Q4M: how do you signal to women that you want to be approached?

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-06-03T15:00:50+00:00

The same way I signal to strangers that I’m cool with them handing me $1,000 cash

Kaisern · 2025-06-03T15:01:00+00:00

Bruh women don’t approach unless you’re top percentile attractiveness, and then you don’t need to approach

bloopyboo · 2025-06-03T14:50:54+00:00

This question would be like asking "hey fellas what precautions do you take against a bird flying overhead and shitting in your mouth?"

The answer is zero because the average man is not concerned about a once in a lifetime event, if that.

Alarmed_Load8145 · 2025-06-03T14:28:37+00:00

Not one of them will get you anywhere as a man. Generally speaking, women do not want to approach, and men know this, so it follows we don't send out hints for them to do something we know they probably won't do. If I'm interested in talking to them, I'll only do so if an opportunity naturally arises, i.e., a friend group or such things. That's the only way I have succeeded. I highly suspect that the first two would have the exact opposite intended effect, especially getting all up in her space whilst saying nothing. Might as well walk around with a sign on my forehead which reads "I'm a massive creep". The third one could happen, but in my experience, it is quite rare.

all_hail_michael_p · 2025-06-03T14:44:16+00:00

Be physically attractive, and dont be physically unattractive.

CerealExprmntz · 2025-06-03T15:39:55+00:00

What would be the point of this? The vast majority of women refuse to approach. Among that majority, there is a significant group that hates the idea so much that they will insult men for even thinking about "hinting" at a woman to approach them. Either women approach or they don't. And they mostly don't. There would be very little point to trying to develop a set of signals.

Alwaysnthered · 2025-06-03T20:09:32+00:00

bahahah if men relied on ANY signals to approach from women most of us would never get anywhere.

women reserve signals to approach for the top men (duh).

so as a guy you basically have to shoot your shot without any signals.

FarConstruction4877 · 2025-06-03T17:49:59+00:00

Only works if your her type and attractive btw

AlmostKindaGreat · 2025-06-03T18:11:05+00:00

As others have mentioned, it's a fool's errand to try to get a woman to approach you.

Those things you mentioned? Those work for women (sometimes) because they are signals for the man to approach, just like described in the video.

As a man, you can use the first two things in your list to try to get signals back that she is open to being approached, not to actually get her to approach, which will almost never happen.

Note that, as a man, if you keep looking at a woman without going over to talk to her, many women will interpret this as creepy. Not only will it not make her approach but it can actually repulse her. Lots of sources of advice on how to get dates will say as soon as you know she has seen you looking at her you should go right over and say something immediately, to avoid this very thing.

Gold_Sheepherder6569 · 2025-06-03T14:39:50+00:00

None of this will work for most men and in fact 1&2 would probably creep the woman out unless you are attractive. I think 3 is the most valid option for men and also have warm energy but it won't work because most women don't approach unless the guy is really attractive or she already knew him

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-06-03T15:00:28+00:00

Been out of the game a long time so take this with the huge grain of salt that implies but.

First thing to understand as a guy is just cause you just noticed her doesn’t mean a thing: if she’s out and looking to approach she spotted you first. She’s scanned the bar/club/party/opium den over several times, probably “taken a lap” or two or done a “bathroom break” with her friends to see what’s out there.

So why you see her and she’s making contact that mans she’s trying to get you to look at her.

So look like you’re really happy to be looking at her.

Then it’s body language. I’ve used everting from a wink, a nod gesturing over to simply pointing at a drink or an empty spot at the table/bar with a “you want?” Look to say without saying “would you like to come over here and say hello”.

Then it’s up to whatever look and gives to see if she comes over.

wtknight · 2025-06-03T15:10:08+00:00

I’ve never even considered this in my entire life because a) if I’m in interested in the woman then I’ll do the approaching and b) the women who have actually approached me have almost always been below my league. My league is “average guy” and not high, but that didn’t mean that I wanted unattractive women approaching me either when I was single.

So to answer your question the male equivalent of a woman making herself look open to being approached is for the man to actually approach.

Sea-Syllabub-4702 · 2025-06-03T15:21:14+00:00

I don’t, but my reasoning has layers. I’m African American and either wear twist or braids. I hate people asking to touch my hair or wanting to touch my hair in public. It feels dehumanizing. So I generally try to keep to myself and a low profile to avoid this. I would never do 1 or 2. For the most part those interested in me just approach me. Depending where I’m at is how I respond.

OtPayOkerSmay · 2025-06-03T15:21:52+00:00

The act of acknowledging her before she has noticed me would be an ick, and doing things to get her attention would be an even bigger ick.

Most of my moments where women have done what might be considered an "approach" happened when I was completely minding my own business at a store.

So the signal is "fuck off don't bother me" I guess. Draws em in like moths to a flame.

SeemedGood · 2025-06-03T15:21:53+00:00

We really don’t play those games as a matter of course. We just go about our business and expect that women will approach if they’re truly interested.

As your question suggests, women are keen observers of men in social scenarios. Because women are ultimately the sexual selectors, if a woman’s not motivated enough to approach a man after some basic observation of him behaving naturally in a social environment she’s probably not attracted enough to have what I would consider a satisfactory LTR.

It has been my experience that when women find you “exceptionally attractive” they have no qualms about cold approaching (even if they have not observed you in a social environment) and will be pretty aggressive about it. OTOH, when they play the signaling game, it signals that they find you “acceptably attractive,” which might work for a casual relationship but I wouldn’t want to base an LTR on that.

OMWSpuds · 2025-06-03T15:25:42+00:00

This sounds cringe as fuck but sometimes I'll just glance quickly and then look down shyly at the ground and it somehow has worked. Ironically my game used to be a lot better before my anxiety kicked in full force.

Desperate_Coat_5244 · 2025-06-03T15:48:28+00:00

I don’t signal anything, I’m just out to have fun and enjoying life. I smile when I make them smile. I’m approached a lot so guess it works.

bread93096 · 2025-06-03T15:49:38+00:00

If I’m interested in a woman, I’ll approach her and flirt with her. I’ve never really considered how I would signal a woman to approach me. I feel like that’s more of a woman thing.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-06-03T15:52:10+00:00

Cold approach. I know that’s not really the thread question, but leaving too much up to chance isn’t really something I found to be beneficial. You give them an in by starting the conversation and if she’s about it you’ll know within the first 30 seconds. Then either continue or eject, rinse and repeat.

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-06-03T18:52:14+00:00

Wink and smirk

Goonerlouie · 2025-06-04T05:20:05+00:00

In a non-dating way, it’s depressing that I don’t consciously signal for an approach from anyone, but would actually be open to anyone approaching for a conversation. Even when I had 3 months off work for one on one time with my 9 month old, no one of any age or gender wanted to approach about the baby

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-06-04T07:25:28+00:00

The threshold for noticing a woman in a public space where we have no reason to interact is high for me. I mean I notice, but I don't care. The public square is not really for picking up people. She probably doesn't want to be approached and is going about her day.

But if we are at a bar, a party, or some space where people are supposed to be meeting, the key is to immediately just go up and say 'Hi. I'm Bob.' Nothing special. But women will notice signals you are sending out even if you don't know you are. By the time you realize you are particularly interested, she may well know as well. Not doing anything about it will appear as either weak or creepy. Just say hi and see if she reciprocates. Now, leagues are a thing. If she is clearly out of my league, then try really hard to forget about her and check all your possible signals of interest. A good way to do this is find a girl you are interested in who is in your league and send your signals there. Then say hi to her.

At work, I tried to avoid shitting where I eat. Do your best to avoid sending any signals of interest without getting neurotic about it. If something does happen at work, it will be after a long time of being around them and work interactions, so how one goes about initiating would be extremely contextual. Just be careful. It is similar with a girl out of your league. I'll just ignore them at first, sexually, but maybe if we are forced together by circumstances over time then I might take a shot. Again, carefully and contextually. Leagues are real. But that doesn't mean individual compatibility can't trump them. But leagues should calibrate how you act.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-06-04T19:16:40+00:00

If you want to gain super powers, what do you do?

There is no point in doing something that has an impossible desired outcome, if on the exceedingly rare occasion a woman does approach a man it will be the most desirable one a woman possibly can and if your that guy you need do nothing to be dating or approached.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-06-05T05:29:52+00:00

I would say no. In my case I have no way to "signal" to a girl that I like her. I have no clue what possible signals my gf took from me that she felt bold enough to ask me out after we had been casually flirting for a while, and I never made any move or any intentions to ever go beyond that. Honestly I was just never going to make any move at all because from my end I just never believed or even crossed my mind that she was being serious.

The 3 examples on the video are not reciprocal when it comes to men and I'll explain why.

This is creepy behavior. Women hate this.
This is just escalating the creepy behavior and will definitely send red flags to every woman in the room.
This is stalking behavior and is now almost borderline breaking the law.

I don't think there are any subtle behaviors we can do to show a girl that we like her. Unfortunately you're all just gonna have to take a wild guess completely in the dark and hope you get lucky. Cause being 100% honest, showing any kind of interest in women these days is not a good idea for a man. I'm just lucky I have a gf because if she hadn't been the one to approach me and ask me out I would definitely be single right now and probably would stay that way permanently because I don't approach women. First, because I just flat out don't know how. And second, because it just doesn't feel right, in fact it just feels wrong because it's what I've been preached at all my life. That anything and everything we as men ever feel about women is always wrong and perverted or whatever. And I just don't feel like dealing with all the judgement, psychological gunk, drama and internal conflict so I choose to just keep my internal feelings about them to myself and never approach women. I've always felt a lot better when girls don't know what I truly think or feel. More peaceful, like I'm avoiding mental torture.

Also, when my gf approached me the first time it just didn't feel real. In fact it still doesn't feel real, I can't explain it, it's like I'm kinda anticipating that it's gonna be over with soon and she's gonna move on. We've been dating for a while now and have gotten to learn a ton more about her and about women in general.

I suppose one signal that a man might like you is that he probably doesn't avoid you. That's one thing I did with my gf whenever we saw each other. With other women who would flirt with me just to boost their egos I would avoid them. I'd be polite and just walk away and avoid being anywhere near them or where they could see me. With my gf it was different, I had a crush on her so I really enjoyed just being with her.

RandomYT05 · 2025-06-06T03:23:01+00:00

Be tall, be fit, be attractive.

Too short, surgery

Too fat, exercise, and or surgery

too ugly, surgery

LumpyAbbreviations24 · 2025-06-11T19:08:33+00:00

1 be attractive

2 be attractive

3 be attractive

Ultramega39 · 2025-06-03T14:32:02+00:00

I don't signal at all.

They just notice me and initiate conversation.

I almost never initiated conversations with random people unless it's at work, but I have had several women initiate conversations with me.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-06-03T14:35:08+00:00

I didn't. Because many women won't approach.

I used to give IOI's back (eye contact/smile), and if she seemed receptive to those (aka didn't react like she was hoping for someone near me to look her way) as a way of confirming her apparent interest, I'd come over and say hello to her and her friends.

In terms of just generally existing, if there was someone whose eye I wanted to catch, I'd just make sure my body language was open to them / I could see them / they could see me, so I could see if they were giving IOI's. Wouldn't really change much else though, and certainly wouldn't leer as that's weird.

If there was someone I wasn't interested in ogling me, that's when I would turn my body, move to a different part of the bar, etc. or otherwise do something that would make it difficult or awkward for her to continue signaling interest, and of course I wouldn't reciprocate the IOI's.

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millenium-kestrel · 2025-06-03T14:28:43+00:00

I would not rely on them to do so. If I see interest I start with the banter. Any hesitation seems to be a huge turn off IME. Relying on them to make the first move seems to cause more problems than anything.

Even if it works out and you end up dating it will always be “you never even liked me I had to make the first move and give you my number”

Ok_Use7 · 2025-06-03T14:51:36+00:00

If we’re looking and smiling at each other, I gotta assume the onus is on me to make the move which is fine. Other than that I don’t think there is a way to signal.

When a woman approaches me, chances are we haven’t made eye contact or stood by each other.

Title	Q4M: how do you signal to women that you want to be approached?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	0
Comments	54
Date	June 3, 2025 2:20 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1l2d5om/q4m_how_do_you_signal_to_women_that_you_want_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-how-do-you-signal-to-women-that-you-want-to-be.1553829 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553829

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