How could men push back against their expected pursuer role in dating?

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-03-26T11:06:56+00:00

The answer is not doing what you don’t want to do. That’s how you live and change gender roles. How do you force others to change to your standards and ideals? You don’t. Men are allowed to break free from those gender roles. That’s unrelated to women wanting to date them.

SquirmingAddict · 2025-03-26T11:34:53+00:00

You really can't.

Pursuing is a risk that can be difficult, can be painful and embarrassing.

Women don't want and, more importantly, we don't need to do that.

If a man decides, he will no longer pursue, his chances if finding a partner drop INCREDIBLY.

Men want women more than women want men, so there will always be more men pursuing women than vice versa.

Women know this. They know there's an essentially endless supply of men that are desperate for their attention. If a man decides not to do that, it doesn't matter. There's effectively zero difference to our lives.

You can't fight the pursuer role because we don't want it. It's a horribly difficult role, and we don't want to do it. So you have to.

You can elect not to, but you're the only one who'll feel the negative effects of doing so. No one cares that it's not fair or so. We don't want to do it, so you have to.

Your options come down being alone or pursuing.

We're in demand, and you're in need. We set the price, and you pay it. Don't pay it, don't get the supply.

That's it.

We don't care it makes it harder for you. We don't care if you're struggling. We don't care that it isn't fair.

We have an advantage, we'll play that advantage.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-03-26T11:39:51+00:00

Stop pursuing women, but don’t be surprised when you’re not being pursued. You can change your behaviour, no one else’s

RoseyButterflies · 2025-03-26T11:19:21+00:00

Women aren't really going to en masse suddenly persue men.

I have learnt persuing men is not a good thing to do so I won't be doing it.

It never ends well.

The guy is either not interested or emotionally fucked.

No-Past7721 · 2025-03-26T11:08:08+00:00

There's no way you can have all the effects of chasing without actually chasing. Even women occasionally chase because of this... despite all the current willingness of men to chase sometimes a woman will chase.

However. You could learn how to better do the mate seeking things women do instead of chasing. Looking attractive. Being visible. Giving indicators of interest. Cultivating social circles. Getting good at existing in the plausible deniability phase of flirting. Seeking new social scenes.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-03-26T11:45:39+00:00

"men are having trouble dating, how do you think they could become more passive, femininity repulsive? our dicks aren't dry enough"

EulenWatcher · 2025-03-26T11:24:34+00:00

To be honest, I’m not sure there’s any easy or practical answer that would help men right now. You can promote a more active role in dating for women and create content with women being proactive and asking men out, but it will take time to shift the narrative.

Stopping approaching doesn’t seem to work that well for men, as they keep being thirsty, but it doesn’t motivate women to pursue them anyway. I’d guess men could work more on their platonic bonds and social circles outside of romantic relationships, so they wouldn’t rely on women for their fulfillment/socialization and would get exposed to me women out there, but it’s a whole shift in perspective and it also will take time to take any effect society-wise.

I do wonder how much of men “chasing” women is the result of gender roles and how much it’s the result of them having higher libido. Men seem to be more interested in pursuing dating and sex than women are, and I’m not sure it’s just the result of gender roles.

angelbaby933 · 2025-03-26T12:12:23+00:00

Honestly - be attractive enough that women will pursue you

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Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-03-26T12:33:02+00:00

More men could stop asking women out entirely.

After a long while with less men asking women out some women might decide to approach men. It’s worth a try if you really don’t want to approach women.

FearlessSea4270 · 2025-03-26T13:18:23+00:00

Stop doing what you don’t want to do.

S0yslut · 2025-03-26T13:51:57+00:00

Learn from women then: wear make up, post thirst traps on social media and wear sexy clothes.

The problem with your post is it requires pretty much everyone else to change in a way that goes against our nature. Men and women are motivated to pursue for different reasons. Men are motivated to pursue for biological reasons and women are motivated if she likes none of her options (which never end). The only women I know were pursuing have body counts near 100. They were also average or below in appearance.

attendquoi · 2025-03-26T14:15:04+00:00

Don't do them. It's pretty easy to not do something (certainly easier than doing something).

AnonPinkLady · 2025-03-26T14:15:04+00:00

Honestly I think it’s just a case of effectively communicating that’s what you desire. If I was friends with a guy and the vibes were good (chemistry, attraction in the friend stage etc) and he said something like “I really want to meet someone special but I wish they come to me, I want to feel wanted that way” I’d probably go for it.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2025-03-26T14:15:47+00:00

You cannot change other people, you can only change yourself.

You have the freedom to do whatever you want, so do it. Only date women who pursue you. That’s a choice you have.

Just like I’m a woman who will only date egalitarian men. It reduced my dating pool, but I wasn’t going to settle for a man who didn’t fit my needs. There was no way for me to force a traditional man into picking up more of the chores or split the dates or engage in the mental load of our shared lives. Because I can’t change people. But I can choose not to date those people and move on, because that’s something I can do.

Do you think the women who initially broke out of their gender roles didn’t see less men pursuing them? The middle class women who in the 60s decided to work a job, didn’t engage in societal expectations of homemaker women, or the first wave feminist women who demanded equal rights - do you think they had all the men fawning after them and choosing them? At a time when the consequences for a woman who wasn’t married or under the protection of her father was significantly more detrimental than just not having a relationship?

Change takes time. Especially on a societal level. Not 50 years ago it was incredibly inappropriate for a woman to approach a man in most of society. Now women do approach. I approached my partner. I approached most of my partners. But I’m a much more masculine woman than your average thin, young, feminine Susie homemaker. If that’s the woman you want, you can only change yourself to fit being desirable to that type of woman. If you truly would be happy with any woman, you can put yourself into a ton of social circles and see if anyone pursues you.

You have the freedom to be whoever it is you want to be. You have the freedom to choose and decide. But unfortunately no one is free from the consequences of their actions. And sometimes the consequence is “if I don’t pursue, I will remain single.” Women of the 60s had to decide “if I get a job, I might not get married.” The whole world is cause and effect. Change and adaptations. If pursuing makes you feel bad, then stop doing it. Nothing bad will happen to you.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-03-26T14:18:37+00:00

Not be as horny and desperate

Which is never gonna happen

Title	How could men push back against their expected pursuer role in dating?
Author	FuuraKafu
Upvotes	5
Comments	127
Date	March 26, 2025 10:33 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jk8oay/how_could_men_push_back_against_their_expected/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-could-men-push-back-against-their-expected.1547674 https://theredarchive.com/post/1547674

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