his words/actions that feel shitty to me and ask what is really going on.

Who are you "unappreciated" by? Do you put yourself out there at all, or is this just in your own head?

Where are all these people bragging about how charismatic their partners are? There are many women I know who don't like to party and are super homebody geeks - do you think they want the same thing too?

waterofwind · 2024-10-25T11:36:09+00:00

You don't need to be popular with a ton of people.

You just need to meet 1 girl who is compatible with you.

1 girl out of 8 billion people.

le256 · 2024-10-28T20:38:48+00:00

A lot of women do find introversion attractive, it's just not very compatible with the typical ways that people meet people

Ok_Clock8439 · 2024-11-14T22:58:21+00:00

Idk why people feel the need to argue with you.

It's perfectly valid to grieve for yourself when you know you're going to have a more difficult, desperate time of it.

There is good advice posted here but people never seem to realize that you didn't make this post to ask for dating advice. You know what you have to do.

You're frustrated that it's necessarily more difficult, and people are tactidly ignoring the possibility of failure, rather than really respecting some of the fear you're experiencing.

I won't give you too many answers. Frankly, I feel like this myself and I gave up over it, so I'm really hoping it goes better for you.

Good luck out there. One step after the other. Life is long.

RaccoonSweaty3741 · 2025-01-21T03:34:14+00:00

Men also don’t like that type in women in real life if it makes you feel any better.

Maybe try to let your work speak for you? Write a blog, book, do a podcast, do art, do a public project. I mean there are many ways to project what is inside of you to the outside not only dialogue

Enoch8910 · 2024-10-23T19:18:38+00:00

So you hate the way you are and you envy people who are different but not enough to work to change anything? Is that right?

WildcatAlba · 2024-10-24T11:37:17+00:00

Personality traits can be changed. You can't change a whole personality at once, but you can change a few aspects at a time. Our brains are malleable. Expose yourself to longer and longer social interactions, and you will adapt to have a longer social battery. In two years' time from now, you could have a way different personality. That wouldn't make you a different person. You'd still be capable of acting how you act now. You'd just have the option to be sociable. You'd be more free

SweelFor- · 2024-10-24T19:05:00+00:00

https://old.reddit.com/r/IncelExit/comments/1ae0oyw/here_is_an_extremely_important_concept_the/

True_Imagination6458 · 2025-03-09T09:39:45+00:00

"I've come to realize that, even if I work on myself a lot, I just don't have a personality that's very attractive. I would literally have to change so much about myself to get where I want that I'd basically be a different person."

Unfortunately, I have no advice to offer. I was just interested that someone else out there had reached the same conclusion that I have. HA! Just be yourself, they said.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-10-23T20:58:14+00:00

A lot of introvert women date other introverts. It sounds like you are in a rut because you simply are not experiencing a lot of opportunities to actually meet anyone.

Title	My personality type will never be popular with women, and I have hard time coping with that
Author	Not-a-penguin_
Upvotes	43
Comments	107
Date	October 23, 2024 7:02 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1gaifq8/my_personality_type_will_never_be_popular_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/my-personality-type-will-never-be-popular-with.1533194 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533194

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